Is it worth it?

[cravingsalt]

Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself. I have two sweet little boys, 3 and 2, but can't stop thinking about having a girl one day. It's not the adorable clothes at Baby Gap that kill me (though it does hurt my heart to walk through there), or the sweet pigtails (I'm bad at doing my own hair)...but the innate knowledge that in 20 years, my baby boys are going to have girlfriends, then wives, who are going to be the center of their universe- as they should be. But I just want that mother-daughter relationship, to have grandbabies that I don't feel like I'm intruding on their mother. I know, in my head, this is all silly really. You're not guaranteed anything in life, but I just always figured I'd have a daughter. Even onthe days when I can reason it all away, and I think I'm feeling fine, it takes one remark from someone else to bring all those feelings of devastation flooding back. Like when I was 8 months pregnant with DS#2 and an acquaintance asked me what I was having (she has one of each). I cheerfully chirped "a boy!" and she literally said, "ha-HA!". Or when I took him out at a week old and the waittress peeked in the carrier and said, "aw, maybe next time you'll get a girl." Plus there the last 5 children in the family have been boys so everyone is pining for a girl. Meanwhile, we are stretching our resource for a chance at a girl. Not to mention the jump from 2 to 3 (third row of seating, going to outnumbered, second hotel room, etc.) and I wonder. On my good days I say I want another baby, regardless, even if I knew it was another boy. Of course, if I have another boy I'm sure I'll fall in love with him as well, just like my two sweet sons, but will he always be the boy that wasn't my girl? The one who made finances tight and mom and dad overwhelmed?

Feeling guilty before even trying. Third child jitters, or some kind of intuition... anyone else feel this nervous about trying again?

[coocoobananas]

Absolutely and just came to terms with letting it go as I realized how great having 2 kids was! Of course that's when I get a bfp! Of course I got here somehow from constantly thinking about it so I know that itch would always be there if we didn't get pregnant! I'm really sick (only 2days) and wondering what the hell I was thinking?!? But like I said, there was something pushing me hard enough to try again! Even knowing how awful I would feel!! 3 kids was always a thought so why not, but I'll have to let go of the dream after this! I'm thinking that if it's a boy, the only way he would be here would be my want to try for a girl... So he was just meant to be and I had to go through all this to get him... If that makes sense!
It's scary once you actually go for it, I get it! It's even scarier when you actually get pregnant lol yikes!!!

[hopingforsaskia]

Oh wow ... That's exactly how I feel. I don't even need to comment! I think though that it's all going to be worth it in the end -- I mean, surely one of our daughters in law will like us - right? ;) xxoo

[cravingsalt]

Coocoobananas- you are so right! I never would have had my Logey-bear if Elijah hadn't been a boy. Maybe this is nature's way of encouraging us to have more kiddos even in a bad economy, ha! CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy, fingers are crossed for a little girl for you. But if it's a boy, you can have three little musketeers. And hey, lots of hand-me-downs and you can arrange them in rooms however you want without gender coming into play. Plus you already know how awesome little boys can be.

[cravingsalt]

If anything, I think we'd be very sensitive mothers-in-law from the get-go because we're so aware of wanting to keep our sons close. Maybe this whole journey is just making us better, all around. At the least, I know not to ask people questions like "oh, but didn't you want a girl?" Ha!

[baabaa]

I totallyget where you are coming from. I had all the same thoughts for all the same reasons. In the end though, if you are sane and reasonable (which i like to think i am!), then i will stay close to my sons, and in the future, my grankids. I think of it like this, if my mother-in-law said she would babysit my kids one day a week I would jump at the chance, so even if I have three boys that doesn't mean you I won't get to be close to the grandkids, if you know what I mean?

I had a strong desire for another child. Its so hard to tell if that was because I wanted to try for a girl, or if I just wanted another baby. Your thoughts are so clouded when you have two of the same gender, you can't positively know what is driving your decision for a third. I tried a couple of things before I got pregnant. I wrote a list of all the things I 'thought' I wouldn't get without a daughter, and then wrote next to them how my sons could fill that same gap. I also wrote a letter to the daughter I will most likely never have, explaining why I would love her and what I had hoped for her. I then sealed these in an envelope and they are still in the back of my underwear draw, but kind of feels like it has all moved out of my head and out of the way.

