why does no one understand???

[Babyk10103]

We had our 20 week ultrasound and alas, its another boy. I can do nothing but cry. DH is mad at me saying I am ruining things for him. I know 8 ppl right now, one being one of my best friends that are pregnant and due all within the same three weeks. Guess how many boys there are??? Just me!!!! I was so sure it would be a girl this time. Everything was so different than with my other pregnancies (both boys). I swore I wouldn't be upset, but I feel like I have totally failed and God hates me. I have prayed since the day we started ttc 10 years ago for a little girl. All my friends and family are calling and texting askin what the baby is, and I can't bring myself to tell them. I am ashamed of being so upset about it, but I can't control my dissapointment. All I have gotten from the couple of ppl I have talked to is to stop whining and just be glad its healthy. These ppl have one of each. I have no support system in this and feel totally alone.

[glory]

I am so sorry, I have been where you are. Your post really struck a cord with me. All I can say is, it does pass, you will have your baby boy and he will be the love of your life, I know it is of little consolation right now, but I do understand. And wish soemone in the same situation as me had told me that. Don't feel guilty or ashamed.

[KidAtHeart]

I didn't find out what I was having with baby number 3 (turned out to be third boy). While I got to enjoy the pregnancy far more than with the other two, even buying a pink outfit "just in case", it was much harder in the long run. I indulged myself with the pregnancy with thoughts of a little girl (well, I tried not to think about it too hard. I just assumed it was a girl, you know?). Anyway, while your pregnancy might be harder with the crazy thoughts of going through all this 'just for another boy', I promise you by the time he is born you will be much better off. And while right now it may not seem like it, he's not just another boy, he's your sweet little baby and you will enjoy him just as much as your others. Go buy yourself a cute little boy outfit and start thinking about nice names, and don't confide in anyone IRL. That's what this board is for. Honestly, it's not worth it. People just don't understand. Fake it til you make it!

[HelsBells]

I totally understand how you feel. You are really not alone. I cried and cried for weeks when I found out number two was a boy. It's just not fair. And so many people have one of each and don't realise how lucky they are and say that they didn't mind the gender. My sister in law just had a baby girl after my boy and she is so smug. I can't bear to hear anyone talk about her baby. You will feel better, I promise. Remind yourself of all the wonderful things about boys. You don't have to tell anyone how you feel but, I told a few people about my GD and they did understand. The worst part is feeling guilty for feeling that way. But you can't help it.

[Zivic-Bubac]

Big hugs to you mama!!!!!
I've had my GD baby 4 weeks ago and my feelings are still....umm...let's say mixed.
I was crushed when the tech said 'girl' at 15 weeks. When she was born I felt so confused and inadequate. Wanted to run and hide for all eternity.

I knew 4 ladies that were pg at the same time as me, I was due last. And sure enough, I've heard 4 'it's a boy!' annoucements. I was scared thinking what are the chances that my baby was the boy as well, but OF COURSE it was me who had a girl. Again.

Thank God for this site, all ladies here gave me so much support I desperately needed. If you need to vent, go on! We are here too listen and help :HH:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

btw, I would kill and/or die for 3 boys. I'm always green of jealousy when I see all boy families. In my eyes, you are truly blessed.

[bythestream]

Im so sorry, Im so sure Ill be in your shoes in a few months time and Im not even pregnant yet. I know a lot of people pregnant at the moment or who have just had a baby (about 20) so far for those who have had their babies and those that know what they're having there are 6 girls and 1 boy. I don't like my chances, i just know ill be the one with the boy again.

I've been feeling a boy would not be so bad lately, we make good boys. And then we'd have a matching set.

Go buy you're little man something special, or better yet shop online where you don't have to walk past the girls clothes.

[bythestream]

And feel free to vent on here, we understand.

[Mrs_P]

Its not easy, i was in your position 2 years ago out of 6 of us with two boys i was the only one who had a third. GD hit me like a brick, i thought every horrible thing under the sun, abortion, adoption, keeping him and going through the motions but i thought i would never bond with him. I did, big time he is amazing and he adds so much to our family, it might not seem it now but three boys are truly something special they bond together so well.

Ds3 i a real mommies boy, they all are and they treat me like a princess. Its not easy but it will get better. I cried for weeks (and thats ok you need to morn the daughter you won't have, don't feel guilty towards the baby cause its not about him its about you and giving up on something you dreamed of, at least for now anyway and its ok to feel that way). GD for me lifted after about 7.5 months or so and by his birth i was so ready to meet him and feel in love right away.

