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bluedreams
May 3rd, 2012, 01:53 PM
Hi...when I search the web including this site, it seems that the majority of women are disappointed in having boys. I feel like I am the only one disappointed in having girls. I guess I can't relate to many women. I feel so alone. Are there any women out there who never wanted to have a daughter and that is all they get? I have one daughter and another on the way and I've been upset ever since I found out the sex. I feel awful but I can't shake it. Anyone feel this way about girls?

atomic sagebrush
May 3rd, 2012, 02:15 PM
There are many people who have daughters that wanted sons and I personally can say 100% that I would have been one of them (had strong gender pref. with my first son) but I was just blessed with my DG that time.

Zivic-Bubac
May 3rd, 2012, 02:21 PM
I'm dissapointed in having girls. My 3rd girl is on the way and I'm devastated, lost, crushed, confused, you name it.
I'm about to have family make up from my nightmares -3 girls. My ideal family always was 3 boys.

bluedreams
May 3rd, 2012, 02:39 PM
I'm dissapointed in having girls. My 3rd girl is on the way and I'm devastated, lost, crushed, confused, you name it.
I'm about to have family make up from my nightmares -3 girls. My ideal family always was 3 boys.

I always wanted all boys as well. I wouldn't have minded 1 daughter but I really want more sons. I could understand how you feel. This is my 2nd and I am crushed. It seems so easy for everyone else to conceive boys...don't know why not for us. Are you getting nasty comments from people about having 3 girls? That's what makes it so much worse! We haven't told anyone yet that we are having another girl because I don't want to hear it.

ynwa
May 3rd, 2012, 03:18 PM
I would love all your pink dust if it's going spare?

girlmom
May 3rd, 2012, 04:22 PM
i had 7 girls and trust me i can't tell you how badly i screamed and cried and felt like a failure with number 5. however she passed away so now i know each baby is a blessing no matter what the gender.

envisioned
May 3rd, 2012, 05:01 PM
I only wanted boys. I have 2 DD's. There isn't a day that goes by where I look at my biological clock and contemplate whether or not to try again for a boy. I'm not there yet. Unless you I go HT. Which involves money. So that's where I'm at. To compound this fun irony, I am not exaggerating when I have almost no friends that have daughters. Boys. God I could fill a school bus. It's unbelievably mean way of life mocking me.

Myloves
May 3rd, 2012, 08:20 PM
I wanted only girls, but MANY people where I live prefer boys - in fact, I was the only person in my family (aside from my mother and sister) who wanted girls.

mydream
May 3rd, 2012, 09:10 PM
I always wanted girls ...and now I have none. I never imagined only raising boys :(

bluedreams
May 3rd, 2012, 09:10 PM
i had 7 girls and trust me i can't tell you how badly i screamed and cried and felt like a failure with number 5. however she passed away so now i know each baby is a blessing no matter what the gender.

So sorry for your loss. Situations like that puts things into perspective.

bluedreams
May 3rd, 2012, 09:17 PM
Hubby and I want 3 kids and I am too afraid to try naturally as I will end up with another girl. envisioned - I am thinking of going HT for the 3rd. I only want to get pregnant if I am guaranteed it will be a boy. But it is extremely pricey. We have to figure out what to do about that. 2 of my closest friends have boys, my sister and my hubby's close friends have boys. It really does feel like we are being tortured! I almost just want to find couples with girls and only hang out with them.

