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Thread: Sora TTC a Boy Sway Attempt
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February 1st, 2020, 05:59 AM #261
Hi LMSM ! A PM ? I'm not sure. I think I received and answered each and everyone you sent so if you have sent another recently, I may not have gotten it ?
Yeah it's true you went there with your first sway. But it seems you may be able to attempt for #4.
DH is saying he is scared about having four kids so this might be our very last chance and now it's on the way... I would have maybe been able to get through it had I been the only one in the neighboor TTC around that time. But like I said, yesterday I met some other moms whose girls go to the same school as mine (so we meet basically every day, either at school or in the park) and... they all TTC, all got BFP and since they're further along than I am, already got gender scans... which were all blue ! The fact that these are pink moms that I meet and will meet everyday for years to come is what's killing me more than the fear of having failed my sway. It's something to sway, fail, and fight the comments and taunts and depression on your own while envying strangers you encounter on the street... It will be something on another level to have to meet and talk, every little day, to successfull pink moms-turned-purple moms. Like being knifed daily. I'm not strong enough to bear that kind of pain cause I know much too well how it feels already.
Little story goes that when I was 20, my boyfriend of 5 years whom I was supposed to move in with dumped me by email and at the same time, coincidentally, all my best friends found their soulmates -> hence moving in, getting engaged, even TTC for the ones most in a hurry. So sure, back then I still had lots of time, lots of opportunities and stuff and I did meet DH "only" 3 years later... But during these 3 years, it hurt so much.
Maybe I'll love a third girl ? But I tried the thought about "son-in-laws" and "grandsons" and it just makes me more sad. It's all well and such but these will be other women's sons. I'll never be number 1 in their hearts, only 2, 3, even 4... And I'm very tired of being 2, 3, 4... These won't be my sons. There will always be another woman. And I don't want there to be another woman, unless it's their wife because it's natural.
Also I've seen first hand how faithful and dutiful sons can be to their moms, even when the latters are junkies, alcoholics, mentally ill, abusive... I've helped plenty of my male friends deal with these "mothers" that were only "mothers" in name. I helped them clean them, put them to bed, nurse them, hold their hands while they were delirious and hurling abuse at everyone then noone. I held these boys while they cried on my shoulder, afraid of what the future might bring, torn at seeing their moms in such a state. Some did let go, got their mothers into an institution crying all the way and carried on with their lives. Some are still helping and nursing them and trying to get them clean even now. Heck, my DH IS one of them ! And it took his mother suddenly jumping on me and trying to hurt me in a delusional fit to finally convince him to let go, cut ties, let his uncle and grandfather handle things and get the two of us out of here !
Were all these men grateful for my help ? Yes absolutely. Did they help and love me in return ? Yes, without the shadow of a doubt. But obviously lmao, I am not so dear that they would dump everything for me in a heartbeat. That... is for their mothers only. And I don't blame them for it, I find it beautiful.
That's the kind of love I want and am hoping to get.
I witnessed all that, went through all that alongside men my age, then had to wake up in the morning and go study/work and got to hear daughters, you know ? Peaceful, wonderful, loving daughters all rainbows and sunshines... criticize their clean, hard-working, average mothers because they were never good enough for them. Never affectionate enough, never present enough, never pretty enough, never successful enough... Always bad and hurtful words associated to these women that gave them life, because these daughters didn't like the way they did their hair, because the poor moms mistakenly gifted them a book they already had, because these daughters found their moms hobbies and tastes laugheable... Me without a mom, out of comforting a man all night that was enduring hell because of an abusive or sick mother, had to listen to that. See them cut their moms out of their lives over little things, little fights... while my male friends were here, praying for their mothers to be clean and/or healthy enough to attend their wedding... Slowly I started to fear the very idea of having a daughter, because I know I'm already very very low on the scale of "perfect woman", so, what will my daughters say of me in a few years ? Will they be so ashamed, right or wrong, that they will want me out of their lives forever ?
And the only non-abusive daughters I met had another kind of problem : codependency. Very high scale too. I mean their mothers basically ruled their whole lives. Got to decide which man they could wed, where to go for their holidays, what clothes to wear, what food to it, what house to buy... I'm not joking, it was that bad ! Some mothers abused that power oc, but others were trying hard to get their daughter out of it, not knowing when their bond had become such that it led to that kind of situation... and not knowing how to resolve that. But each time they would try to put a little distance between their daughters and them, each-time they would enroll me to try and coach these girls to breath without someone else's okay, it ended in the girls having a total meltdown. Sometimes they were breaking down in such tiny pieces because "mommy" had not answered their call or told them to decide on their own that even I was afraid we would have to get them checked into a hospital. Scary scenes, scary times.
