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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sora View Post
    Oh Panther...

    Just so you know, about dreams...

    My first vivid dream of a child (very vivid I tell you) : It was 2017, said so on my dreamphone (IRL it was 2013 and we were starting TTC). I was waiting outside for DH with a blonde 3 years-old boy at my side. Dh came and up we went for a stroll. End of the dream. Haha.

    Come 2017 and I'm with a blonde 3 years-old girl at my side. Go figures !

    I had another short one at the time. I was brushing the little brown curls of a child between 5 and 8 who was complaining heavily. But try as I may, I couldn't see their face in the mirror in front of us. It was all fogged up. DD2 has brown curls and is quite grumpy so I guess it was her after all...

    I had two dreams while pregnant with DD1. One of myself changing the diapers of a big beautiful baby but try as I may I couldn't look down to see the gender. But the baby's face was girly-looking. I felt disappointed but consoled myself with the fact that dream-baby was really a beautiful healthy one.

    The second dream was a bit more cruel : I just gave birth and my baby was taken to see if everything was okay. Then the midwife comes back with a cute blue bundle and tells me "Here's your little boy XXXXX". The first surge of happiness died down because the name was all wrong. My husband asks a question, the midwife seems surprised, looks down on the baby's bracelet and says : "OH I'm SO SORRY ! You're right, this is the son of the couple next door, the birth was at exactly the same time as yours ! Don't worry, we'll bring you your little girl asap !". I felt so crushed !

    I had no dreams when pregnant with DD2 and the pregnancy felt very different. Even the first ultrasound, seeing her very strong heartbeat compared to that of her older sister, I wondered if it was a boy. Felt like it and everybody was telling me boy.

    Imo, dreams and guesses can be right but they can be wrong too. Still wondering where is that blonde boy I saw so clearly in the first dream. For some time, I thought it meant I would conceive one in 2017. But DD2 happened in-between and we had to forget about TTC for a while.
    Dreams I have found can be exceptionally cruel.

    In late December of last year, very early January of this year while we waited on the PGS results from our first IVF cycle (where only 2 embryos had survived), I woke from the most vivid dream of my life, and it was of twin boys. I had every detail of labor (giving birth on all fours, though only remembering giving birth to one) before seeing them as small children. Two small blonde boys, one silent while the other told me, "You're our mommy!" I lived a whole early life with them. I woke from that dream with a feeling I don't know if I'll ever get back -- the only thing I think that could ever satisfy that feeling is to actually have my son. And there is always this ache for twin boys since then, too.

    Our PGS results came back: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XY. Clearly weren't my twin boys. We said we'd immediately start another cycle, and waited for DH to return from an out of town trip. We were not TTC.

    I accidentally got pregnant. And we found out it was twins essentially right as I lost them.

    That dream, and that month, will forever haunt me. And while I have a friend who is very "in touch" with spiritual things point out that my dream happened right at the time I'm due with this baby now, and apparently there is a book about "spirit babies" reaching us in dreams and that was prophetic -- I just don't believe in any of that, especially not anymore. Especially when by that logic, this very vivid dream of a dark eyed/dair haired copy of my DD would imply that's my spiritual baby too, right? Sometimes I'll pity myself and think it's my already existing XX -- our healthy, frozen girl embryos I swore I would consider if I could just get my boy first. But I am definitely not one of those people who gives myself false hope Based on atomic's rec, I am definitely someone who could go Team Green forever haha. I never actually think I'm going to get what I want.

    Except I thought I would before the cycle I conceived this baby. I wonder where that feeling came from. It seems so far away and foreign now.

    But I also had a dream that left me with immense peace a few weeks ago where I met my (also dark haired) son as a teenager. And that dream had a lot wrapped up in it, too (it was a recurring anxiety dream I have, only HE was in it and I was struck in the dream of, 'Oh, I'm breaking this dream cycle!').

    I think this is the heartbroken atheist's (me) attempt to grasp any sort of control or foresight and I'm just left sad either way.
    DD 2016
    x8


    Dec. 2017: IVF Cycle #1 - 16 > 9 > 2 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XY
    Feb. 2018: IVF Cycle #2 - 17 > 8 > 4 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XX, 2 abnormal XY
    Took a leap of faith and transferred two XYs: Chemical


    Cautiously expecting at the New Year. Please be

  2. #22
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    Wow Throwaway, I have to say I actually look out for your posts. I find them so deep and thought provoking. You have such a way with words and I really like the way you write.

    On another thread where you posted about your dreams I really agreed with another poster who said about our brains and dreams focusing on our deepest desires or fears.

    GD and the pressure of swaying is so all consuming, it becomes such a huge focus when we are awake it is bound to creep in to our subconscious. Our emotions govern our behaviours.

    I know youíre team green, when are you due? I wanted you to know that someone you donít know, whoís on the other side of the world to you, is thinking of you. I am so rooting for you. More than I think Iíve wanted it for anyone else. You deserve that little boy, curly haired or blonde, I really think heís coming.

    Lil



    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther View Post
    Dreams I have found can be exceptionally cruel.

    In late December of last year, very early January of this year while we waited on the PGS results from our first IVF cycle (where only 2 embryos had survived), I woke from the most vivid dream of my life, and it was of twin boys. I had every detail of labor (giving birth on all fours, though only remembering giving birth to one) before seeing them as small children. Two small blonde boys, one silent while the other told me, "You're our mommy!" I lived a whole early life with them. I woke from that dream with a feeling I don't know if I'll ever get back -- the only thing I think that could ever satisfy that feeling is to actually have my son. And there is always this ache for twin boys since then, too.