Myloves
May 4th, 2012, 12:57 AM
I always wanted girls ...and now I have none. I never imagined only raising boys :(

:hugs: I know how you feel. I hope you get a girl in the future.:HH:

Hobbermittens
May 6th, 2012, 02:57 PM
I never wanted daughters, and I have 2. I think the baby I am carrying is probably a girl too, though that hasn't been confirmed--just my gut feeling. I am not interested in girly stuff, hate dolls, barbie, pink, etc. I am a tomboy and am much happier going to baseball practice than dance recitals. I think it is awful the way things work out-- so many of us get the opposite of what we want; I just don't understand WHY. There are people desperate for girls. Why were they given to ME? And all those boys that go to people who want girls.... Why can't I have them?? I just don't see why we can't all get what we want.

bluedreams
May 6th, 2012, 10:44 PM
I never wanted daughters, and I have 2. I think the baby I am carrying is probably a girl too, though that hasn't been confirmed--just my gut feeling. I am not interested in girly stuff, hate dolls, barbie, pink, etc. I am a tomboy and am much happier going to baseball practice than dance recitals. I think it is awful the way things work out-- so many of us get the opposite of what we want; I just don't understand WHY. There are people desperate for girls. Why were they given to ME? And all those boys that go to people who want girls.... Why can't I have them?? I just don't see why we can't all get what we want.

I totally agree!!! Why can't we have the boys? There are so many women that want girls and the ones who don't even want 1 daughter get 2 or more. I've always dreamed of going to football and baseball games. I don't want to go to dance recitals either...too girly. Are you going to find out what you are having? I wish I didn't for this one. I want to actually enjoy my pregnancy and I don't now. My husband really wanted to know. I knew it would be a girl as I never get what I want and I was right. I hope this 3rd one is your boy!!

Hobbermittens
May 7th, 2012, 12:37 AM
I totally agree!!! Why can't we have the boys? There are so many women that want girls and the ones who don't even want 1 daughter get 2 or more. I've always dreamed of going to football and baseball games. I don't want to go to dance recitals either...too girly. Are you going to find out what you are having? I wish I didn't for this one. I want to actually enjoy my pregnancy and I don't now. My husband really wanted to know. I knew it would be a girl as I never get what I want and I was right. I hope this 3rd one is your boy!!
I am not finding out. I found out with DD2 and it ruined the pregnancy. I hope you get to try again and have a boy--I know several families with GGB. It is totally possible!

bluedreams
May 7th, 2012, 07:39 PM
I am not finding out. I found out with DD2 and it ruined the pregnancy. I hope you get to try again and have a boy--I know several families with GGB. It is totally possible!

I think it's smart not to find out. You really want to enjoy the miracle of pregnancy. It's probably a cool experience not knowing until birth. I will probably do that for my 3rd. I see people with mixed genders also but when you have 2 of the same, you feel the odds of having the opposite gender are against you. But, it does happen. GL

begonia
May 8th, 2012, 09:41 AM
I wanted 3 DS. Maybe after 2 of them I might've entertained the idea of wanting a DD because who knows how you ACTUALLY will feel about your reality, but my dream was definitely all boys.

I have 3 DD's. I'm still kind of shocked that this is how it turned out for me. At this point the whole all-boy dream is over, even the balanced family is out the window, and I'd be happy just to have a single DS. I had HUGE disappointment with my girls, every single one, but I've gotten over it. I have gender desire still for a DS but I'm no longer shattered by the fact that I have 3 DD. It's an active choice some days to love my family make-up rather than an easy one but I am choosing to embrace it. Part of that is out of the whole mama-bear defense mechanism; people DO criticize the 3 girl dynamic, and I'm not about to let my girls think for one second that there is a single thing wrong with being a female or with having 2 sisters. I couldn't be more proud or more in love with a son than I am already with my girls, but it took me awhile to realize that. All that said I still want to experience the mother/son relationship, see my DH have the father/son bond, and for my girls to have a brother.

I will say my DD1 (6) could not be more of a tomboy; never wears skirts/dresses/pink, birthday parties are all super hero themed, all her friends are boys, and she plays on co-ed soccer and t-ball teams. Everyone always assumes she has an older brother but I think she's just mama's girl :bigsmile: Now if DD2 or DD3 do want to do dance classes or have a princess party I will let them and I'll do it with joy. They're my kids, and the happiest I've ever been is seeing one of them truly enjoy themselves, even if it isn't something I personally enjoy, KWIM?

