What to say to my pregnant friend? Need advice!

[wantagirly23]

I have a 7 month old baby boy named Colin. There was no swaying involved with him (surprise baby). My husband and I plan to sway for a girl in a few months. My friend has struggled for 2 years to get pregnant and she almost did IVF but ended up getting pregnant naturally right before the procedure! I was thrilled for her and she was beyond happy. The issue I have is that ever since she found out she was pregnant....all she does is make comments about how "I really really hope its girl"...."this better be a girl"...."I want a little girl so bad". When I say in a playful voice, "What's wrong with boys?".....she laughs and says "Oh you know I love Colin. He is so adorable! Its just that I really really want a baby girl. I want that mother daughter experience and I want to be able to get all the fun girly clothes and stuff". Its really annoying that almost every time I talk to her she makes a comment about her baby being a girl! She has the girl name picked out and says that she hasn't even thought about any boy names. Its like the the possibility of having a boy hasn't even crossed her mind! She is only 4 months pregnant and hasn't found out what she is having yet. However, all the purchases she has made have all been pink items! I ask her, "But what if you found out its a boy?"....her response is, "Well I guess I will just return the stuff but I just feel its a girl!". Then I say, "Do you actually feel its a girl or do you want it so badly to be a girl that you are believing its a girl?". She replies, "I think its a girl". I am like blown away at how confident she is but I am also highly offended about it too. I have a baby boy and he is wonderful. What is wrong with having a boy? Am I being too sensitive? I just feel like she thinks having a boy is like complete crap when she makes comments like "This better be a girl". Well what if it isn't? Is it the end of the world? I guess what makes me the most mad is that she couldn't even get pregnant before...now all of a sudden she has a strong preference about the gender?! How about being grateful that you are having a baby at all in the first place! Sorry I needed somewhere to vent about all this lol. Anyways I understand having a preference for a girl or a boy (since I am going to try and sway girl on the next baby) but I feel like she is taking it to a whole other level! #1 she had fertility problems and she be grateful just to have a baby in the first place...#2 Its only her first baby! There is no pressure! There is still next time! She already expressed that she wants 3 children. So even if this first one is a boy it is not the end of her life!
So long story short she finds out the gender of her baby this wed. She is going to text me what it is. Is it mean that I want it to be a boy? Am I a horrible person? I want her to be happy with what she gets but part of me wants her to learn a lesson and learn what really is important in life. I dunno. i honestly think she will prob have a girl but if she calls me up crying that its a boy...how do I handle that? I feel like she is going to want me to console her about having a boy when really I don't think it is a bad thing in the first place! What do I say without completely unleashing it on her?! Thanks for reading this and helping me out!! :)

[mydream]

You are not a horrible person...whenever I hear that any one of my friends is pregnant, I pray its a boy!!! it eases my pain! I would not console her at all if it is a boy, in fact I would tell her all the great things about having a boy and how happy you are.
And at some point if you feel like it is hurting your feelings about her crying if its a boy...I would just come out and let her know..

[girlmom]

she needs a boy then, its those smug moms, you all know who im talkin about right?... those moms with 1 little baby girl, those moms who have never been around a boy child in all their lives, the ones who scoop up their daughter to protect her from rowdy little boys at the park... those are women who despratly need boys and lots of em!
since when is having a boy a consolation prize? thats garbage! i just had my son but i can honestly say my girls are no better then my son, and i don't love my son anymore then i love my daughters. girls don't come out with glitter and fairy wishes surrounding them, my lord it irks me to no end when people say how much better girls are. they're not!

[Hobbermittens]

I think you are lucky to have a baby boy, and your friend has no idea what she is missing! She should be happy to be pregnant at all, but it doesn't always work like that. With each pregnancy, including this one, I KNOW I am lucky to be pregnant, but it doesn't help my GD. I still want a boy.

Anyway, if your friend finds out she is having a girl, be prepared to be even more annoyed by her. She will be gushing all over the place! And if she has a boy, I certainly hope she has more tact than to call you, mother of a precious boy, and complain!

[auroara78]

Baby boys ARE precious!

Agree with all points said above, but if this baby is a girl, be prepared for her girls are better atittude to just get worst!! And if the baby is a boy, I hope she does learn to love him and accept him.

I almost hope she is having a girl since I hate the feeling that some people consider boys undesirable...I am in love with my two little men in my life, and would not trade them for anything. Hopefully, whatever she is having, she will learn how to be grateful.

