Just cannot go HT...

[Chunky Monkey]

I have been planning on going HT for 7 months or so, ever since my DH suggested it. I still don't have peace with it, knowing that I only have enough $ for 1 cycle, and the chance of being a OHW aren't high. I feel unsure about leftover embryos and would not know how I might feel if it didn't work and I am out of a ton of money that I could have spent on my boys. Right now, I feel like I just cannot go through it.

I have also recently changed my thought from feeling like if I go HT and it didn't work, I could at least know I tried. But I now feel like I would rather sway and if I have another boy, I will still have my issue of not having a DD, but I will have another beautiful son to join our family. Does anyone have any encouraging words?? Did anyone else feel like they could only make boys, but then go on to have a DD after 2 DSs? I want to change my focus to our sway :)

[atomic sagebrush]

I completely, completely understand. I'm sure you've looked into all the shared risk stuff already but I think you have a valid point, if you only have money for one cycle and you won't be utterly destroyed by an opposite, I~personally~ feel that swaying is a better option. It's almost like that first cycle is a throwaway for many people because you don't know how you will respond to the meds and even people with great pretesting aren't always OHW. There are no guarantees with either HT or swaying and people have walked away from both heartbroken.

Lots of people will compare best case scenarios - "money + chance at DG" vs. "guarantee of a DG" but I find it helpful to compare worst case scenarios. What feels worse to you, walking away with no money, no baby, and leftover embryos only to end up swaying anyway, or walking away with an opposite and possibly still wanting/needing to go HT only you'll be older and your chances of success may be less? If you can answer that honestly then I think you'll have your answer.

For me, HT wasn't an option financially/spiritually/due to my age but I also knew that I would be the lady implanting my opposite embryos anyway because I wanted a BABY first and foremost and a gender second.

Lots and lots of people have had 2 sons and gone on to conceive a DD naturally. Some of them are on this board and I hope they will chime in here.

[sassafras]

I know a ton of people IRL with 2 boys and then a girl. Also, Pippi from IG tried HT and got BFN and went on to get pregnant with a girl. There have been others as well. Definitely possible.

[Lilian78]

I could play devil's advocate, since I had a single successful IVF cycle, and think you're lucky to have a DH who is willing to do it . . . but I completely understand where you're coming from. It's all about what you care about more. If you care more about the $/risk than having another boy, HT is not for you--wishing you lots of swaying luck!

[nuthinbutpink]

I think it depends on how many children you want to have and if you know in your heart if you are okay with another boy if that is your last child. I do understand your hesitation.

[lindi]

I have been struggling with this decision pretty intensely for the last few days. I so relate to seeing the money just go down the drain being just- I mean, it would be so sad on top of sad! And yes, that the money could be spent on something enriching for your children can contribute feelings of guilt if the whole thing fails.
Its a tough decision. I am in a slightly different position, and a peculiar time constraint tips the scales to HT, but the core issues- whether you NEED a girl, would LIKE a girl, don't want a boy, would be OK with boy- where along those scales do you fall? What is truly important to you? When you are an old woman and look back at this time, what would that old woman have wanted?
Good luck coming to peace with your decision. These are heavy questions.

[Chunky Monkey]

Thank you all for your feedback! I think I always thought I would try HT once and if it works it works, if it doesn't, we'll sway. But with with our finances pretty set, I just can't take the step to start shots and travel, while having family travel here for me to go out of town to do this, all for something that might not work. I absolutely love by boys and would love another, but am just incomplete without a daughter. I am praying that my #3 is a daughter. So thinking worst case, it would be trying HT and having all boy embroys to decide on what to do with, then swaying and having another boy. The chances of me getting pregnant on low-dose IVF on the first try are low. I would rather have a boy and my money to spend on their education, than to have a boy and be out tens of thousands. Regardless of if IVF worked or not, we pray to have a 3rd child. I have faith in God that I will have a DD. I believe my husband and I are meant to have a DD.

I am wrong all of the time. I understand I could very well be wrong this time too. While this isn't something to take chances on, I would be taking a huge chance with IVF and the possiblility that it wouldn't work. I think whatever each of us chooses, it is the option that we choose with every detail thought out the best we can. It works out for some of us and doesn't for others. Until my DH came forth and said he was open to HT, I thought my dream was over. I won't feel like I have any real answers until my 20 sonogram with #3. I pray for each and every one of us, as gender desire is such a strong, unexpected feeling that can overwhelm one's complete self. Thank you again for all of the advice and options from each of you!!!

[nuthinbutpink]

Thank you all for your feedback! I think I always thought I would try HT once and if it works it works, if it doesn't, we'll sway. But with with our finances pretty set, I just can't take the step to start shots and travel, while having family travel here for me to go out of town to do this, all for something that might not work. I absolutely love by boys and would love another, but am just incomplete without a daughter. I am praying that my #3 is a daughter. So thinking worst case, it would be trying HT and having all boy embroys to decide on what to do with, then swaying and having another boy. The chances of me getting pregnant on low-dose IVF on the first try are low. I would rather have a boy and my money to spend on their education, than to have a boy and be out tens of thousands. Regardless of if IVF worked or not, we pray to have a 3rd child. I have faith in God that I will have a DD. I believe my husband and I are meant to have a DD.

I am wrong all of the time. I understand I could very well be wrong this time too. While this isn't something to take chances on, I would be taking a huge chance with IVF and the possiblility that it wouldn't work. I think whatever each of us chooses, it is the option that we choose with every detail thought out the best we can. It works out for some of us and doesn't for others. Until my DH came forth and said he was open to HT, I thought my dream was over. I won't feel like I have any real answers until my 20 sonogram with #3. I pray for each and every one of us, as gender desire is such a strong, unexpected feeling that can overwhelm one's complete self. Thank you again for all of the advice and options from each of you!!!

Well said, girl! I hope you get your DD! Good luck and can't wait to follow your swaying plans!

[atomic sagebrush]

I agree totally! Wishing you the very very very best of luck!

[Chunky Monkey]

Thank you Atomic and NBP! I am anxious to start some plans, and think that I will do what I feel is reasonable to do. I would LOVE and APPRECIATE any advice, and I will post my sway plans soon. I just wish I could help others! I would love for this to work and for me to be able to chime in when others' need :) I can give pleanty of tips on how to concieve boys ;)