ever been in my shoes?

[kpmum]

I don't know if many of you have been in the same situation but i just found out one of my friends is having a baby girl (which i very much long for) I am happy for her but she is one of those people that like to rub people's noses in her successes. She keeps saying things like "I'm so over the moon it's a girl" "i have everything i want now". Honestly the only reason i didnt have much GD with my DS2 is because my DH and i decided we would try HT for our 3rd child. I know many people that are pregnant this year and there are bound to be some baby girls born but i knew that if this one friend of mine has a girl it was really going to bother me. I'll admit "the green eyed monster" is rearing its head. To be honest all i can think about is going to try HT earlier than planned (planning 2013). Anyone ever been in my shoes? I know im being silly and i am truly grateful for my precious little boys- just really really want my DD to complete my family!

[Butterfly Spirit]

OH YES I have! My BFF had her girl in December and she is the type to brag too.. And I have another friend with two girls that wants a third but only a girl.. Then she complains and says she's depressed because she's not getting pregnant with her girl! (really!?)
BFF has 3 boys and 3 girls now.. an even split! And in Jan BFF warned me, "You and him need to be careful! I hate to break it to you, but I have a feeling it's going to be a boy!" She thinks she has psychic ability. Yet with DS#1 she was 100% sure it would be a girl.
Yet when I call her to tell her I'm prego I tell her I'm ONLY telling her because I feel strongly it's a girl, and I don't want to hear crap from anyone! Even my own mom, that it's a BOY. And at that moment ironically she said "You know what!? I think it is a girl!"
Why do people closest to us crush our dreams so quickly? People can be so cruel. It's all about competition!
Before I found out the gender of DS#2 my own sister who is OLDER said "it would serve you right to have twin boys!" Then she has jealousy issues, and isn't even trying to find a husband.
In the midst of TTC my DH would pick the worst stressful moment with our kids and blurt out " I only want 2 kids" "I'm done having kids!" "I don't want anymore kids with YOU" etc etc...
And it was one crazy rollercoaster of Hell. But I decided that when she was meant to come, she would! And that I would never feel complete until I had a girl.
You aren't being silly at all! If you want to go HT and ever earlier than planned then do it! Jump in with both feet and don't look back.

[mydream]

Oh YES. I have totally been in your shoes and I am in them again!! I am praying that all 3 of my friends all have boys!!!! I can't beat hearing girl, especially for the one who already has a boy and a girl!! She is always making negative comments about how different girls are from boys.... Bla bla bla. !!! It's so annoying!

[angel in a pink sky]

I have been in your shoes a million times. The thing to remember is there something lacking in your friend's life that she is over compensating with all her bragging. Her comments are going to hit a nerve because of your desire to have a daughter. If I were you I would try to objectively determine whether she is just happy she is having a girl or she is trying to hurt you because you confided in her of your dream for a daughter. If it is the latter you need to put some distance in your friendship. Don't change your plans based on your friends comments. Do what is right by your family and your time table and it will all work out. I will be cheering you on when I see on the HT boards and don't let your friend get you down.

[nuthinbutpink]

Yes. My husband old work partner found our they were having twin boys after a DD first. Hurt like hell.

[kpmum]

Unfortunately I do think her comments r trying to be deliberately hurtful. She always says things like "god I couldn't deal with 2 boys" when looking at my boys but I've always managed to not let them bother me too much as I know how lucky I am to have them and how wonderful they r. We had both talked about the prospect of HT in the past but there is no way we r telling anyone we know our plans ESP her! If the gloating and comments were to end soon from when she found out she was having a girl I could get over it easily but I know it's only going to get worse- ESP when the baby comes. I know I can't let her get to me. Jealously is a horrible feeling that I'm not accustomed. I won't change my plans despite my desire too as I know it's not the right time and think I would find having 3 young children at home too difficult. I'm going to try and keep busy and do some study and things that make me feel happy and give me a sense of achievement. Hopefully when my times comes in July we will be blessed. In the mean time I'm happy to cheer everyone else on and learn from everyone else's wisdom and journeys

[Zivic-Bubac]

Been there! A friend of my husband just had a son after 2 daughters, no swaying no nothing. Arrgghhhh....:hair:
And he's all about: hey, maybe it will work for you too!

