No more but feeling incomplete, will it ever go away

[sjbroadley]

I can feel the guilt consuming me before I've even written this.
I have three healthy beautiful baby boys who I love to the ends of the earth, they are my entire world... But I can't help that feeling that I keep having to push to the back of my head, that I want a baby girl aswell, hubby is dead set that three is enough and he is right for financial and living space reasons but I still have this ache for a little girl. I can't get it out my head ill never be able to plait my little girls hair, ill never be able to buy cute pink outfits, ill never see my daughters wedding, ill never have to have the period convo when that time comes, I'll never get to have my daughter cry over first boyfriend, ill never have grandchildren from a daughter(ill love my boa children just as much I just imagine it being easier from a daughter as they're child's mother)
My youngest is only 11 weeks and I feel terrible for feeling like this because like I said I love all my boys to bits and wouldn't change them for the world, I just feel like I should have that baby girl too. I realise I sound stupid and selfish, I just need this feeling to go away, disappear, stop cropping up in my head because it will never happen, and even if I was to have more if we were in better situation it would be a boy I can see it.
Sorry for sounding silly, please someone tell me others easier?

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm sorry you are down but you are not alone.

Your boys may surprise you. My brothers are super close with my mom. They have a great relationship.

I think what you are feeling is normal and we all understand where your heart is.

[LacePrincess]

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I'm not there yet. ;) I have 3 boys right now too, we're not ready to be totally done yet but I too wonder if we get to our absolute max (which is 5, PERIOD, no more!!!) and what if they're all boys, how am I going to handle it?

I don't know, and I really worry about it too. :(

I can tell you that DS3 is my absolute baby and I've bonded with him SO STRONGLY, and he's such a momma's boy that I actually feel really guilty that my bond with DS1 and DS2 aren't as intense.

You do mourn missing out, not the ones you've had, and I really want to know too how you reconcile that when you're done. I was watching a chick flick romcom this weekend and crying through it, and really felt depressed that maybe I won't have a daughter to bond with over stuff like that.

I'm hoping someone that's gotten past this stage can chime in and give us both hope that those feelings do pass!

[Mrs_P]

you know what i'm sorry but it doesn't - my boys are amazing and i do so many things with them i'd do with a daughter and they are the most amazingly special people in the world but i still have that longing in me that i don't think will ever go away, i think its just something you have to learn to live with - although we were done at 3 and my dh has agreed to try again as i've spent two years trying to move on and accept it and am still in exactly the same i was when i found out ds3 was a boy - i wouldn't trade my boys for the world and i do not have gender disappointment but i do have a strong gender desire. Some days its easier that others and if you have made the all out decision to move on you get more easier than not, but my gd has got a lot worse since we decided to try again especially as i'm not getting pg as easily this time. the more time goes on the more i compromise on my sway and the less likely a dd is.

there is no magic answer either and the chances of having a dd are slim unless you can afford ht til it works. I know quite a few families of three all grown up boys and the moms still seem to have a certain sadness or i wish about them still - which is what worries me most, i don't want to be 80 something and have regrets. Sorry this is quite a negative post i'm usually quite positive but am having quite a bad gd day today - above all don't feel guilty for your feelings, especially not towards your boys, its not about them or anyone else other than you and the way that you feel and what don't have (rather than what you do have). The best way to move on is to try and deal with your feelings and find a way forward for family - i got a little king charles spaniel - lilly and she worked for me (before we decided to ttc again) it was nice having something female to bond with, i know that sounds silly.

Grandaughters i've heard are also great - the lady next door to us has three grown boys, and two granddaughters who she dotes on - not the same but she seems happy x

[KidAtHeart]

I don't think it ever truly goes away either, but I think that once you are past the child-bearing years and it's not a decision anymore, you probably don't dwell on it as much either. My older sister has two boys (one of whom is a mama's boy and always goes to see rom-coms with her - he's very sweet!), and I think she is still wistful but not all-consumed anymore.

Mrs. P, I can relate to your post! I also couldn't shake this feeling. it came and went for the past four years (since my littlest was born), but mostly stayed. I just found out I'm pregnant so am feeling hopeful, and also nervous. We tried HT and it didn't work out. Two cycles was all we were willing to pursue, financially and emotionally. But once that door to having #4 was opened, I couldn't get it out of my head. I do of course hope for a girl, but I mostly really do just want a healthy baby. I can't imagine how much I'd beat myself up if anything were to go wrong. My friend just had a Downs baby so I guess all of that is on my mind. And if it's another boy, well, I will cope. And then at least I can truly say that I tried every possible option. There will be no 5th child (unless its twins, ha!), so this is it.

[My Three Sons]

I can definitely relate to you. We have three boys which I love with all my heart. I can't imagine them being any different than what they are, but I still have the strong desire to try for a girl. If the next isn't a girl, I know I will have to deal with the feelings, and I will, and I will love that baby with all my heart as well, but I do still hope and pray this next one is a girl. I feel bad too though because I am such a lazy swayer, that maybe I don't deserve the girl because I am not doing a strong diet. I guess I haven't fully gotten to the point that I understand the diet, maybe that's it. I hope I don't screw this up.