Peoples reactions are the worst, if don't feel up to it don't tell anyone just say its a surprise but you think it will be a boy. Holding your gorgeous baby in your arms makes it so much easier to confront peoples comments and when they can see him and how beautiful he is its less likely they will be mean comments.

My biggest regret is that i lost all of my pregnancy to gd partly because i tried so hard to hide it as i felt guilty. Give yourself time to come to terms with things (talk to us if you have no-one at home, no judgement you can vent freely and say all of those horrid things you think but would never do).

[jazzers]

I can totally relate. My 3rd boy (failed sway) is due in about 10 weeks. It has been really hard to come to terms with. In fact, we haven't told a soul that we know what the gender is (we say we are keeping it a surprise), because I'm just not ready to deal with everyone and their sympathy, or "be happy it's healthy", or whatever other stupid comments we will get. I still think about this every day. The only peace I have found at the moment, is researching HT clinics, and costs, for a 4th baby. I am holding on by the knowledge that if we want a girl bad enough, we *can* have a 4th, and she WILL be a girl, even if it costs us an arm and a leg. At least that little glimmer of hope is there for me. Of course, that's a whole other struggle for me personally - do we really want a 4th child?

I'm hoping the feeling goes away once this baby arrives, and I hope it does for you as well. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat though. I'm living this right now too. It is not easy. :( Oh, and my friends are also pregnant with girls. I have a hard time speaking with them at the moment :(

[Babyk10103]

Its not easy, i was in your position 2 years ago out of 6 of us with two boys i was the only one who had a third. GD hit me like a brick, i thought every horrible thing under the sun, abortion, adoption, keeping him and going through the motions but i thought i would never bond with him. I did, big time he is amazing and he adds so much to our family, it might not seem it now but three boys are truly something special they bond together so well.

Ds3 i a real mommies boy, they all are and they treat me like a princess. Its not easy but it will get better. I cried for weeks (and thats ok you need to morn the daughter you won't have, don't feel guilty towards the baby cause its not about him its about you and giving up on something you dreamed of, at least for now anyway and its ok to feel that way). GD for me lifted after about 7.5 months or so and by his birth i was so ready to meet him and feel in love right away.

Peoples reactions are the worst, if don't feel up to it don't tell anyone just say its a surprise but you think it will be a boy. Holding your gorgeous baby in your arms makes it so much easier to confront peoples comments and when they can see him and how beautiful he is its less likely they will be mean comments.

My biggest regret is that i lost all of my pregnancy to gd partly because i tried so hard to hide it as i felt guilty. Give yourself time to come to terms with things (talk to us if you have no-one at home, no judgement you can vent freely and say all of those horrid things you think but would never do).

I just found out this morning that yet another person due at the same time is having thier girl after two boys. I totally feel like I cannot do this anymore, and I don't want anything to do with being pregnant anymore. I don't want the fake sympathy while they are all secretly rejoicing they got what they want. I don't want the as long as its healthy comments either. I don't want to go shopping, and I don't want to work on a cute boy nursery. I really don't want this anymore right now... I told DH and you know what he did??? He rolled over and wouldn't say anything now hes probably back asleep leaving me to deal with complete and total devestation AND to take care of both boys by myself today. He won't get up because he knows I'm mad at him too, since male chooses the sex. Truth is I'm mad at the whole world, he just happens to live in it. I know hes dissapointed to but won't admit it. I think that probably hurts worse than anything. My freinds wanted to have a gender reveal party for me (they were all sure it was a girl too) The thought of that right now makes me want to throw up!! How can I have a party and pretend to be happy about this baby???? I hate to tell them I know, but I DONT WANT A PARTY!! I don't want a shower, I dont want anything!!!

[jazzers]

:( Take some time to yourself to grieve - the loss of a dream, the loss of the daughter you'd hoped for.... I know it sounds silly, but it does take time. I found it helpful to avoid the subject for the first month after we found out. I didn't have anything good to say to anyone else who was pregnant (all with either their opposite gender girls or boys), and I just didn't want to go there. I also know the feeling of wanting the pregnancy to be over. I question why I am doing this to myself, and going through the exhaustion, and aches, and all of that just for another boy. I really do believe that if we can get through the pregnancy, it will all be OK again once the baby arrives. At least some of the pain might be gone, since you've had time to process, and you will come to love the new baby as much as your other kids. It is SO hard though.