GL to you whatever you decide bluedreams, but quite honestly I'd say go HT given that you're open to it.

auroara78
May 8th, 2012, 10:11 AM
I was playing my online game last week and one of the guys that I used to respect we were chatting on ventrilo (that's a voice device so you can talk in real time to people and play a game at same time). And he was talking about his son, and how glad he was that he had a boy, and at first they told him the boy would be a girl (it was an ancient U/S machine and the DR wasn't 100 percent sure) and he went on and on about how unhappy he was hearing the baby was going to be a girl and was soooo relieved later when he found out the baby was really a boy.

Anyway, I told him that I have 2 boys and am expecting a girl, and him and the other guy in the voice channel told me they were so "sorry for me." The other guy is retired Navy and has 1 son and 3 girls, he kept having girls trying to have another boy. He said his boy was so easy and his girls were so much harder. Then that made the other guy feel more justfied in his reasoning, and they went on about it until I left group and the chat.

Anyway: I guess bottom line is I've always wanted just girls. God gave me two sons that I treasure and now that I know I'm having a DD took the pressure off, and I can say since I found out #3 is a girl, maybe this is gonna sound totally wrong to say, but I found myself appreicating the boys in ways I never have before because my vision was so clouded with gender desire.

Anyway, ever since finding out #3 is going to be girl, I've heard so many comments about "watch out", "you're going to regret having a girl", "beware of the teen years", and it even makes me more pissed off when people say these things to my fragile DH, who deep down I guess really didn't want a girl...it's just feeding into his fears of a hellish teen years, pink tufus, a child that he cannot relate to, etc.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, but in my personal experience, it seems that society wants to put girls on a certain pedesdal..that they have to do ultra girly activities only, or they can't do certain things, or they're going to behave a certain way at a certain age, and I'm already tired of the stereoptypes. My DH was saying the other day he hopes she's a tomboy, plays soccer, and doesn't want to do girly stuff, and I got angry and said, "You'd embrace whatever Quinten and Evan wanna do, so why would you not do the same for a girl child?" He didn't have anything to say in return, but if our Lillian wants to dress in pink all the time, then re: what begonia said, that is fine with me. If it makes her happy, it will bring joy to me. If she wants to be a tomboy and never play with a Barbie doll (I did happen to love dolls growing up), I will support that too.

I think a lot of this disappoinment about girl gender has to do with society's notion still that a boy is "better", although I don't agree. I think both boys and girls are blessings. The only thing I DON'T want for my daughter is for her to think she can't do something because of her gender, and I want her to reach whatever goal or dream she has in mind.

I apologize for my rant...and bluedreams, if you feel that strongly about it, I'd def. go HT.

bluedreams
May 8th, 2012, 01:01 PM
Male chauvinism and stereotypes of genders is where a lot of my GD comes from. I wish people would stop making rude comments about girls. You would think in this day and age we would be passed that. I guess not. We have a long way to go!! When my DD1 was born, I didn't want to dress her in pink with bows. I dressed her in normal clothing like I do now. She wears some pink but I put her in jeans & sneakers and she hates wearing anything in her hair. She is also not too fond of dresses...that's my girl! For her first birthday we had a Wonder Pets theme, which is a show on Nick Jr. She loves that show and there is nothing pink or girly about it. It is just for kids (both boy & girl). Anyway, a friend of mine who has 2 boys and is dying for a girl asks my husband and I when we are doing princess-themed parties. For now, I am not doing that. I am not going to push all that stuff on her just because she is a girl. If she decides she wants to do princess parties when she is older than I will be opened to it but I am not going to tell her what girls should and shouldn't do. It will be the same if we have a boy. I am not going to push sports on him and only dress him in blue. Also, these "macho" men who have sons don't know how their sons are going to turn out. They may not like sports at ALL and may be more interested in dance, fashion or whatever. I know plenty of men who are not interested in sports and that's fine. I also know men who are very feminine. You never know how your kids are going to turn out. That's why you get parents who are disappointed in their children if they don't turn out the way they have dreamed of. Just because you have a boy doesn't mean he is going to be a professional baseball player! You know how hard that is?! Keep dreaming! lol

