Advice please

[Mama86]

Hi everyone!

I'm sorry if I am posting this in the wrong part of the forum, I just figured it kind of falls under this category.
I'm just looking for some advice on how to help my oldest child deal with GD. It might sound crazy and like I'm over thinking this, which I may well be, but I can't help it atm.
I am 16+2 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. My daughter is 4 (she'll turn 5 2 months after this baby is born) and my son is 22.5 months (28 months when baby is born). My daughter has a very mature personality, she's an absolute nutcase at times, very loud and has a great sense of humour, but she's very smart and sassy. When I was pregnant with my son, she was 21 months-30 months through my pregnancy, she took it all in, she understood there was a baby in my belly etc, she told me she wanted a baby brother and that she knew he would be a boy, I was fine with that, I wanted a boy too as we weren't 100% sure if we would have anymore afterward and if we had 1 of each already, that would be great! But before I got pregnant with this baby she begged for a baby sister, I said Daddy and I would see what we can do. So, since I told her I'm pregnant again, she is CONVINCED this is a girl, she calls my bump her baby sister, she tells everybody anywhere, 'My mummy is having a baby, it's my baby sister!!' I have the baby swing and bouncer in our living room and I was looking after a little girl, she was playing with the swing and my daughter says to her 'Don't touch that! It's my baby sister's, not yours'!' I keep telling her it may be a boy and I have a DEEP feeling in my heart that it's a boy. As soon as I got my BFP, the second I looked at the test, the name we wanted for a second boy popped into my head, but she doesn't accept it, she shrugs it off like I'm lying. I posted a pic of my 12 weeks US in hope maybe someone could give me a clue on that, but no one can see a nub. If I wasn't so sure this is a boy baby, then I'd let her carry on with her little fantasy, but I don't know how to deal with her disappointment when we find out it's a boy. I would have believed her, but everyone we know who is pregnant she believes is having a baby girl, even the ones we know are boys! :) She's such a sweetheart and as a mum, I want to give her everything she wants! Lol. But this one isn't up to me. I feel like Im going to be as disappointed as she is when we find out gender because I want her to have her baby sister so badly. Sorry for such a long post, just wanted to get the details in. TIA.

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, my girls once told me that we had enough girls and they wanted a brother.

I went and got one!

Since then, they have said 1. They wish he was a girl and 2. They want yet another sister. They have days they like him too! My point is they are kids. As mature as you think she is, as I think mine are, they're just not. If they were, they wouldn't do stuff like this!

She will be fine. You both will. Either way. You've got a great family.

[Surprise5th]

This is perfect timing, thanks for writing this! I am going for my ultrasound this afternoon. My daughter (age 10) has 3 brothers whom she usually adores, but has been begging for a sister since she was 3. We thought we were done having children, and she continued to beg us for a sister. When we found out we were having our "bonus baby" she was so excited she cried and said this is the best present she could have ever had. Since then, she has been praying to God every night that this baby is a girl. I would like a girl too, but I am going to be more sad for her than me if this is a boy. She has so many hopes and dreams about what she will be able to do with her little sister, and it is hard to not get excited right along with her. I am SO nervous for my appointment this afternoon. I can see the benefits of both a boy and a girl. My head says logically a boy makes sense, but my heart really wants a girl, especially for her. I feel like it is a girl, but I thought my 3rd son was a girl too, and he is a perfect boy! I had some GD after he was born because we didn't find out until birth. This time I am hoping to prevent the disappointment at birth, hopefully I can work through it before the baby comes if it is a boy. One of the things I have been doing with my 10 year old is focusing on the baby's health and saying how we will be happy either way, and if it is a boy we will still be able to have our girl time-girl weekends, painting nails, etc.....I have to be careful not to let her feel that if she gets another brother it is a punishment or she deserves something to make up for it (she asked for a cell phone if it is a boy-I don't think so!) I am so conflicted and anxious about my appointment. I don't want to get emotional during the appointment if it is a boy, and my husband won't understand my sadness if it is a boy either. I explained I will not be sad because it is a boy, I will be sad because all of my visions of this baby are of it being a girl, and I would feel a loss. I really want to buy some cute girl clothes, and pink it up! I am just worried these are false dreams :(

[Mama86]

Thanks for the replies. My world revolves around my family, I'm grateful for any child I'm given, it's just after this one, my DH doesn't want anymore, he was done after our second was born, but I kept saying I'm not done, so he agreed one more, but I need to 'take this all in as it will be the last time I'm pregnant, give birth etc'. So I keep thinking if this isn't a girl my daughter will never have a sister, I just had a younger brother and I always wished I had a sister too, even if it meant we would fight over clothes and make up etc. Lol.

Surprise 5th, we call this our bonus baby too! Haha. When she brings it up I say to her that she'll love another little brother as much as she loves the one she already has and that he'll love her just as much and I ask her if she will help me change diapers and feed the baby a bottle when HE comes, but she immediately says 'Yes, or she.' And I tell her that most of all we want him or her to be as healthy as she and her brother are and she fully agrees with me, but again if I say 'him' at all, she corrects me. Your daughter is a lot older than mine, so I know she probably understands the situation a lot more than mine and when you tell her stuff she knows what you're saying, but, I dunno. I think I'm going to have to show her the US of the 'parts' and explain that it IS a boy and his name is..... and get her to help pick some clothes out with me and toys etc. Maybe she'll get excited about it then. She loves retail therapy as much as me! Haha. I really hope you find out you're getting your girl and most of all that the ultrasound proves your baby is healthy. I do the same thing as you, since my daughter has been saying it's a girl, part of me is like 'Hmmm, maybe', but I don't wanna let the idea sink in, because I really don't think it is. But I see all the girly stuff and I love it and I have my daughter's old clothes in the basement and I remember things she used to wear when she was a baby and think how sweet it would be to use those clothes again. My son still fits in 24 month clothing at some places, so I still get to shop the baby section for his stuff, I wanna get back into the baby girl section again!! Lol. Good luck hun!! Let me know how it goes!x

