bfp but having 2nd thoughts

[ukini]

I did a frozen transfer just for gender selection. I have a baby girl already wanting a boy. Just got the news that I am pregnant possibly with baby boy but I am having 2nd thoughts whether I should go forward with this high tech way or should try the regular way of rolling the dice. Please help n:nails:

[wilma_five]

I don't understand......
You are pregnant right? With your desired gender right? You did ivf/pgd for this outcome right?
That's great news or am I misunderstanding something??????

[atomic sagebrush]

If you're already pregnant, OF COURSE you should continue on! Congratulations!!

It's totally normal to have second thoughts when you find out you're pregnant! It's happened to me with all 5 of my children...a moment of panic when I think "what have I done!" But I always get over it.

[nuthinbutpink]

I don't understand. You are pregnant with a boy, what you want, so why would you have second thoughts?

[HopeandDreamG]

? I don't get it??

[lisvna]

I don't get it too! You are joking right?!?!?

[ukini]

I am just very worried because I not sure if the baby will grow well like any natural baby it is just me freaking out hard even my husband is also worried, we saw a article which suggests that ivf babies have 30% likely to have birth defects that regular babies. All the hormones & medicines I am not sure if those have any ill effects on the embryo.

[TTC5]

Was that article scientifically proven, or just a scare mongering tactic against ivf?

Congrats!

[nuthinbutpink]

I think this is just a case of cold feet but the 30% needs to but put into perspective. There is no difference between IVF babies and natural pregnancy babies. Here is an article about FET babies that says they are actually healthier than IVF babies- IVF babies born from frozen embryos are healthier than those from fresh ones | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2083040/IVF-babies-born-frozen-embryos-healthier-fresh-ones.html)

Your fears are unfounded and it's too late now. Baby has snuggled in and on HIS way! Be happy. It is such a hard journey and so many people never find success. You are one of the lucky ones. Be grateful and I would not worry about this baby's health versus a natural pregnancy.

The article your referring to has a few key points that I would reread-


"The exact cause of the genetic problems is likely a combination of the biological parents’ infertility problems and genetics, and the treatments themselves, according to Weksberg."- This doesn't apply to you because you are not an infertility patient!

"According to a 2010 French study - the largest yet on the subject - assisted reproductive technologies double a baby’s risk of deformity. The study found that over 4% of fertility-treatment children had some form of congenital deformity, compared to the rate in the general population of between 2% and 3%."- So the 30% higher has an overall rate of 4% according to one study. You cannot worry about a 1% increase in the actual chance that the baby will be born with an issue. Your next baby could have a number of things wrong with it no matter how it was conceived.

You likely did some testing on the embryo so you actually have some knowledge of the health of the baby whereas in a natural pregnancy, you would have no clue at this point.

Try to enjoy the moment. You're very fortunate to have made it thus far.

[ukini]

I am also thinking if the baby knows that he was born as a test tube baby how will the baby react, he may blame us for not bringing him to this world in a regular way. All sorts of those thoughts are just coming to us now. We are also planning to take advice from a psychic.

Did you also have the same cold feet at this point?

Here is the article I am referring to about birth defects IVF Babies Are 30% More Likely To Have A Birth Defect · Pregnancy articles | Family's Health center | SteadyHealth.com (http://www.steadyhealth.com/articles/IVF_Babies_Are_30__More_Likely_To_Have_A_Birth_Def ect_a2247.html)

[TTC5]

Don't base your decision on a "psychic"!

[jils04]

Ive been to a few psychics over the years and they were all wrong in some way.theres no way id make the most important decisions based on what they say.
To be pregnant with an fet is a blessing
Def no need to think irrational thoughts.

Sent from my GT-I9000 using Tapatalk

[ukini]

Thanks all for the support, do you all feel the same way at some point during IVF or am I just totally irrational?

[mybluepilot]

You are TOTALLY irrational , are you kidding me, be happy and enjoy your pregnancy.

[jils04]

Thanks all for the support, do you all feel the same way at some point during IVF or am I just totally irrational?

Sure crazy thoughts enter your head sometimes but you always start thinking straight and realise its just worries, they never end doesnt matter what kind of pregnancy you have.
Youll be fine. Enjoy this wonderful time

Sent from my GT-I9000 using Tapatalk

[wilma_five]

You are pregnant with your dreamgender!!
You spent a lot of money and energy in this!!

