I resign

[Yuzu]

As of today, I'm putting in my resignation as wife and mother. Where do I pick up my final paycheck.
:drama:
Seriously though, for the past few days I've been wondering why I signed up for this whole thing. Picking up toys, washing clothes, washing dishes, dusting, caring for the pets, cooking--it seems like a never ending, very boring cycle. And I don't even have my 'dream' family.

Please don't get me wrong--I dearly love my family. But with the drama of the past few days, the constant drudgery and the boredom, sometimes I wonder at my choices. One of my closest friends posted a picture of herself (on Facebook) going to an event. She was wearing a sparkly, backless dress, and looked like she was having the time of her life. Of course, she doesn't have kids. I felt a little jealous. I'm sure she feels a little jealous of me sometimes, too, because my life is so secure. But sometimes I'm bored with the security. Is that stupid?

Do any of you ever feel that way? Like you'd love to have a wild and crazy life that didn't include poopy diapers?

[atomic sagebrush]

I totally understand where you're coming from on that!!! I love having kids but OMG everything has to be SUCH a battle - eat your carrots already! I'm not trying to poison you LOL.

[RedCanoe]

Yes, I've had moments when I wonder wth I'm doing, lol! Like when I'm looking at pictures of my sister and her bf (no kids) flying first class to Thailand and staying at this amazing looking spa resort (just google 'Thailand spa resorts' in images and you'll get the idea) while I'm at home with three snotty kids and also babysitting her senior dog who has a bout of violent diarrhea (lovely visual, I know). Hmm, where did I go wrong? :sigh:

[The Anchor]

O M G. I just fought this very battle last night. Why am I the only one that jumps when grape juice is spilled? Why is DH conveniently absent when there's a poopy diaper? Why don't I ever get to sleep in on the weekend? DH just ASSUMES that I'll get up, but I have to book an extra hour of sleep a month in advance with him. And DD is turning 4 in September and all of a sudden she's little Miss Attitude. And to top it all off, I work full time too! WTF????? I am so WITH you YUZU.

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I do the same thing sometimes. I have 4 kids and 2 dogs. My dh can act like one of the kids or dogs depending on the day. And I want another one!!! I have to love it or the thought would never cross my mind. But I do see people out and about and wonder what it would be like. I did have my "fun" but it's hard to see past the dirty diapers and pooper scooper sometimes.

[BeadinMom]

I can COMPLETELY relate, Yuzu...
I'm 40 and my youngest is going to be 7 in 4 days. I wonder to myself if I really want to do it all again. And it doesn't help that a friend I shared my interest in trying to conceive again is making me feel completely stupid for wanting a baby again. She flat out told me I was crazy.
And it REALLY doesn't help that we both live in a party town. It's what people do here.
But you know, girl...at the end of the day, I don't think I'll ever be sorry that I had to skip a couple of nola bull runs or mardi gras balls because I had an achy feeling that my family wasn't complete, but I might regret that baby I was supposed to have and didn't.
Somehow though, we need to brainstorm together and figure out a way to make those irresponsible people we live with APPRECIATE what we do.
Anybody remember that tv movie when we were kids (okay, this is for the late 30/40 something crowd) where the moms went on strike? It was kind of a comedy, but it freaked me out, like what if my mom actually did that?!
Maybe drastic times call for drastic measures? hehe..

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I'm not sure what the name of that movie was, but they remake EVERY movie now so I think it would be a great idea!!!

[Hobbermittens]

I totally know how you feel. I always envisioned my life as a mom as so much "more": doing crafts, baking cookies, building forts in the living room, camping out in the yard, playing flashlight tag, having water balloon fights with the kids..... in other words, I always thought being a mom would be FUN. But it isn't. There are great moments, but honestly, they are overshadowed a lot of the time by the kids being naughty, the struggles at bedtime, sibling bickering, me being exhausted, and hardly getting to spend a moment alone with my husband. I hate all the household stuff too, and I really don't know how I am supposed to be able to get all the laundry, cleaning and cooking done while also having fun with the kids. There simply isn't time!

I am thankful for my family, and I am glad I have children. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Even though my life didn't turn out fairytale perfect, I am happy I got the opportunity to be a mom. I know I would really feel that something was missing if I hadn't.

[skrimpy]

There is a lot of being tired, frustrated, annoyed, etc. etc. I think that's pretty normal. You're raising opinionated little human beings who tend to be, well, lazy, self-centered, and opinionated... just like everyone else, lol.

I know that there are days that are a lot harder than others. A couple of weeks ago I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall every. single. day. with kid issues. But that waxes and wanes. Childless people have crappy weeks, too.