Guess what, it won't :hair:

[Butterfly Spirit]

Been there! A friend of my husband just had a son after 2 daughters, no swaying no nothing. Arrgghhhh....:hair:
And he's all about: hey, maybe it will work for you too!

Guess what, it won't :hair:

They just don't understand, especially MEN! ;)

[Myloves]

Definitely. My sister had two girls, one of them during the same year as my oldest son and it really hurt at the time.

[auroara78]

My oldest sister has the only girl in the family (well until Lillian is born :bigsmile:) and at Christmas (when I was ovulating nonetheless) I was filling in the other sister about what I've done to sway and I was really happy just talking about the cool facts and nuggets I've learned, and my oldest sister was pissy, and said it wouldn't work, I'd end up with boy 3, yada yada....anyway, once she found out I was having a girl, she wasn't happy, and made up a BS excuse to avoid my second son's bday party...

Also, one of my closer friends (not so close now after you read what I'm about to say!) has an 18 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. She has gone on and on about how boys are better (though her daughter and her are super tight and love to go shopping together). Anyway, we used to work at the same job and she knew how badly I wanted a DD when I was prego with DS2, and fast forward a few months, we had lunch and I told her about swaying and how I was going to try one last time to get a girl. She informed me that my husband can only shoot boys (Glad to see she's a DR now) and that it wasn't worth the effort. I told her I always wanted a big family and I'd take my gamble.

Then I texted her that I was having a girl, and she said I'd regret it, that girls are horrible (yet, remember her daughter and her are super close), and that I would wish one day that I had a 3rd boy instead.....Needless to say, she keeps asking me to go to lucnh with her, but I don't need that kind of negativity in my life and I don't need someone (an alleged friend at that) to make me feel crappy about a wish that has been granted for me.

People can be really shitty sometimes. I think if you want to move your HT plans up, that you go for it only if it's right for you. You will get your DD. Some people (friends and family included) get very shitty when it comes to gender desire or what not. For my sister, she wanted me to have boy 3 because she wanted her daughter to be the only one and to remain that "special only" girl. For my friend, I don't know what issue is. She says one thing and does another, I don't understand it.

You will get your DD. This friend is insecure and obviously seeks pleasure from rubbing things in your face. I don't know if is a friend worth having around?

[envisioned]

I have a good friend who has a DD and just had her DS. I still haven't been able to go over and visit her to meet him. Immature? Of course. But it's either I take the time, a deep breath and get his present and suck it up when I'm ready. Or I start crying in front of her (she doesn't know about my GD and this entire pregnancy for her has been emotionally trying for me to hear about her joy).
So you're not alone. This is a very common feeling here.

[Mommabee]

I know exactly what you're feeling, too. After pouring blood, sweat, tears and time (literally!) into concieving DS2, I was convinced that he was a girl. One of my good friends (ex-bff, known her over 16 years) decided all last minute to start TTC #1 -this was a woman who didn't even know what ovulation was, who had never obsessed over a pee-stick, who had never experienced the devastation of TTC for a year. and BLAM, she's pregnant first try- not even a month later! I was happy for her though and imagined that we would have girls together. Well, needless to say, at 16 weeks I found out BOY and 4 weeks later (she was due a few days after me) she found out GIRL. Just like that.

I was devastated initially. I mean, really and truly devastated. In the 4 weeks since I'd found out she had made a plethora of unsupportive comments including "just be happy he's healthy" and (my personal favorite) "omg! I don't know what I'm going to do if this isn't a girl...I mean...uh...the only reason I want a girl is because I already have a name picked out". She made sure to let me know that if she wanted a girl it wasn't because she was SELFISH like me but because she couldn't figure out a boy name? *Bullshit. LOL =P Well, when she found out the comments just continued and they became so hurtful that we barely ever talk now. She said things like "I'm sooooo happy I'm having a girl! And I'm the only one [out of our friend circle]!" and "here you can have all these clothes someone gave me...I would keep them but they are just way too boyish to put on my daughter" um....okay? Thanks. LOL.

