I feel baby number 5 isn't going to happen...

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

So my dh hasn't officially said yes. I'm going off of our history together, and he's always been really great about my desire to have another child. This time seems different though. I knew he wouldn't be on board when the feelings started up inside me again to try for another dd. I was hoping we'd talk about it and I would get my way again...lol. He has agreed to talk about it, but is worried financially about what another child would bring. I think he is all set with 4 too. He was all set with three. But when I finally had my dd I wanted her to have a sister so we tried again and got another wonderful ds. We live outside of Boston, MA and it is quite expensive to live here. But it is doable. Some days I feel like I can't go through with having another child, but those days are far and few between. Lately I've been getting angry with my husband for things that may be fueled by the unknown future of baby number 5. So many thoughts are running through my head. I haven't had my 1st ppaf yet but think it may be coming. And my little guy is turning 1 tomorrow. SO MANY THINGS TO DEAL WITH. Sorry for my rant. Has anyone else experienced uncertainty with their dh about another baby? And if so how did you move forward? I'm not sure how to let this go if I need to. And I want dh to get the big V whether we have another or not. I did say to him after I got pregnant with number 4 that we were done, but my feelings have changed. As much as I'd love to have another dd and plan to sway, I would love another ds too. Just 1 more baby...

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

One more thing to add...I'm so grateful for the four I have been blessed with. I don't want to come across as someone who keeps wanting more without giving my husband a say in it. I stay home with my kids and work my tail off every day. I don't ask for much and try to make my dh's life a well lived one. I think I'm a good wife and mother. And that's why I want another. I love my children so much and want to squeeze one more in there before my factory shuts down. If you read through all of this...I'm very thankful.

[coocoobananas]

I did but I don't have much advice! I'm on # 3 and hoping this is a girl as I really don't want more than 3! However I thought I only wanted 2 and here I am! I have to prepare for those feelings of never having another because I think those feelings will come at the end no matter what! But I think if you really just had those feelings of not wanting another sometimes than maybe you really are ready for another! But it does sound like your husband has gone over 2 that he wanted, so sadly maybe it's his turn to get his way?
You should definately tell him how you feel and that if you don't have another it will be something that bothers you for a long time! Let him think on those things for a while and see if he'll reconsider?!?
Good luck!

[auroara78]

Because of a work situation and I was trying/in grad school, my DH and I had major disagreements about #2. He claimed he wanted another child, but as DS1 got older (past 2) I was REALLY pushing hard for another becuz I didn't want a huge age gap since there is 7 years between my brother and I. We went round and round on this, and he kept saying it wasn't that he didn't want another child, but money, but I kept thinking that maybe he just didn't want any more children and didn't know how to say it.

Well, DS2 came along anyway on his own timetable still during the "worst" timing according to DH. Though I was the one who suffered through yucky morning sickness, a 40 hr a week job, taking care of DS1 while going to grad school online. He did help out a lot, but point being, that until it "accidentially" happened, I think we'd be on 2nd child now instead of 3rd!!

I only convinced him to go after the 3rd so soon after DS2 because I gave him something he wanted: he wanted to quit working and become a stay at home Dad. So then, my question is: do you have anything you can concede or something he wants that will sweeten the deal some? My DH and I are notorious for constantly making "compromises" or if I give him something, he'll give me something. Maybe that's a wrong way to approach a marriage, but it's worked for us so far.

And also to add to the craziness, now that we are having a DD, and I got the crazy idea I'd want to sway again for another DD (no guarantee though) I'm already constantly thinking about money and ways to make a 4th happen, and I'm still pregnant with the 3rd!

I do hope he can come around. He sounds like a lovely DH, and I'm sure your children are beautiful and one more would just add to the beauty :)

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Thank you so much. I thought about doing something that will sweeten the deal. The desire for my little girl to possibly have a sister is so incredibly strong. I've tried to push it away for months and it keeps coming back. I think it will happen but it won't be as easy as number 4 was. Money has a funny way of working itself out. And my kids have everything they need and want, within reason...lol. I say that because my son wants a $400 lego set and he's 7 years old!! I'm trying not to talk about it and see where it gets me. He knows it's on my mind and I'm waiting for his answer. He is a great dh and I just need to be patient. Easier said than done...

[n710]

Too funny-so similar to my situation. We were going to TTC this fall for #5, but the last few weeks DH has been unsure whether he really wants to or not.

#4 was a surprise and I don't think we really planned for having 5, but we started talking about it after finding out #4 was another DD.