[wantagirly23]

Thanks everyone! I will update this thread when she tells me what she is having on Wed. I have this strong feeling that she will have a girl because I feel like those people always end up getting what they want. Not sure yet how I will handle all the bragging.

[coocoobananas]

I don't understand how people can be sad about not getting their desired gender for their first. I understand the fear that if they don't for the first they may never have one... But to be dissaponted is completely ridiculous and they need their head checked! I have a friend who said she cried when she found out her first was a boy! How does she know what a boy would be like and that it would be so awful ( which it is not!) then when I got pregnant with number 2 and she knew I was a bit upset it wasn't a girl ( I was so sick again I was sure I wouldn't be here again!!) she said she completely understood and knew she would be the same! Well, she got a girl the 2nd time around so you would think she would get it but no. We're outlet shopping and she comes up to me, ME out of all our friends and says " I can't believe I finally get to ship for girls clothes!!!" I just looked at her and walked away! I told my other friend with 2 girls and she understood, she always thought she would have boys! Her and I have had a lot of talks as we get it;)

[wantagirly23]

I agree. People can be so insensitive and really need to get some perspective on life! I feel like that is exactly what is going to happen when me friend calls and tells me she is having a girl this week. She is going to go on and on about the clothes and everything. Its not that I don't want to be happy for her but I just wish she wasn't so obnoxious about it. Do you still talk to that friend? I am also sort of afraid that it will change our friendship.

[Possible pink?]

Hi Wantagirly... I feel like you wrote my exact same story! I have two sons. DS2 was a crazy fast surprise. We are going HT for number 3 to have a girl. When my DS2 was 6 wks one of my best friends told me she was pregnant and couldn't imagine it not being a girl, how she didn't want boys and in and on...I honestly prayed she would have a boy, but nope it's a girl due any day and to be honest, I have not wanted to hang out with her or be involved that much in the pregnancy. I had no interest in getting baby girl clothes for the shower and did a practical gender neutral baby present. I also know this is my issue but when she went on and on about the girl thing it hurt me, made my GD worse and was insulting as I love my baby boys!

[wantagirly23]

Hi Possible Pink. I am sorry to hear that your friend was the same way. I just know she is going to find out its a girl this week and I fear that it really will change our friendship. Oh well. Boys are awesome and even though I am swaying girl for baby #2.....if its a boy then whatever! That is what I was meant to have and Colin will have a best friend for life. I just want to TRY swaying since we didn't do anything of the sort with Colin. I am new to all this gender swaying business...so I am not familiar with all the lingo. I know that "HT" means "High tech"...but does that mean IVF? Or Microsort? Or is it a different method that you are doing? I think we are stopping after baby#2 regardless of what it is because I don't think my husband and I could ever afford IVF:(

[Possible pink?]

Hi Possible Pink. I am sorry to hear that your friend was the same way. I just know she is going to find out its a girl this week and I fear that it really will change our friendship. Oh well. Boys are awesome and even though I am swaying girl for baby #2.....if its a boy then whatever! That is what I was meant to have and Colin will have a best friend for life. I just want to TRY swaying since we didn't do anything of the sort with Colin. I am new to all this gender swaying business...so I am not familiar with all the lingo. I know that "HT" means "High tech"...but does that mean IVF? Or Microsort? Or is it a different method that you are doing? I think we are stopping after baby#2 regardless of what it is because I don't think my husband and I could ever afford IVF:(

We are doing IVF/pgd in another state. My husband just wanted two but I really still want to raise a daughter and I think deep down he does also. However my Boys are 15 months apart and love love love eachother! It's so sweet to watch them together. They WILL be amazing little buds growing up. I wouldn't trade how things did turn out for anything!

[alreadyneedivf]

hmm with a friend like that I'd wish they'd have a boy. I had a friend tell me the other day that seeing my son made her realize her life wouldn't be over if she ever had a boy. she has no kids now but I told all my friends and now they all say they hope when she is pregnant that it is a boy--just for that. LOL. I think everyone has a preference but they don't need to say it to people who have the opposite of their preference. In fact, my good friend just found out she's having a girl and before she found out I heard her talking to another friend about how she wants a girl but as soon as I came over they stopped the conversation because that's what good friends do.

I think whether this is a girl or a boy you need to reconsider your friendship with this girl. Just my opinion!