I am pregnant now and feel quite okay about it, whatever gender this one is. I have watched our 12 week scan and in the 3D part of the video it shows something very penis looking, so I am pretty sure this is DS3. I will admit I cried my eyes out when I saw it on the video, and that night when I told DH, but that was kinda my grieving and now I feel excited about him. I won't find out the gender for another 4 weeks or so, but am feeling fine. I definitely went into this knowing another boy was a real likely outcome, but I decided the universe would give me what was best. I wanted 3 children, and if I have another healthy baby (boy or girl), then I will be fine. If you make peace with your decision before you go into it, then I think it's easier to take what comes your way.

[cravingsalt]

Thank you for your response! Our boys are right about the same age, ’08 and ’10 babies. Congratulations on your third, how exciting!!

Yes, in real life I like to think I am sane and logical too, despite my feelings-dump on here.  And maybe it’s to our credit that we thought about it before jumping in? I think it was wise of you to write it all out and get in on paper. I am going to make my own list. The one x-factor with me is that my eldest is also (possibly) on the autistic spectrum (the experts disagree right now, because of his age- some days we hold out hope of just a communication delay), and if it is autism any subsequent children (and especially boys) are more likely to also be affected. Even so, I would have him 100x’s over, so I hope I’d feel the same about a third.

It’s funny, I wrote a letter to my first son when trying to conceive him, it took over a year and I was devastated and hopeless for a lot of that journey. In it, one thing I wrote that I didn’t care if he was a boy or girl (after long hoping for a girl I truly didn’t care anymore, I just wanted a baby). If I really think about it and bring myself back to that place of wondering if I was going to ever hold my own child, it brings things into perspective. Gender pales in comparison to all the other factors!

(Now, see, I’m sane again, until somebody asks me when I’m going to “try for that girl!”)

[auroara78]

Cravingsalt,

I was just hours after a scheduled C-section with DS2 when nurse after nurse buzzed at me was I going to try again for a 3rd to "get that girl." Yet, in my arms I held my precious second baby boy, who I was still marveling over, and trying to figure out! My DH got sick of the comments and when his grandma asked the same question while holding precious boy 2, my husband snapped at her, and said "enough with the girl comments! She was just literally cut open a few hours ago!"

For me having a girl was a dual pronged sword: 1) I really did always dream about having a daughter for that (hopefully) intense bond that a mother-daughter can form; 2) my competitive side was getting the best of me and everyone seemed so disappointed that number 2 was a boy that I wanted to have a girl to prove them wrong, to show them I could do it, it was a very typical response for me being the last child; that I had to prove to my older siblings and everyone else out there who would dare make a comment that I could do it....that was my biggest fear of having a DS3 wasn't that I wouldn't love or care for him, it was that if I had him, it meant I somehow 'failed' and didn't achieve creating the female gender!

Our money is very tight. My husband quit his job to become a stay at home dad when we get preggo with number 3 because the day care costs would have killed us otherwise. Still, a single income is hard, and I find myself wondering now sometimes why i was so possessed to get pregnant now when things weren't great money-wise. I have every belief though that money will IMPROVE and that this is baby girl is meant to be here, and overall, I am still very, very happy we concieved her and are going to have her. I am amazed at the thought of my two older sons having a sister! And I'm very happy she will have two protective brothers!

My take is, and maybe this sounds really hokey: 20 years down the line, will you regret not having tried for a 3rd and wonder if the baby could have been a girl? Or would you be happy you had that 3rd baby, even if it meant a 3rd lovely, handsome son that may be your best friend? My mom had 3 girls and 1 boy (GGBG) and my brother is the closest to her, and they go out to eat at least once a month because my Dad is very anti-social and my brother loves going out, just like she likes going out. He looks like her and thinks like her and they get along like two peas in a pod. She always tells us girls she wishes she had more boys!

[cravingsalt]

Wow, congrats on your pregnancy and your li’l girl at that! I bet you were over the moon!! Thanks for taking the time to write.

That’s a good way of looking at it. And I think in 20 years, I will regret not having had the third, or if I do, I wouldn’t regret having had third, boy or girl. Right? I don’t think anyone regrets having a child- or admits it. At least for me, I can’t imagine my life without DS2, who I had extreme GD with. Admittedly the short term will be tough though, because we are in a similar position. DH got laid off when DS1 was 9 weeks old and I have become the breadwinner though I have always wanted to be a SAHM. After taking 2 years to stay at home he started getting stir-crazy so he works now, but he still only makes ½ of what he made before. With #3, his income will be enough to pay for daycare and commuter expenses/lunches, and my income pays the bills. We make too much to qualify for any kind of assistance and too little to have much wiggle room. So it’ll be a stretch… but when it all boils down I think it’ll be worth it to give my boys another sibling. Especially if DS1 turns out to need help later in life, I don’t want everything to fall to DS2 (although that’s a long way away and could turn out to not be a factor at all, but it’s always in the back of my mind).