Now that I've made you "read your eyes off" I'll get to my point... I would stay away from toxic friends like that you are only so happy to settle some imaginary score by one-upping you.

[kpmum]

My oldest sister has the only girl in the family (well until Lillian is born :bigsmile:) and at Christmas (when I was ovulating nonetheless) I was filling in the other sister about what I've done to sway and I was really happy just talking about the cool facts and nuggets I've learned, and my oldest sister was pissy, and said it wouldn't work, I'd end up with boy 3, yada yada....anyway, once she found out I was having a girl, she wasn't happy, and made up a BS excuse to avoid my second son's bday party...

Also, one of my closer friends (not so close now after you read what I'm about to say!) has an 18 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. She has gone on and on about how boys are better (though her daughter and her are super tight and love to go shopping together). Anyway, we used to work at the same job and she knew how badly I wanted a DD when I was prego with DS2, and fast forward a few months, we had lunch and I told her about swaying and how I was going to try one last time to get a girl. She informed me that my husband can only shoot boys (Glad to see she's a DR now) and that it wasn't worth the effort. I told her I always wanted a big family and I'd take my gamble.

Then I texted her that I was having a girl, and she said I'd regret it, that girls are horrible (yet, remember her daughter and her are super close), and that I would wish one day that I had a 3rd boy instead.....Needless to say, she keeps asking me to go to lucnh with her, but I don't need that kind of negativity in my life and I don't need someone (an alleged friend at that) to make me feel crappy about a wish that has been granted for me.

People can be really shitty sometimes. I think if you want to move your HT plans up, that you go for it only if it's right for you. You will get your DD. Some people (friends and family included) get very shitty when it comes to gender desire or what not. For my sister, she wanted me to have boy 3 because she wanted her daughter to be the only one and to remain that "special only" girl. For my friend, I don't know what issue is. She says one thing and does another, I don't understand it.

You will get your DD. This friend is insecure and obviously seeks pleasure from rubbing things in your face. I don't know if is a friend worth having around?
Yes it is a wonder why people act the way they do. I tend to distance myself from my friend for a while if she starts carrying on with "all the wonderful things she has in life and how perfect her life is" (puke) and she must sense it and next time we do see each other she holds back her gloating. Maybe she is aware of it. I know she does it to many of our friends in regarding other areas of life but the baby girl thing bothered me as having a daughter is something I have always dreamed of. I definately agree it is a insecurity thing on their part why they feel they must gloat and say things that make other people feel bad and bring themselves up. I think the only thing all of us here that experience this should do is put distance on those people for a while until we can not give a rats arse about them!!

[deaks66]

Hi kpmum, you're not being silly at all! I find it unbearably hard when i hear each of my friends announce they are having a girl and they don't even make the rude comments! I too am going HT next year and i haven't even had the baby im carrying yet!

[Mollymaybe]

I'm exactly the same. One of my friends has a PP and since her DD was born 8 years ago she has rubbed her in my face every time I've seen her! She has often told me and DH to not bother trying for a girl because it'll just be a boy....or...why don't I have a girl for you since I obviously can have girls!!.....so annoying. When I was pregnant with DS 3 she was terrified it would be a girl! The relief when I said boy was obvious! She even came to a 34 week scan with me while DH was working and Actually butted into the scan and asked for her to check the sex, just to make sure! When she saw the boy parts for herself, she was visibly relieved! So sad! Anyhow, my point, she has always been jealous of me and DH for some stupid reason and I think she was so worried that I'd get the only thing she had that I didn't! She needed to have the one thing me and DH wanted the most. Me and DH have decided to distance ourselves from them now. They obviously don't care too much for us. She's pregnant now, with a boy thank goodness! I'm just looking forward to the day when I can tell her I'm pregnant...with a girl! (just starting pgd #3) And imagine if I end up with twins! Lol! I'll have more girls than her!

[kpmum]

It's nice to know we r not alone! I think there is always r jealously thing too when someone feels as though they have to rub other people's noses in their 'successes' I will definately NOT tell her or anyone else when we undertake HT as I can only imagine the talking behind my back!!