[Surprise5th]

I think retail therapy may be the answer to all of this, good thinking :) Although it has been many years since I have been in the baby girl section, I don't know if I could find it anymore! Your daughter sounds super sweet, daughters just do have that ability to love and nurture, maybe that will override all of the boy/girl worries! One of my sons really wants this baby to be a boy, but I don't think it is as strong of a desire because he already has 2 brothers. He always calls the baby he, but I think it may be to annoy his sister too! Like you, I was the only girl in my family. I was in the middle of 2 brothers and begged for a sister for many years, probably until I went away to college, lol. I feel like people that have sisters have a little different outlook on things, they know they always have one person to talk to about anything and they have deeper friendships with women. That's my perspective anyway. A few more hours.....I am so anxious! Wish me luck :)

[nuthinbutpink]

I hope you both get your girls :HH: Good luck at your u/s!

[Dreamofpink]

Surprise5th - I have a sister and although we got on okay growing up I always wanted a brother. I was always the tomboy out of the two of us and now we're adults we're not that close at all. I speak to her maybe only once every other month. It's only the two of us so really we ought to be really close, sometimes it just doesn't work that way. Also, please don't worry about your daughter not being able to form close deep relationships with other women without having a sister as I've always felt a lot more comfortable around men. I have some great female friends with whom I am close, but nowhere near as close as I am to my hubby, he's been my 'best friend' (I sound about 6!) since we met. I don't think siblings have that much influence as my sister's a lot closer to our cousin than she is to me!

[fish2012]

my friend has a dd who was 2 at time of her being preggie and she wnted a sister if you said it could be a boy she just said no sister.....well my she had a ds (so jealous!) and dd asked so where's my sister ;-S right after birth but weeks later she was fine with having a brother...don't worry kids adapt x

[fish2012]

suprise 5th - can't wait to hear your news

[Mama86]

Oh yeh, I have no doubt she'll fall in love with him immediately when he actually arrives. :) and yes surprise 5th!!! I keep checking back to see how it went! I'm so anxious for you!

[Surprise5th]

So.....it's a boy! I should have known, my 5-year old kept looking at my ultrasound picture from my 12 week ultrasound and saying it's a boy because it doesn't have long hair :) Gotta love the 5-year old mind! I did cry a little during the ultrasound, now I know why they have so many tissue boxes lying around. I cried just because I didn't want to tell my daughter, because I felt like I would break her heart. Prior to the ultrasound, we had planned on doing the balloons in the box for the kids, where they open up the box and pink or blue balloons pop out. We were also going to do the Hershey bars and darken the he or she, depending on if it was a boy or girl. I felt like that would have been too much surprise for her, so I just told her directly 1:1, and she was a trooper. She said it's OK and we talked about the fun things she would get to do with her baby brother, and then I asked her for help surprising her brothers with the news. Then she got pretty excited and we will be going to get the balloons, etc....together later, maybe some retail therapy to find some cute boy outfits (thanks for the idea Mama86). I told her she and I could do more spa weekends now, just the two of us and dad would stay home with the 4 boys....hahahaha! I feel very peaceful about it right now and I am in a good place, hopefully this stays this way. I feel like I can move forward now and make plans and not look back, it is what it is, right? Thank you for all of the kind words, it helps think about the bigger picture. Good luck to all of you, lots of pink dust going your way Mama86! Please keep us updated :)

[Surprise5th]

my friend has a dd who was 2 at time of her being preggie and she wnted a sister if you said it could be a boy she just said no sister.....well my she had a ds (so jealous!) and dd asked so where's my sister ;-S right after birth but weeks later she was fine with having a brother...don't worry kids adapt x


I am going to keep pointing out the positives of having a baby brother and told her she'll always be "my girl!" My luck my boys will change their mind and want a sister, who knows? I really believe that things happen for a reason and God gives you what you need, not what you want.

[Surprise5th]

Surprise5th - I have a sister and although we got on okay growing up I always wanted a brother. I was always the tomboy out of the two of us and now we're adults we're not that close at all. I speak to her maybe only once every other month. It's only the two of us so really we ought to be really close, sometimes it just doesn't work that way. Also, please don't worry about your daughter not being able to form close deep relationships with other women without having a sister as I've always felt a lot more comfortable around men. I have some great female friends with whom I am close, but nowhere near as close as I am to my hubby, he's been my 'best friend' (I sound about 6!) since we met. I don't think siblings have that much influence as my sister's a lot closer to our cousin than she is to me!
This does make me feel better, I have always gotten along better with men, my hubby is my best friend too (most days!) I have envied women with sisters because I feel that they have a special bond, but I guess that is relative too. I was always closer to my younger brother growing up than he was to my older brother, so I guess there is a perk that I never thought of before. This will all work out, I know it ~I may just have some rougher days. Thanks for all of your support everyone!

[Mama86]

Congratulations Surprise 5th!! I was so hoping girl for you and your daughter, but I'm so happy for you! I've been looking at pics of my son when he was born and cooing over how he was just as adorable as my daughter was when she was a baby and they're still as beautiful! So what if boys can't wear dresses or headbands (well, they could, but could end up with some confusion issues when they get older! Lol), baby boys are cute in their own ways. I still would like a baby girl this time around for my daughter to have a sister, but I appreciate and love this baby just as much if it's a boy, I mean, I love him/her so much already, why would that change because they have a penis?! Lol. Again, congratulations! I hope your pregnancy goes great and your beautiful boy is born healthy! :)