The universe is mocking me!

[HopingWishingPraying]

So I have been having to order lots of clothes online for my sons who are outgrowing their stuff. Whilst doing so, I caught sight of the most gorgeous little pink overalls with flowers on them... totally the sort of thing I have always dreamed of dressing a baby girl in. I have never really allowed myself to buy anything for a girl, even through 3 pregnancies, 2 as team green (the exception being one little butterfly onsie when I was starving to death on the IG "girl diet" with #3 and desperately needed some inspiration). Anyway, these little overalls were SO CUTE and incredibly cheap, and I just ached to buy them. I argued in my head about it for a day, and finally convinced myself that just once I deserved to buy one of the gorgeous girly items I have coveted for years! I convinced myself that it could be my one "splurge" item that I could use to give me inspiration when I soon begin the LE diet. And I told myself that it may be the only time I ever get the opportunity to buy gorgeous pink things, if my next sway fails too. So I bit the bullet, and pressed "buy".

Fast forward to yesterday evening, and the box of clothes arrived. I ripped into it, keen to see my gorgeous little pink overalls and to dream for a few moments. Guess what? Every single item of boys clothes I had ordered (about 20 items, all blue, blue, blue, trucks, trucks, trucks.... so hard to find things that are nice and dont have skull and crossbones on them!) were there... and the one item that was "unavailable... sold out?" Yep. My little pink overalls. I am gutted! Unreasonably so! It is not just that I am disappointed not to have gotten these gorgeous overalls that I liked moreso than most of the girly items I have been sooking over for years... it is really like I feel like the universe is mocking me! I feel like even damn Pumpkin Patch knows that I am not a "girl mum" ... I am "just a boy mum" and I have been deemed unworthy of owning a simple pair of pink overalls. They have been sold out to the the mums who actually have real live baby girls to put them in, not pathetic little me who is wanting to buy them for a dream baby who may never exist except in my heart. I feel "not good enough" and like they looked at me and went "You? No sorry, these are not for YOU". Even though I am not superstitious I also have this foreboding feeling like the universe is telling me not to waste my money, because I am never going to "get my girl" to put in the overalls and they will just be a source of sorrow someday when I have to give them away (like the unused butterfly onsie I had to hide in the back of the cupboard the day I learned my last sway failed. Which I have since seen other girls wearing at my kids playgroup, and which even featured on a commercial with a beautiful baby who looked like my DS wearing it, plastered on a massive billboard I had to drive past every week on my way to work! The universe is mocking me I tell you!).

GD sucks! I want out!

[ThreeLittleStars]

I'm sorry. GD really hurts sometimes. :(

[Butterfly Spirit]

I'm so sorry HopingWishingPraying but I wouldn't take it as a sign to give up! Make it a sign of MOTIVATION!
I would love to hear how you are going to sway sweetie! It's not over yet!

[dramabird]

I'm sorry. GD really does suck.

Know that this is an annoyance but not a sign! Someday you could be holding your baby girl in your arms and thinking, "Nyah, nyah, Pumpkin Patch -- I showed you!"

:bighug:

[fivebabies]

Oh that sucks!!!!! I am so sorry. :( FX for your upcoming sway!

[Yuzu]

That sounds like something that would happen to me. I'm so sorry. I know it must have been like a kick in the knees.

[Myloves]

:hugs: That must have been awful :(
You definitely deserve a baby girl! Sending any pink dust I have left... I really hope your future sway works!

[envisioned]

Oh honey, I have left stores and sat in the car after seeing the boys clothing section and sobbed. Like just broken down. I am on the opposite side and I have a baby blue striped blanket that I bought before DD1 was born. It still has the tags and wrapping on it, hidden away at the bottom of the closet. I can't even bring myself to look at it because all it is is a reminder of the son I don't have. So even though you're on the other gender side, I totally get it.

[HopingWishingPraying]

Thanks for the support everyone! I am not feeling so dramatic about it anymore and am feeling a little silly for being so emotional over a sold out order... it has just been a bad GD week (after having thought last week that I was "getting over it" a little ... beeep... wrong!) and this was the last straw for me this week. I know that if I had said anything about the overalls to DH (or anyone else) they would have just looked at me like I was crazy. No one gets it, so it is nice to have this little refuge to be able to come and have a ridiculous meltdown over pink overalls in! Envisioned I totally hear you about the blue blanket in the back of the shelf - it is so hard, whether it is a little pink or blue article in hiding. After posting here the other day I went to a BBQ and got talking to a lady in her 60s who told me (without me mentioning GD in any way) that she had 5 sons and basically has always pined for a daughter. She told me she bought a little pink dress for her first pregnancy and held onto it hoping to put it on each of her 5 babies. She still has it now, all these years after her boys have grown up! It broke my heart, I so hope that is not me with my butterfly onesie... maybe it is a good thing I didn't get those overalls after all, I don't want them to be still haunting me in 35 years time. She did say lots of positive things about having all of one gender though, and said that so many of the things she had worried about (ie that her boys would not stay close, that she would be excluded from their lives, from weddings, from grandchildren etc) have not come to pass at all. She said she is very close with them all and loves seeing the bond they all still have as adult brothers. Hopefully, we will be blessed with our desired genders, but hopefully if not - like this lady - so many of the stereotypes and cliches we worry about will never even come to pass. Hugs to everyone else in this same (rotten) boat!