HopingWishingPraying
May 1st, 2012, 01:34 AM
So I have been having to order lots of clothes online for my sons who are outgrowing their stuff. Whilst doing so, I caught sight of the most gorgeous little pink overalls with flowers on them... totally the sort of thing I have always dreamed of dressing a baby girl in. I have never really allowed myself to buy anything for a girl, even through 3 pregnancies, 2 as team green (the exception being one little butterfly onsie when I was starving to death on the IG "girl diet" with #3 and desperately needed some inspiration). Anyway, these little overalls were SO CUTE and incredibly cheap, and I just ached to buy them. I argued in my head about it for a day, and finally convinced myself that just once I deserved to buy one of the gorgeous girly items I have coveted for years! I convinced myself that it could be my one "splurge" item that I could use to give me inspiration when I soon begin the LE diet. And I told myself that it may be the only time I ever get the opportunity to buy gorgeous pink things, if my next sway fails too. So I bit the bullet, and pressed "buy".
Fast forward to yesterday evening, and the box of clothes arrived. I ripped into it, keen to see my gorgeous little pink overalls and to dream for a few moments. Guess what? Every single item of boys clothes I had ordered (about 20 items, all blue, blue, blue, trucks, trucks, trucks.... so hard to find things that are nice and dont have skull and crossbones on them!) were there... and the one item that was "unavailable... sold out?" Yep. My little pink overalls. I am gutted! Unreasonably so! It is not just that I am disappointed not to have gotten these gorgeous overalls that I liked moreso than most of the girly items I have been sooking over for years... it is really like I feel like the universe is mocking me! I feel like even damn Pumpkin Patch knows that I am not a "girl mum" ... I am "just a boy mum" and I have been deemed unworthy of owning a simple pair of pink overalls. They have been sold out to the the mums who actually have real live baby girls to put them in, not pathetic little me who is wanting to buy them for a dream baby who may never exist except in my heart. I feel "not good enough" and like they looked at me and went "You? No sorry, these are not for YOU". Even though I am not superstitious I also have this foreboding feeling like the universe is telling me not to waste my money, because I am never going to "get my girl" to put in the overalls and they will just be a source of sorrow someday when I have to give them away (like the unused butterfly onsie I had to hide in the back of the cupboard the day I learned my last sway failed. Which I have since seen other girls wearing at my kids playgroup, and which even featured on a commercial with a beautiful baby who looked like my DS wearing it, plastered on a massive billboard I had to drive past every week on my way to work! The universe is mocking me I tell you!).
GD sucks! I want out!
Fast forward to yesterday evening, and the box of clothes arrived. I ripped into it, keen to see my gorgeous little pink overalls and to dream for a few moments. Guess what? Every single item of boys clothes I had ordered (about 20 items, all blue, blue, blue, trucks, trucks, trucks.... so hard to find things that are nice and dont have skull and crossbones on them!) were there... and the one item that was "unavailable... sold out?" Yep. My little pink overalls. I am gutted! Unreasonably so! It is not just that I am disappointed not to have gotten these gorgeous overalls that I liked moreso than most of the girly items I have been sooking over for years... it is really like I feel like the universe is mocking me! I feel like even damn Pumpkin Patch knows that I am not a "girl mum" ... I am "just a boy mum" and I have been deemed unworthy of owning a simple pair of pink overalls. They have been sold out to the the mums who actually have real live baby girls to put them in, not pathetic little me who is wanting to buy them for a dream baby who may never exist except in my heart. I feel "not good enough" and like they looked at me and went "You? No sorry, these are not for YOU". Even though I am not superstitious I also have this foreboding feeling like the universe is telling me not to waste my money, because I am never going to "get my girl" to put in the overalls and they will just be a source of sorrow someday when I have to give them away (like the unused butterfly onsie I had to hide in the back of the cupboard the day I learned my last sway failed. Which I have since seen other girls wearing at my kids playgroup, and which even featured on a commercial with a beautiful baby who looked like my DS wearing it, plastered on a massive billboard I had to drive past every week on my way to work! The universe is mocking me I tell you!).
GD sucks! I want out!