[kpmum]

I'm exactly the same. One of my friends has a PP and since her DD was born 8 years ago she has rubbed her in my face every time I've seen her! She has often told me and DH to not bother trying for a girl because it'll just be a boy....or...why don't I have a girl for you since I obviously can have girls!!.....so annoying. When I was pregnant with DS 3 she was terrified it would be a girl! The relief when I said boy was obvious! She even came to a 34 week scan with me while DH was working and Actually butted into the scan and asked for her to check the sex, just to make sure! When she saw the boy parts for herself, she was visibly relieved! So sad! Anyhow, my point, she has always been jealous of me and DH for some stupid reason and I think she was so worried that I'd get the only thing she had that I didn't! She needed to have the one thing me and DH wanted the most. Me and DH have decided to distance ourselves from them now. They obviously don't care too much for us. She's pregnant now, with a boy thank goodness! I'm just looking forward to the day when I can tell her I'm pregnant...with a girl! (just starting pgd #3) And imagine if I end up with twins! Lol! I'll have more girls than her!

Ha ha- good luck- lucky number 3- put 2 back and get one up on her!! Will be following ur journey xxx

[kpmum]

Hi kpmum, you're not being silly at all! I find it unbearably hard when i hear each of my friends announce they are having a girl and they don't even make the rude comments! I too am going HT next year and i haven't even had the baby im carrying yet!

Don't worry- I planned to go HT as soon as I found out my DS2 was a boy at 12 weeks. I think that is way my GD was minimal. Good luck!

[toomanyboys]

I know exactly what you're feeling, too. After pouring blood, sweat, tears and time (literally!) into concieving DS2, I was convinced that he was a girl. One of my good friends (ex-bff, known her over 16 years) decided all last minute to start TTC #1 -this was a woman who didn't even know what ovulation was, who had never obsessed over a pee-stick, who had never experienced the devastation of TTC for a year. and BLAM, she's pregnant first try- not even a month later! I was happy for her though and imagined that we would have girls together. Well, needless to say, at 16 weeks I found out BOY and 4 weeks later (she was due a few days after me) she found out GIRL. Just like that.




vastated initially. I mean, really and truly devastated. In the 4 weeks since I'd found out she had made a plethora of unsupportive comments including "just be happy he's healthy" and (my personal favorite) "omg! I don't know what I'm going to do if this isn't a girl...I mean...uh...the only reason I want a girl is because I already have a name picked out". She made sure to let me know that if she wanted a girl it wasn't because she was SELFISH like me but because she couldn't figure out a boy name? *Bullshit. LOL =P Well, when she found out the comments just continued and they became so hurtful that we barely ever talk now. She said things like "I'm sooooo happy I'm having a girl! And I'm the only one [out of our friend circle]!" and "here you can have all these clothes someone gave me...I would keep them but they are just way too boyish to put on my daughter" um....okay? Thanks. LOL.

Now that I've made you "read your eyes off" I'll get to my point... I would stay away from toxic friends like that you are only so happy to settle some imaginary score by one-upping you.

OMG...its like reading my own post.....i think there must be somthing like a collective of people with the same dark souls.....i have had a friend (now ex-friend) who does that with EVERYTHING.....ONE MINUTE SHE WOULD CUSS HER OWN SISTER DOWN TOP TO BOTTOM.....the next she knows i don't have any sisters (she will be like....OH I LOVE MY SISTER I WOULDNT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT HER.....and as god has it she had 2 girls in a row no trying no effort no nothing this is someone who never was serious of having kids treated her hubby like crap wanted to even have an AffAIR (I STOPPED HER) and has done nothng but take take take from m everyone who has crossed her path esp me....then she decides one day finally after i talk sense into her that she is nearing 40 and should get started....and BAM THE NEXT MONTH SHE SHOWs me her BFP!!!! bam 20 weeks after that she tells me she is having a girl!!!!and i am in the midts of worrying dieting being there for all my family and being a good wife to my DH and a good mum tio my kids sacrifising alot on the way...and having s miscariages!!!!!!!!!!!!..i don't get how this all works i really don't!!!...a question i will persoanlly like to ask god one day!!!!!

