What is wrong with me???

[NeedAGirl!]

Seriously...

Before my sway, I felt like I really had gotten to a good place where I wanted a baby more than I wanted a DD. That God really wanted me to trust Him and put it in His hands.

I had my NT scan last week and I planned to not even look at the nub area. OF course, she printed me pictures and within a day, I am obsessively looking at them. One pic baby really looks like a girl and one it looks boy. I know at 11.5 weeks, it is only 50/50 anyway.

It is like I am so obsessed with worrying about the gender that I can't even enjoy the fact that things are going well. My first trimester screen was good, baby measures right, haven't had any bleeding, etc. I feel like I will be ok somehow with this being a boy eventually but I just want to find out so I can deal with it and move on. DH is on board with another baby if this is not my DD but I don't really want another baby. I am feeling like I want to be done.

I just scheduled another US at 13.5 weeks. I know it is probably stupid. I don't think they will even guess as they don't offer their gender determination until 16 weeks. I already have an appt for 16.5 weeks. I am sure they will get some pics for me though. Seems a lot of boys are obvious at 13.5 weeks even though girls aren't always. I will still go for the 16 week us regardless but if it looks boyish I can at least get that into my head.

Every single person I know is so excited for us and always follows with how much they are hoping or praying for a girl. Feels like I am just headed to disappoint the world. I know I shouldn't care about what other people say but my family is really going to be disappointed. I have no reason to assume it's a boy. It's just that even when the slightest hope of it being a girl comes into my head I feel like I need to push it right out. It's too painful to think about.

Why can't I be like a normal person who is just grateful for a healthy baby??!! Sorry to vent, you guys are the only ones who really understand...

[TTC5]

xoxoxoxo

[BeadinMom]

NeedaGirl,
I feel the exact same way & I'm not even pregnant yet.
I started off the journey just wanting to shake up the dice...not actually caring which way it fell, just wanting a healthy baby. And I still do, of course...but it just feels like the more I read (esp about successes) it feels like we really could have a chance. And then I think that while it might physically be possible, there's no way it could happen for me.
And I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure & heartache...which, until I started swaying, I didn't think twice about.
I know I'll be doing the same thing you are with u/s pics.
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that I completely understand where you're coming from & I feel the same way.
Praying for peace for both of us. <3

[nuthinbutpink]

I've never been good with accepting anything as given. I read something the other day that said good things come to those that wait OR to those that get off their bums and go get it! You got off your bum and gave it your best effort. It's hard to try and just be okay with gender no matter what when you made such an effort. That's okay though! I'm proud of you for really trying to go after what you want! I hope it works out.

[Cinss]

There is nothing wrong with you. Those feelings are totally normal and i think anyone that has multipuls of one gender hopes they will get lucky with the last and have an opposite. It takes guts to admit it, and untill you are in the same situation it is hard to understand. We all understand what you are going through.

[dloui128]

There is definitely nothing wrong with you, most of us that have multiple of the same gender feel exactly like you, I feel the exact same way, I should be completely happy with a healthy baby yet I yearn for a boy. This is the best place to vent :)
:bighug:

[NeedAGirl!]

Good Lord. I just got an email from my pastor about this outing we are going on next week. Saying glad you and the 4 guys can make it (prediction ;) ). What is wrong with people??? This is the last thing I need right now.

[skrimpy]

(((hugs))) it is really tough and people NEVER say the right thing.

I know that my struggle with GD has been one of the hardest things I've ever faced, but it also brought me to my knees to pray in ways I never had before. I think our imperfections are used to help us grow, even through the pain. And I know the pain, worry, and obsession are there (((hugs))) and prayers that you'll find some peace as you wait for your next scan.

[NeedAGirl!]

Thanks girls. I am feeling a lot better today. There is no point in crying myself to sleep now when I still have a 50/50 shot at a girl. I go for the next scan on Tuesday. Still early but maybe will help me a bit.

[Myloves]

:hugs: I know just what you're going through. My mother, my sister, my girl cousins were all expecting me to have a girl with my third - even though most parents I know want boys, the pressure was on for me to have a girl... and I admit it hurt me that so many would feel that a third son would be 'just another boy' or 'the one who should've been a girl' because deep down that's exactly what I would have thought for the rest of the pregnancy if I heard 'boy'. :worry:

I know I should have been grateful to have a healthy baby and a pregnancy that was going smoothly, but I was obsessed with nub shots and u/s dates. I did the same with my other two. I don't really like surprises too much, and I just had to know exactly what I was having so that I could adjust if it was a boy. To me, that normal :p

26 days left til your gender scan!!

p.s. Our boys are the same ages! Cool or what :D

[wocket]

:hugs:
Just wanted to drop you a quick hug!! I can relate. That is all

[4 blues~hopingforpink~]

