I have lost my baby...

[sweetpea]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Please don't think that anything you thought or felt has caused this. It was a tragic incident that you had no control over. I hope you get some answers as to why this happened, and I pray for comfort and peace to surround you. ***hugs***

[luckylass]

I have just seen this post now and wanted to say I am so so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

[pink carol]

Thank you, girls, for your feedback!!

[spinningmadly]

Hi carol ,
I am so sorry. I actually left the site for a while as I had lost our girl (girl after 2 boys) at about 20 weeks (on May 26) as well with no explanation..still don't have one.
I felt a lot of guilt for even caring and worrying about the gender after it happened :/

I jsut wanted to say I am sorry for your loss and I understand how hard it is.

[pink carol]

I'm sorry for your loss, too, spinningmadly. It's a nightmare. Even if you had an explanation, your baby is not here anymore and for me that's all that counts. I hope you find inner peace, especially since she was your cherished girl after two boys. Don't feel guilty. I also did. We are entitled to have our little illusions. In my case, I learnt the hard way that girls are not better than boys and that we have to love our babies whatever their gender. I would give all the girls in the world to get my little boy back. Keep your hope up, too, and be strong!

[princesssarah34]

Pink Carol again I am sorry you had to endure this in your life. And for those who have lost there little ones boys or girls, early in or late in pregnancy my heart goes out to you all. Losing a baby or child changes a mother forever! You will never be the same person you once were. And you heart will always have a spot for that child. But it does the pain does ease as time goes by. I lost Evan Daniel Dec. 2010 and here it is almost 2 yrs later and I still shed tears when I think of him but not like I once did. 3 months after having to deliver him I could walk into the kitchen look around and just start crying, sobbing uncontrollably!! It was awful nothing I did made me feel better and my family was helpless to it. But I finally realized I needed help with the grief and so I decided to do something that is called Biofeedback....there are many things you can use it for and one is called Emotional Biofeedback. Now I don't always tell everyone about this stuff but I am a firm believer in this! For 2 reasons 1. it has help my DS1 with a lot of his emotional issues and 2. it is how I got pregnant with DS2 after 1 1/2 yrs of trying. I did biofeedback and one month after I did it I was pregnant with him.
And this time I needed it for my heart, mind and sanity! One month after doing the emotional biofeedback I felt normal again I could function everyday without a emotional breakdown. Don't get me wrong it didn't fix the hole in my heart or the sadness every so often but it helped me heal the emotions that were so overwhelming. So I know other may poo poo it but it helped me so much and if you find yourselves having a really hard time like I did....just think about giving it a try. It can hurt! Much love to you all!

[pink carol]

Thank you for your advice, Princessarah and for your private message! I'll check about Biofeedback in the net to see what I come up with. What I have tried and I'm sure has worked is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). In case anyone needs some psychological homeshift help, check this British site: GET.gg Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Self-Help Resources
I also do meditation and listen to a lot of positive thinking and self-hypnosis tapes. Before getting out of bed I listen to my first tape. I alternate tapes about self-esteem, destress, confidence and fertility (I'm bracing myself for an attempt either in November or December, depending on how my body responds).
I also do yoga, though any sort of physical activity is good to boost your spirits and get you out of the self-pity mode.
Like you say, it doesn't fix the hole in your heart, but we are still here and have to deal with our life the best we can. We owe it to our children to be the best person we can be, especially because we are their role-model and we'd better show them how to be resilient people who deal with life's punches in the sanest way possible. It would be easier if we didn't receive these blows, but we do and have to take them.
I am better on the crying game now, but the past two months I cried my eyes out anytime, anywhere. I sobbed my days away. Nothing special would trigger the tears, though I was particularly sensitive to the sight of pregnant women with bumps who might look as if they're about to deliver by the time I should have to. I still find myself sobbing now and then and I am not ashamed of crying. One day we were sobbing shamelessly in a café with one of my best friends and she said onlookers didn't bother her. She said "Tell them what you've been through and I'm sure they'll cry too." I think it's good for the soul, though it is more embarrassing for hubby and son. Men!
When I saw the picture of Evan I cried because Luca looked exactly like him. They were about the same age.
But then I'm happy there is a happy end to your story with a new boy. I hope I'm also blessed with a new life. It won't replace my little Luca but life gives us hope, while this bleak contact with death is unnatural.
I'm sure your post is a big example for all the girls in the site who are in our position.
A big hug to you, princessarah!!