My husband is great though. He loves our DD1 to death and he wanted our 1st child to be a girl. However, he is a little disappointed that the 2nd one isn't a boy but he thinks it will be adorable to have 2 girls close in age and they will be daddy's girls :). I know I will love my girls, but I really want to have the experience of having a son. I think I want a son more than he does. It's just a desire that I have. Auroara78 - I think I would feel the same way if my 3rd were a son. I feel I would appreciate my daughters more because that would take the pressure off. I totally understand. Is it wrong? Who knows? I'm not sure if feelings are right or wrong.

Begonia - sorry you get the criticism from people about having 3 girls. Must be tough to hear sometimes. It seems that women with same-gender families always have to defend their kids. I wish I could just ignore the comments but I am very sensitive to them. I feel bad for my husband because he will probably hear the comments the most. I guess daughters are a curse. I hate jerks! Can't children just be a blessing?? But I want to thank you ladies for your experiences. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone.

fun family
May 9th, 2012, 12:39 PM
I have had actually had someone (SIL) say that my boys were a curse. She said, "when I have kids, I better not be cursed with all boys like you." I also had someone tell me that I maybe I did something bad in another life, so God punished me with all boys. Its tough having 4 of the same gender in a row--people just gotta make rude comments about it. I always wanted boys--but I want a girl too. i think its normal to want to experience both.

Hobbermittens
May 9th, 2012, 01:50 PM
I also had someone tell me that I maybe I did something bad in another life, so God punished me with all boys. .
I feel like I was cursed with girls. No one has ever told me that, but I feel that way. I think boys would be much more of a blessing!!

bluedreams
May 9th, 2012, 07:27 PM
I have had actually had someone (SIL) say that my boys were a curse. She said, "when I have kids, I better not be cursed with all boys like you." I also had someone tell me that I maybe I did something bad in another life, so God punished me with all boys. Its tough having 4 of the same gender in a row--people just gotta make rude comments about it. I always wanted boys--but I want a girl too. i think its normal to want to experience both.

Wow, I can't believe people have actually said that to you! That's awful! Your SIL sounds like a piece of work. It must be really tough for families who have 3 or more children of the same gender. Now people see healthy beautiful children as curses. What happened to children being blessings??

jils04
May 13th, 2012, 08:31 PM
I have 3 dd's. The whole problem of my circle where I live is that sons are put on a pedestal and are considered superior. I also felt I couldn't give DH his replacement or his car/fishing buddy. Felt useless.
But then, after dd2 was born with a genetic condition that puts her at a disadvantage physically to her peers, I quickly woke up and realised "hold on, how could I not love my dd's for what they are ? They are like me for goodness sake !". Strong, intelligent,women of the future ! That is now my duty to install in them the values of equality, give them a future free of gender bias and raise them to be the women i have aspired to all my life.
I also used to think, how easy is it for the majority of women to have boys ? How can that be ? they find it so hard to have a girl , yet it comes so easy to us. Very strange indeed. So i try looking at the positives of that. We are the minority (i believe) and we have a responsibility to our sex.
I still wanted to go HT to fill that gap so we could experience both genders, it was more for DH. he's such a great man, I wanted to put myself thru the process so he could have a mini dh, and for me it was to feel like I did my duty .The GD does go away and the future looks clearer i.e. you no longer feel that bug in the back of your head.So even though HT is emotionally and financially expensive, when it works, it works.
I wish you all peace in whatever you think is right for you.

bluedreams
May 14th, 2012, 08:54 PM
Just when I was feeling a little bit better about having another girl, I have to hear that someone had a boy! This is not helping my GD. So many people this year have had boys or are having boys. This is like torture! Every time I hear someone is having a boy it brings me back to square one. I don't think I will ever heal from this. I'm becoming so bitter about looking into HT & spending $20k or more to get a boy when all these people I know conceive boys so easily. Life just isn't fair!! Just venting here.