I have older kids now, too, and that really helps a lot. They help with cleaning (I have to follow up on their chores but they do the work). My DD1 loves cooking and she is doing great with making our lunch every day <3 To her, exciting lol! My DH helps by doing laundry with the kids so I am lucky in that - but I can honestly say that life is easier now than it was when I had only little ones. It was my two biggest that were making life tough a couple of weeks ago, but it was because of emotional/attitude stuff. They still had to do chores, lmao.

I think everything ebbs and flows and there are times when it's easier and times when it's harder ((hugs))

One of my best friends from childhood is childless (by choice!!) - she sent me a message on Facebook asking if I'd like some of the toys she has stored at her parents house for my kids, since we'd enjoyed playing with them as children and she didn't want to just give them away to somebody she didn't know. I told her I thought that they'd love that. She sent me a message back that she'll pack them up and get them to us, and that she loves seeing my posts/pictures on Facebook... that she really enjoys seeing my life and family. That surprised me so much since she's chosen not to have children herself. But it helps you remember to have perspective... there are good things about every lifestyle :D

[zanacal]

I can so relate to this post Yuzu. Yesterday was the most stressful day and I promised myself a beer once she kids were in bed. DH came home and drank the last 2 without asking if I wanted one while I was feeding the baby and I was SO angry at him - it was ridiculous, such an out of proportion little tantrum but I'm always at the end of my tether by the time he gets home! If I had a housekeeper I think I'd be ok :D

[Mum23boys]

Snap !! I've now ordered hubby into date nights once a month even if it's an hours stroll hand in hand down the road. I've asked everyone to give me 20 pound for my birthdays and Xmas etc so I can hire a cleaner a few hours a week for a few weeks to get the house back up to scratch as I'm a surface cleaner not a deep skirting board / window cleaner !! Me and the kids have a pyjama day every Saturday where I leave all the housework we eat crap stay in pyjamas and just chill out play games etc together they love it and it helps me relax a little.

[nuthinbutpink]

This was on Yahoo! today-

While our greatest hope is for our children to turn into happy adults, most of us moms grit our teeth a fair amount on the road there. After we hustle our kids off to soccer practice, shop for dinner and hunt down the perfect kindergarten, we are left with little inspiration to model the one thing we most wish for our children: happiness. It's not that we don't want to be happy. It's more a question of how to fit it into our schedule. Read on for some practical tips from parenting experts on how to move "be happy" to the top of your to-do list.

1. Be Yourself
Much of our stress and irritation as parents comes from trying to live up to impossible standards. "Mothers universally feel that they 'are never good enough,'" says Meg Meeker, MD, author of The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity . A lot of these feelings of inadequacy come from comparing ourselves with other moms and competing in ways both small (bringing an elaborate dish to the potluck) and large (pushing our kids to achieve on the playing field). "It's tempting to look around us to see if we measure up with other moms," says Meagan Francis, author of The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood, "but when we're comparing our private lives to somebody else's public game face, we're not getting a very accurate picture." Francis adds that the best way to be a happy mom-and a good mom-is to be yourself. "Don't try to be anyone else's version of what a good mother should be," Francis says. "Be the best version of who you are, and your children will recognize that and learn from it." Think about your own strengths and work them into your everyday life as a mom. Maybe sewing costumes isn't your thing, but you love to bake. This Halloween, buy costumes even though all the other moms are making theirs, and instead bake a batch of cookies to munch on while you all get ready to go trick-or-treating. When you play up your strengths as a parent, you are bound to have more fun and be happier.

2. Pencil in Solitude
Routinely setting aside time to go for a walk, write in a journal or read a book is one simple way you can raise your daily happiness quotient. "Mothers contend with so much stimulation during the day that life becomes overwhelming. From kids crying and older children needing homework help to answering cell phones and replying to emails, mothers can feel as though their nervous system is becoming fried," says Dr. Meeker. Solitude is a necessity for our mental health. "Solitude achieves two very important purposes," Dr. Meeker explains. "First, it allows mothers to quiet the 'noise' in their lives so that they can refresh themselves and hear themselves think. It allows our nervous system to slow down and become quieter so that we can recharge mentally, physically and emotionally. Second, solitude gives us a reprieve from giving. No woman can sustain constant giving to other humans (even if they are children) without a break." If you don't have even a half-hour to yourself each day, it may be time to reassess your to-do list. For example, do the brownies for this year's bake sale really need to be made from scratch? Probably not-and by opting for the easier method, you can carve out a little bit of time for yourself.

3. Practice "Slow Family Time"
Slowing down the rush of family life has been one of the keys to happiness for Tsh Oxenreider, creator of SimpleMom.net and author of Organized Simplicity. "For our family," Oxenreider says, "we've defined slowing down as 'moving together at a deliberate and unhurried pace.' When we slow down, we're able to choose how to spend the 24 hours in each day, and therefore find more meaning in our activities." Oxenreider achieves this by planning activities around family life, not the other way around: "Each Sunday, my husband and I meet to talk about our upcoming week. It only takes 30 minutes, but that brief connection gives us a chance to look at our calendars and decide how many evenings we'll schedule out of the house, how we can help each other with upcoming tasks and how to dictate our commitments, instead of letting our commitments dictate us." For other families, "slow family time" might mean leaving unstructured time in your schedule or simply hanging out with your kids at home with no particular plans or goal in mind.

