Does my daughter need a sister?

[ButterflyMaria]

Hello everyone who reads my post, I hope some people do as it would be great to have some thoughts. I will begin by saying, that I myself was an only child and so this is the reason I feel I don't have any idea what my children want or need in their siblings. I have one daughter and one son and am pregnant again now, I feel it is a boy.

I feel that I would be happy with three children, honestly, but I would also be happy with four- no more though. My thing is this, the reason I would go for four in the first place is that I would love it if my daughter had a sister (if this baby is in fact a boy), as my son will already have a brother.

I wonder whether I am thinking about it too much in feeling that it would be such a huge gift that I would give my daughter to give her a sister? I am a doting mother and would love the little girl like crazy, but they would also then have eachother for the rest of their lives.

Then I think, well my daughter will have two brothers, if they are really close with her, they could take the place of a sister.

I go back and forth about this all the time, my kids are close in age, by choice, so if we have four we will have to start saving for the IUI Microsort, or PGD right after the last pregnancy.

My husband says he would be happy with three, and the thing is I would too, it really is just this one hang up that makes me wonder.

If anyone here has any thoughts, ideas or experience, please let me know what you think.

I should add we already have the right car, house and enough money to pay for all the needs of three or four children, so that is not in question for us.

Thank you.

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, IUI with MS is not available in the US anymore so it would have to be IVF.

My son will never have a brother. He has his dad, grandparents and his eventual friends and he has his sisters. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

He will never have to be compared or live up to expectations set by a brother and he gets all the boy attention. My girls share the spotlight.

I personally don't want to spend anymore time wishing for just that one more thing. I know I'm lucky to have what I have and it is enough.

[Mochagirl]

I grew up the only girl in a house full of boys and my childhood was great. They all spoiled and protected me and my Mom became my best friend. My daughter's going to have 3 brothers just like me and I think that's perfect. I'm done after this.

[RedCanoe]

I think it's wonderful to give our kids siblings, but I don't think the gender matters. To me, having a sibling means that you have someone there that has known you your entire life, that will be there for you even if they have moved clear across the world (hopefully) and that will understand what you are going through when your parents get old or sick or die. No one else would really understand that as fully - as much as a spouse or friend would offer sympathy, they would not be going through it with you. So it's a built in support system. But I don't think gender will matter in these circumstances.

As for having people of the same gender around, she will have you and her grandmothers and aunts and lots of friends. I'm honestly not worried about my DD not having a sister. She will have lots of love and support around her!

[Mochagirl]

Well said, RedCanoe - couldn't agree more!

[OnlyPraying]

YES!

[atomic sagebrush]

I think that if you're happy where you are for the most part, it can be best to learn to live with the things that are less than ideal. Sometimes people poo-pooh the idea that money can buy happiness, but in many ways money enables you to do things with your kids and have a level of security and comfort that frees you up to enjoy every moment. It's no fun to get your dream family and then realize you do not have the financial resources to give them the life that you would like to, or to have to have sleepless nights worrying how you'll pay for dentist appointments, school fees, and so on. (not to mention the mental energy and time spent on HT and then a pregancy and infancy period.) Even if things are good now, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Personally, if I was in your shoes I'd take that money that you would have spent on PGD and use it to make your kids' childhoods just that much better!

I thought I would feel really sad if I had a daughter that didn't have a sister (because my sisters are way younger than me and I wished for a sister a lot growing up), but now that it's coming to pass, I realize that I actually am pretty happy with the dynamic we have. I feel like if I did have another daughter, there would be a boys vs. girls thing going on and I really don't want that. I also want to feel like she and I have each other with a minimum of complications - no feelings of "you like her better than me" or "girls against Mom" if that makes any sense.

[auroara78]

I think and worry about this as well since I am having a DD now for my 3rd and I'd like a 4th...I fantasize about giving her a sister (already! LOL) and how sweet it would be to end up with two boys then two girls....then reality hits me, and I remember that I was much closer to my brother than my sisters! What if it would be better for her to be the only girl? What if she doesn't like having a sister...what if they are too competitive with each other?

there are a ton of "if's" involved....but the big thing that I am keeping in mind is if I DO eventually try for a 4th, I want to be at a place where I really just want a last cuddly baby and not be so hung up on gender. If I try for a 4th, it will be 'complete' my family and hopefully not just a for another girl, and if I want to trust in God that whatever he grants me for a 4th (if it even happens) is the person meant to join my family.

In regards to having the resources already avail for a 4th, I think you should do it, if you really feel the need. Nobody ever regrets (or I hope not!) having another child they will love and treasure for a lifetime, but I know plenty of women who have regretted not "going for it".

