My pregnant friend is obsessed with having a baby girl and it hurts my feelings

[wantagirly23]

I have a 7 month old baby boy named Colin. There was no swaying involved with him (surprise baby). My husband and I plan to sway for a girl in a few months. My friend has struggled for 2 years to get pregnant and she almost did IVF but ended up getting pregnant naturally right before the procedure! I was thrilled for her and she was beyond happy. The issue I have is that ever since she found out she was pregnant....all she does is make comments about how "I really really hope its girl"...."this better be a girl"...."I want a little girl so bad". When I say in a playful voice, "What's wrong with boys?".....she laughs and says "Oh you know I love Colin. He is so adorable! Its just that I really really want a baby girl. I want that mother daughter experience and I want to be able to get all the fun girly clothes and stuff". Its really annoying that almost every time I talk to her she makes a comment about her baby being a girl! She has the girl name picked out and says that she hasn't even thought about any boy names. Its like the the possibility of having a boy hasn't even crossed her mind! She is only 4 months pregnant and hasn't found out what she is having yet. However, all the purchases she has made have all been pink items! I ask her, "But what if you found out its a boy?"....her response is, "Well I guess I will just return the stuff but I just feel its a girl!". Then I say, "Do you actually feel its a girl or do you want it so badly to be a girl that you are believing its a girl?". She replies, "I think its a girl". I am like blown away at how confident she is but I am also highly offended about it too. I have a baby boy and he is wonderful. What is wrong with having a boy? Am I being too sensitive? I just feel like she thinks having a boy is like complete crap when she makes comments like "This better be a girl". Well what if it isn't? Is it the end of the world? I guess what makes me the most mad is that she couldn't even get pregnant before...now all of a sudden she has a strong preference about the gender?! How about being grateful that you are having a baby at all in the first place! Sorry I needed somewhere to vent about all this lol. Anyways I understand having a preference for a girl or a boy (since I am going to try and sway girl on the next baby) but I feel like she is taking it to a whole other level! #1 she had fertility problems and she be grateful just to have a baby in the first place...#2 Its only her first baby! There is no pressure! There is still next time! She already expressed that she wants 3 children. So even if this first one is a boy it is not the end of her life!
So long story short she finds out the gender of her baby this wed. She is going to text me what it is. Is it mean that I want it to be a boy? Am I a horrible person? I want her to be happy with what she gets but part of me wants her to learn a lesson and learn what really is important in life. I dunno. i honestly think she will prob have a girl but if she calls me up crying that its a boy...how do I handle that? I feel like she is going to want me to console her about having a boy when really I don't think it is a bad thing in the first place! What do I say without completely unleashing it on her?! Thanks for reading this and helping me out!!

[jils04]

I kind of agree with you. I dont like it when people just assume theyre gonna get what they want, cos they usually do grrrrr. It is offensive to you and other boy mums. The world is half boy after all. Meanwhile, nice humble people struggle with gd...
If it is a boy, i wouldnt be able to help myself. Id say something like " oh dont be silly, its not the end of the world, hell probably be just gorgeous. Maybe next time will be your dd". Lol

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[Deux Bleus]

I totally feel your pain as I am currently in a scarily similar situation.

It's so inconsiderate & ungrateful but I think my GD(esire) makes me more sensitive to it.

I feel as if I am becoming distant to her or even blunt when the unborn/unknown 'she' is mentioned. I dont like who or what its bringing out in me.
I guess we just need to remember that if the 'she' turns out to be a 'he', these ladies will end up with possible GD & hopefully learn to appreciate their pregnancies, regardless of gender & if they are right, I will still love my 2 sons more than anything, even though their existence doesnt seem valid because they are boys and not girls!

Has your friend found out what she is actually having yet?

[Zivic-Bubac]

I will still love my 2 sons more than anything, even though their existence doesnt seem valid because they are boys and not girls!

OMG, I could have written this! You put it so well: I LOVE my girls and I 'm aware what a blessing it is to have 3 healthy kids, it's just their existence doesn't seem valid bcos they are GIRLS not boys!

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I have a friend who is pregnant with her 4th...her surprise baby. She has 2 boys and a girl. At her 12 week scan she thought she was having a boy and was devastated. She freaked out and called to get an elective u/s, and told the tech she was further along than she was. She asked me to go with her, and I did. I have 3 boys and a girl, and that's what she would have had if this baby was a boy. She wanted a girl so bad, and I wanted her to have another boy. I was angry that she didn't want 3 sons. It was like she was saying she didn't like my family makeup. So long story short, she's having a girl. And I had to watch the whole thing happen. I was gutted and angry. Why did I have to witness that????? Little did I know that I was pregnant, and now I have all this pressure that I've put on myself to have another girl. I hate gd. I'm really scared to get a scan. I decided to get one by myself when I'm 15 weeks. I need time to digest another boy. I have also become distant and don't care to hear about her pregnancy anymore. She's so happy now, but it would've been totally different if she heard boy!!!

