HELP! my 8 year old DS DOESN'T want a baby sibling - but im already pg!!!

[lightofmylifexxxy]

I'm so upset and confused right now. I am pregnant only 6 weeks. My 2 children don't know, we havent told anyone yet.
my 6 year old DD has been asking for a baby sister (or brother) for a long while. Everytime she says anything, my son gets very upset, cries and says he would be furious if i had another baby. He is happy with just having 1 sister, and doesn't like babies at all, and DOESN'T want another sibling. Just now, she asked again (not knowing anything of course), and my son once again got so upset, cried and told me i had better not ever have another baby.
I am terrified i have made a huge mistake getting pregnant again, and wishing i wasn't. I am definitely feeling depressed, like i am in a black hole. When i hear my son say these things i feel sick to my stomache.
I am seeing a pregnancy counsellor tomorrow, as i am having such a difficult time, and regret even becoming pregnant.
please could anyone share there experiences with older siblings - ie, bringing a new baby home. How they told there older children etc.
I am so scared of changing the family dynamics, and upsetting my son.

[BeadinMom]

When I was 9 and my sister was 8, my aunt got pregnant. We told my mom we wanted a sibling. She said, "Oh no...you guys don't want that. We'll have to share our time, attention, love and money." So we agreed and went about our happy little lives. Fast forward a month or two and she's at the doctor's office discussing a tubal ligation and the doctor tells her that it is TOO LATE...she is pregnant.
So she and my dad sat us down and told us we were going to have a baby brother or sister! To which we responded, "Oh no...we don't want that! We don't want to share your time, attention, love and money!" Add some tears in there, too...lol.
Anyway, it wasn't OUR choice...it was up to our parents. We got over it quickly and I remember when my baby sister was born we were at my grandmother's house blowing bubbles in the backyard celebrating. I adore my sisters & even with 9 yrs between my youngest sister and I, we couldn't be closer if we tried.
Your son will get over it. Family is about every member, not just one.
Good luck.

[nuthinbutpink]

He's 8. You have to be the adult. It is up to you and DH as to how many children you have and what your family looks like. Not an 8-year old. I would look him in the eye and tell him that.

[auroara78]

I totally agree with everything said here. While it is heartbreaking and I feel for you and understand that you feel the pain because you love him so much, he WILL adjust and adapt and love that new sibling. This baby you are preggers with has happened for a reason, and it may be tough now hormonally and with your son acting out, but it will change once he meets the new baby.

My DS1 was very reluctant about DS2 at first, and even now a year later, he asked me the other night to give DS2 "back to the baby doctor." But he was just mad that DS2 knocked over his blocks! All the times he tells me he loves DS2 and he didn't want another baby either, but as I get bigger in this pg, and he rubs my belly, he smiles and then talks about how he already loves his baby sister.

It truly will work out. He will adjust and cope. And it's really up to you and your husband how many kids you want, not your son.

[Zivic-Bubac]

He's 8. You have to be the adult. It is up to you and DH as to how many children you have and what your family looks like. Not an 8-year old. I would look him in the eye and tell him that.
This exactly!

[Glittergirl]

My DS1 said he does NOT want a sister when I was preg with dd and kept praying for another brother. he even cried when we found out she was a girl. I told him we get what is meant to be. He now adores his sister and every time someone asks him if he would trade her for a brother he says no way! A tradition we have is the baby brings home presents for the siblings when we get home from the hospital. the kids all really love that and feel special when they get a beautifully wrapped gift from the baby when it comes home. But I agree with others--kids are resilient they get over it really quick and they don't know what to expect so it seems so scary the thought of another family member...he will adjust nicely!

[lisa3delta]

lol "youre a child do as i say raaah!" sounds like my mother. I try to be a kinder parent than that dinosaur and i find it goes a long way. Telling your boy that hes going to stuck with something that to him is just about the end of the world and THEN on top of it acting like you dont care? i think thats too much, if i were in your shoes i would probably try to warm him up to the idea as best i could, before you tell him youre preg, perhaps show him all the good sides to having another child, read books, visit someone elses baby etc. point out that he/she wont be baby forever and that one day they might be great friends!

[BeadinMom]

LOL!! When my kids start paying toward the bills, they can assist in making big decisions in our house. ROAR!! :)

[NCBeachyGrl]

LOL! Reminds me of the America's Funniest video when the mom tells her kids there will be another baby. All of them start crying! SOOO funny! It is the first one under this search on google (my computer won't let me go to YouTube)

Google (http://www.google.com/#hl=en&sclient=psy-ab&q=america%27s+funniest+home+videos+kids+cry+when+m om+tells+them+baby&oq=america%27s+funniest+home+videos+kids+cry+when+ mom+tells+them+baby&gs_l=hp.3...2472.19315.2.19579.36.35.1.0.0.0.583.1 3362.2-2j15j11j5.33.0.les%3B..0.0...1c.a3C1U7fNBs4&psj=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.&fp=c0c777965e1cb37a&biw=1252&bih=558)

[Winngrin]

When my DS2 was born DS1 did NOT want him to come home from the hospital. And once he did, DS1 used to say "Leave Ty home" any time we went anywhere. I was very up front and honest with DS1 and did the same when we found out DS3 was coming along (there are 10 yrs between DS2 and DS3)

You need to make sure it is clear to your son that while you understand that it may be hard to accept a new sibling and the changes it will bring, it is going to happen and that the gift of a new sibling FAR outweighs whatever negative feelings he has right now. I think its very important to acknowledge and give respect for children's feelings, but to let them know that there are certain things that they cannot change and they are expected to act with love and respect back.

I would NOT ever say you are sorry you got pregnant, that is justifying your sons feelings and anger. I would tell him you are sorry that your being pregnant makes him feel bad, but do not ever apologize for choosing to add another family member. If something were to happen to this pregnancy, those words would come back to haunt you.

Hoping he can quickly come to terms with his new sibling.