[coocoobananas]

I am still friends with her, she puts her foot in her mouth a lot! She's not someone I am super close and thats how it will stay. she's rooting for me to get a girl this time. But even her comments about hoping I get to experience that girl/mom bond that is so special erks me too, my relationship with my boys is just as special and I'm not expecting anything different on that level with a girl!

[auroara78]

I have a friend who I am not super close to anymore but when I was pregnant iwth DS2 and wanted a girl and found out he was a boy, she was telling me how much of a pain girls are and how I'd better be so glad I dont got to deal with that crap (it didn't really help me, since I SAW with my own eyes how her daughter and her were best friends, always went shopping etc.)

I told her about swaying and she scoffed, saying I was doomed to make boy 3. She actually said, "face it, your husband only shoots boys."

So once i found out this baby was a girl, instead of congraulating me or being happy that I am getting what I want, she just went on and on about how "sorry" I'd be, how I would hate having a girl, and would wish I did have another boy. Needless to say, I really don't talk to her that much because she is so unsupportive. So unforatnely sometimes it can go the other way in friendships as well :(

[wantagirly23]

Well she just texted me this morning. Of course she found out she is having a girl. She sent me like 5 text messages before the appt saying.."Omg omg I am SOOOOOO nervous right now!". I texted her back being like, "Why are you so nervous?". Deep down I was just begging her to say something negative again about the baby being a boy so that I could yell at her .........but she didn't respond to my text. Then she texted me like an hour later saying that she was having a "precious princess baby girl". And then she went on and on about how relieved and happy she was...and how she is going to go out tonight and go on a "girly shopping spree" and "bake pink cupcakes". I was livid and wanted to say something but I was at the beach with family and didn't want to get into it on the phone there. So I texted her back and said that I was very happy for her and that she got what she wanted. I dunno guys I am just so livid and depressed right now. I just feel like there is no justice in the world. Why does someone who act like that end up getting what they want? I am so upset about this and I can't talk to anyone about it because my husband said he doesn't want to hear my complaining anymore. I don't blame him because I talk about it a lot.......but I still can't help it. She makes me feel bad that I have a baby boy and she already knows that me not having a girl is a sensitive subject. I am also sad because I fear that this will def change our friendship. I am going to sway my heart out on this next baby but if its a boy again I honestly don't know how I am going to stand being friends with her. She is going to make comments like "Oh I'm so sorry its another boy". I can't be around that. I think if our next baby is another boy that I will prob take it very hard and be really upset for awhile. Not necessarily because the baby is a boy but because the dream of ever having a girl will be gone. This next baby will be our last because my husband only wants 2 kids. So this is it. If the next baby is a boy I need people around me that are going to be positive and supportive and help me realize that having all boys is great. She is just going to make things worse. My husband thinks I should talk to her now before we start ttc for baby #2 in a couple of months. He thinks I should tell her how I feel and everything. I agree that maybe something needs to be said but I am not sure how to go about doing it. I feel like she is going to immediately jump to the conclusion that I am just completely jealous of her that she got a girl and that I am a terrible friend who isn't happy for her. That is not the case. I am happy that she got pregnant after years of trying and I would never want someone to not get what they want but I felt like her behavior, comments and preference for a girl were way over the top...especially in front of me when she knows I have a boy and nervous about possibly never having a daughter. I dunno what do you guys think? I read this and if I didn't know me I would think this was totally crazy. I SHOULD just be grateful that I have a healthy baby boy and not be so obsessed with this gender thing. Babies are born everyday with health problems and thousands of couples struggle with infertility and are never able to have kids. How can I be so selfish? God what is wrong with me. Nothing is ever good enough. I am so lost right now. :(

[SoulSister]

Hello, I am new to this website. I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with GD. It's easy to be misinterpreted with written text, so please understand its not my intention to hurt your feelings even further or to offend you.
It seems to me that your friend thinks that you understood how deeply she wished for a daughter because you feel similarly. Perhaps she felt so strongly that her first needed to be a daughter as it has taken her so long to conceive that she feared she may not get the chance again? I hope your husband can be the support you need to get through this difficult time.
I hope your next child is the daughter your dream of, but should you have another son, please know that the gift of a brother for your son is a precious precious thing.

