One more try....

[Chunky Monkey]

I have 2 boys and would love to have a girl. My DH is open to having only 1 more child. He is okay with swaying or IVF/PGD. I'm having issues with leftover embryos. But, my DH doesn't want to be the decision maker on how we try for #3. I am so incredibly torn :(

As crazy as it sounds, I can't help but to read into everything!!! I think that is what confuses me most. For example, out of me and 3 female co-workers, we have 8 boys, no girls. Of course I think, "the next one to have a baby (probably me) will have a girl, right?!" And out of my close-knit girl friends from college, 4 of us have 5 boys. Surely if I have the next baby, it will be a girl?! And my mom seems to have some insight, that I will have 3 kids total, the next one being a girl. She doesn't know that I have GD, much less horrible GD :( She has been correct with 5 grandchildren, so far.100%. Is she right, or am I going to be the one that she finally guesses wrong with? Irrational, I know.

Have any of you been faced with this decision? I cannot decide for anything.

#1 - IVF/PGD - Spend the money, might not have a transfer, might have to make decisions about leftover embryos, might end up swaying anyhow, but will for sure know that it's a girl if I get pg :)

#2 - Sway and chance it with low "sway" odds, making it more like flipping a coin? And even though the studies show the odds of having a girl after 2 boys is 48% to 52%, the odds of having 3 children of one sex is 25% :) If it's a girl, I would be over the moon, saved a lot of money and wouldn't have the issue with decisions about leftover embryos. If it's a boy, I know I will love him like crazy, but will at least be just as sad, if not more, and might be wishing I would have spent the money since we are stopping after #3.

DH will not have #4. Any points of view are greatly appreciated!! It's easier to see things from the outside looking in :) I hope these mixed up thoughts aren't too confusing to follow! Thank you all kindly!!!

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, it's hard when anyone says that IVF/PGD IS an option AND they want a particular sex next AND it is your final baby. Given all of that, I would choose the PGD route.

I can't really offer any advice on the leftover embryos because it is something that I have a tough time with too. What I do know is that my son would not be in this world had I not chosen PGD and as bad as the leftover embryos are, he is worth that sacrifice. I don't know if we will be judged for that but I do know that I prayed to God nightly to give me a son. I asked him to just meet me half-way. If PGD was what I had to do, I asked to make it work.

I think, obviously, there are some things you can do with swaying to give yourself a better chance at a girl. Only you can know which 'chance' is the better option for you and your family. There are risks with both. My decision to use HT was based upon the fact that I did not want another girl. I wanted a boy and I finally admitted that to myself and it was either no child or a boy through PGD. That sounds harsh, perhaps, but it was were I was with life. So, that made my decision easy in a way.

Either way, we have some great people here to help you through the process. If you choose the swaying route, we have some great insight into that world and with HT, same thing. Good luck and welcome!

[Gus]

Personally, if I was sure that #3 would be it regardless of gender, I would do PGD. I believe that swaying works, I really do, but it's just a sway. Not a guarantee. I really think that i would need that guarantee if my GD was bad and I knew without a doubt that my last child would really be my last child. Good luck with whatever you decide!

[atomic sagebrush]

The question I always ask in this situation is, what would make you feel worse, walking away with no money and no baby (and possibly leftover blue embryos) , or walking away with an opposite? Compare the worst case scenario and see which one would be easier to live with.

[nuthinbutpink]

The question I always ask in this situation is, what would make you feel worse, walking away with no money and no baby (and possibly leftover blue embryos) , or walking away with an opposite? Compare the worst case scenario and see which one would be easier to live with.

You are absolutely correct but if you do fail with HT, you can then try again on your own. If you try swaying and get an opposite and that's your last child, then that's it.

[Chunky Monkey]

Thank you all! I have known all along that if I tried HT and it didn't work, I know I at least tried. I would still have the chance to sway after as well. But every time I think I'm ready to go for it, I get nervous. I guess this is just one of the hard parts of the journey :( I just pray I'm one of those who only has one or two females to transfer, gets pg on the first try, and has no leftover embies. Ha ha! I can dream, huh ;)

[Claire]

#2 - Sway and chance it with low "sway" odds, making it more like flipping a coin? And even though the studies show the odds of having a girl after 2 boys is 48% to 52%, the odds of having 3 children of one sex is 25%

I have to chime in with some math here. The odds of having 3 children of the same gender before you start having kids is 1 out of 6. Once you've had two already, the chance of the third being the same gender is back to 1 in 2.

That being said, if you want a girl, and aren't going to be having more kids, I would vote for the certainty of PGD. If it does fail, you can always try swaying if you're comfortable with it.

Good luck.

[WantingButWaiting]

I would try IVF too

[Chunky Monkey]

I have to chime in with some math here. The odds of having 3 children of the same gender before you start having kids is 1 out of 6. Once you've had two already, the chance of the third being the same gender is back to 1 in 2.

I like your math better! I'll take the 1 in 6 :) There have been numerous studies and come up with different percentages for all of it. My point is, all of these numbers, percentages and people guessing, all start to mess with me! I actually start to think that my sway would work. It really doesn't mean anything at all. No matter how many people I know with boys or girls, no matter how many people tell me they think I will have a girl next, no matter how many of the sway details I do, I think I will still have a 50/50 chance.

I might be on the girl side of that 50/50 this time if I were to sway. But, I may not. Now I just need to make up my mind. Thanks again for all of the input! You girls are great!!!

[ThinkPink]

I would go HT if my dp said that it was our last baby and he was up for it I would do it in a heartbeat!!