And now I have two daughters to worry about, maybe three >< ! So yeah, a son would be nice for a change. I will have other worries for him, but just the fact that they will be different is a relief somehow ? It's hard to explain.2014 ------- surprise 2016
Dreaming of a
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February 1st, 2020, 11:43 AM #262
Yes! and even though they never wanted it it just comes to them effortlessly doesnt it!! my dh was in agreement with the Dr who when we lost our baby girl told me i couldnt carry girls, so there was a whole lot of "your never going to have a living girl" coming from dh. Yes seeing the addict get 2 perfect healthy girls while taking drugs during pregnancy was agonising, our baby girl died despite me not doing anything i shouldnt, while she took lots of drugs including heroin, drank heavily and smoked all the way through pregnancy and it apparently didnt cause any long-term harm! (#1 was born addicted and detoxed at birth im not sure about #2) both girls were taken from her and put into care till they are 18.
Yes having girls did bring relief but it didnt happen with our first living daughter like i thought it would, it only came when her sister was born 16 months later and made it so she wasnt the only girl. My mum had 1 brother no sisters and desperatly wanted 2 girls, had me but then was unable to have another so it kinda felt for me like this whole "having a girl and giving her a sister" thing hadnt happened for my grandma or my mum and i didnt want history to repeat again for another generation. So it was this added presssure that went beyond just having 1 girl for me. I just got extrememly lucky to have 2 girls one after the other, the 2 babies who have follwed them girls have both been boys so how we managed to have 2 girls in a row i'll never know!! but i am forever thankful that it did happen for me and i have everything crossed for the same relief to wash over you when you hopefully hear this is your boy
slightly off topic but in France are boys the more desired gender? Here in the UK its girls, girls are very openly preferred by everyone including midwives! and all girl families are seen as the gold standard, more so even than boy/girl or evenly mixed ones.now 6blue5pink
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Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikesatomic sagebrush liked this post
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February 1st, 2020, 02:47 PM #263
That sucks. It's somehow even worse : having girls so much women are praying for and not even being able to raise them because you fail so much as a human being. What a waste of everyone's needs, love and time ! Meanwhile we have pink swayers here who are getting desperate...
Oh right that may be because of your family history, you got the pressure of wanting not only one but two of your DG so it added a lot. But you were heard in the end and got them ^^ ! For my part I think God hates me and wants me to never grasp any of my dreams. Each time one was in reach, I would fail horribly due to something out of my control... and then, at the same time, people around me would get what I wanted without asking and easily, all at once, all of a sudden... It feels like a terrible curse and like a cruel taunt from high above. I don't know what I'm being punished for but I'm so tired of being punished. And I'm not even that much of a superstitious person. But I've had these kind of situations happen one time too many for me to believe it's just "coincidence".
Ah no haha ^^" ! No France is much much like UK and other western countries on that subject ! I'm the odd one out and heavily criticized for it when it's not DH being accused of forcing me to have a "maaaale heiiiir" (ironically, he wanted girls). And actually that's what makes it very hard to be a blue swayer in France. You can't even mention it. Pink swayers are a bit more accepted and supported and the family we have, two daughters, is the gold standard so people can't even understand why we would want to change that XD !2014 ------- surprise 2016
Dreaming of a
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February 1st, 2020, 05:10 PM #264
Totally understand Sora, truly... and the fears you have, I have too! Oh how I have them too...
But because I’ve had GD 3times now, and because it’s not a given at all that we’ll even try again, or be able to conceive..I am trying to find solace in what I do have and what having “daughters only” might bring me over my lifetime.
It’s not any easier stil..no, especially when confronted to the comments, the jest, the others who DO have a son/ mix of genders.BUT I guess I can’t let it rule and ruin my life forever....I don’t want my girls to grow with a bitter Mummy, I may never have a son, so I need to get myself together (somehow!?) to hopefully create a long lasting bond with my daughters, one that will lead to a close but healthy relationship. I think daughters can be very critical of their mums yes...but there’s so many dynamics at play ( plus women tend to be like that...critical with themselves and others). Sons are often out in the role of women’s but mostly mummy’s protector, and they struggle getting away from that as growing up. Again, sooo many dynamics!
I know the hurt and it saddens me to know there’s someone else
Living this spiral of GD/hurt/ bitterness...it’s hard to shake.