[jazzers]

Its not easy, i was in your position 2 years ago out of 6 of us with two boys i was the only one who had a third. GD hit me like a brick, i thought every horrible thing under the sun, abortion, adoption, keeping him and going through the motions but i thought i would never bond with him. I did, big time he is amazing and he adds so much to our family, it might not seem it now but three boys are truly something special they bond together so well.

Ds3 i a real mommies boy, they all are and they treat me like a princess. Its not easy but it will get better. I cried for weeks (and thats ok you need to morn the daughter you won't have, don't feel guilty towards the baby cause its not about him its about you and giving up on something you dreamed of, at least for now anyway and its ok to feel that way). GD for me lifted after about 7.5 months or so and by his birth i was so ready to meet him and feel in love right away.

Peoples reactions are the worst, if don't feel up to it don't tell anyone just say its a surprise but you think it will be a boy. Holding your gorgeous baby in your arms makes it so much easier to confront peoples comments and when they can see him and how beautiful he is its less likely they will be mean comments.

My biggest regret is that i lost all of my pregnancy to gd partly because i tried so hard to hide it as i felt guilty. Give yourself time to come to terms with things (talk to us if you have no-one at home, no judgement you can vent freely and say all of those horrid things you think but would never do).


Wow, I could have written this myself! Except, I haven't experienced the happy ending yet...I'm still pregnant with boy #3. I have done exactly that though - told people it's a surprise, we don't know, etc. Too painful still, and I'm not ready for the comments and questions (are you going to try again for your girl? Just be happy he's healthy! blah blah blah...). I am so thankful this board is here... Makes me fell far less alone in this :)

[bythestream]

Im so sorry babyk big hugs. Like Jazzers says let yourself grieve. Sometimes life is unfair and the pregnancy hormones only make it worse. It is good to get all your feelings out and we'll listen. Praying you find peace soon. Maybe you should think about talking to a professional too?

[RKT Mama]

Hi,
have totally been where you are and sometimes I still am. I didn't want to admit the gender to anyone while I was pregnant. I thought finding out during pregnancy would make it easier because I wouldn't have to fake it at the birth but I don't know. Even once he was born I went through the motions for a long time. He is by far my easiest child and I love him more than anything but even at 3 1/2 years old I still resent the fact that he isn't a girl and that I have to go through another pregnancy to have any hope of a girl.
When I was extremely pregnant with DS3 I filmed a TV segment for a friend and at the end they gave me my "baby", a little girl that was the 4th girl to that family and I remember feeling like not wanting to give her back. Offering her parents a "swop".

[HelsBells]

Babyk, it's heartbreaking to read your posts. I totally understand how you feel and then there is the added guilt for having those feelings. Your DH probably is feeling sad too but men deal with things differently and he too would be feeling guilty for feeling disappointed. Tell him you need his support.
I didn't add in my last post just how surprisingly wonderful my DS2 is and so different to his brother.
It sucks being pregnant, but you will have such a rush of love and adoration for him when he arrives. I still want my girl but I wouldn't change him.
You will feel better bit by bit. Will this be your last baby or is there still a chance of a girl in the future ?

[Babyk10103]

DH and I are talking about ht gender selection, as I'm tired of trying naturally and getting all boys! Cost however is a major issue. He is dead set against adoption as I suggested that after ds 2. I'm not sure about other options. Scared to try a sway and it not work either. This child was a shettles sway that failed. I'm sort of in denial today, even being the third I don't really have a bump at 21 weeks and with an anterior placenta not feeling much, pretty easy to pretend its all a dream. We did move our boys in together to start on a nursery but haven't been able to go in there to start. I open the door and tears come so I just stay out. Haven't let DH bring the crib out of the attic yet either.

[glory]

In my opinion Shettles is not swaying, they have basically debunked timing as accurate enough for swaying. (I know cause I swayed with timing 3x and I have 3 boys, 2 of which were conceived 5 days before Ovulation (who knows how).

If you were going to sway, do the diet or get atomically custom plan, that has a greater success.

For me my dh needed the guarantee of a girl next as he knew I would just keep going and he really only wanted 3 kids :)

Good luck with the pregnancy xo