Hobbermittens
May 14th, 2012, 11:23 PM
Just when I was feeling a little bit better about having another girl, I have to hear that someone had a boy! This is not helping my GD. So many people this year have had boys or are having boys. This is like torture! Every time I hear someone is having a boy it brings me back to square one. I don't think I will ever heal from this. I'm becoming so bitter about looking into HT & spending $20k or more to get a boy when all these people I know conceive boys so easily. Life just isn't fair!! Just venting here.

I know how you feel. It makes me nuts when I see people who have boys who don't even care about gender, and would have been happy with a girl, or would have even preferred a girl! It is really not fair at all.

It seems to be a boy wave around me too, and it hurts to hear everyone is getting what I want. :(

bluedreams
May 15th, 2012, 08:44 AM
I know how you feel. It makes me nuts when I see people who have boys who don't even care about gender, and would have been happy with a girl, or would have even preferred a girl! It is really not fair at all.

It seems to be a boy wave around me too, and it hurts to hear everyone is getting what I want. :(

The people I envy the most are the ones who don't care about gender. They appreciate and enjoy all of their pregnancies. Those are the people who also have a mixed gender family. I guess when you want something so badly you don't get it. :(

4 blues~hopingforpink~
May 15th, 2012, 02:37 PM
Just when I was feeling a little bit better about having another girl, I have to hear that someone had a boy! This is not helping my GD. So many people this year have had boys or are having boys. This is like torture! Every time I hear someone is having a boy it brings me back to square one. I don't think I will ever heal from this. I'm becoming so bitter about looking into HT & spending $20k or more to get a boy when all these people I know conceive boys so easily. Life just isn't fair!! Just venting here.

That's exactly how I feel about people that can conceive girls! I'm one to that has four of one gender. I have 4 boys and am desperately trying for a girl. I'm on the LE diet and will be doing the TBM Or the Lime douche just to increase my chances. DH isn't helping out so I'm on my own with this. So I'm hoping and praying that all my hard work will pay off. I know if I hear boy then my world will be crushed. I know that sounds terrible but I've been wanting a girl since my first boy! This will be my last baby so I just want to be able to have that mother daughter bond and know what It's like to have a baby girl.

Hobbermittens
May 15th, 2012, 04:12 PM
The people I envy the most are the ones who don't care about gender. They appreciate and enjoy all of their pregnancies. Those are the people who also have a mixed gender family. I guess when you want something so badly you don't get it. :(

I have both genders and still have GD. I don't know how I ever got my son (no swaying--just luck), but I still never had a care-free pregnancy. My pregnancy with him was fraught with worry that he had genetic issues because I had tests come back positive for downs, so the moment of his birth when I should have been crying tears of joy when hearing "It's a BOY!" my first thought was just, "Is he healthy?" That was actually the first thing I asked the doctor!

I guess my GD probably seems less legitimate since I do have one son, but believe me, I hurt as deeply as anyone. I was a wreck when I found out DC3 was a girl. My son has been asking for a brother for years, and so far he's gotten one baby sister and probably another on the way. I worry about him being surrounded by girls and feeling left out all his childhood. It breaks my heart that I probably can't give him what he wants so badly--a brother. My daughter got a sister that she asked for, so why can't my son have what he wants, too? :(

Myloves
May 15th, 2012, 06:00 PM
:LotsofLove: I hope your boy gets the brother he wants, Hobbermittens.

Hobbermittens
May 16th, 2012, 12:53 AM
:LotsofLove: I hope your boy gets the brother he wants, Hobbermittens.

Thanks, Myloves. :heart:

NYFamilyOfFiveRoses
May 16th, 2012, 09:01 AM
I'm dissapointed in having girls. My 3rd girl is on the way and I'm devastated, lost, crushed, confused, you name it.
I'm about to have family make up from my nightmares -3 girls. My ideal family always was 3 boys.

