ethics of surrogate mothers

[atomic sagebrush]

This was quite slanted, but I still thought it was interesting.

http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/outsourcing_pregnancy/

[BoyDreaming]

I think surrogacy is a beautiful thing. Having said that, I would consider doing it. However, given my GD issues and possibly expecting a fourth daughter, I don't know how I'd feel if I carried a baby for someone else and it ended up being a boy. That would be very hard for me to deal with.

An option I'm considering is egg donation, though. I have been considering it for a long time to pay for IVF/PGD if this baby isn't a boy. My family and husband weren't too keen on the idea as biologically I could have children out in the world I don't know about, but I also feel like this would better prepare me for the IVF process some women find so traumatizing and give other women with infertility hopes of having a family. My family was also taken back by the fact I would receive compensation for the eggs and said it was as if I'm "selling" my kids.

[atomic sagebrush]

That's a good idea for raising money for IVF!!!

I knew a lady on another website who did actually carry a surrogate of her DG and it was really hard for her. She went onto have two of her DG so happy ending for all.

[BoyDreaming]

Having any boy would be hard for me, even after having one of my own. For some reason I was always fonder of boys than I was girls. Girls were just always too "catty," even in their younger years.

[atomic sagebrush]

:heart:I'm sorry, I so wish we had a magic wand and could all just enchant up our perfect family from the very beginning.:heart:

[BoyDreaming]

Oh, I didn't mean to be a downer or travel off topic. Lol. I have a tendency to do that! I wasn't knocking my own daughters, either. I truly don't know what I would do without them. They're my life. <3

[Tulips]

Im my country surrogacy cannot be done for profit, it makes the number of options much smaller. My sister will require a surrogate to carry her baby as she cannot carry one herself due to a heart condition. It has always been my intention to do this for her, however, unless I have a girl I don't know that I can. Even though genetically a surrogate baby would be hers and her husbands (IVF conception) if it were a girl and I had not had one I don't know if I could do it :( I hate admitting that.

[atomic sagebrush]

I totally understand, it would be SO HARD to do that...do you rem. Airforcewife? She did a surrogacy for a baby girl and it was hard for her, but then she went on and had two girls of her own. I hope that you're able to get your baby girl someday and that your sis finds someone to be her surrogate, even if it can't be you. ♥♥♥

[sixhappysons]

I did surrogacy last year and was actually hoping it was a girl (to start with) just to prove I could carry one... crazy I know!!
When the scan came however I was relieved it was a boy. She (Intended Mum) wanted a boy and I realise now that I would have felt some bitterness had it been a girl.
I think things happen for a reason. I ended up with a csection too, my first after 6 natural births, and that also helped with the separation. xx

[lindi]

I think surrogacy is an amazing and beautiful thing. I very much respect women who are able to be surrogate mothers. It doesn't make me cringe at all like the author of that articles thinks it should. But I agree- some of the issues around surrogacy that she raised were interesting.

[aintnocinderella]

I have always said that i have such easy pregnancies that i could very easily be a surrogate and would love to do that for someone but the only thing that comes to mind is that i am not sure how i would handle having a girl for someone else. I did say to my husband that i am so desperate for a girl that i would be a surrogate to pay for my own gender selection IVF which is unavailable in this country so it makes it a bit harder (and more expensive). I do know that its something i have always said i would do for someone but it would have to be IVF and very much thier baby genetically. i know this sounds weird but in my head its all about the DNA and i would be honered to be a special part of that babies life but wouldnt consider it to be mine.

[familiesr4ever]

My sil was a surrogate and delivered twin boys last Nov, my mil was very worried that she would have a girl and not be okay as my sil has four boys of her own. But she kept insisting that she would be okay with the whole process even if she had had girls. She has easy pregnancies thankfully and worked right up until she delivered them at 38 weeks which is really good for twins, they were about 6 lbs each. Big boys! Anyway, I think it is great if you can do surrogacy, I wouldn't be able to, I have hard pregnancies and to me, the money isn't worth it. My sil got paid like 25,000, which may seem like a lot, but a lot of things can go wrong, she was lucky she didn't have to be on bed rest and have health issues. Just my 2 cents though.

[aintnocinderella]

I think that for the most part women know if thier body can handle it. it seems like those of us that could, would and those that know it would be a risk dont....As for the money people get paid, how is it any different from IVF in the first place? the whole ethics of it are kinda laughable. i always ask people who are against stem cell research if they have ever had a family member with cancer, i have my FIL. The treatment that saved his life was developed off the back of research like stem cell and for that i am so gratefull. my husband and i had this argument because he is against abortion which i am too... in principle because it will never apply to me so i dont have to think about it but i agree in it being availbe for certain reasons. IVF is technically abortion since you create a number of cells which are no more develpoed than in early pregnancy and then potentially get rid of then if theya re not needed. i really hope this doesnt offend anyone as i am all for IVF, gender selection and medical advances. mearly pointing out where people can be hypocryts (sorry about my spelling) we can all be against something untill we need it i am just saying people cant pick and choose the medical advances they want and those they dont but then comment on other peoples choice to use whats avaialble. x

[Halah]

I know someone that was a surrogate 3 times. She has 5 of her own boys. The pregnancies resulted in one loss, one boy, and one set of b/g twins. She said it was a little hard to know she was carrying a girl for someone but that she didn't really have an emotional attachment. She put her focus on the soon to be mothers and built an attachment to them and not the babies.

Because of her I thought for a while that I might want to be a surrogate. I even applied with an agency (one that specialized in alternative families...single fathers, gay couples, etc.). I was turned down because I said I wouldn't want to terminate unless my life were in danger or the baby wouldn't survive, and not for reasons like DS (I am pro-choice though). The whole experience made me realize that surrogacy isn't for me because I would never want to give up my rights to my body. I still think it's a very generous thing for someone to do but I no longer have a desire to do it.

I would have no problem donating my eggs, but I doubt anyone would want them. Even though I make adorable, smart kids, the agencies are primarily interested in young women who are college educated and I never finished college. And I'm too old anyway, lol.

[rainbowflower]

Interesting debate. I'd probably be happy to be a surrogate for someone I knew well (i.e. one of my sisters, or a close friend) but don't know if I could do it for a stranger. I'd also be willing to donate my eggs after I'd finished having my family, but my husband isn't keen on that idea so I need to talk him round!
Here, I don't think we get paid for doing either other than expenses.

[purplepoet20]

We have talked about egg and sperm donation... I love being a mom and I know there are people who would love to have just one baby.

If I had a girl it would be easier to be a surrogate, but if #3 is another boy and I decided to be a surrogate I wouldn't want to know the babies gender. I could use any money received for PGD but I am a cheaply person and would rather save the money for vacations or college funds.

If my hubby was a sperm donar and a girl was conceived I think it would be far worse because I would blame myself for not being able to conceive a girl of my own and I would also feel like I let my MIL down.

Even if we just donated eggs and sperm or I was a surrogate to whomever... I would like to know the childs name just for my own kids sakes, should my son date a child who is possibly a genetic sibling.