There's nothing wrong with you... There are TONs of girls that feel like u do, me being one. I've wanted a girl since boy 1 but I was indifferent about the gender cuz it was my first. But then I got pregnant with number 2, I was thinking how cool it would be to have a girl that way I could have one of each. Nope... Boy Ok, fine I thought maybe next time.. Nope... This time I cried, I felt so bad cuz I yearned for that girl and didnt understand why I couldn't get pregnant with a girl. NUMBER 4.... With DH. I still wanted a girl really bad, but didn't feel that bad when I found out he was boy, Idk why I guess I figured since this was DH first then he would want another which he Had said, so I knew there would be another chance, but after 4 was born I felt like I was done and didn't want anymoreso I kind of put the idea of having a girl away for quite awhile until recently and I knew that DH wants at least one more so then I started looking up swaying techniquesand figured ONE more. Lol...

So here I am now and hoping and praying so hard that this will be my daughter when I get pregnant again. Scared but I know I will be happy with a boy at the end to once I see and hold him. I think everyone with all of one gender yearns over the opposite, It's a natural feeling. It's just the feeling of knowing what It's like to have both a daughter and a son.

I hope u hear IT'S A BOY!! Sending u ALL my blue dust. Take here you go...... Try not to feel down to much. I know easier said then done but until u know. Keep positive! Im sure u will hear boy!

[4 blues~hopingforpink~]

Need a girl... Im Sorry I just realized I put boy instead of girl.. Lol. So sorry about that, I don't know why I was thinking blue, Prob all that talk about boys! Haha...

What I meant to say was GIRL GIRL GIRL!! I hope u hear IT'S A GIRL!!! Im sure SHES in there..

[girlmom]

it just hasn't hit you yet, don't worry it will. do you have any idea what its like to hear "its a boy" 7 times? well i heard its a girl 7 times and i know how much it sucks. after dd6 i cried and cried and started saving money. i told dh i was going ht or adoption and i needed blue! instead he convinced me i was being selfish and we took the girls on vacation. it was just what we needed. fun and sun and no more stressing and crying. instead of failed cycles full of tears i have photo albums full of memories to last a lifetime. my girls got along so well together, we had a blast. its hard to see light when you have babies in diapers and 3am feedings but really once they get a little older and you chill...... omg i woke up. my family is really great and im proud of my daughters.


p.s. after we stopped stressing and freaking out we got pregnant with a very girly sway. its a boy! i hope you hear girl but boys are such a blessing as well. congrats either way.

[Navywife620]

I can completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way and I am not even pregnant yet. I feel like I am not lucky enough to get a girl. I feel like well it can't happen to me. I dream about going in for an ultrasound and hearing "It's A Girl!" but that dream feels so far away. Me and my husband have already picked out a boy name since we both really thing it probably won't happen. it sucks because he wants a girl just as much as me. He even said if this 3rd one was a boy, we can try again. But I don't think I will try again. Hoping you got a baby girl in there!! Try and enjoy your pregnancy. I can understand the comments too. I saw something pink and girly and I said "Oh I want a girl so bad" and my mother in law goes "Only way to gaurentee a girl is to adopt." It really made me upset

[NeedAGirl!]

Thank you girls SO much! I can't say enough how much it means to me to have people who really understand. I copy and pasted the following which I posted in my due date buddies group....

Sooo... the take away message was - hope is still alive!! I actually feel more hopeful than ever! (but trying not to be too hopeful, it is still early)

I did not mention anything about gender because they don't tell you until 16 weeks. But, within a minute or two, I could tell she was looking at the area in question. She froze the screen and pointed to the nub and said "see this? this is the tubercle. It is pointing down." Then took a few more looks including potty shots and said "it really looks like a girl." I couldn't believe it!! Of course, she was sure to mention several times that it was still early and things could change but did say that girl would be her guess for now. Also, later on she was looking at a different potty shot angle over and over again and said out loud "God, that really looks like a girl."

I then told her my purpose for the scan at 13 and a half weeks was to see if there was any point in even hoping, that many 13 week boy USs seem more obvious. She said that yeah, she has definitely seen 13 week ultrasounds that you could tell for sure it was a boy. She said "there is definitely hope" with an emphasis on the definitely!

I just posted my nub pics. Wish I could figure out how to take screen shots of the video or take portions of it. It is more girly looking on the video. Give them a look and let me know what you think!!

I am really praying and hoping that this really is my DD but I don't want to get my hopes up too much. This whole GD think has been such a struggle. I really struggled over doing HT vs attempting to sway. I really felt strongly that God asked me to trust Him, that He knew what was really best for me and so we went with the sway. I am used to being in control and giving up something I wanted SO badly was such a struggle! All I can do now is Praise Him!!

[NeedAGirl!]