[Hobbermittens]

Ugh, it is so terribly unfair that people like your friend get what they want, especially after acting so spoiled and entitled! I hate that. I am so sick of people assuming that they will get the gender they want, and then getting it, when the rest want it so bad and get opposites. I had a friend get a boy when I got DD2, and it killed me. She happily said she "ordered" a boy because her daughter was a handful, and her older son was easy, so she wanted another boy for her 3rd. I don't think they swayed--by "ordering", I assumed she meant prayed or just hoped for a boy. It made me nuts, because I wanted a boy so badly and still got a girl--so why did she get what she wanted and I didn't?

[BeadinMom]

Honestly, I think some people are just clueless.

My comment to people when they mention sex of babies...no matter whose baby it is...
it is not WHAT you have, but WHO you have in your life.

I swayed for a girl, but if given the choice between a girl or another boy with the personality of my DS3, I'd take another one like him in a heartbeat. He has been the greatest ride...it's the only way to describe him. I taught him sign language when he was a baby...all I had to teach him was "more" and then he started talking and he hasn't shut up since. My boys are absolutely amazing with each other...even when they fight. :)
I have 2 nieces who I love equally, but are COMPLETELY different. It's all about WHO they are, not what's in their diaper.

[BeadinMom]

By the way, if you really do think she's throwing this in your face, my advice is to find a new friend.
I had a very dear friend who had a pigeon pair. When I found out my DS3 was a boy, she was well aware that I had wanted a girl. Her comment to me when I told her it was a boy..."When I was pregnant with my son, I was on the beach and saw this mom with 3 little boys running around her. I started to cry and told my husband, OMG, that's going to be us...but thankfully a couple years later, we had a girl."
Yeah. That was pretty much the last conversation we had. lol. When I'm done, I'm done. ;)

[cravingsalt]

By the way, if you really do think she's throwing this in your face, my advice is to find a new friend.
I had a very dear friend who had a pigeon pair. When I found out my DS3 was a boy, she was well aware that I had wanted a girl. Her comment to me when I told her it was a boy..."When I was pregnant with my son, I was on the beach and saw this mom with 3 little boys running around her. I started to cry and told my husband, OMG, that's going to be us...but thankfully a couple years later, we had a girl."
Yeah. That was pretty much the last conversation we had. lol. When I'm done, I'm done. ;)

Beadin...that is the worst one I've heard yet. So sorry she was so insensitive! She'll never know what she was missing out on. The worst one I've had was when I was very pregnant with my ds2 and a friend of my sister-in-law (pigeon pair with an adorable baby girl) asked what I was having. I told her a boy, with a smile and no negativity, and she said, quote, "ha, HA!!"

Wantagirly- this situation is heartwrenching, I know...it's a grieving process, truly. I think maybe take a little splace for yourself- don't chuck her as a friend, but maybe give it a little distance for a short time, for both of your sakes. Kindly, if she's truly a friend- you've got to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she has just been putting her foot in her mouth, maybe so excited about conceiving plus getting her dg that she's having a hard time thinking about anything else. I know it's soooooo hard, you don't want to feel guilty if you say something you can't take back. It'll give you both some time to not have it in your face and re-evaluate if you miss the friendship. Sometimes people just grow apart.

[BeadinMom]

Thanks Craving...I agree completely. I know my life is much sweeter because of the 3 little guys I have in it.

[cravingsalt]

Or option b...when all else fails, and she's gushing about her girl, let down your defenses, drop the smile and let her see you cry, instead of bottling it all up. Let her know (non-agressively) that you really fear not having your own daughter and it's a sore spot. She may show herself to be a true friend and who knows, a year down the road your daughters may be playing together while you laugh about this whole situation. You never know.

<hugs>

[wantagirly23]

CravingSalt- You are right. She might not even have a clue how she is coming across. We have been friends for a long time so I will prob give her the benefit on the doubt. I def need to tell her how I feel at some point though. I will wait a bit to have the convo but I need to talk to her before I conceive baby #2. Because if our sway fails and baby #2 is a boy then I really am going to need her to be supportive and censor her comments towards me.