Be happy it worked. I'm sure you're little boy is fine!!
So many children are born through ivf these days.....

[ukini]

thanks all for supporting me hope to be ok soon

[TTC5]

I have never gone through this but am guessing you would not be the only one, HOWEVER.. I would find it rare that someone starts to consider termination once pregnant after ivg/pgd. While doing your research and consultations before starting the whole thing, would seem to be the time for people to have these thoughts, I would have assumed?..

[Princess of Pink]

Sounds super weird to me....IVF/PGD is damn expensive and takes months of planning, taking all kinds of drugs, heaps of scans and appointments with different people.....not something to go into lightly and then decide when you get your dream gender that it may be a mistake??? I am so sorry if I am wrong.....but smells like a troll to me!

[nuthinbutpink]

I don't take advice from psychics. That is not something I believe in at all.

I worry with each pregnancy because there are never guarantees. Ever. I am not telling my son because there is no medical
need whatsoever to do so. I really don't think the weight of a psychic should overrule killing a baby because you changed your mind. You lost me with that. Good luck.

And you do understand that the ACTUAL difference quoted is 1%? It is normally 3% and some studies show a 4% of issues. It is not a 30% chance that an IVF baby will be born with an issue.

[HopeandDreamG]

Sounds super weird to me....IVF/PGD is damn expensive and takes months of planning, taking all kinds of drugs, heaps of scans and appointments with different people.....not something to go into lightly and then decide when you get your dream gender that it may be a mistake??? I am so sorry if I am wrong.....but smells like a troll to me!

My thoughts exactly

[lisvna]

I understand your concerns about the health issue but what I don't understand that you just now thinking about what the child later would think. You had to realize that before going that route!!!!

[ukini]

I agree to all of you, but will you tell your son/daughter about how he/she was born or will that be a secret?

[nuthinbutpink]

I do not plan on telling. I don't see why it matters. He is not different in anyway. I don't think there is anything wrong with being open about it but I don't want to open that can of worms with my daughters or my family.

Telling him changes nothing as far as his life is concerned. I don't see the benefit from bringing it up. I didn't discuss with my daughters how and when they were conceived either. I see no need for that.

ETA- had I needed IVF for infertility reasons I would definitely tell my child. They may have an issue conceiving if I did so to me, that is medically necessary. What I did was elective. Not the same to me.

[ukini]

thanks, I am hoping that God will help me the right decision.

[ukini]

If you had babies with IVF do you see any any difference in health,behavior with regular conceived babies?

[The Anchor]

What decision? Think it's too late for that! Here's to a healthy and happy pregnancy!

[atomic sagebrush]

I am just very worried because I not sure if the baby will grow well like any natural baby it is just me freaking out hard even my husband is also worried, we saw a article which suggests that ivf babies have 30% likely to have birth defects that regular babies. All the hormones & medicines I am not sure if those have any ill effects on the embryo.


The only reason why that is, is because people who have other fertility problems (like older couples, who are already more likely to have babies with problems) are much more likely to go HT than the population at large. We've had hundreds of beautiful, healthy, normal babies born via IVF some of whom are now even adults themselves! Please don't worry.

[atomic sagebrush]

I am also thinking if the baby knows that he was born as a test tube baby how will the baby react, he may blame us for not bringing him to this world in a regular way. All sorts of those thoughts are just coming to us now. We are also planning to take advice from a psychic.

Did you also have the same cold feet at this point?

Here is the article I am referring to about birth defects IVF Babies Are 30% More Likely To Have A Birth Defect · Pregnancy articles | Family's Health center | SteadyHealth.com (http://www.steadyhealth.com/articles/IVF_Babies_Are_30__More_Likely_To_Have_A_Birth_Def ect_a2247.html)

It's totally normal to have cold feet after a BFP - I know I did and I didn't even do HT. I think you are panicking over nothing really.

PLEASE do not take advice from a psychic on an issue of such importance. Many of us have consulted with psychics and they've been wrong again and again.

And there are many babies who are brought into the world in much worse circumstances than a much-wanted IVF baby! Some kids are conceived the old-fashioned way because their parents had too much to drink!! :) Your son is wanted and will be loved, that's all that counts!!