GD is SUCH an odd beast, isn't it?? So, until this point I have only allowed myself to dream about boy babies, boy clothes, etc. When I have seen a girl baby, I look away. Now that we think this might actually be a girl I found my silly self feeling sad for the baby boy I will never meet. Geesh...

[auroara78]

NeedAGirl!,

I went through this exact thing. I felt weird posting about it because I was afraid of ppl's reactions once they heard I got my DG but I was wondering about the other side.

I had spent so much time envisioning my gender ultrasound that said "it's a girl" and I always imagined feeling so happy, so complete, and amazed.

Instead when she said "it's a girl" I felt dumbfounded (like it really did happen!) and within an hour or two of knowing it was a girl, I was truly excitied but I felt a bit odd, like the 3rd boy I was so sure I was going to have didn't *happen*, that he went away, and I was so sure since my sway was not super strict (I still ate a bit too much protein, didn't skip breakfast) that Henry would be on his way, and that the daughter seemed so elusive. (Though I did have a strong gut feeling that I was having a girl this time, I didn't want to trust that feeling because I felt that my diet wasn't good enough to have a girl, I didn't work hard at my sway to get a girl, etc etc.)

My husband also had the picture of 3 boys in his head (that was what he wanted) so not only did I feel weird like the boy that I thought was out there (though I did have a strong feeling this one was a girl, I still feel a boy is out there for me someday, I feel that if we have a 4th, it will surely be Henry then!), my DH had to totally rethink it, because he thought swaying was hogwash and had the idea that we'd have nothing but boys. It took him two-three weeks to come around to being fully happy that this baby is going to be a girl.

Bottom line is: I think this is totally normal and I did experience it, because for a while now, I just assumed that maybe I was just a boy mom, or maybe I'd only have boys, and it took some readjusting of my mind to really fully comprehend that I'm going to have a girl!!! I can't say I'm just a boy mom now, because soon I won't!

[PolishPrincess]

Needagirl-

First of all it took me a long time to realize there is NOTHING wrong with me. THe WORLD is allowed to tell me I should have a girl, people are allowed to constantly ask if I am going for a girl or not...women in public places will ask me if I have any girls at home and then Sigh when I don't ...THEN if I am honest and say I would love for my boys to have a sister or I would love a daughter I am completely judged. Yes I hope this final baby is firstly healthy and then I hope it is a girl (not even preggers yet) but I also know that I am strong and prepared for how rude the world is AND I have a fantastic support group on here and IRL who know my heart and with three boys I know a little bit at least about where you are and all I can say is be kind to yourself if I could go back in time that is the one thing I would change...I can't control how I feel, wanting a daughter, but I am done judging or berating myself about it. It doesn't mean I love my children any less or that I am a bad mom. It means I'm human. Sending you all the support in the world, hang in there!

oh btw OUR minister was at the hous when we were preg. with #3 and said, "oh my wife and I wanted to have three but what if the third had been ANOTHER boy?" Whoah "man of God" pretty dissapointing moment as my spiritual leader!

[NeedAGirl!]

Thanks for your posts, so glad to feel supported! Polish - what is funny is that my pastor had 2 boys and then had a girl - he apparently must not have thought that was a big deal. I bet his wife felt differently! He is such a sweet guy I just think he is clueless - actually I know he is! (about GD anyway) He is really into sports and "boy stuff." What's crazy though is that he has been praying for my GD for almost a year - although he does not know what he was praying for - just that it was something I have been struggling with. I occasionally wondered if he knew but after that comment, obviously not. IF I find out it is a girl and my many prayers have been answered, I plan to tell him. He is such a conscientious and humble guy, he will probably remember saying it and feel bad.

[PolishPrincess]

My pastor is the same way (maybe we go to the same church, no mine has two boys) we actually call him Ray Ramano because he is so socially clueless and has a heart of gold. It just struck a chord with me at the time because I believe every child born is part of God's plan for the Earth...I even believe my GD is because whoever is showing up next would never have been if I didn't feel the continuous need for a daughter. I pray all your dreams come true and that you continue to reach out to the right people like you are doing. Prayer is amazing and powerful and to be honest I wasn't a believer during my last pregnancy my faith is only a couple of years old. It is making me more confidant to feel like Christ is walking this path with me (no matter what the outcome) and I don't mean to exclude or make anyone uncomfortable. Just sharin' the joy!!!

[cravingsalt]

PolishPrincess and NeedAGirl- it feels like you took the thoughts out of my head. I don't even allow myself to think about the real possibility of having a girl because it physically hurts. And people act disappointed all day long. Or worse- I was pregnant with my second when an acquaintance with a pigeon pair asked what I was having. I made a concerted effort to sound cheerful when I said "Boy!" and she said, and I quote, "HA, HA!". Yet people are so quick to judge if you admit any inkling of a preference. So glad there are people who relate!