[LolaInLove]

Cravingsalt, you have joined the right place! Most everyone here feels a pull for one reason or another to try for that girl or boy. Funny thing is how all of the boy moms have the same worries you do, and all of the girl moms worry that society looks down on us for not producing sons, among other things. All in all, if you want a third child, go for it! Money will work itself out (we are really in a similar financial boat).

And I really hate how people make those comments.....I am the super anti-comment poster on this site. It makes me so irritated that someone would say "trying for a ____?" or "hope you'll get a _____ next!" People just have to say something sometimes, whether they intend to just make conversation. I have snappy remarks in my brain bank that I pull out if need be!

But hey, your profile pic is awesome, love it! Just give it your best shot with the swaying and keep your fingers crossed! I think a lot of women have had luck with getting a girl with these methods. Good luck, have my pink dust!

[cravingsalt]

Thanks, LoLaInLove! Thank you for the pink dust, I'm soaking it all in. :giggle:

It's so silly, people don't mean it (mostly) but then again some do. Like if you don't get the pigeon pair you are in some way inferior. Or there's the whole other subject, where i live anyway, of people thinking anymore than 1 or 2 kids is just excessive and you are environmentally unconscious and fiscally irresponsbile "breeders"!

I was banking a bunch of witty comebacks for when I do get pregnant but my husband convinced me that it wasn't worth my time, that some people just open mouth/insert foot/kick themselves for the rest of the day for whatever they said. I know I've beat myself up of saying something that just popped out. But for the times I can't muster any more politeness, the one I really like (in case of a particularly intentional/obnoxious/insulting-to-my-other-children comment) is to just look them straight in the eye, blink a couple of times, and say "I can't believe you just said that out loud." Then change the subject. Maybe just make them think twice next time when it's somebody else in our shoes. I'm already geared up to lie through my teeth and tell everyone who asks that I'm actually leaning towards wanting another boy to take the sting out if it is one.

[BoyDreaming]

When we went for DD3, I was just finishing college as was DH. He was getting out of the military at the end of the year. It was worrisome, but I'm so glad we had her. DD4 was a surprise. It was a financial stretch at first, but it's slowly working itself out. We are even considering adding #5 in a couple of years. Time will tell!

You can have ALL of my pink dust! :)

[auroara78]

Oh the flip side, cravingsalt, I was expecting to when/if I did hear the good news "it's a girl" that everyone would be so happy and astounded by my success!! My mom was very happy and (still is) but now that it's been known for a few weeks, it's old news, and I didn't realize until the fanfare died down, how much I was looking for reassurance and celebration from others to make me happy.

People at work (students and co workers) both were happy I "got the girl" but it was a quick "yay" and now that it's all died down, I really do feel silly for worrying so much about what everyone would think, which was my biggest obstacle to boy 3, wasn't really having a boy, but I worried so much that ppl would jsut see as "another boy" and not special, and I want each of my children to be celebrated and beloved.

Of course I am still thrilled to be having a daughter for my own family, and I can't wait for the boys to meet her! Just keep in mind that while ppl do have a ton of really dumb/hurtful comments, they are not living with you at the end of the day....and everytime someone asks me what im having now, and i say girl, they just nod, like that's what they expected!

[LolaInLove]

I like that comeback, Cravingsalt! Mine usually are something less rude too. I got so many "trying for that boy? hope it's a boy? etc" when I was pregnant for a brief time last year and I got to the point where I would look quizzically at them and say, "Why would I do that?" Anyway, great post by Aurora because she is so right, really- and this sounds bad, but you know what I mean- no one really cares that much in the end except your family, and they love you and your offspring no matter what. And hey, give it your best shot and read up on this site and go for it!

[cravingsalt]

Hmm. I never really thought about it that way. I guess, most people will have that moment of “yay” for you, maybe buy a dress or two if you have a baby shower but really and truly, they don’t care all that much, so why do we (I) let it affect us (me) so much? But I’d be with you, auroara78- I’d totally expect the world to stop spinning for a moment and dancing to break out in the streets if I got a girl. That’s what would be happening inside of me.

It’s funny, what began as a vague internal expectation/longing for a daughter, combined with a couple of boy pregnancies and a pretty good dose of accumulated comments over the years, and here I am in crisis. With two beautiful baby boys and a good husband who stands with me through my craziness. When I really truly stop and think about it I know it’s silly. If I was a little less neurotic I would be able to just adjust my expectations. Second prize is what, another beautiful baby with something extra between his legs? But the neuroses always comes back!