BeadinMom- Congrats on your 3 little men. I have heard many positives to having 3 boys. One being that you are queen of your household! I am starting to like the idea of that....that in the fact that there isn't another girl around to spend money on for things like clothes, makeup,etc. Boys def seem to be more economical. I'm sure if we have a girl I will prob spend a TON of our money on clothes for her, headbands, bows,etc and DH wont be too happy haha. So those are some of the positives I try to keep in mind whenever I think about never having a girl. I am sorry your friend said that comment to you. I would have told her off! Also I don't blame you for not talking to her ever again. Those people are so ignorant. Even though I want a girl I realize that I might get a girl one day and it might not be anything like I thought. Here I am thinking I want a daughter because we will be bff and go shopping together and have that mother/daughter relationship. In reality she might not be any of those things! She could be a out of control girl...she could be disrespectful...emotional...talk back to us ....she could could want nothing to do with me....who knows! I have this idea in my head ...or rather this "fantasy" about what my daughter would be like. Haha. It really is funny because maybe if my next baby is a boy....I wont actually be sad that he is a boy...but I will be sad that my fantasy of having a perfect daughter will be gone. But maybe a girl wouldn't have been the perfect daughter towards me. I guess I will just have to find out and leave it to fate for my next baby. Sorry if I rambled there but is really therapeutic for me to just type this stuff out and think about it haha. Makes me feel better. Can I ask you a question? Did oyu do any swaying with any of your 3 boys? Do you think that swaying makes GD worse in your opinion? I mean should I just go for it on baby #2 and whatever happens...happens? Or do you think if I sway for baby#2 and get another boy it will make the GD worse since I put in time/effort with dieting and stuff?

Hobbermittens- Congrats on your 2 little girls. That is wonderful. And if it is any consolation...I'm jealous! I'm sure they are close and will be for life! They will be close to you as well:) Also I am sorry that your friend made those comments to you about having a boy. I would not associate myself with her if she continues to do that. She needs to be sensitive to your feelings. Life is so unfair. I don't know why some people get what they want and some don't. Are you done having kids or are you still seeking a boy just out of curiosity? I hope you get what you want. An d even if you don't..sounds to me like you already have the perfect little family!

Everyone- Something else I just thought of....maybe I am being selfish for wanting a girl. I mean is pigeon pair really what is best for the kids? I mean I'm sure it would be fine if I had a girl next and I am not saying that brothers and sisters aren't capable of being friends...of course they are but there is no denying that being the same gender def helps! I mean I think my baby boy would prob be better off with a brother over a sister. So I guess what is more important....that he gets a brother or that I get my daughter? If you put it that way it makes me look really selfish to say daughter:( I can't help what I want though. I dunno just a thought that I am throwing out there. I am just rambling haha.

[BeadinMom]

NO. You are not selfish. Your heart wants what your heart wants. We're all here for a reason. I do believe in God, however, and I do believe that he sends us WHO we need.

Honestly, for DS3, I did a PATHETIC sway, using Shettles. It obviously didn't work. I believed at the time however, that it would...and I put a lot of faith in that. So when we had our ultrasound, I told the tech we weren't sure we wanted to know, so I asked her to write it down and seal it in an envelope and if we decided we couldn't wait, then we'd open the envelope. Well, the second we got in the car, I told my DH to open the envelope...in the parking garage at the hospital. I told him, "If it says boy, tell me it's going to be okay and if it's a girl, tell me I don't want to know." So he looks at me and says, "It's going to be okay." At that moment, I burst into tears and said, "NO IT IS NOT." And I cried. And I cried. And I cried. And then he was born. And I still cried. And then Katrina came and we evacuated. And at that moment, I realized what was important to me. We were all okay...my area was spared, but I gained something from all of that. I fell in love with that little man.

This time, I won't find out. I just want to enjoy every minute of my last pregnancy. I won't lie though, I do think that swaying does make GD worse. You feel like it has to work...even though logically you know it's not guaranteed.

[luvncamrin]