I feel this way a lot too. It did get a lot better being dd3 is almost 2 years old now. I also have 3 girls. For #2 I wanted a boy so bad. Even for #1 I wanted a boy. I am at the point now that I am getting more used to 3 girls but I can never be a Mom to 4 girls.

bluedreams
May 16th, 2012, 09:44 AM
I guess my GD probably seems less legitimate since I do have one son, but believe me, I hurt as deeply as anyone. I was a wreck when I found out DC3 was a girl. My son has been asking for a brother for years, and so far he's gotten one baby sister and probably another on the way. I worry about him being surrounded by girls and feeling left out all his childhood. It breaks my heart that I probably can't give him what he wants so badly--a brother. My daughter got a sister that she asked for, so why can't my son have what he wants, too? :(

It would be nice to have 2 girls and 2 boys so each of your kids will have someone to bond with. That's a pretty ideal family. But you still have hope since you don't know the sex of your baby. I hope you get another son.

Waiting4Daisy
May 16th, 2012, 12:54 PM
I'm the eldest of GGB! I get the impression my mum really wanted a boy so that they didn't try again until she was in a place they would be happy with either. My dad was also the youngest of GGB. My mum claims my brother was a Shettles success, although two of my 3 boys are Shettles opposites so I'm not convinced by the theory.

I always wanted boys and girls. I would love more boys if I could have a girl. I think most people want both and that if you have all of one gender people assume you want an opposite. Which I guess I can understand.

I really hope you get your boy. Help yourself to my blue dust x

TinyA
May 25th, 2012, 01:15 PM
I've only ever wanted girls actually. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby (my first is a girl) and I am hoping this will be a girl too. I have NO idea why I feel like this and I know I'll love any baby that comes. My nightmare would have been having all boys - I just never have seem myself as a mum of boys.

auroara78
May 25th, 2012, 01:36 PM
I didn't see myself as a mom of boys either until I had two of them...they make my world though and are so funny and handsome! I think all the time how lucky I am to raise them so one day they will (hopefully) be good and loving husbands.

I am very grateful that I will have the chance to raise a daughter as well.

atomic sagebrush
May 25th, 2012, 07:06 PM
I personally feel the most sympathy for people who had a strong gender pref. from their first, and either didn't get any of their DG, or got a mixed bag and would have preferred not to. I mean, yeah I had 4 boys which in some people's minds might mean I "deserve" to have GD more than a person on their 1st or 2nd, but at least with the first two I was happy to hear "it's a boy" and got to experience pregnancy unimpeded by GD at all. Some people never get that feeling - and as I'm sure everyone would agree, sometimes even getting your DG after GD takes the sparkle off of it somehow, so even when the dream comes true, it's still not like a dream-come-true, KWIM??

GD is about not achieving the dream of the family that you thought you'd have and that dream was different for every one of us. Some people want only girls or only boys or they want siblings for one gender and not the other and they have legitimate and logical reasons for wanting that. It's not about having both genders for a lot of people.

Hobbermittens
May 25th, 2012, 11:44 PM
I personally feel the most sympathy for people who had a strong gender pref. from their first, and either didn't get any of their DG, or got a mixed bag and would have preferred not to. I mean, yeah I had 4 boys which in some people's minds might mean I "deserve" to have GD more than a person on their 1st or 2nd, but at least with the first two I was happy to hear "it's a boy" and got to experience pregnancy unimpeded by GD at all. Some people never get that feeling - and as I'm sure everyone would agree, sometimes even getting your DG after GD takes the sparkle off of it somehow, so even when the dream comes true, it's still not like a dream-come-true, KWIM??

GD is about not achieving the dream of the family that you thought you'd have and that dream was different for every one of us. Some people want only girls or only boys or they want siblings for one gender and not the other and they have legitimate and logical reasons for wanting that. It's not about having both genders for a lot of people.

I couldn't agree more.

Myloves
May 26th, 2012, 01:36 AM
GD is about not achieving the dream of the family that you thought you'd have and that dream was different for every one of us. Some people want only girls or only boys or they want siblings for one gender and not the other and they have legitimate and logical reasons for wanting that. It's not about having both genders for a lot of people.