[RedCanoe]

I think it's normal to worry that something will go wrong when you're getting something that you really want. I'm finding myself more worried about this baby than I was with my naturally conceived children, too. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. But chances are still very, very small that the baby will have any issues. Like NBP said, maybe 1-2% higher risk than natural pregnancy. Bad things can happen to any of us, anytime, IVF or not. Try not to live your life in fear.

If you're really anxious get all the prenatal tests that are available. They will most likely show that baby is fine and reassure you. And if you really do find an issue that makes you decide to terminate, then at least you're doing it because the baby really is abnormal, not terminating a perfectly healthy baby (of your DG!!!!) simply out of fear and anxiety and irrational thoughts.

I wish you lots of luck with this. Maybe see if you can speak to a counselor or even a friend if you're really struggling...

[nuthinbutpink]

If you had babies with IVF do you see any any difference in health,behavior with regular conceived babies?
My IVF son was my biggest baby and came late contrary to what you may read about IVF. He has done everything earlier than is typical and is very healthy. He is no different than my other kids.

More IVF babies are multiples and I am not sure what studies take that into account. Obviously, multiple pregnancies carry a higher risk.

[fresas]

This isn't a donor or adoption situation. How many parents tell their children the story of how the child was conceived? It was scarring enough to know my parents had a year of infertility and were "having a ton of sex" to try to conceive me. In my opinion, I think that was totally inappropriate for my parents to tell me the details they did. They did not tell me in the context of a conversation where I was struggling with fertility or asking them how I was born. My mom basically just busted out with the story. I still get grossed out thinking about that conversation and try to block the visuals.

I don't plan on giving the details of how/when my sons were conceived (even though they aren't HT) and even if I did high tech, I think we would only talk about it if they had questions about it. I'm all for being honest with children because I like honesty between children and parents, but my sons don't need to know the dirty details of everything. This is just for me and my kids.

Do whatever you feel you need to do that is appropriate for telling your son one day.

I don't know how seriously you are considering terminating your pregnancy, but I don't know why after all of the medication, money, and procedures you went through to conceive why you would want to terminate now. It is very normal to have feelings of panic, but at some point, the feelings have to change so you can focus on having a healthy pregnancy and look to the future.

[deaks66]

In terms of the whether you tell a child that they were HT or not, the way i see it is either.... 1, you don't tell them (no big deal) or 2, you tell them and carefully explain it was because of how much they were desperately wanted. And not because their sibling/s weren't wanted as much but because you had one final chance of completing your family. I think that would be a wonderful thing to hear and wouldn't make the child hate you or feel abnormal.

Im sure these feelings of panic will pass... they kinda have to at this stage.

[ukini]

I am also thinking to talk to counselor on this but I don't think they can help

[ukini]

can anyone share there experiences when they knew they were bfp after ivf

[fresas]

What is the thing that is scaring you the most? That the baby will be unhealthy? Have you talked about this with your IVF doctor?

I hope these are sincere posts looking for help, not trolling or you have already made up your mind, but you want someone to validate you wanting an abortion. There are message boards where you can find support for termination, but this board is definitely not one of those boards. They're very supportive of basically anything else. It is not because everyone here is anti-abortion, but because there are multiple women here that have struggled with debilitating infertility, have struggled for years to balance a family, have diseases that prevent them from carrying a healthy pregnancy, etc.

[ukini]

No I am serious not trolling, we have not yet made our mind, our most important concern is the health of the child. I don't know the answer to what happens after 30 years if the child develops some bad disease and it traces back to IVF how will we be able to justify that. Although that is very improbable but it might happen we won't be able to forgive ourselves then.

[ukini]

I wish I had been member of this forum before I started the process darn!! :( all the posts are so comforting and supportive.

[nuthinbutpink]

But you can forgive yourself now if you choose to kill a healthy baby now just in case he has an issue 30 years from now- that IS okay?? That makes sense?

None of this is making sense. Any child can have issues. You have to know that on some level.

[nuthinbutpink]

And you're worried about whether or not to tell him he was conceived via IVF? How about the discussion about the debate to terminate his life because you thought he might be *might be* messed up because of IVF. That's one for the baby book!

[TTC5]

I agree to all of you, but will you tell your son/daughter about how he/she was born or will that be a secret?