[deaks66]

Every comment on this thread is basically my life to a tee! and i bet most of womens on here! I had no idea i could potentially find myself in a crisis to do with gender.... but i guess until you have had a couple of babies of the same gender it is impossible to understand. I love some of the comeback comments on here... i will remember those. Someone grimaced at me recently when i told them i was expecting ds3 and i just replied... everyone seems much more bothered about gender than i am (LIE LIE LIE)! she soon shut up. And although i thought hearing boy again would be my worst nightmare after gd with ds2, i am now 21 weeks in and genuinely soooooo excited to meet him! Plus i also worried about whether we could handle 3... and now look at me, contemplating number 4 next year! I think your head will adjust once you make the decision to go for it (or not of course!). GL!

[cravingsalt]

That’s reassuring! Hubby and I were just talking about it last night and considering only one sway attempt (so I won’t feel like I’ve tortured myself the last six weeks for nada), and if we don’t get pregnant the first month (very likely we won’t) then to table the whole thing for a year. We’ll see if that lasts. I think that line of reasoning actually stemmed from #3, period, not boy or girl. The whole outnumbered thing is making me nervous. I love your comeback by the way. I think I could lie that one myself, and it totally diverts that whole downhill conversation.

Congratulations on your newest prince!

[Lucky-happy-blessed]

I'm another one who can relate to the way you're feeling cravingsalt

The jump from two the three was nerve wracking for me too...but it can't have been that bad as DH and I are currently thinking about ttc no.7:bigsmile:

I had three boys, then a girl then two more boys, and the thing I learnt is that you can never please people no matter what you do! After boys no. 2&3 I had all the 'what a shame, bet you wanted a girl' comments. Then when I had my daughter people used to say (in front of my boys) ' oh I see you kept going till you got your girl' which made me feel like my precious boys were just failed attempts. Then when I had my last two boys I had 'why are you having another after you got your girl? Was he an accident' and 'oh your poor daughter with all those brothers, are you going to try for a sister for her'

So now I don't take any notice at all about what other people think! And auroaura is right that even with all the comments, people don't actually care that much what you have, it's a bit of a five minute wonder

For me I knew that I would regret not trying for another more than I would regret having another boy. My gd was actually worse after having my dd, I wanted a girl so badly with my last two sons, but I can honestly say they were just what our family needed. We are going to ttc soon and I'm going to try my best to sway for a girl but I know that whoever ends up joining our family will be just who we needed

I really really hope you get your dd cravingsalt, and I hope that boy or girl your third dc will bring you all nothing but joy xx

[auroara78]

beautifully put, lucky-happy-blessed!

I am a bit worried after I have this baby girl that it will be so great and awesome that it will drive my gender desire for another girl to a higher pitch than before!

[cravingsalt]

I think you’re probably right, lucky-happy-blessed. I know that in the end any child will be a blessing. I’ve just got all these mixed feeling with having three and with having a 3rd. On here I see many happy, thriving moms with big families but in my real life, everybody has 1 or 2 and thinks a family of five is some kind of five or more is some sort of eco-saboteur or just unwise financially (since my hubby was laid off he has been underemployed and we have to work hard to make ends meet- but always do and have never had assistance). So mix that all in a with a good dose of gender comments on top of my own potential GD and it’s just a recipe for fried nerves.

We’ve decided to just go ahead with this month’s sway since I’ve been so hardcore on diet and supplements, and have lost a couple of pounds. We went for it on the fade-in and positive opk (attempts were Saturday and Sunday), with today or maybe tomorrow being o day. I think we’re done with attempts so we don’t try right on top of o. I kind of wish I’d just be pregnant and be able to say what’s done is done!

[coocoobananas]

I did that. Gave myself mar-may to try and then let it go for a while...saying if it was meant to be it would happen in that time, and it did!

[Lucky-happy-blessed]

I had a peek at your sway cravingsalt and it looks great! I'll be keeping everything crossed for you

I think it's totally normal to be worried about adding to your family, there is just so much to think about...money, health changing the family dynamic, what other people think....I have been like that with every one of mine (having a big family is not the norm where I am either so I get a lot of comments). In some ways I think an accidental pregnancy might be easier!

It's a big leap of faith but I think it's so worth it, just remember that whatever happens you can only do your best and it sounds to me like any baby would be lucky to be born into your family

[angel in a pink sky]

I can relate to you on so many levels. I did not want to read and run but do want to tell you whatever happens you make the most beautiful boys that little face it to die for.......