4. Put Your Girlfriends Back on the Schedule
One of the quickest routes to getting your smile back is picking up the phone and calling a friend. Remember how good it feels to catch up? So often we put our friends on the back burner when we become mothers, forgetting that friendships are an essential source of joy. "Friends act as a tremendous support, but they also contribute to a mother's happiness by acting as a release valve," Dr. Meeker says. "When frustration or other emotions run high in a mom, a woman friend can provide a safe place for her to vent. And a key to a mother's sanity and happiness is having an outlet for intense emotions." Feel like you don't have time for friends? Try the multitasking approach: Exercise with a friend, invite another mother over while your kids play in the backyard, offer to drive a mom to the baby- and-me class or invite a single girlfriend over for Sunday dinner.

5. Create a Weekly No-Work Day
Once upon a time, Sunday was strictly a day off. No one went to work and most stores were closed. It was a day to recharge and spend time with family. But with the advent of email and flexible schedules, any day can now be a work day-and any time can be work time. By integrating a regular "No Work Day" into your family's weekly routine, moms can create more time for family fun while decreasing household stress levels. To pull off a day without work, family members will need to join forces in preparation for the day, including agreeing upon guidelines such as no checking email or work phone calls. To ensure that it's a day off for stay-at-home parents as well, plan to work together the day before to clean up the house and prepare heat-and-eat meals such as lasagna or chili. If a full day dedicated to not working seems like too much of a leap from your current hectic schedule, start off with just one evening: one night a week, have the family gather to relax and play games or watch a movie with cell phones and computers off. The kids might balk at first, but soon they too will see the benefit of a time designated exclusively to leisure.

6. Share Your Passion with Your Kids
Somewhere between the afterschool shuffle and the rush to make dinner, many of us have lost track of our own passions. We are so in the habit of standing on the sidelines of our children's activities that we've forgotten to share our own hobbies and passions with them. However, when you share the activities you like and enjoy with your kids, you will most likely be laughing, smiling and showing what happiness looks like to the people you care about the most. Think about simple ways you can enjoy your passions with your kids. Are you a music lover? Break out your CDs or old LPs and play DJ. Love to paint? Sit down with your kids and make art with them. By doing what we enjoy, we model happiness and show our children who we are.

7. Conquer Clutter
"Clutter is one of my biggest cranky-mom triggers," Francis says. And most moms would agree that a messy house is one of their primary obstacles in the pursuit of happiness. "Adopt a no-prisoners approach to clutter control," she suggests. "Toss unneeded papers in the recycling bin daily, come up with a simple system for keeping track of pending bills and paperwork, and, most important, become ruthless about which papers you're willing to keep in the first place." Having a routine can also help contain clutter. Have every member of the house do the same thing when they come home for the day: Hang up their coats (be sure to have a row of child-height hooks near the foyer), put shoes in the closet and place backpacks, purses, briefcases, keys and lunchboxes in their designated spots.

8. Outsource It
"We can't do it all," Francis reminds us, "and just because something needs to be done doesn't mean that you need to do it." Acknowledging that we can't all hire household help, Francis suggests using a more flexible definition of 'outsourcing' for getting the help we need. "When we all focus on what skills and talents we bring to the table-without any shame for the stuff we aren't so great at-we can meet our kids' needs without having to try to do everything ourselves," Francis says. Assess each family member's skill set and delegate duties based on ability. Have a teenager who's good at math? Assign her to help your middle school-age son with his algebra homework. Is one of your kids great at organizing? Assign him to create order out of a pile of mismatched plastic food containers. "We're all good at different things," Francis explains. "And it makes a lot of sense to divvy up household and parenting tasks by interest, skill and available time." Apply the same concept of teamwork to cleaning the house, too. Hold 10-minute tidy-up sessions: Gather your family, cue up the dance tunes and set the timer for 10 minutes. You'll be surprised how much you can get done working together-and how much fun you'll have doing it!

Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.

[Lilpumpkin06]

I too feel the same way! I feel so blessed to be a stay at home mom but all of my friends work. We live in a small town & there is not another stay at home mom close by. I feel isolated alot. I just feel that since having babies we don't have much of a social life anymore. I would love to get together with friends once on the weekend every weekend. We try to do that, but a lot of the time we have other commitments & aren't able to. I feel like our close friendships are suffering. When I'm able to get away for a couple hours to get a pedicure with a girlfriend I feel so much better! Just out of curiosity how often do you all see your girlfriends or get together with friends & their children too?

