Anyone else not sure what they want?

[Junie]

Hi ladies,

I'm currently pregnant with my second boy and very happy. The thought never crossed my mind to try and sway for either of my pregnancies and both times I was thrilled to find out we were having a boy.....BUT I am surprised now by how much I really want a girl next time.

There is no way we will have more then three and even getting my husband to agree to the third will be a real struggle (although he has known since the begining that I want more then 2 and his reasons against it are more emotional and I think we both know deep down he will come around but he doesn't want to make it too easy for me, if that makes sense?)

Anyway as I said I really like the idea of 2 boys but I also absolutely want to experience having a daughter. Not so much for the initial years although the thought of being able to buy a dress makes me light up but more for the adult relationship. My mom was/is a single parent and now we are so close, I just can't imagine not getting to experience that you know? At the same time who knows maybe I end up with a daughter who never gets married/is a tomboy/and connects much better with my husband.It isn't like we can plan personality, all the same I would still love a girl but wonder if swaying even helps?

I know some women have success with it, but some women don't and I wonder if I would be more disappointed if I tried for a girl and then didn't have one then if I just naturally had another boy doing nothing. But I also wonder if maybe I can only have boys and it doesn't matter what I do I will end up with a boy.

Did anyone else have trouble figuring out how they really felt about everything? I think when it comes down to it, I will try to do a strong natural sway next time but I just hope I won't be too disappointed about the outcome. I think that in the end that is what it comes down to, that I just really think I can only have boys and I don't want to get my hopes up too high...

Sorry for the long ramble but there are so few people I can talk to in real life about this because I live somewhere where almost no one even considers three and most people don't talk at all about hoping for one gender,etc. So I just come off as strange.Plus each pregnancy we got pregnant the first try so it seems obnoxious to me when some of my friends struggle so much just to get pregnant and then I talk about trying for the third before the second even comes!

[zanacal]

My DH always knew I'd want more than 2 children so I didn't even contemplate DS2 being my last but for some reason it didn't occur to me to 'try' for a girl for any of the first 3! I'm glad that it didn't because I adore my 3 boys (even the one who's been crying on and off for the past hour :D). I think after 2 boys you have absolutely no reason to suspect you can only make boys. Most families with 3 children IRL have a mix of boys and girls and I'm sure that most of them did nothing to affect that outcome.

When DS3 was just tiny it suddenly occured to me we'd never have a girl (because baby #4 was absolutely not on the cards!) but I put it out of my mind and just enjoyed him. I think he was around 18 months old when I started thinking about one more baby and maybe trying for a girl. DH took quite some time to persuade and I bought a book which was basically all about timing. I'm so grateful that I found this site through a Google search because the information here is amazing and I think it's the best there is with regards to swaying. It's true that it doesn't work for everybody - every man makes approximately 50/50 boy/girl sperm and we can't change that so luck still comes in to play. I do believe with all my heart that if I'd not swayed or had done a different sway then I would have had a fourth boy - and I would have accepted that because 5 babies really would never have been on the cards (for me or DH!).

If you absolutely only want a third baby if it's a girl then I think you need to consider going HT if it's a viable option for you. If you're willing to take the risk of a 3 boy family (highly recommended btw) then come back here because the support and information is fantastic :D

Good luck!

[Junie]

I feel similarily to you in that I really enjoy being a mom to a boy and even though I wouldn't have thought it before I love the idea of having two boys or even three. I think my fear comes more from the thought that I might never have a daughter but I know I wouldn't be sad about the idea of having a third son, more just the idea that the chapter of my life would be closing and a daughter wouldn't be part of it, if that makes sense?

It is also nice to hear that you don't think 2 in a row neccesarily means no chance for a different gender for the third. I do feel that the stuff about diet makes the most sense of what I have read in regards to swaying- I also feel like my chances are much better with the techniques talked about here on this forum then just trying timing or old wives tales.

I'm glad you got your fourth and your girl but also that you have three awesome boys as well. If I could change this baby's gender I wouldn't- it just puts a bit more pressure on me for the last one:)

[atomic sagebrush]

I love having boys and it was totally the idea that I would never have a daughter that got to me. I was over the moon with my first son (wanted a boy with him) and also thrilled with my second. It was only once I got much older and realized I may not ever have a daughter that the panic and GD set in. :heart:

[Junie]

That makes me feel really good! Plus you two both are having girls...although with a few more kids in between I think but still :D

I just had noticed that some women here felt very, very strongly (which is so OK and understandable) and since I don't feel that way I wasn't sure if it still fit to sway, since I really wouldn't mind 3 boys (if only I could convince DH for a fourth then LOL!)

[auroara78]

Junie,

it was that desperate thought of "omg I may never have a daughter" that set me ablaze in my search to do something to try to influence the factors to concieve a girl.