[pink carol]

Hi, girls!
I'm currently pregnant with ds2. I learnt he was a boy about three weeks ago and I was devastated. I had swayed so actively (though eating too healthy in terms of the LE diet, which I think doomed my sway) and every part of my attempt looked so perfect that I could not believe a boy had managed to get through all those layers of Sylk, Aci-jel and stark vegetarian diet doused with diet coke and cranberry juice. I cried for days and that's when I decided to join Genderdreaming. It's the only place where people understand what I'm feeling.
Like one of you said before, what hurts the most when you tell people you're expecting another boy are all those girl comments like "Next time it'll be girl" or the disappointment written all over their faces like "Poor thing, another boy". Especially the girl mums, who think having a boy is the worst torture possible.
It also hurts to go into the shops and look at all those frilly dresses or the Hello Kitty bags of Barbie make-up sets I will not be able to buy for my little girl. The world seems empty right now.
I know I will love this baby as much as I love his brother, but for the time being I'm half in acceptance of the fact and half in mourning. I am so happy that he seems to be in good health (we'll know for sure in a couple of weeks with the amnio results), that he's so active and full of life, but I can't get over this feeling that my family is not complete. I need some pink and female companionship in the house. It has nothing to do with him.
Dh was hard to convince to have a second child and I'm not sure how he will react when I tell him that I'd like to try again in a couple of years. Like LuckyHappyBlessed said, there is money, health, family dynamic to consider with the addition of a new member. But this hope cheers me up. Hope is all we have left when all else is gone.
I hope you get your girl and I hope you'll be okay if it's a boy. Deep down I wonder why we idealise this notion of giving birth to a girl. What is it so special about girls? My boy is so sweet, so protective to me, so tender, he kisses me and loves me... What could a girl do better than that?

[Serendipity]

Can totally relate to you, I'm having such a hard time trying to decide if we should go for no3. It's driving me crazy trying to figure out what the future holds- will I regret not trying, or will I regret having to to through gd again and will it badly affect my family if I fail? It's so hard.

[Jenneilbluebell]

hi girls your post sounds SO like me right now its exactly how i have been thinking. Im actually scared of when we do ttc and i do get preg im dreading the scan and being told, i have to know, so that i can get my head around it

the mother daughter thing and mother in law thing is what ive been thinking loads about also, and i find myself looking at girls stuff in shops all the pretty dresses and accessories and just imaging what she would be like. it hurts so much and we arent even ttc yet!!!!

i also have 2 boys born in 08 and 10 like you :) :) my first was 98 :) xxxx

[cravingsalt]

Thanks, Angel!! He still has that little button nose!

[cravingsalt]

Hey Pink Carol!

So sorry about your GD. I had bad GD with #2, I paid for an extra scan and cried in the room when they told me, then straight in to denial trying to convince myself it was too early. I can truly say that #2 ended up being my little mini-me, has my personality totally and is a huge cuddlebug. He is different than my first in so many ways. I didn't think I could love another boy as much as my first, especially my GD baby but I am happy to report that I am totally over him not being a girl. In fact, I love that I can buy the cute little Hurley and Quiksilver skater outfits for #1 guilt free, knowing they will go straight to #2, and they look so cute together and play nicely (most of the time). Honestly, if I knew there was a girl at the end, two boys then a girl would be my "ideal". I love that they have each other. I will agree that it is hard when you sway hard core and it feels like your sway "failed". But in the end it all works out how it was meant to be. I'm growing to believe that I will do my final sway to tell myself I did, but really whatever is meant to be will be. I would love to have a little girl. But probably if I had a couple of girls, would feel the same ache for a boy. We just want both, most likely. Whenever it gets too bad I jump on a TTC conceive board and read the posts from ladies who have been trying for years, and realize how lucky I am. Hugs to you, I've been there, am still there every other week, while thinking about a third! But know that you will be in love with your newest prince very soon!

[cravingsalt]

Serendipity-

I'd love to answer that. When I figure it out, I'll get back to you, LOL!

[cravingsalt]

I wish I knew people like you ladies in real life! You all relate so perfectly. I can't even say the things I think out loud to other people without getting judged. I'd love to hear how all of your stories turn out! I'm in 2ww right now, if we don't get preggo not sure if we'll try again or just call it a day and enjoy our two lovely boys.

[auroara78]

cravingsalt, that is how I felt too when I was preg with DS2...that if I could have a daughter third, I'd be totally OK that he was a boy!