    Our PGS results came back: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XY. Clearly weren't my twin boys. We said we'd immediately start another cycle, and waited for DH to return from an out of town trip. We were not TTC.

    I accidentally got pregnant. And we found out it was twins essentially right as I lost them.

    That dream, and that month, will forever haunt me. And while I have a friend who is very "in touch" with spiritual things point out that my dream happened right at the time I'm due with this baby now, and apparently there is a book about "spirit babies" reaching us in dreams and that was prophetic -- I just don't believe in any of that, especially not anymore. Especially when by that logic, this very vivid dream of a dark eyed/dair haired copy of my DD would imply that's my spiritual baby too, right? Sometimes I'll pity myself and think it's my already existing XX -- our healthy, frozen girl embryos I swore I would consider if I could just get my boy first. But I am definitely not one of those people who gives myself false hope Based on atomic's rec, I am definitely someone who could go Team Green forever haha. I never actually think I'm going to get what I want.

    Except I thought I would before the cycle I conceived this baby. I wonder where that feeling came from. It seems so far away and foreign now.

    But I also had a dream that left me with immense peace a few weeks ago where I met my (also dark haired) son as a teenager. And that dream had a lot wrapped up in it, too (it was a recurring anxiety dream I have, only HE was in it and I was struck in the dream of, 'Oh, I'm breaking this dream cycle!').

    I think this is the heartbroken atheist's (me) attempt to grasp any sort of control or foresight and I'm just left sad either way.
    True enough and I hope for you you will get your son. I guess even when things are looking grim and with no hope of ever going back up one day, we humans try to grasp something, anything, be it a belief, a dream, a last attempt at whatever... yes, maybe just to get any sort of control on what's happenning, even more so when we feel wwe don't deserve it... Or it is just survival instinct, because the pain is very real, as real as a physical wound. Hm that makes me think... If I'm not mistaken, there were studies about negative feelings really hurting as much as a physical hit. Something like our brain sending the same kind of signals as when you are knifed or worse, crushed.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lilawt View Post
    Wow Throwaway, I have to say I actually look out for your posts. I find them so deep and thought provoking. You have such a way with words and I really like the way you write.

    On another thread where you posted about your dreams I really agreed with another poster who said about our brains and dreams focusing on our deepest desires or fears.

    GD and the pressure of swaying is so all consuming, it becomes such a huge focus when we are awake it is bound to creep in to our subconscious. Our emotions govern our behaviours.

    I know you’re team green, when are you due? I wanted you to know that someone you don’t know, who’s on the other side of the world to you, is thinking of you. I am so rooting for you. More than I think I’ve wanted it for anyone else. You deserve that little boy, curly haired or blonde, I really think he’s coming.

    Lil



    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    I wanted to let you know since I never commented -- I really appreciate this comment and have reread it a few times. It means a ton that you like my writing too (it's my tool of the trade, and I've actually written about loss for some major baby blogs!). I'm due Jan. 1-3ish.

    I appreciate the rooting. I hope all of you are right with your hopes, but I am already anticipating how to navigate the despair I'll feel from not getting my boy after all of this
    DD 2016
    x8


    Dec. 2017: IVF Cycle #1 - 16 > 9 > 2 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XY
    Feb. 2018: IVF Cycle #2 - 17 > 8 > 4 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XX, 2 abnormal XY
    Took a leap of faith and transferred two XYs: Chemical


    Cautiously expecting at the New Year. Please be

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  7. #25
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    Tp think of u and i still pray u will have a boy
    7/1/2014
    Praying for a March 2019

    https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5eaa0f

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  9. #26
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    You've been on my mind up in Canada as well. Hope you're feeling ok in your final weeks

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  11. #27
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    Please don't despair, we are all rooting for you and just say this baby isn't your boy he will come! Could you try the ivf again? Or another baby? I so hope this is your baby boy I'm sure you're feeling anxious in the build up x

  12. #28
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    Rooting for you here too! I know exactly how you feel (only opposite gender) and my heart aches for you. I hope so much this is your boy! But no matter what, for you and for me, we will love these precious little ones despite their gender. Iím glad you have another chance at it too it sounds like!


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  13. #29
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    Came across this as I am thinking of attempting a boy sway after 3 girls. I enjoy reading about your sway and conception also! I know that I would also be team green if we decided to try again. I would rather meet her than know she was in there and feel sad about it. I love all 3 of my daughters incredibly much, but too have had dreams of that boy. Good luck to you! Blue dust!

  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nell_ View Post
    Please don't despair, we are all rooting for you and just say this baby isn't your boy he will come! Could you try the ivf again? Or another baby? I so hope this is your baby boy I'm sure you're feeling anxious in the build up x
    IVF is completely out of the picture, we could never afford another cycle. Another baby is the only option, but DH has been doing even more girl friendly things and this pregnancy has been very difficult, so the future tries look a lot bleaker. There's also the reality that I couldn't weather more miscarriages.
    DD 2016
    x8


    Dec. 2017: IVF Cycle #1 - 16 > 9 > 2 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XY
    Feb. 2018: IVF Cycle #2 - 17 > 8 > 4 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XX, 2 abnormal XY
    Took a leap of faith and transferred two XYs: Chemical


    Cautiously expecting at the New Year. Please be

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