Swaying is very emotional and it really puts you thorugh the paces. I had to go over in my head just why was having a girl so important to me? how would having a girl change my life? What would not having a daughter feel like? I went through so many different angles beforehand, so I knew if I did sway, and get a boy, that I really wanted peace knowing I tried all I could, and God just had other plans for me.

We couldn't afford nor would my DH do HT. So our only option was swaying to tip the odds. I also felt a little trapped because my DH at the time was stern about 3 being our max, so this was going to be our only try for a girl, so there was added pressure.

I definintely think you can concieve a girl! So many of us on here have 2-3 boys and had a girl next, that is soooo possible! And when you see your boys playing together, it will be so lovely...brothers are beyond great. I love seeing the relationship between DS1 and 2--it really is bloosoming! And if you are OK with maybe getting a 3rd boy, I think swaying is awesome, and definitely worth a shot. Nothing is 100%.

But of course for someone like me who did sway and is expecting the desired gender, I can say for sure I still feel had I done nothing I would be pregnant with boy 3, and while that would not be bad at all, I am really, really glad I had the courage to push forward and give swaying a chance.

[Junie]

Was your husband comfortable with swaying auroara78 ? I feel like convincing DH to go for a third is very possible but he won't be the one suggesting it lol!
I don't think he would be at all on board for swaying though- I don't think he would care what I do but I really doubt he would feel comfortable taking any vitamin or anything like that.

Also how long did you start doing the diet and all of that before TTC? And how long did it take you get pregnant with your little girl?

[auroara78]

We started back in October, but when ovulation came, and I told DH (back then I was on different website and was trying a timing tactic) he froze and was unable to perform at all, because he had abstained for over 7 days and couldn't get his motor roaring.

In November, we decided I wouldn't announce I was ovulating and just give him a hint I was interested, and we managed one attempt on O day. I was using Represh, and it was a BFN.

We got pregnant in Dec with only our second attempt, with no jels, lubes or anything. My DH could not do FR or abstain because since gaining so much weight, he's lost his sex drive. He also has body image issues, since he used to be in the Marines and was very fit, so now being so overweight, he doesn't even want to have sex because he thinks he must look disgusting to me. (He does not...he has a bit of a man gut, but besides that, he's not flab at all, and hes' quite muscular in the legs and arms.) When I tell him he still looks good, he rolls his eyes and thinks I'm just saying that because I'm his wife and "I have to."

But I digress. Orginally, he promised to sway some. He was going to do abstainance, or do what it took. As time went on, he became very defensive and said he did not believe in it at all, and he wouldn't do anything to sway on his side. The only thing he dropped was his fish oil and multivitamin he took. He also changed from boxers into colored tighty whiteys. (At first he hated them, but now he doesn't.) He wouldn't even take a hot shower with me before DTD...that's how opposed he was to swaying in the end.

So I took the gamble and hoped that I did enough to sway to make up for it. I do believe changing my body (diet, etc) really helped create this girl. The only thing he helped was his low sex drive in general was good for us, since a lower sex drive may be indictative of lower T levels, which low T levels in a man is thought to sway girl.

I would not get worried at all if you DH will not sway. I wouldn't press it if he put his hands up. I think it's better to get preg. and have a chance at your desired gender than to make the man so turned off he doesn't want to TTC anymore.

[Waiting4Daisy]

I absolutely adore my three little boys - they are absolutely my world! DS3 was a light sway, which failed obviously though he is superb so of course I'm not really glad that I was not successful. I really wanted a girl for my second child, and had my second DS. After that, I was really ok with a band of brothers though would still like a daughter. I now really want a little girl and really want a 4th boy. I think DP will go to 5 but no further. If the next one is a wee girl we will prob be done. My current plan is tom sway all out when we TTC in June 2013 (current plan) and if I get a boy that's just what God wants me to have! If I sway girl and get a boy for my next baby, I won't sway again if we do go for no 5. I'll just take what I'm given! I think swaying ups the odds but I do think a lot of it is just which sperm hits the egg first. I think you should try swaying if you are happy with the idea of 3 boys, if 3 is your max and you def want a girl then I'd go high tech. That is not an option for us but if it is an option for you and you desperately want a daughter then I'd do that.

[Junie]

Thanks for sharing auroara78! It is good to hear that your DH doesn't have to be fully on board to have a succesful sway.:D :D

Waiting4Daisy: I think your plan is great!! I personally don't feel comfortable with HT for us (although I understand why others take that route) and would much rather leave it up to fate/God/chance/whatever you believe in, as like you if our third would be a boy after a good go of swaying on my part I would believe it was meant to be and I would be content with that. Your location says Scotland- we visited there once and I LOVED it. I'm hoping to go back next summer and just rent a motorhome and drive around for a few weeks:)