[lindi]

This is how I would look at it: (im kinda in the same boat) Statistically, in general terms, your chances of THIS pregnancy being one way are still only hovering around 50%, your previous kids don't have any "real" impact on the numbers. But you don't know if your body is "set" to have one gender more than another- your age, hormonal makeup, all of these things do weigh in slightly too= so that 50% could move in either direction without you knowing it... kwim?
I would do PGD. And I look at the leftover embryos this way, if it helps at all... there are estimates that SO many women have pregnancies they never knew about, but that were just very early miscarriages, or no implantation, etc. Sometimes that is the fault of the genes, sometimes the hormonal balance of the woman. The fault of that embryo not making it could have to do within its own health, or within the environment it needs to grow (you). God, or the Universe, or however you see things- creates and destroys with a logic that defies anything we can understand. Stimulating your ovaries to produce eggs probably won't give you that many truly viable ones, high quality ones, ones that could be a full term baby. Hopefully you won't be dealing with that many embryos of a high quality that you won't use. 2? 3? I know women with luteal phase defects who had recurrent miscarriages. Maybe they had embryos that were healthy and viable- but no environment that could support them. Those "leftover" embryos are in a similar predicament. They have no suitable environment to grow in.
God, or the Universe, or however you see it guided you to create those embryos just as the woman I know was guided to create embryos that had no hope of implanting and growing. It happens that viable embryos don't make it - without "human" intervention -all the time-I guess is what I'm saying. That is a part of this crazy mystery of reproduction.
That's my views, I know people feel quite differently from me, but that's why I would do PGD.

[Claire]

If you're worried about the leftover embryos from IVF, why not consider donating them to infertile couples? That way they have a chance at life, and a couple who wants a family can try for one. I know if I were infertile, I'd be grateful for such a gift.

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

I would not take the chance. I would do pgd even to walk away with it with loosing the money and no pregnancy. I swayed with #3 saying that I did not care if I had a 3rd girl. I love her to pieces and we are all so glad that she is here. She is the best little girl ever.

However, my GD was horrible. The comments were even worse when you are so sad about and carrying your baby. Then comments on top of it from people in stores, the school (all over). It was something I thought I was okay with and I completely was not. I fooled myself even though I love her more than anything if that makes any sense?

On top of it, for me it made the DESIRE for a boy stronger than ever. I cannot imagine having 4 kids being I only wanted 2 children, but I would have 6 kids and live in a studio if the ivf/pgd would work. I know I sound CRAZY LOL. I just feel any of these other things can come later in life, but a baby cannot because of age mainly.

I am so glad that my 3rd daughter is here, but it took a lot to even get to the point I am at now with leaving the house, answering back morons with comments etc.

I cannot tell you make sure you would be okay with another one of the same gender if you do sway. Because lots of times you can say you are 100% sure that you will be fine then it all changes when the baby is born, post partum sets in, you have extra baby weight on you etc.

I hope that I helped. That was just my own experience. We are all different.

Good luck to you.

[iluvmybigfamily]

When it comes to the odds I'm sorry but I think they are a load of crap!! at the end of the day myself and plent of other women on here have more than 3 of the same gender I have 5 boys! As for swaying I'm sorry but I honestly don't believe it I've seen way too many women over the years follow all the swaying methods religiously and still get the opposite gender. Also there are so many different swaying options trying to decide on the right one would be a nightmare. I think if you know this is your last and you can afford it with out putting a financial strain on your family go for it! Obviously you have to go in with your eyes open to the fact it may not work at all and that money may be wasted and you could walk away empty handed, as for the left over embryos I think there are many ways to look at this first you could as another poster suggested donate them to an infertile couple then again you are left with all the problems associated with that eg your child being brought up by another family. You could destoy them with the mind set that they were never supposed to be aby way but its a hard decision. Or you could keep hold of them incase you decided to try again!

[fivebabies]

I'm not going to even get started........

I usually go by the motto that "If there's any doubt in your mind than the answer is No".

Good luck with your decision.

[mitz0315]

I am in the same boat! Mostly because I have to have a c-section and have postpartum hypertension for a few weeks after delivery. DH and I have always said that we wanted 4 children, but after DS2 was born decided on 3 kids. we both love our sons to pieces but absolutely want a little girl in our lives. It really is a difficult decision to make. A decision I will be praying about for at least a few more months. If we did decide on PGD then it would not happen until next year since we have to move this year.

[Rose]

Dear Chunky,

My DH and I were in your exact place two years ago. Two wonderful sons, only willing to have one more child, deep desire for a daughter, open to HT, but uncomfortable with the extra embies. We researched Microsoft, Ericsson, did several physician consults and spent many months discussing the decision. My DH was 100% clear that this was our last child. We should have done HT, but instead I decided to sway and we got our third boy. Yes, we love him very much, but it is difficult to describe how that felt. It was painful and confusing and very hard on our marriage. The worst GD I can describe. All while I was carrying our DS3.

DS3 just turned one, and we are doing PGD next month for a daughter. Going to four children because GD like you describe doesn't go away. It gets worse, esp when you know it's your last child. My DH was very resentful for a while, and he is still reluctant. But he finally agreed to do it.

I am now comfortable freezing first for future frozen transfers and then donating any extra embryos to scientific research. Given that we are in similar circumstances, I will say it bluntly. That is better than the strain on your marriage from having one more child than you originally wanted... or from having to learn to live the rest of your life without this dream fulfilled... (or at least doing your very best to fulfill it).

We could all get lucky and have a natural pregnancy result in our desired gender... but the downside of it not working is too great.

I wish you the very best.