I don't tell my children how they were conceived (naturally or not!) they dont need to hear about the sex LOL and if I went ivf it would be no different!

[TTC5]

No I am serious not trolling, we have not yet made our mind, our most important concern is the health of the child. I don't know the answer to what happens after 30 years if the child develops some bad disease and it traces back to IVF how will we be able to justify that. Although that is very improbable but it might happen we won't be able to forgive ourselves then.

You have as much chance of them getting something if they were conceived via sex or not.

[TTC5]

Why didn't you consider all this BEFORE going ahead with conceiving?!!!!!

[ukini]

I am also having low progesterone level around 5 but I take two crinone suppositories, it seems it is not working what do you think I am kind of getting defeated at all fronts.

[Butterfly Spirit]

I am also having low progesterone level around 5 but I take two crinone suppositories, it seems it is not working what do you think I am kind of getting defeated at all fronts.

How do you know it's not working? My doc told me that testing progesterone is not always 100%
Are you just trying to talk yourself into a miscarriage or justify an abortion?

I don't understand why you are feeling this way?
Especially with your desired gender.

What are you scared of the most?

I'm taking 200 mg of oral progesterone a day and I know it's working! :)

[Cinss]

Having an abortion can affect your chances of ever concieving naturally again. That would be really bad luck if you could never have another child. Just think about it a child concieved in the womb is no different from a child concieved outside the womb. Its just a sperm and an egg, they dont damage anything when they do ivf. You are really lucky to have a DD already and expecting a DS.

[jils04]

You need to snap out of these thoughts asap. They are not warranted AT ALL. Do not terminate a perfectly good pregnancy. Most GS women would kill to be in your shoes right now. Or any woman for that matter .Are you mad ?
Think positive and do not let these thoughts take over in your head. I would seek counselling (not for termination) but to help you think straight. Sorry I sound harsh but you need a wake up call.

[MrsLE]

"Fear is the enemy of logic"

"That's all it takes, one drop of fear to curdle love into hate."

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it."

"Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."

"Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real"

I hoping one of these speaks to you.

[glory]

I have just read this and am totally baffled. You went through all the ups and downs of IVF and it is NOW you are questioning it?

Where did you cycle? What country are you from?

I didn't read your link, but before I went into this I weighed up all pros and cons, I talked to a therapist about it in depth and came to the conclusion that there are no guarantees in life, that tens of thousands of perfectly healthy IVF babies get born each year.

Your baby will be fine, You need therapy (and I mean this positively) and if you decide to tell him , you tell him, no big deal. So many babies are IVF babies, it really doesn't matter. God wouldn't of allowed IVF if he didn't want it to be used!

[atomic sagebrush]

No I am serious not trolling, we have not yet made our mind, our most important concern is the health of the child. I don't know the answer to what happens after 30 years if the child develops some bad disease and it traces back to IVF how will we be able to justify that. Although that is very improbable but it might happen we won't be able to forgive ourselves then.

But surely you realize there are no guarantees that won't happen even with natural TTC. Two families near and dear to me have lost or are in the process of losing their child to cancer and they were conceived naturally. I know naturally conceived kids with autism, severe food allergies, cerebral palsy, and Rett syndrome. My sister has gall bladder disease, I have a heart problem, my MIL has glaucoma, my FIL has Lou Gehrig's disease, my brother had a cyst in his throat that had to be removed when he was a little boy, my niece has kidney disease and we were all naturally conceived.

If you live long enough, we ALL will come down with something - there is NO way to prevent it. No one gets out of here alive unfortunately!!

[ukini]

do you share the IVF process with friends? we have not shared with anyone should we?

[glory]

It is up to you, I have told a few people but not telling the majority.

I would say for you no don't tell anyone, if you can't handle being pregnant by IVF then you won't be able to handle the judgement you will receive.

Curiously do want to know where you cycled and what country you are from.

[nuthinbutpink]

No, you do not have to tell.

[Wanting a daughter]

Honey you are quite clearly having a HUGE panic attack right now. DO NOT make any rash decisions about terminating a healthy pregnancy whilst feeling this way. I could almost guarantee it would be something you lived to regret. This fear will pass as your pregnancy progresses and you see your healthy baby boy growing inside you. By the time he is out and in your loving arms you will look back on these thoughts and hate yourself for even thinking them. He is going to be FINE!!!!!