[Dreams*]

great topic, yes I'm in those shoes right now, my friend just had a lil girl and another friend is pregnant with her first child, a lil girl....when both of them told me, I was over the moon for both but deep down my jealously just brought me to tears. But that is why I joined this site to hopefully gain knowledge on sway for girl, but I know I will be just as happy if I end up having another boy, for myself knowing that I did try ;0)

[Waiting4Daisy]

There is a 'friend' I know who is smug about everything and thinks her life is perfect. She moved and after 2 boys had a baby girl, I think maybe they went high tech secretly but can't be sure. Anyway, I would never admit to her that I want a girl as she is already so smug about her princess. If I have no 4, I'm thinking of putting something on facebook about hoping for a 4th boy to even things up, that way she can't be super smug about having a girl. I've analysed it so much!

[Myloves]

There is a 'friend' I know who is smug about everything and thinks her life is perfect. She moved and after 2 boys had a baby girl, I think maybe they went high tech secretly but can't be sure. Anyway, I would never admit to her that I want a girl as she is already so smug about her princess. If I have no 4, I'm thinking of putting something on facebook about hoping for a 4th boy to even things up, that way she can't be super smug about having a girl. I've analysed it so much!

Hugs, Waiting4Daisy. Don't analyze things too much. She's not worth your time! And I think 3 boys and 1 girl sounds awesome (more cool big brothers to look after your future Daisy:wink:) I think you're in a win-win situation either way; if you have a fourth boy, you'll have a boy for Baby B to play with!

[Waiting4Daisy]

Thanks sweets! I just hate anyone pitying me over my life, I think my family is awesome! Actually I was talking to one of the women that works in my school and she had seen me walking my boys when Logan was at nursery and she said, 'Oh you have such lovely children I always admire them.' I was so chuffed, especially as they are usually mis-matched and disheveled as we are running late! I would honestly at this stage just desperately love a 4th baby (here's hoping I get healthy soon!) and while I have a slight preference for a girl just to experience a daughter I would be thrilled to have a 4th boy and even out my kidlets (can I convince you of number 4? Maybe?!!! ;-)) xxx

[Myloves]

Hehe, maybe I might have four when my youngest starts school! Dh says he's absolutely done (he only wanted two kids actually), but if I convinced him to have a third, I can do same to have a fourth :D).

You do have great children. I just love seeing your cute boys on FB. You know yesterday I saw three little boys at the park, all standing in a row holding hands and walking together. One was an older kid, another a younger kid and a little toddler - all three were blondes. They looked so cute:HH: Your boys will be like that too (when Blair-bear learns to walk of course :o).

[Butterfly Spirit]

Toomanyboys, Haven't heard from you since the beginning of this month. Are you doing alright?
:worry:

[kpmum]

great topic, yes I'm in those shoes right now, my friend just had a lil girl and another friend is pregnant with her first child, a lil girl....when both of them told me, I was over the moon for both but deep down my jealously just brought me to tears. But that is why I joined this site to hopefully gain knowledge on sway for girl, but I know I will be just as happy if I end up having another boy, for myself knowing that I did try ;0)
Good luck with ur sway- I hope u get ur DD! I just found out last night my dear cousin who was like a sister to me growing up had a baby girl. I knew deep down she would. Also picked a name I love. I actually feel very frustrated at myself for wanting a daughter so much that some days planning my HT journey is all I can do to keep from feeling sad. This in turn makes me feel guilty for not just being complete with my 2 wonderful boys

[mumof6]

absolutely!
Having 6 boys i see friends and family all rubbing my face in the fact they have girls
my brother in law is the worst one for it and tbh with you i resent them for having a daughter and still rubbing it in my face
i was always pregnant at the same time as a family member or friend and every single time they had a girl and went on and on about it and i had "just another boy" according to everyone
i've heard every hurtful comment under the sun.

i love my amazing little boys more than anything but i would love to have a little girl

[Anne1992]