Anyway, I don't have any advice other than as much as I'd like to try for a DS for DS1, I def. wouldn't want DH to ever feel resentment. We are in this together and we both have to be on the same page. He worries that I'll resentment him if we don't have another so we're in a funny spot about that. Overall I told DH that time would allow me to be okay with stopping at 4 and I don;t want to make him feel like he has to do something. There is still a part of him that would want 1 more too, he just feels overwhelmed at times with 4. We plan to revisit again in the fall. Maybe that would be helpful? Just pick a future date to revisit the topic again. That way there os no pressure of having to decide now. I am not sure how old your youngest is, but it can change things.

GL and hugs, I know how you feel

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

We plan on talking about it in the fall too. I have a hard time overthinking though. My head is telling me, "if he didn't come right out and say no, then we'll probably have another baby". But I shouldn't do that. I think he's afraid to say no. And feels like your dh does about resentment. Do you think you will be resentful? I feel like I will be and I shouldn't. We have been blessed with 4 children and my dh was wonderful about my desire to have them. I feel like I'm pushing things. I almost wish this feeling would just go away and never come back. Some days it does fade but comes back even stronger the next day. I wish I had a crystal ball, or a money tree...

[Glittergirl]

I'm in your position too some days. I do want DD to have a sister, but there's no guarantee that will happen. Now that she's 4 months old, I'm sad to never have another newborn. Dh and I discuss it but we always wanted 3-4 kids and now that we have been blessed with 4 healthy kids and we have a dd we go back and forth with do we stop?? deep down I am done. even though Dh is happy with 4, i know I can convince him with one more as he's not ready to have the big V. It just seems so permanent. One thing we discuss is all the fun things we will do once our baby is like 3 years old. We talk about the travels and places we can all go with the family, places we can't really go with an infant or screaming toddler. this helps ease the desire on just one more baby :) We really want to take an exotic vacation with the kids so the thought of dd getting a little older so we can go to fabulous places with the kids is an incentive and helps but I know how you feel. It saddens me to think I wont have any more babies and I still get sad to think of never being pregnant again!

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I think about vacations too. My youngest turned 1 on Friday. My oldest just turned 7. There's a lot I want to do with them. We usually have to work around naps and taking newborns and little ones places doesn't always work. Especially if I'm the only adult there. Thanks for your response. It does give me something to think about. I never thought I'd be in a situation like this. Hopefully it will becomer a little clearer in the coming months.

[SoulSister]

So glad to find this thread :) sums up how I am feeling.
I want a sister for my daughter. I know if #5 is a brother I will want to try again. And again. And again!
I love my boys they are the light of my life. But pregnancy is so hard.
I just want another daughter and our family will be complete.
I feel pressured to ttc soon, biological clock is ticking.
If we had the money saved or could borrow money to go high tech I would do it in a heartbeat.
*sigh*

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

It's so tough. Not sure where I am with my thoughts. Last night I was thinking that 4 was good. But today I'm still wanting 5. My head and heart are at odds with eachother. Time will tell. I think things willbecome a lot clearer once the summer winds down and the kids go back to school. I got a personalized plan, and plan to do some of the diet and exercise to lose a few lbs. I also think I'll take Vitex 2 w on 2 w off and Zyrtex the morning I get a + opk. But that's about it. And that's only if we ttc again. I'm def part of the lazy swayers club. I would love another girl, but a healthy baby above all. I've read a few posts lately from other wonderful ladies on this site that have lost their babies, and it's changed my thought process a bit. Healthy and happy...boy or girl. Good luck to you all in your journey. I'd love to keep in touch. In nice to know that I'm not alone.

[auroara78]

ahh, u are such a sweet and lovely woman, threemenandalady, I really hope the pink fairy visits again and gives your DD a sister...

and i know how you feel about the decision...i cant stop thinking about poossibly going for 4 in a few years, and I keep having to remind myself ..'you're pregnant now, enjoy it!!!'

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Thank you very much. I look forward to seeing pics of your beautiful little girl when she arrives. Her brothers are going to adore her.

[n710]

It's so nice to really be ab;e to chat about this so openly with others!!!!

ThreeMen... First off don;t put so many expectations on yourself to try and feel one way or the other. I think that is so common to feel maybe okay with 4 one day and then wanting 5 the next day. I feel like that too, but it's worse if I try to make myself be okay with just 4 now. I just know that time will help things be the way they are supposed to,.

I don;t think I will resent DH exactly, it's more like asking myself, "who will this affect more?" Like will it be too much(overwhelming) for DH more than my desire for a fifth or vice versa because I know he'd feel the same.

I am also trying to make sure I am living in the moment too and really enjoying the beautiful kids I do have. Like you though, I do still plan to try and follow the diet, but be low key about it and not focus on all the details because that will make me feel worse if we decide to not go for 5