Okay...so people are probably not going to like what I'm writing.....and sorry in advance for ticking anyone off....I've enjoyed support from the majority of the women that have replied to this post...but I don't really like "the anger" taken towards the women spoken about on here with "gender desire." I don't like the direction this post is going in at all...especially because it defeats the purpose of what I think this whole site is intended for.......I'm hearing alot of "she needs to get perspective on life" and "what's wrong with my gender of kids??!" and "how dare she have a desired gender when she is luck to HAVE ANY BABY AT ALL." The whole point of this site is getting your feelings out...and honestly ...what I'm personally hearing is a lot of "my type of GD/DG is legit because of ABC and this person's (my friend, a person I know ect) GD/DG isn't because of XYZ." Please remember that most DG/GD isn't really "controllable" or something you can just GET OVER or "get some perspective on what really matters in life" and it will be gone. In my experience it is something much more internal.....and it just feels right for me to raise a particular gender. I love having boys...and I'm don't feel like raising girls is a perfect fit for me! You can never really know the reason the way a person feels deep down or why they desire a certain gender. Whether someone needs IVF for years or is a breeder rabbit ...really can't and shouldn't be a requirement to have those feelings. If you feel so righteous about wanting your DG and your friend not having enough life perspective...maybe you should rethink your swaying, PGD or feeling about that DG in general? I just don't think it is AT ALL fair for one woman to have more valid GD/DG because of their fertility status...sorry! I don't understand the whole meaness behind wanting to teach someone a lesson by wishing their undesired gender upon them. That just seems so cruel. Regardless of the make up of my family....and especially because I have experienced GD before....I wouldn't wish a GD baby on anyone really....even an enemy...simply because I would feel bad for that baby! Even if I find out I'm having a girl ( which is NOT my desired gender) ....I wouldn't wish a gender opposite on my friend.....I just can't relate to that...it seems cold and mean. Sorry if I hurt any feelings....but it just seems sad to see so many ladies on here than have been so supportive...to switch gears and gang up on a "friend" that isn't even here to defend herself.... but maybe that is the whole reason I ONLY WANT BOYS! (just kidding....had to throw a little humor in...my post seems a little too serious for my taste ;)

[nuthinbutpink]

She is just verbalizing what many of us think to ourselves. I think it is difficult to fault her for that no matter how it makes you feel. The most I would say is "congratulations" and I would leave it at that. She has gender desire and speaks freely of what she desires. It may hurt a boy mom's feelings but you cannot say that she is a bad person for wanting a girl, I think. She may be very self-centered right now given all she has been through just to conceive and oblivious to what she is saying and how that affects you but she has a desire for a girl and she is vocal about it. It's hard to fault her for that without sounding hypocritical I think. I agree she should not do it in the way she has certainly but I think you either come right out and tell her she is hurting your feelings by saying things like that about boys or you just smile and say Congratulations. Anything else is a waste of time and energy.

[wantagirly23]

I never said she was a "bad person for wanting a girl". Where the heck did you pull that out of? Ok I am going to make something clear. Maybe I should break it down for an easy read sense people are either not fully reading my posts correctly or don't understand...

1) I am happy that my friend got pregnant after all this time and got her desired gender...a girl...and I don't blame her for being happy! I would be too

2) I know that in my original post I wrote that I wish she would "learn a lesson" and things like that but I was very upset at the time I wrote that. I come here for that stuff because I need somewhere to vent. I don't think its right what I wrote. Again I was angry and I'm sorry. I was offended by her "this better be a girl" and "I am so relieved" comments that she has made to me this week. I'm sorry I am human.

3) You guys the biggest reason I am upset is not because she is having a girl but because I am insecure about might never having a girl. And she knows that. I confided in her about this after my son was born. She asked me if I was happy about having a boy and I answered honestly. I feel like her comments to me this week are very rude. A simple "I am having a girl" or "I hope I have a girl" comment would have been fine but she has called/texted me 1-2 times a day leading up to her doc appt about how the baby "better be a girl"or "girls are cuter to shop for", etc. Does that sound like a friend that is being sensitive to your feelings? If she wants to make over teh top comments like that to someone then she needs to do it to one of her other friends. She knows it is a touchy subject for me. When she was struggling to get pregnant for 2 years and I got pregnant on our first try...I was scared to tell her I was pregnant! I knew that would crush her! I didn't tell her I was prego until halfway through my pregnancy I was that concerned about how it would make her feel. When I did finally call her to tell her...I was quick and simple about it. From then on out I never called to talk to her about my pregnancy or the baby. I didn't want to come across as shoving it in her face when here the poor girl was just desperate to be pregnant. I would talk about other things with her...work, husbands, the house, etc. If she brought up my pregnancy or asked me a question then I would talk about it. Now I don't expect her to not talk about having a girl...but what I expect is for her to freaking tone it down a notch.

4) Bottom line.....do one deserves gender disappointment. I do want everyone to get what they want. No gender is better than another. Everyone has their own idea of their own "perfect" family...whether that be 3 boys...3 girls.....pp... etc. Everyone needs to be sensitive towards others who are going through GD...esp your good friends. I am scared that I will suffer GD with my baby #2 and sense I don't feel she was ever really there for me with baby#1....I fear not only will she not be there for me with baby#2...she might actually make my GD worse with her girls are better than boy comments. That is is my concern.