Beautifully said Atomic.

WantALittleBlue
May 31st, 2012, 11:46 PM
I grew up in a family of 3 girls and although my parents never made us feel unwanted or showed any GD it was something we encountered all the time.... Oh wow 3 girls, your poor father! I bet you were trying for a son-
Even though I was young these things stayed with me and I believe that is where my desire for a son stemmed from, feeling inadequate as a child because I was a girl and people feeling sorry for us because of our family make up, I felt bad for my parents that we were all girls, these are things that a child should not have to think about or carry with them because at that age you don't understand why being a girl is so terrible.
I try and think about this when I feel bad and let GD take over me because I have 2DD, my 2nd child is a boy but nevertheless GD was back with DD2, I always wanted only boys. I never want my daughters to feel the way I felt because I was a girl, it doesn't change my GD completely but on most days it makes it better.

On a brighter note, the other day at a birthday party someone asked my DH how many kids he has and he said he has 2DD and 1DS, and the man told him "wow, you are so lucky to have 2 daughters" he himself had BBG. This little comment brightened my day,(DH doesn't care for gender he just always wanted a mix) YES I am lucky to have these wonderful, beautiful, healthy girls, they didn't get to choose me but I chose to have them.
Sorry for the rant I don't even now if I made much sense but at the end of the day there is somebody out there that wishes they had what we have and vice versa.

sugarNspice
June 3rd, 2012, 05:35 PM
I've only ever wanted a same-gender family. I didn't have a strong gender preference at all with DD#1, and in fact I think I felt disappointment at first when the ultrasound showed that she was a girl. I am not very "girly" at all--as a kid I liked playing outdoors and climbing trees and soccer. I dropped out of Brownies the week that we were all supposed to try on makeup (I wanted to be in girl scouts to learn to build campfires and tie knots and use a compass). I did have Barbies, and I did play with them, but more often I played race cars and my best friend when I was little was a boy.

But with DD#2, I had a pretty strong girl preference, b/c I really wanted DD1 to have a sister.
DH comes from an all-boy family, really loved growing up that way, and feels very close to his brothers. He'd wished for another girl so that DD1 could have the same kind of experience. And I was an only and always wished for a sibling, though not necessarily a sister. But I do think that same-sex siblings and same-sex families can sometimes have closer bonds than mixed gender families.

Now that we are TTC #3, my gender preference (for another girl) is even stronger. Part of the reason is that my two girls get along well, fight very little, and really enjoy each other's company. I'd love for DD2 to get to have the experience of having a little sister than DD1 has had. But another part of the reason is that I'd never want my daughters to feel that we kept trying for #3 in the hopes of having a boy, that having them (or having girls in general) was not enough for us.

I am (I think) in the process of having my fourth miscarriage... In some ways I think the sadness and disappointment of losing a pregnancy may be very much like GD--in both cases it's about losing a dream of how you wanted your family to be, and losing a baby that you'd never met, held, or even fully imagined, but that you nonetheless knew you would have loved with all of your heart. Whether it's an early pregnancy, or it's the idea of the son/daughter you'd always wanted, the loss is still very real.

The thought that my daughters will (probably) have four siblings they will never get to meet fills me with so much sadness, but it does not diminish my wish for an all-same-gender family in the slightest.

auroara78
June 4th, 2012, 11:41 AM
I do feel very fortunate that I got to experience being in a mixed-gender family.

I am happy that I had two older sisters so I could have sisters and expereince that (although not in a traditional sense; they were 12 and 10 years older than me so almost like two extra mother hens)

I am very happy that I have an older brother. I think he really taught me a lot and gave me some insight on the male psyche.

I am delighed that my daughter will get to experience two of that, and equally delighted now that it's all done and said now that DS2 is a boy (had some GD with him) and my older son has a brother. I am already thinking about baby 4, and while I"d like to have a 2nd daughter to give Lillian a sister, I would really be OK with my last baby being a boy too, since I have this uncompleted feeling about a boy baby.