[alreadyneedivf]

most people (qualifying this with MOST because it's definitely not all) think that a pigeon pair is preferable. I grew up where two kids was the norm. All of the pigeon pairs didn't have a same-sex sibling. That's what cousins and family friends are for. That being said, I am very close to my sister, but I'm also super close to my best friends who I would have had regardless of my family makeup. My friends who never had a sister all are very close to either a cousin or a best friend who they call a sister. My husband doesn't have a brother and neither does his best friend, but they have been best friends since kindergarten and act as if they are brothers. Hope this helps!

[michaela]

No.

I have 4 brothers, grew up around families with mostly boys, and loved it. Never wanted a sister, in fact I begged not to have one, I liked having all of my stuff to myself and I had a blast hanging out with my brothers. I don't think any child "needs" a sibling and definitely doesn't "need" a sibling of the same gender.

[Surprise5th]

I have one girl and three boys and my daughter is really really hoping I am having a girl this time around! She feels overwhelmed by boy stuff and really wants a sister. To be honest, my gender disappointment would really happen because I feel that I let her down. The boys already have brothers and a sister, but she only has brothers. She is a great big sister and they all adore her, and she has great relationships with them, but her dream is to have a sister. My heart wants a girl for her but my head says a boy makes more sense. We will be finding out in 2 weeks!

[Mum23boys]

I think a girl and 2 boys is perfect - 2 older brothers to protect it and all his friends to flirt with it will be fantastic - i dont think she will miss having a sister as she will be so close to her friends anyway and they will argue over sharing rooms or make up etc and if she is the only one she will be your spoilt litte princess both by you and her brothers as they grow up.

[Sihaya]

Having two same-gender siblings gives no guarantees to the quality of their relationship just as having children very close together in age doesn't guarantee they will be best friends.

My mom had two girls and then two boys. My sister and I have never really gotten along and it is not getting better as we get older like people have said it might. It is totally a personality thing that has nothing to do with gender. My brothers also cannot stand each other and constantly bicker when together, even as adults. Again, their personalities clash.

The sibling I am closest to is my youngest brother who is 7.5 years younger than me and the opposite gender. Despite the age and gender differences, we just 'get' each other and get along great.

[Rosie85]

There is never a guarantee of siblings being best friends, especially not just because they are the same gender. That being said I grew up with two brothers and always wanted a sister. I still want a sister. There are things you can't control in the end like their friendships but it is never the wrong choice to bring another girl or boy into the world, it is what it is, do it for you and not for your children at that point.

[bluedreams]

I always thought the ideal family was 2 girls and 2 boys so each one has a best friend. But, there is no guarantee siblings will get along. It all depends on the personalities. I see a lot of brothers, IRL, not talking as they get older which is sad. I feel they should be best friends. sometimes it depends on the parenting that encourages competitive behavior by picking favorites. They may brag about one kid and not the other without realizing how it effects their children. I also feel if you are the only girl or only boy in the family you will be spoiled which can cause resentment. My brother is the only boy in my family and he was soooo spoiled...he was the prince and got away with everything while my sister and I always got yelled at. My sister and I would pair up because of that. If we had another brother it would have probably been different...who knows? Or if my parents didn't spoil him so much it would have probably been different. If you want another daughter go for it but don't assume your daughters will be best friends. You can only hope ALL of your children get along and look out for each another.

[Rosie85]

I agree Blue, I was the only girl and I was spoiled because of it.

[lisa3delta]

i had only my brother (1.5 year age diff) as company growing up and while we fought sometimes, mostly we got along and spent a great deal of time with each other.

My three girls fight like cats and dogs a lot more than my brother and i ever did and each of them would tell you they wish they had no sisters im sure!

Even as adults now my brother and i speak to eachother almost every day despite living an hour apart, i wouldnt have traded my brother for any sister and yours may well have that same relationship with your son/s

[LacePrincess]

There is never a guarantee of siblings being best friends, especially not just because they are the same gender. That being said I grew up with two brothers and always wanted a sister. I still want a sister. There are things you can't control in the end like their friendships but it is never the wrong choice to bring another girl or boy into the world, it is what it is, do it for you and not for your children at that point.

+1. Pretty much what I was going to say.

I had a sister (no other sibs) and we were not close at ALL. In fact, we were night and day in personality and have become estranged in our adult lives. :( Sigh. Long story, but bottom line is we were just not cut out to be best friends, and there's no guarantee that even if you had another girl that your daughters would be great friends.