There is no reason at all that you need to tell him how he was concieved if you don't wish to. As others have said there are hundreds of thousands af people born via IVF who are perfectly healthy.

Go see a doctor and talk about these COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL thoughts. You may even be better off on some pregnancy safe anxiety meds (if there are any). Seriously, if you ended this pregnancy, after you snap out of this panic attack, I believe you would be devastated by your actions. Focus on the HAPPY HAPPY fact that you are pregnant with your son!!!!

[michaela]

Why did I open and read this thread???? :(

Girl you need some help and you need it quick. I don't say this to many people but be thankful for what you have as you clearly have no idea how special a little life can be.

[HopeandDreamG]

Oh what I would do to be pregnant with my DG I wouldn't care how it happened.... Even if an alien from outer space implanted her in my womb...... I'd b the happiest woman on the planet

[PinkWish]

I'm leaning toward the troll theory! Why someone would put all the time, money, energy, emotions into IVF/PDG and then after a BFP freak out and make all these posts?!

I would be *beyond* thrilled to be pg with my DG, however it happened. If you are serious, I think you really need to speak to someone about your reaction at this stage of the game.

[Possible pink?]

I'm leaning toward the troll theory! Why someone would put all the time, money, energy, emotions into IVF/PDG and then after a BFP freak out and make all these posts?!

I would be *beyond* thrilled to be pg with my DG, however it happened. If you are serious, I think you really need to speak to someone about your reaction at this stage of the game.
I feel stupid, but what does troll theory mean?

[PinkWish]

I feel stupid, but what does troll theory mean?

A troll is a fakie poster who comes on to basically stir the pot-
Troll (Internet) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet))

[Possible pink?]

Yah! That makes sense...I am in disbelief that someone would go HT and then think about àbortion also.

[lisvna]

Uhm I heard of someone had done ivf to get one girl. She put back one and it's split so she got pregnant with 2 of the desired gender. She did an abortion because she didn't want 2. At the moment she is doing a fet......unbelievable huh!?! I would do a murder to geT pregnant of the desired gender (I have to wait 2 weeks to know the gender of my ivf/pgd baby).

[The Anchor]

She aborted because she didn't want 2??? How awful! Everyone is different I guess...

[lisvna]

It's really crazy isn't it? I can't understand that.....when I heard it I was so sad and I wanted to trade with her I wish I had twins girl/girl (or even better girl/boy). In this pregnancy I lost one, I don't hope it was a girl (not that I dont mind if it is a boy) but I will never know......

[The Anchor]

It really is hard to comprehend...I just can't imagine why you would go to such lengths to conceive, all that time and all that MONEY...and decide you don't want 2! I bet she didn't tell a lot of people about her decision!

[atomic sagebrush]

Yah! That makes sense...I am in disbelief that someone would go HT and then think about àbortion also.

I think there may be religious and cultural issues at play that we probably can't understand or comprehend.

This doesn't sound like a troll to me but rather someone who is just a bit mixed up.

[atomic sagebrush]

It really is hard to comprehend...I just can't imagine why you would go to such lengths to conceive, all that time and all that MONEY...and decide you don't want 2! I bet she didn't tell a lot of people about her decision!

Selective reduction is a complicated issue due to the much higher risk of health issues with multiples. It's not a decision I would personally make either, but it is a fact that pregnancy outcomes are better with one than two. Particularly in the case of identicals (a baby that split would be identical twins) where there can be things like TTTS that have every possibility of causing the death of both babies if SR is not done.

[lisvna]

Atomic it was not for health issues at all!! She just didn't want 2 kids. There was no selective reduction! It was an abortion of 2 baby's.

[myGirl]

I cannot imagine not wanting identical twin girls... for many of us it would be our wildest dream come true!!! How sad.

[Wanting a daughter]

Ukini- any updates? Are you feeling better?

[TTC5]

Uhm I heard of someone had done ivf to get one girl. She put back one and it's split so she got pregnant with 2 of the desired gender. She did an abortion because she didn't want 2. At the moment she is doing a fet......unbelievable huh!?! I would do a murder to geT pregnant of the desired gender (I have to wait 2 weeks to know the gender of my ivf/pgd baby).

That's terrible :(

[perrypop3]

This thread is heartbreaking

[lisvna]

I know pp.....