[Tiffani3]

I have friends like this!!!
I know they don't truly mean to make stupid comments they say but that doesn't help sometimes the pity is worse sometimes not the comments. when I had ds2 all my dh brothers and sisters had pp they truly expected me to but when he was born I was so proud that I wasn't just like everyone else and it was so wonderful to have the same gender my gd didn't start till ds3 6 years later and although I adore him with all my heart I spent the hole of my pg crying after I found out he was a boy! And when he was born I've spent the past 2 yrs worrying and hoping when I can try and get my dd! :(

I haven't cut any of those friends out my life on the fact that no ones child/children are as beautiful and amazing as my 3 ds in fact I find them really irritating and naughty!! My dh assures me that if we have a dd she wont be like that lol also it's my gd not there's and I wouldn't wish that on anyone!
I haven't told any of my friends that there comments are to much on the fact that I am so ashamed that I feel like I do when I'm so lucky to have my boys!

This is the first save place I have found that I feel like I can really say what's in my heart, and I think getting the crap out is important healing process so you vent away if it slightly helps you to heal your heart! You'll find your way of getting though it!!
X X X

[mummypink]

I think maybe it is the way she has put her feelings across to you that has made you feel the way you do.

I have a friend who knows I would love a little girl, she has a son already and she called me the other day to say she is expecting a girl this time. I'm over the moon for her, envious too naturally, but really happy for her. I congratulated her and she replied 'I'm just so so lucky, totally perfect having just one of each'. Which I smiled through but I must admit I felt a bit hurt by her comment, as if having two boys wouldn't be such a lucky thing to have. I'm sure she didn't mean it like that but when you're hoping to add a certain gender baby to your own family you do tend to be over sensitive to comments people make.

I find taking 5 minutes out to look at my beautiful boys and think how lucky I am to have the privilege to be their mummy helps me to put things into perspective, and put silly thoughtless comments of others behind me. x

[nuthinbutpink]

I don't need an "easy read". I could read what you wrote before perfectly fine.

She has zero tact.

You have gender desire. So does she.

She got what she wanted which stings but you can't be upset with her because she suffers from infertility and that is difficult to deal with. I'm sure she was jealous of you conceiving on your own the first try and cried about that too. Not your fault of course and sounds like you do have empathy and tact.

You need to tell her that when she says things a certain way it hurts your feelings. Or just stay away from her.

If you do have a girl next, you'll have a pp and loads of people will be jealous of your family.

The way you feel and the friend that you have are both things the majority of us have felt or dealt with. It's hard. That's why we have this site and a place to talk this through. You asked for advice, right?

[luvncamrin]

I don't need an "easy read". I could read what you wrote before perfectly fine.

She has zero tact.

You have gender desire. So does she.

She got what she wanted which stings but you can't be upset with her because she suffers from infertility and that is difficult to deal with. I'm sure she was jealous of you conceiving on your own the first try and cried about that too. Not your fault of course and sounds like you do have empathy and tact.

You need to tell her that when she says things a certain way it hurts your feelings. Or just stay away from her.

If you do have a girl next, you'll have a pp and loads of people will be jealous of your family.

The way you feel and the friend that you have are both things the majority of us have felt or dealt with. It's hard. That's why we have this site and a place to talk this through. You asked for advice, right?

Ditto and I actually LOVE everything you wrote.....thanks!

[kaseybaby]

OMG I have one of these friends. It took her forever to get pregnant, even before she was pregnant all I heard was she needed to have a girl. Then she gets pregnant after 2 years and all I hear is how she wants it to be a girl, and she can't wrap her head around having a boy, etc. I have a DS who is the light of my life, and although I understand DG, as I have it, I kept taking it as if she was putting down my DS. Then OF COURSE she found out she was having a girl. So now all I get is how awesome it is going to be to have a DD and pictures of her DD room, etc. Keep in mind she knows that I am starting IF treatments soon, but still ever single day sends me updates about her DD hiccups.

[lisa3delta]

hahah hope she gets a boy. keep us posted will you, when she finds out? But I shouldnt be such a cow i was a bit the same my last pregancy. i was SO sure i was having a boy, just because i really wanted one i guess. Even after i was told by the tech 100% girl, i refused to believe it. so you can possibly expect the same from your friend even after she finds out.

[wantagirly23]

She is having a girl. Haven't stopped hearing about it either