And I must say that since finding out 3 is indeed a girl, I have looked at him with new light, and have begun to appreciate him more and more! He was/is a lot tougher than DS1 (in terms of colic, personality, stubborness, you name it!) but I am finally able to stop comparing him to DS1 (who's always been so lovely and easy) and love him for everything that makes him who he is.

[Waiting4Daisy]

I wish I had appreciated my two boys more. I was desperate for a third, hoping for a girl, that I got pregnant when my DS2 was 11 months old. I love my third son with all my heart but three doesn't feel like the right number for me so would love a fourth (boy or girl, not bothered now). Going from 2 to 3 felt very hard for me. My boys are all little, oldest just turned five, and I have a sometimes stressful job as a high school teacher and my health has been bad (low blood sugar under investigation). I am glad I had a third but wish I had waited a little longer to add him to the mix because of my health issues. I would like to have another 1 or 2 in a few years but I have many friends who stopped after 2 boys and are perfectly content. I hope you find the right decision :-) xxxx

[cravingsalt]

Thank you, Waiting. It certainly gives me something to thing about! Congratulations on your three, I always come back to a place of feeling blessed (and somewhat spoiled even), after being in the infertility camp with #1. I am sure that your spacing will pay off in the long run with very close (although sometimes bickering) brothers. There is a little ring to having "three musketeers."

[luvncamrin]

it's one of those things where you have to talk to people that get either result from a sway. In my case...I swayed boy for child #3....got what I wanted...and have been on a literal cloud 9 with him since ten weeks PG (whenI found out with a blood test) until a couple weeks ago when this current pregnancy totally blindsighted me! So YES 100000000% over it is so worth it, IMO! =) Once again I'm going through another potential SERIOUS GD session...and I don't even know what it is yet! I can tell you that if I don't get my DG....I will absolutely think this suprise...accident ..whatever will be one of the worse things to me! My hands are already full....do the only thing that makes this seem like there could be a possible silver lining is the chance of one last boy or DG.....If not...It's going to be a depressing nightmare....

[CherryBlossom]

Oh gosh. I could have written this post myself!!!
I was even thinking of writing a post just like this as soon as I got my laptop back!!
The more and more I'm thinking about swaying and reading, the closer it's getting to ttc the more scared in getting!!! Will I ever be ready to try. I think for me. Before ttc I really need to make sure I'll be happy with either sex!!! Let's hope I can or it may be years before we try.
I have my days. One day I would love another boy because, I know how to raise boys! I want winter cuddles! And another huggy boy! But then I have other days when my boys are being nothing but boys, burping farting just being feral, wrestling with their father and I think gosh. I just want a girl.
My mum and I didn't have the best relationship so I'd LOVE to have a great relationship with my daughter. Sort of doing it all over again?
Best of luck when you start =)
Our boys are similar ages!

[cravingsalt]

Congratulations! And fingers crossed for another boy for you, luvncamrin!! It's interesting, the different points of views from different moms. So you had a boy, then a girl, then were super excited to sway for another boy...can I ask for your perspective on why you were super psyched about another boy over a girl? (Then I can file it away in case I have GD later)... I'd love to hear it, because many people with pigeon pairs kind of give me a look of pity when I tell them I have two boys, as if having two boys was a booby prize...and of course, I LOVE my little men but can't help but feel like I'm missing out on girl-mom experience.

[cravingsalt]

CherryBlossom- haha! I totally agree, now that I'm mid-sway I've been petrified- of getting pregnant with an opposite, of not getting pregnant- we've just given ourselves 2 tries for mother nature to bring what may, then we're re-evaluating if not preggo by then. My honest opinion is that if I have DS3, the idea of a daughter will be a sore spot but one that will eventually fade- like an old heartbreak. All the good things in life take a little risk- and what's the risk here, another adorable little boy? (farts, rambunctiousness, and all!) Visit any TTC infertility board and it brings things back into perspective. That is, until a particularly adorable little set of ponytails or even a young-adult daughter strolling the mall with her mom, and there I go again, lol! What a rollercoaster. Hopefully once all is said and done and we're past the baby-making stage of our lives are over we'll laugh at ourselves for all this turmoil.

[luvncamrin]

For me... having boys FEELS right. I knew I kind of prefered a boy when I first got PG with DS1.....but after I found out he was a he.....it just felt right! I simply assumed during my second pregnancy that it was a boy...because that would be right. Nope....it was DD1...I was actually shocked that I was so upset about having a daughter...but it was just how I felt. I guess it stems from me having a bad relationship with my mom, my mom with hers....and so on back....OR... my horrible evil mother -in-law ...we had a bad relationship them....it's far worse (thankfully non existent now). Her relationship with her 2 daughters....horrible. It may just be who I am. I'm ok with me being female! But...i'm not girl...I hate fufu stuff...I hate pink...glitter..frilly socks...little yappy pocket dogs. It just doesn't feel like something I can relate to...
It's something very internal for me....hopefully this time around I'll end on a note that feels "right."

