Who here has overcome their gender desire / disappointment?? Needing inspiration!

[KidAtHeart]

I am looking at another cancelled cycle on HT. While I was steeling myself for this, now that it's here, I'm finding my GD has kicked in again. A few days ago I felt like I was on the brink of getting over this, but now that my cycle is nearing the end and it looks like I will never get my DD, I'm sad all over again. Not severely depressed (thank goodness!) anymore, but sad.

I've read so many inspiring posts - if you feel like you have overcome (mostly?) your GD, please, post what finally made you heal. Thanks!!

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

Hi! I am I think your age and I was trying to save for just 1 cycle and I realized with my age and it leaving us with nothing if it does not work that it was not worth it.

I am not fully healed but I realize I want to be thankful for what I have. I have all healthy girls and they all are unique in different ways.

One thing I also realized is even if I got that son, it would not change the fact that I still do have 3 girls. Just like my amzaing, drug free VBAC never changes the fact that I had my other 2 daughters c-section. Hope that makes sense.

Also for me I realize that 4 children would be much to much for me.

One thing that I do not think I will ever get over in which you may find very hard also is finding out freinds are getting the opposite gender of what they have already. That I cannot handle. I usually stop talking to them or keep my distance. I think it takes a real strong person to be able to be around that person when that is what opens up the wound again. If you do not know the people, I feel it is just so different.

I also think when your children get older and as we get older gender is not spoken about as often. It is now when we are childbearing everyone is asking us more or less what our family is made up of. I mean I am sure things can still get said but there are just so many other things going on as they get older.

Atomic also has some great advice.

There are bad days but as time goes on there will be less of them.

You will get through this.

[KidAtHeart]

You know, I'm not sorry I did HT. But I don't feel less sad, either. For awhile, I did, I really did - I felt ready to move on and okay with not having a girl. I think now that this is it, my feelings are bubbling back up to the forefront. It doesn't mean I won't heal, but the finality of it is really hitting me. No more children, no little girl to raise...

I'm so grateful for the children that I do have though. My youngest (who is three) walked into the room yesterday morning when I was in tears in the middle of a long conversation with my husband. He saw that I was sad and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. It was so sweet, and just another reminder that I have to appreciate and enjoy what I do have. Once the child-bearing years are behind me (and I'll be 40 this summer), I doubt I'll think too much about this. I'm sure I'll get wistful when it comes to proms and weddings... Hopefully I won't be too bitter :) My MIL has two sons and I took her wedding dress shopping with me. Maybe my DIL will do that too!

Part of my problem is that I was starting to get used to the idea of having another baby. Two of my friends just had theirs. I'm not itching to have a fourth, I really only wanted three children. But the problem is, I really also wanted to have a girl. So I was willing to have another with the guarantee of a girl. Now that it looks like that won't happen, I put on the table having a fourth anyway. Which is ridiculous. Why go through HT in the first place only to have a baby naturally?? I'm driving myself crazy. I have to trust in the decision we made months (years?) ago - that it was HT or nothing. My husband is afraid that if we have a fourth boy that I will go back to a dark place again, like with our third. I think the finality of it all is scaring me and that some part of me wants to risk it all to have that baby. But then, that is just not fair to anyone. Four children is a lot to handle. A lot of college tuition. A lot of hungry mouths to feed, less vacations, less dinners out. And then why did I do HT in the first place?? No no, it's just the desperation talking. I will take control of this situation before I do something I regret.

I liked how I felt when I was ready to move on, and I do not like this desperate person who is wallowing on. I have to find that person again!

Sorry for the rant... wish I could talk to someone IRL! It helps to write this down and to share with people who are experiencing similar feelings.

[Zivic-Bubac]

One thing I also realized is even if I got that son, it would not change the fact that I still do have 3 girls. .
Also for me I realize that 4 children would be much to much for me.



I'm having 3rd girl. I'm beyond crushed. I have bad days and then I have really bad days.

NYOfFiveRoses: I think the fact that I *might* have a boy in a few years ( I'm 39 btw :sad:) might make up for the fact I have 3 girls. I'm not eager to have 4 children, I want to be done already.

Idk what to do. Nothing can change devastating fact I'm mom to 3 girls and 0 boys. I was thinking about HT bcos I'm petrified I could end up being a mom of 4 girls God forbid!

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

I'm having 3rd girl. I'm beyond crushed. I have bad days and then I have really bad days.

NYOfFiveRoses: I think the fact that I *might* have a boy in a few years ( I'm 39 btw :sad:) might make up for the fact I have 3 girls. I'm not eager to have 4 children, I want to be done already.

Idk what to do. Nothing can change devastating fact I'm mom to 3 girls and 0 boys. I was thinking about HT bcos I'm petrified I could end up being a mom of 4 girls God forbid!

I also felt that if I had a boy it would fix it all. I will never know that because this is it for us :(

Zivic, I thought you were having a boy for #3 because on your signature (ticker) the baby has a blue shirt).

Good luck to you!

[Zivic-Bubac]

I like the ticker so much, I don't want to change it :)

[princesssarah34]

Kidatheart........not sure if my story will help but in my siggy below is a link to my blog.....start reading here: http://princessamongprinces-1.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-adventure.html .....and you will see why my GD has stopped taking over my life and thoughts. Would I love to have a little girl still yes but it is not a extreme desire anymore.

[girlmom]

i am getting my desired gender and i feel awful about it all. having a boy doesn't make me any better of a mother. it won't make my daughters happy or my husband love me more. it's just more stress. yes i got to buy blue but so far thats all i got. sometimes there isn't enough mom to go around. i can't do anything. with all the bedrest and preterm labor and meds, my girls got put on the back burner. everynight i take my youngest and i hold her and i cry because she is my rainbow baby, she came ( with zero complications) and healed my heart after i lost her sisters. she made me smile again and what did i do to her? i gave her 1 year to bond with me and now im due very soon with her brother. why did i do that to her? i didn't need a boy to make me a better mom, i didn't need a boy to prove my self worth. i was a good mom to 5 girls. im not sure if i can still be a good mom to 6 children, 3 under the age of 3.

[fivebabies]

i am getting my desired gender and i feel awful about it all. having a boy doesn't make me any better of a mother. it won't make my daughters happy or my husband love me more. it's just more stress. yes i got to buy blue but so far thats all i got. sometimes there isn't enough mom to go around. i can't do anything. with all the bedrest and preterm labor and meds, my girls got put on the back burner. everynight i take my youngest and i hold her and i cry because she is my rainbow baby, she came ( with zero complications) and healed my heart after i lost her sisters. she made me smile again and what did i do to her? i gave her 1 year to bond with me and now im due very soon with her brother. why did i do that to her? i didn't need a boy to make me a better mom, i didn't need a boy to prove my self worth. i was a good mom to 5 girls. im not sure if i can still be a good mom to 6 children, 3 under the age of 3.

Ok, stop right there...you did not really "do that to her" on purpose. You are a good mom! She will still get to snuggle up with you. You will make it work. Your girls are going to LOVE that baby brother and soon you will be up and moving around like normal and you will figure it all out. I know you will.

I wish I had some words of advice about the gender desire. I wonder if it ever really goes away 100%.

[girlmom]

thanks hun, sorry its just been a rough couple of days. the 2 year old has turned into baby godzilla, her soul purpose in life is to destroy my home and my sanity. her evil plan is working. im sending her to your house!

[fivebabies]

I'll take her! My 2 yr old will love having someone to play with! Twins. :)