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I hope I don't sound horrible. I'm actually a nice person...hahaha.

[twinkitty2]

Honestly, I think you are being a little sensitive. Every mommy is sensitive about her children - gender related, or otherwise. She didn't say she doesn't want a boy, or that she doesn't like them for some reason - just that she would love to have a girl. I don't see it as any different from anyone on the gender disappointment forum expressing their wish for either blue or pink.

You are right, though, that with a first baby it doesn't matter as much if you plan to have more. I'm sure she's just excited and doesn't realize that her comments are hurtful to you.

[peonymama]

Just wondering what the outcome was. :)

[sbowman]

I know exactly how you feel. Recently I had three friends have babies. One of them was in the same situation, took her two years to get pregnant. But after she got pregnant, all she cared about was that her baby was a girl. And sure enough it was. The second friend was the same, only cared about having a girl, and of course she had one too. Even the third one tried to pretend she didn't care, but when it turned out to be a girl she admitted that she would have been devastated with a boy. Now she's pregnant again and terrified of having a boy. I don't get it. :( I just hate how smug they are/were about it. I feel like if they had had boys, they would have been devastated. Instead they seem to throw it in my face, especially the first one. I had to stop talking to her because her obsession with baby gender was getting to me. She would say things like, maybe your next one will be a girl. Or there's nothing like having a girl! Nothing else compares. :( I don't understand why one boy is the end of the world. Then again, I strongly suspect that they seemed to think having a baby was like buying a cute new purse. They were all in for quite a shock when their babies arrived, and it wasn't the cake walk they thought it would be. One of them literally still cannot handle being alone with her own daughter, and it makes me sad. Ugh ok, I'm done now. But you're not a horrible person. I totally get it.

[wildwooddays]

I have friends who don't even have kids yet and keep saying that really want a girl. I don't know why people don't want boys. I didnt' care with my first or even my second. I wasn't desperate for a girl until I already had 2 boys so it's hard for me to relate. And as mothers of boys, it really does hurt our feelings when our friends say that to us.

[spinningmadly]

I totally understand where you are coming from, I don't want to sound insensitive. But the whole "you had fertility problems you should be happy with either" bugs me. My 3rd was still born and yes I still have GD even though I pray for a healthy baby. Granted I didn't have gd until after 2 kids! So yeah the rest of it is a bit weird.

[noha.khairy]

I'm wondering what was the outcome?? Did she have the girl? X

[HealthyGirl]

What did your friend end up having?


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[Claire33]

Of course, her friend had a girl :mad: :hair:

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/chit-chat-lounge/11967-what-say-my-pregnant-friend-need-advice.html

[EmileeJane]

Ugh! She ended up having a girl?!
That does feel bad. Last year when my good friend was pregnant with her 2nd her DH and entire family were so sure that 'this is our girl'. They have a difficult 1st born son , same as me, and my 2nd was also a boy even though I'd only ever wanted girls. Of course when they found out it was in fact a girl I was shocked and sad and jealous. She most definitely has made smug comments about how glad she was it was a girl and not another boy. Even though she knew how badly I'd wanted a girl. We've grown apart and rarely see them now.
Sorry about this. It does suck sometimes when people appear to have it all. If she had fertility problems this may very well be her only child. In reality we have no idea what she may struggle with with her kids in the future.
Good luck with your sweet boy future babes. Good luck taking the high road too!

[pink_bean]

The hardest part when this happens is they never learn to empathize with how their comments make you feel because they get what they wanted.

[EmileeJane]

100% pinkbean! I think of just how much I've learned from having my boys, aka not getting my way. Losing and learning. Of course I was younger so that plays a part but like everyone on this board we are more well rounded and empathetic humans for going through this. I look back on how judgmental I used to be and how much this has humbled me. I try so hard to never say hurtful things about a person's family makeup and instead give an uplifting comment. You never know how bad someone's day is, or if you made it worse.
I Myself Am becoming quite the actress these days now that we're finally telling people we're expecting #3. Gushing about how excited we are even for a 3rd boy and of course we weren't trying for a girl, that is absurd since chances are roughly 50/50
;) cheers to the high road ladies!