I can sympathize for you , it has been a hell of a ride on my end . With my first he is two everyone was having girls and I was ok because it was baby # 1 and my siblings only had boys at this time . With baby # 2 there was alot of pressure to have a girl because my family would go off on how they didnt want anymore boys ... meanwhile I was told it was a girl and they all paid attention to my pregnancy that I was sharing with my brothers wife ... it turned out to be a boy with half a heart and nobody will see him because not only was he not the girl but was sick . My brothers wife had the girl and all my friends had girls and I cried for weeks and couldnt cope . Then I just sat back watching all my friends have girls girls girls and cried .... So we just found out the other day we are pregnant and 18 weeks at that . But unfortunatly out here they dont tell you the se and you have to book a private U/s and pay through the teeth to find out the sex ... Dont worry we all feel that way but you can be thankful you dont have the pressure of loosing family or love for your children based on its sex . <3 cheer up

[kpmum]

Since writing my post many of my friends and family have had girls too however my GD has actually lessoned. U c my cousins DD has been a nightmare for her. Doesn't sleep ever, always unhappy and irriatable. She is having a hard time with her. I look at both my DS and think back to how lovely they were as babies (and still r!) Very happy, settled bubs. I know it has nothing to do with gender but I definitely feel lucky to have 2 wonderful boys. I also started working as a nurse at a children's hospital and its given me so much perspective. To have a healthy child IS the most important thing in the end when u c what other people face everyday with terrible disabilities and the possibility of their child dying. This helps put some perspective on gender disappointment that although I would love a DD and sometimes feel twangs of jealously when people around me so effortlessly have girls I do have 2 healthy and happy little boys and that I'm ever grateful for!

[Anne1992]

Since writing my post many of my friends and family have had girls too however my GD has actually lessoned. U c my cousins DD has been a nightmare for her. Doesn't sleep ever, always unhappy and irriatable. She is having a hard time with her. I look at both my DS and think back to how lovely they were as babies (and still r!) Very happy, settled bubs. I know it has nothing to do with gender but I definitely feel lucky to have 2 wonderful boys. I also started working as a nurse at a children's hospital and its given me so much perspective. To have a healthy child IS the most important thing in the end when u c what other people face everyday with terrible disabilities and the possibility of their child dying. This helps put some perspective on gender disappointment that although I would love a DD and sometimes feel twangs of jealously when people around me so effortlessly have girls I do have 2 healthy and happy little boys and that I'm ever grateful for!

Thank-you for this post , it reminded me what I almost forgot getting caught up in being sad about not having a girl . The other day I got to see my baby #3`s heart beat and flicker perfectly . Because of the condition my son has now there was a high chance this one wouldnt be healthy enough to carry but it is and that is what a perfect baby is . Ten fingers and ten toes and a working beating heart unlike my youngest son who we got so caught up in being upset being told he was a girl then boy .... but it was not as sad as the moment we were told that he would die as soon as they cut his cord ... or when they replaced a valve and it didnt work he couldnt cope was ressitated 3x but never went to heaven . :sigh: I know you cant really replace a longing for something but I think if its healthy it is perfect and just what you wanted . Thank-you Kpmum again for making me see the bigger picture I forgot this afternoon <37566

[kpmum]

Thank-you for this post , it reminded me what I almost forgot getting caught up in being sad about not having a girl . The other day I got to see my baby #3`s heart beat and flicker perfectly . Because of the condition my son has now there was a high chance this one wouldnt be healthy enough to carry but it is and that is what a perfect baby is . Ten fingers and ten toes and a working beating heart unlike my youngest son who we got so caught up in being upset being told he was a girl then boy .... but it was not as sad as the moment we were told that he would die as soon as they cut his cord ... or when they replaced a valve and it didnt work he couldnt cope was ressitated 3x but never went to heaven . :sigh: I know you cant really replace a longing for something but I think if its healthy it is perfect and just what you wanted . Thank-you Kpmum again for making me see the bigger picture I forgot this afternoon <37566
Hi Anne, so glad to hear ur little boy is a fighter. I'm so sorry to hear that he had such a tough start to life and watching ur child being resuscitated is every parents worst nightmare. I have spent some time on the cardiac ward with my eldest DS (who is well now after cardiac stenting) and those heart kids r the toughest of them all. Thanks for sharing ur precious picture- I think it will help many of us c what many realities others inc us can face and even if we don't get our DG (which we all long for) we will be ok xxx