[Clouds]

Ugh. I know!!! I'm with you too! Some days everything is a battle... My four year old especially, has to debate every little detail!
And I try so hard, every day to make things easier for everyone. Walk home from work so dh gets car, get groceries on coffee/lunch break, etc, etc... And no one notices!!!!!! What?! You think groceries just appear, laundry is magic and the house cleans itself. Sigh. Drives me crazy.
To be perfectly honest though - I feel worst when I get caught up in the cleaning and everything that has to be done and forget that I miss my kids every day at work and that I need to make them a priority. It's just so hard! How do you find that line of what you can put up with... And time for kids? Am I just destined to have a dirty house until they are older???
:hugs: here are hugs to all us amazing mommas out there!

[Clouds]

Lilpumpkin06 Hi. I miss girlfriends too! I live in a small town, work full time and don't have any close friends here... I just don't feel like I have time or energy into building new relationships, even though I miss it in my life. Most of my good friends don't have kids and live quite far away.

[auroara78]

You ladies are my virtual girlfriends!

I have a few friends that I talk to on Facebook but we're usually so swamped there is no time for a get-together, or they'd rather spend their time with their DHs when they get free time.

Some days I joke and think, maybe it would be nice to give back DS2 to the baby doctor like DS1 keeps saying...or the other night when sweet DS1 would not listen at all and cocked an attitude (he's almost 5, please tell me that's just an age thing??) I wanted to send him packing for a few hours too.

Then last night, the grandparents took the kids over night, and for the first 3 hours, I was gloriously giddy over how I was "kid-free" for a night, and really enjoying it, then I started missing them real bad. Yes, it's crazy and hetchic but like Hobbers said I am so grateful that I do have children, because this was all I ever wanted, but it definitely seemed much more FUN and glamourous in my head before I had them.

No kid ever comes with a disclaimer saying "hey I'm going to whine so much and annoy you so much on some days you'll want to put a muzzle on me!"

[Yuzu]

Just out of curiosity how often do you all see your girlfriends or get together with friends & their children too?
I don't at all. I don't have many friends with young children. It seems as though my friends love to do things at night. I used to as well, but now the idea of a fun night out involves sleeping! I get invited places, but I really feel too tired to go.

It would also help if DH didn't turn into a toddler the moment he walks in the front door. He asks as many questions as a kid. I actually found him and DS3 standing outside of the bathroom door when I was coming out of the shower. He wanted to know if we have more cookies. I don't know - check the pantry!:rolleyes:

[Hobbermittens]

It would also help if DH didn't turn into a toddler the moment he walks in the front door. He asks as many questions as a kid. I actually found him and DS3 standing outside of the bathroom door when I was coming out of the shower. He wanted to know if we have more cookies. I don't know - check the pantry!:rolleyes:

I'm sorry Yuzu, this made me laugh!

I totally understand the "toddler" DH. Mine mostly just plays with the kids when he gets home (after having a "break" when he has a beer or two and watches some TV, during which time he can't be bothered to do ANYTHING helpful). I feel your pain!

[Surprise5th]

I agree, there are no black and white consistent benefits to being a mom. But then there are days when the kids wake up with a smile and the first words out of their mouths are "I love you mom." The ladies in the sparkly dresses would probably pay good money for that some days! Facebook can be deceiving, most people don't post the dirty diapers and spit up stories or pictures! Facebook is a tiny snapshot of what people's lives are like, and sometimes the grass looks greener, but I guarantee the feeling is mutual.

[zibibbogirl]

Thanks for posting this Yuzu. Its great to know I am not alone, I can relate to everything that everybody has said.

Sometimes motherhood is a thankless and unfuriating job and the worst part is that its 24/7 and it never ends. We worry about our children from the moment they are conceived... We think it will be over when they turn 18 and move out, but then we will worry about where they are living, what they are eating, who they are seeing etc....

There doesn't ever seem to be enough time after housework, homework and my work to spend fun times with my kids or DH. I can relate to the comment about DH being like a toddler LOL. My DH works very hard and there are times of the year when he isn't around much. I know he is doing what he is passionate about and I know he provides us with a great life (and that is why we can do HT for our girl etc). But sometimes I get tired of being the only one at things when both parents are there.

But the rewards are great too. When my kids draw me a picture of their family or I read one of their stories about a great day we have had, it makes it all worthwhile. Sometimes I do wish they would be quiet, tidy up after themselves or stop arguing (with me or each other). But I wouldn't change them for the world if I had a choice.

I have friends who don't have children and they always seem to be getting together and having fun. Being a parent means that access to time out is limited. But I don't think my friends are any happier than I am. Sure it would be wonderful to finish work and go home and have nobody to look after but myself... But would I be lonely? Probably yes. Children and husbands are a handful, but they are also a heartful.