Right now with the uncertainty, it’s hard to see anything but the worry of a failed sway possibility ..
But You may well be carrying your son for all you know! And I’ll be the one envying You
When is baby due/ when is your t2 scan?
Ps: it’s funny my perception of France is pigeon pair is the gold standard, but boys are overall preferred so best have all boys over all girls?!
Maybe I’ve lived away from France too long? Lol or my FIL is a particularly misogynistic man....having said that, family or friends back my home ( and most people here too) have mostly been negative sooooLucky Mummy to 4 sweet divas
(2013) (2015) (2018) (2021)
(July 2014) (November 2023)
Our sway didn’t work for #3 & we had a little oops for #4 but we love them all to bits... not sure if we ever will but somehow hoping we might add blue to the crew, to complete our family, one day...
Fingers crossed for TTC #5 (again) for early 2024!
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Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikesatomic sagebrush liked this post
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February 2nd, 2020, 03:41 PM #265
T2 scan will be in one month and a half. Baby due either July 31st or August 1st.
Oh I guess when you look at it from an economic, commercial pov, pigeon pair is golden standard ? What do we see on Tv, advertisements, in magazines and so on ? Dad, Mom, Daughter, Son. But as for public opinion and stuff, even though there's still the idea that it's good and almost natural to have both without effort, if you ask people what their ideal, most united family would be like, they often say "Maybe it should be one with only daughters : less troublesome to raise than boys, more peaceful, better at studying, pretty, soft-spoken, and you will never have to go get them at the police station ever ! Not like boys who are rough, then rude, then become delinquants in their teens, making you worry and get grey hairs... and after that if things go wrong they become killers and rapist and dishonor you !".
So yeah, your in-laws preferring all boys are becoming quite the oddity, and I wouldn't get surprised if outside of your family circle, they get the pointed finger for such a "retarded and non-feminist opinion". I mean, I get plenty of criticism or weird stares whenever I say we would like a little boy to complete our family and we have already two girls ! It's not like I'm asking for ten boys and saying it's to "beat women into submission" or smth !2014 ------- surprise 2016
Dreaming of a
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February 2nd, 2020, 10:21 PM #266
They haven’t my girls that's why lol they are loud, intense, independent, like rough play, my eldest is soooo defiant.... It is NOT a walk in the park
Certainly they do not fit the stereotype of quiet, submissive, obedient girls - they love girly stuff, and can play nice but more often than not, they like to jump, run, be loud, climb, be up to mischief...While it’s hard now i know they will be strong women capable of facing the big wide world and take it head on ...
I reckon if I ever have a son he would feel soft and quiet in comparison hehe
I think, regardless of anything..people just find something to say: have two kids, why not one more? Only child, you should have a sibling! Have pigeon pair: you can now have a third without pressure/ why do you need a third?: have two, three more of the same gender: need to change husband, need the recipe?, gosh don’t tempt fate you’ll just have another one of the same, gosh you need to try again for that boy/girl..it is endless!
I do think the stereotype of PP lives on and strong..you were saying ads etc, that still is portrayed as the “norm”...
Is it weird that I’m kinda happy when I see other families with 3 girls? Yesterday at the playground, there was a dad with three girls a bit older than ours..so there was 6 girls screaming excitedly as they played together (loudddd but cute) and then a bit later his wife and eldest daughter joined them...with their newest baby, a 2 week old boy! I allllmost grilled her To know what she had done differently lol
Anyways am at work but I can’t wait for you to know and stop the agonising wait!
Have you been feeling ok otherwise? Are your girls aware of baby coming?
My dd1 was born on 30/7...was a good dayLast edited by LMSM; February 2nd, 2020 at 10:23 PM.
Lucky Mummy to 4 sweet divas
(2013) (2015) (2018) (2021)
(July 2014) (November 2023)
Our sway didn’t work for #3 & we had a little oops for #4 but we love them all to bits... not sure if we ever will but somehow hoping we might add blue to the crew, to complete our family, one day...
Fingers crossed for TTC #5 (again) for early 2024!
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Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikesatomic sagebrush liked this post
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February 3rd, 2020, 01:43 AM #267
Sora TTC a Boy Sway Attempt
Hi Sora, I read your previous comments and just wanted to say that everyone’s preference for a gender and idea of to expect from a child of particular gender is totally different! For example when I told my mum I was Pregnant with my second son, she said that It’s very unfortunate because I’ll be lonely when I’m older - boys never look after their mothers when they grow up and almost never visit! Now I must say that I totally disagree with that statement because having two daughters is by no means a guarantee of visitors in your house and being looked after when you are old! I love my mother but due to certain things that happened between us over the course of my life we are not close. And my sister doesn’t even live in the same country as us! So we will see I guess who is right!
Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkLast edited by Thirdtimelucky01; February 3rd, 2020 at 05:07 AM.
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Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikesatomic sagebrush liked this post
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February 3rd, 2020, 08:54 AM #268
Nor do they have mine ! I remember a friend, who had one boy then, calling to check on me and hearing my grumpy DD1 scream and rant and babbles in the background and she said, horrified "Is that your girl ? OMG my son has NEVER made so much noise ! Nor are his eventual screams as high and ear-splitting ! How can you stand that ?".
have two, three more of the same gender: need to change husband, need the recipe?, gosh don’t tempt fate you’ll just have another one of the same,
This ! I heard that so much and still hear it, that's why I didn't tell anyone about this pregnancy and wants to hide it for as long as possible.
And no, it's not weird ? Whenever I saw families walking by with two girls/a boy I felt hopeful. When I saw families with two girls I felt relieved but not for long... When I see mothers with PP or sons I do want to grill them too. Since it's taboo I just try to feel them up on diet and sex, women will rant about it anytime if they think you're after advice for your own weight or love life ! As far as I know, blue moms around were very into fruits and meat diet wise, having them many times a day (and still being so thin GRRRRR) ! They were shocked to learn I could go so long without both. And one other common thing, they hate dairy. A bit of cheese or one light yoghurt is okay but not the rest and for the longest time until I found blue moms here having lots of dairy, I thought this was the number 1 problem.
About sex life, I think they are more or less regular ? DH had more success getting something out of their men but it seems they were at it more than us ^^"...
Otherwise, hm no, not okay, this pregnancy is hard on me, got the most awful nauseas and had to listen to the many "oh if there are nauseas, then it's a girl for sure, looks like you failed". And now going into T2, I'm feeling more and more emotional and worried. I miss the unexplained anger of T1 tbh, at least it gave me strenght (from week 7 to 12, I had become insanely agressive).
Yes the girls know about the baby, saw the pictures of my first scan (btw if anyone else feels confident at guessing despite the bluriness and trickiness... I posted them on the nub theory section, 13+1 thread under my ID). Since scan is black and white and looks eerie, they call it the "ghost baby". Wanted to know if it had a name.2014 ------- surprise 2016
Dreaming of a
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Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikesatomic sagebrush liked this post
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February 3rd, 2020, 09:14 AM #269
It’s very unfortunate because I’ll be lonely when I’m older - boys never look after their mothers when they grow up and almost never visit!
This is what I hear constantly whenever I express sadness over not having a boy or that I want to try and have one. As if people were trying VERY hard to change my mind. Just feels like multiple curses, as if they're wishing for me to fail (or end up with a serial killer for a son) just to feel justified in their views of men.
But sure, there are, know of some who never visit...
I've seen blue moms say they were told that girls cost much more to raise and they're lucky to have boys ? Sounds weird to me tbh. First time I heard of one gender costing more than the other ? I mean each time I heard someone talk about money and children, it was more general, like "children cost a lot of money, why would you want any ?".Last edited by Sora; February 3rd, 2020 at 09:23 AM.
2014 ------- surprise 2016
Dreaming of a
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Post Thanks / Like - 0 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikesatomic sagebrush liked this post
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February 4th, 2020, 05:07 AM #270
Iben posted on your ultrasound scan...
Ghost baby, that is very cute !! I bet they’re excited
Sorry to hear you’ve been so sick..I think often the more pregnancies (hence the more kids at home and the more tired) the more one is likely to feel,sick.
I found that with my third I was sicker ( if that was possible lol) - I thought I had a boys cooking because I was sooo nervous/aggressive..nope, just hormones driving me mad, heightening EVERYTHING lol I truly think the sick not sick more sick less sick etc has no bearing on one gender or the other
I really hope it eases soon...!
XxLucky Mummy to 4 sweet divas
(2013) (2015) (2018) (2021)
(July 2014) (November 2023)
Our sway didn’t work for #3 & we had a little oops for #4 but we love them all to bits... not sure if we ever will but somehow hoping we might add blue to the crew, to complete our family, one day...
Fingers crossed for TTC #5 (again) for early 2024!
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Thank you so much! Huge congrats!
2022 Pink Sway Results!