But I do also agree that same-gender families are extremely special and unique, and that it is pretty cool for the kids to have that to relate to one another.

bluedreams
June 4th, 2012, 09:17 PM
auroara78 & sugar - I agree that same gender families are nice for the children. I am definitely closer with my sister than I am with my brother. Sometimes I feel I am being selfish in wanting a brother for my daughter instead of a sister. I know some couples who have a pigeon pair and wish they had more children because the 2 they have don't get along or have a strong bond. Even though I will have 2 girls, I will still want to try for that boy. Then if I have a boy I will probably be like auroara78 and want to try to have another boy so my child would have a brother. It never ends I guess.

auroara78
June 5th, 2012, 09:49 AM
LOL it never does end!

Hours after finding out that I was having my dream of a DD come true, I was already plotting ideas for 2-3 years down the road doing another sway in hopes of having a second DD, and my husband was plotting ideas 2-3 years down the road to try to figure out how he could make another boy.

I thought once I knew I was having a DD the Gender Desire would end, but it just grows more strongly, the picture of two beautiful older boys and two younger girls. And then sometimes, I can see my two older boys, 1 gorgeous girl, and an amazing last boy baby.

That is the only way I will truly go for a 4th--is if that image of the blue eyed sweet little boy lingers and I will finally feel complete with 4 no matter the gender.

my5girls
November 12th, 2012, 05:35 PM
I only wanted one daughter then the rest boys. But I also only wanted 2-3 kids!! I have 6 kids. 5 girls in a row and my last is a boy. I fid have gd with my third fourth and fifth daughter. I also would hate hearing someone was having a boy that i knew. I had to keep trying for the boy. I would not feel complete without able to have a son. I didnt want to have regret either. So i took my chances. I do love my daughters but I kno they will probably give me a hard time. Hopefully they won't. I think my fear comes from my own experience not being close to my mom and always fighting with her. I want a relationship with my girls to be a good one.

BZ88
November 20th, 2012, 05:26 PM
I totally understand I fear having more girls because I don't get on with my mom or my sister. I feel like with girls there's do much jealousy and competition. I see some mother daughter And sisters get along so well I wonder if I'm cursed with not getting along with so many girls. I too wish i could be one if those people who don't care


I only wanted one daughter then the rest boys. But I also only wanted 2-3 kids!! I have 6 kids. 5 girls in a row and my last is a boy. I fid have gd with my third fourth and fifth daughter. I also would hate hearing someone was having a boy that i knew. I had to keep trying for the boy. I would not feel complete without able to have a son. I didnt want to have regret either. So i took my chances. I do love my daughters but I kno they will probably give me a hard time. Hopefully they won't. I think my fear comes from my own experience not being close to my mom and always fighting with her. I want a relationship with my girls to be a good one.

Lotte
November 20th, 2012, 05:33 PM
I understand your GD, but I also want to tell you that my mum and little sis are my best friends.
We are so closing and having so much fun together and we like to do mother-daughter-things (like next week we will go abroad for Christmas shopping) I think you are blessed with your girls :HH:
But I hope you all will get your dreamgender one day...

Tiggerian
November 21st, 2012, 04:27 AM
I think I'd feel the same if I had all girls. After my DD passed away I was desperate for a boy (my DD had a chromosomal defect that only affect females) and sat for ages and prayed and hoped and was on the verge of tears because I was convinced it was a girl. When I heard "boy" I was over the moon - I don't think I wiped my stupid grin of my face for weeks!

With DS2 I was only disappointed because OH said it was the last. I did want a girl because I wanted one of each. But once he was born I was OK!

This time I do desperately want a little girl - but had my two sons been girls I know I'd be desperate for a boy! I just think it depends what you've got for most people. Ofc there are some who wants only one gender - like my mum wanted only boys and ended up with 5 girls and 1 boy. But hey-ho, most of us get over it and love our children irregardless.

With my DS2 I did't really enjoy my pregnancy after hearing boy, but he's my little charmer today!