Struggling with my 2 boys!

[kpmum]

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right area but I just wanted to know if there r any mothers out there in a similar situation to me. I have 2 children, a 3 yo and a 10 month old. Since the birth of my 2nd bub I have been finding things tough. My 1st child was born with a heart condition and we had a very stressful 1 year of parenthood- in and out of the hospital. So having a 2nd child free from health problems I assumed it would be much easier however as time has gone on I have struggled more and more with the 2. I have good support from my DH and mother however I still feel like I'm doing the worst job. My youngest is going though terrible separation anxiety and my oldest has a hard time sharing me also. I feel like I am failing at this most important job in my life. I'm currently a nurse and looking at becoming a midwife- the study requires full time work and study. At the moment the thought of being away so much is appealing but I'm afraid I'm making the wrong decision at a time when things r hard but will pass. Sorry for this incredibly long winded post. I would just like to know if anyone has had a similar time and overcame it. We planned on trying HT next year some time but now I don't think I deserve my GD if I can't be a good mummy to the little boys I have!!!

[madelief]

Kpmum, i know exactly How you veel. Had à verry hard time with my 2 boys aswell. My oldest is almost3 en my youngest is 13 months. But for THE last coppel of months Things chansed soo radical. Things are Great now. Just waight when he is walking! Sorry for my poor englisch and iPad wanting too write in dutch. You Will be fine! If you gave them enough love and atantion....

[The Anchor]

I feel for you...I was in that same boat. DD was only 20 months when DS was born, I thought I would never get through it. This will sound strange but I was watching Oprah one day (well "watching" isn't the right word, more like catching glimpses of!) and Maya Angelou was on the show, and she said something that struck me (sounds cheesy I know)...that no matter if you're a mother of one or ten, you always give 100%. You don't give any less, and you can't give any more. I bet you're doing a wonderful job, it's just hard to see it sometimes. HUGS for you.

[deaks66]

kp my youngest also went through terrible separation anxiety for months and months starting from around 4 months old. He is now 2 and still hates to be away from me but can cope much better. He is just much more of a mummies boy than ds1. It will get easier i promise but sometimes these phases feel like they last forever at the time. You will be doing a great job and the fact that you are worried about it means you care so much about them and are doing everything you can. Don't be scared to do some more study, your children wont suffer from it. My friend is training to be a midwife and she has a 4 and 2 year old and was worried about exactly the same thing. But her children and her have coped just fine. Finally, of course you deserve your DG, you will be an equally great mummy to 3 as you are to 2... just as Anchor said.

[kpmum]

Thank u so much for all ur kind words. Deep in my heart I know it's just a difficult phase but its made me doubt my abilities as a mother. I hope it will get easier once my ds2 is walking. At the moment there is a lot of fighting between the 2 boys (I naively thought they would be best friends!) it's amazing how distressed a baby can get from separation anxiety- and I only work one day a week! Motherhood truly is the hardest job there is! Thanku all again- kind words r what I need right now, I think sometimes us mummy's (ESP me) can be our biggest critic!

[Waiting4Daisy]

kpmum, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. I have three boys, the oldest just turned 5, a 2 and a half year old and an almost 9 month old. 3 is so hard! I didn't find 2 as difficult because my oldest son was a very good helper with the baby. I work 2 days a week and am hoping to go full time after August. I'm a teacher and my job is so time consuming but I end up marking with one baby on my boob and letting the other boys go mental. The tv is on all the time so that they can be occupied with that! Before I had kids I thought I'd be the painting/baking kind of mum, turns out that I really am not! Please don't beat yourself. I'm sure you are doing an amazing job. I really want to have another one (or two!) children but would like to wait so that I can catch up some sleep. My babies wake through the night for feeds until they are at least a year. Bad times indeed! I think I could cope so much better if I could get some blooming sleep!

[kpmum]

Yes sleep would makes things a lot easier to handle. I do hear a lot of mothers with older children say "where did the time go" and "they grow so fast". So I guess that although when our children r little it seems to be the hardest ( in re to lack of sleep, physically demanding etc) we should try and take them in while they r so little too. Yes, u teachers do work very hard! I hope u get a full nights sleep soon x

[Wanting a daughter]

I actually asked my poor DH for a divorce when my boys were 6mths and 2 1/2 yrs. Not coping at all! Just so tired and stressed out by the demands of parenthood, he was the one who copped it. I can laugh about it now but at the time it was awful.
Someone once said to me "Don't worry it's all just a stage, it'll pass soon". And they were right. Before you know it your oldest will be off to Kindy and your youngest will become more independent and your life will feel so much different. Don't worry about whether you are being the best Mummy you can be, so long as they know you love them then you are doing a great job. Truly that's the most important thing kids need. Everything else is icing on the cake.

[kpmum]

Thanks WAD! It's amazing what stress and exhaustion can do to us! Those little people can turn our lives upside down. I have questioned whether I could handle another child but I know that when the time is right I will know. DS2 is just that bit too young to play the same games as DS1 (mostly just eats and destroys things!). I don't have any friends with more than one child so it's great to get some perspective from u all x

[Emily]

My father in law once said - if they are both alive at the end of the day you should judge the day as a success!!!!!! All mums shout, get angry, ignore, say the wrong thing, mis-time dinner, don't have time for that extra story etc etc once in a while. It is like any job - you are always making mistakes and learning from them. I sometimes think I am mad for thinking about number three as I am by no means perfect - but then again how boring would that be!!???

[kpmum]

Ha ha, I love that! Very true- life would be boring if u only had urself to think about (although nice for a day :) life is def too short. I am trying to find humor in situations that I would normally cry over too. At the moment both my boys r unwell with fevers and I have been up since 5.30am (DH worked late and sleeping) but right now they r actually playing happily together and I have to appreciate the good times too!

[cherryswirl]

i get the separation thing. my youngest cries almost every time i put him down and its tough on me and my eldest. But i make time for the oldest when the little one is sleeping so he knos he gets time just with me too. it'll get better x