[cravingsalt]

Thank you for indulging my curiosity...so well put, you cracked me up!!! It actually all makes so much sense when you put it that way- for half a second I was like, "yeah! Why do I need a girl..." For a half second. It's funny, because I grew up a tomboy and never loved the super girly stuff- still don't. For me I think it may be how I see my brother and my mom versus me and my mom. My brother loves my mom but he has his own family to care for, whereas my mom is more integrated into my family and kids. Really I keep coming back to telling myself that it's personality that will matter, not gender, but gender is the earliest thing that gives us some idea of what we *think* they'll turn out like. I just feel like I'll have to give up my boys at some point, to let them go on to their own families. A little selfish I know. Anyway. Best luck to you, I'll keep an eye out for your posts! When are you due/when are you finding out gender? Good luck, I know you'll fall in love. Maybe you'll end up with a cool surfer chickadee who hates yappy dogs and glitter and be just like you. Or another fabulous boy. :)

[luvncamrin]

Due fed 20ish. I'm considering doing a blood test around the 24th of this month....so the results will be in 5-7days after that! We'll see!? I'm trying to calm myself about the thought of having another girl ...simply because I have a strong gut feeling that's what it is. Something happened this weekend that made me realize that maybe I could handle another girl. My boys love me ....or maybe yet, very needy of me. My daughter is much more independant with a tempermant that mimics a difficult tazmanian devil. . DH was being a Royal A-hole.....like big time...(he's stressed about his job...ect. ) excuses for him aside...he was beyond out of line( IMO)...I normally play it tough...but my hormone and situation I'm in got the best of me. I started crying. My little girl came over to me...rubbed my shoulder with her little hand and said "What's wrong Mommy? You crying? It going to be okayyyyy.....I love you mommy! No cry." The boys....could have cared less!LOL Maybe those are just how my boys are! =) Also, the reasons you listed are comforting..... I know that there's a higher likely hood that I'll be wanted in the delivery room for a DD than a DIL. In my case... I didn't let either in.....i'm not that close to my mother and my MIL is pure bonafide EVIL! She has managed to get cut off by almost all of her kids and daughter in laws. I know I have learned good life lessons on what NOT to do as a MIL....so I know giving good space and boundaries is critical. Hopefully my future DIL would want me around...but if not ....I would REALLY understand! Hopefully she'll have a great mother that she will want there. I would have killed to have a good Mom who actually deserved to be and was wanted in important life moments. I can and will hopefully earn that spot in my daughter (s) lives.

[Myloves]

luvncamrin! I was wondering how you were doing - ever since IG went bad I haven't heard from you much.
You will be a fantastic mum to your daughter(s) because you love and cherish the one you have already. And it sounds like you've a been a great mother to her already; she sounds so sweet:HH:. If you can rise above your GD with your first dd, then of course you will do the same with any other girl you might have.

[luvncamrin]

luvncamrin! I was wondering how you were doing - ever since IG went bad I haven't heard from you much.
You will be a fantastic mum to your daughter(s) because you love and cherish the one you have already. And it sounds like you've a been a great mother to her already; she sounds so sweet:HH:. If you can rise above your GD with your first dd, then of course you will do the same with any other girl you might have.

Thanks Myloves! It's good to see you on here again! I've been super busy enjoying my latest little guy...until this curve ball....actually more like a curve "bomb" got thrown at me=) Thanks for your kind words! I really needed to hear that!!
Something really weird happened yesterday...DS 1 (4.5) Came up to me and said "we're going to have 6 people in our family. One more baby is in your belly and she is a girl!" I asked him who said that "I just know Mommy! I saw it in my dreams last night..." It was a little creepy considering DH and I have NEVER talked about it in front of my kids....and no one in "real life" knows about this yet!! WEIRD! I don't believe in that kinda thing....but that really caught me off guard...DS1 was also right about DS2 being a boy before I knew what I was having. I told him there was a baby in my belly...and he said "Yup, He's a boy named Logan!" That's how we got Logan Anthony! =) We'll see who's right this time in about 25 days I guess....

[Myloves]

That's pretty cool! My ds1 told me that we were going to have a girl before I was pregnant with dd even though I thought any baby after ds2 would probably be another boy - and he was right! (maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part - he really wanted a baby sister).

[cravingsalt]

That's a good point about MIL's. Hopefully we can learn from ours and be the kind of MIL we would have liked to have had. You sound like a great mom with a wise perspective. I think that whatever this little one is, you'll be totally in love. That's adorable how sweet your dd was to you! And I'm sure the boys cared but girls seem to have sensitivity chip built in a lot of times...even tazmanian devil girls, lol!

BTW I have a Logan too, Logan Phoenix, my littler one. Do you have a name picked out for both genders? I keep trying to prepare myself for ds3 by picking out a boy name that I'd be absolutely in love with, not even thinking of girl names because it hurts to hope. Maybe an awesome little girl name would get you used to the idea, just in case?

[luvncamrin]

I've actually had a girl's name picked out for a while....people probably won't love it...but it has lots of meaning to me. Lexis Suzanne. Lexi was my doberman I got when I was 17. She meant the world to me....she really was my first doghter! =) She died tragically and extremely unexpectedly. I'm just now, 4 years later getting to a place where I don't cry when I think about it. I would have named my first DD after her...but the wound was still so fresh that I didn't want it to come to mind ever time I said her name. The hurt is still there ..but if this is a girl...I want her to have the name.....I know it sounds really dumb....but when @ 17 my mother abandonded me (IMO) to drinking and pills (I guess raising one kid and being a housewife was too harsh of a life for her) Lexi was the one female that was always there for me. Hopefully my daughter won't hate me for naming her after my dog....heck..hopefully I'll be able to get her cloned one day so she'll understand why! LOL
Suzanne is my name...so I figured ...somehow through the name Lexi and I will be carried on together. The thought really gives me some peace!
Now that you all offcially think I'm crazier than the pre- anxiety GD I already have....I will stop typing!

[Mum23boys]

Hello ladies I think I have finally found somewhere I fit in ....... I am a mum to 3 gorgeous boys ( aged 8,5 and 3 ) and both me and DH are desperate for a daughter but im just too scared. What if its a 4th boy, i know ill love him unconditionally like i do the other 3 but im worried that longng for a daughter will never go away and at 4 children we could never add to that. Its not like with ds 2 and 3 - we always thought we would have 4 so it didnt matter what sex they were but now its our final chance and im too scared. We dont think we could ever afford IVF to sperm sort and DH doesnt want to try for a 4th unless we can guarentee a girl which is not 100 % with swayingbut i dont want us to look back later in life and regret not trying for our final baby.
Im just so confused and spend alot of time crying about this and DH just doesnt understand. he would be quite happy to just stop where we are and never have anymore.

[Waiting4Daisy]

I also have a Logan - my first son is Logan John :-). Mum23boys, I would personally have 4 boys than 3, so that helps me decide either way. I hope you get your girly :-). Camrin, I love the name Lexi x

[mummypink]

I can so relate to these posts!
I have two boys aged 3 and 4, there is just 17 months between them, my husband would love 4 children but I know that 3 is enough for me regardless of whether we get a boy or a girl next. In all honesty if we had a boy and a girl now I'm not so sure we would be looking to have a third ... but who knows! I think the worst part of all this is the 'maybe next time' if my husband hadn't wanted to have any more then I would be content with my two gorgeous boys. Now we are ttc number 3 I know I have a shot at a girl again and I really would love to have that mother daughter relationship like the rest of you.

I don't have a good relationship with my mil, she has two boys and doesn't have a good relationship with me or my sil. She isn't such a nice woman unfortunately, so I guess part of me worries that it could be me in the future. Perhaps the opposite will happen though as I am so aware of how her behaviour is effecting us I will make sure I don't behave the same way when my boys are grown up and married.

Despite all my worries concerns right now if I zoom forward 20 years I am excited about seeing how much children have grown, what jobs they are doing, relationships they are in etc. I know from the two boys I have now that regardless of gender they have very different personalities and characters. To add another boy to the mix really wouldn't be so bad.

Comments wise no one (other than my mum and a close friend) knows we are ttc number 3, I am not looking forward to the comments when we are lucky enough to fall pregnant. I know my mil will make 'you hoping for a girl' comments and think we are crazy so I will have to bite my tongue.

Best of luck to everyone ttc, I hope all your wishes come true :)

[1+2+3boys]

I am enjoying this thread because I can relate to it so much. I don't come on this website as much as I used to and want to be able to find it again as I only got up to the 2nd page. Is there a way I can bookmark it?