Scared to have GD again...

[BabyCakesTor]

I have 3 boys... I love them so much, they are my world. I have always wanted a little girl and I am so scared of never having that dream come true!

I was 15 when I got PG with my first son and all I wanted was a blonde haired, blue eyed Lil boy... Dream come true! When I got PG with DS2 I wanted a girl... One boy, one girl done. I was sad and in denial that DS2 was a boy but accepted it and didn't think about GD much after. My ex husband decided 2 was it for him and got snipped. We divorced shortly after, as our marriage wasn't a marriage I wanted to spend the rest of my life unhappy.

Met my husband, got engaged and decided instead of having a nice wedding, we'd have a baby instead. (I want to be done having kids by time I'm 30). DH and I were going through a lot of things a couple months after we got pregnant... Then at 14 weeks them telling me that I was pregnant with 99.9% a boy, I balled my eyes out. I hated my husband for everything that we were going through and to top it off not giving me a daughter I dreamt about. My las Pg was the hardest one in all aspects! Morning sickness throughout, swelling, back problems, you name it i felt it. I was having contractions 7 minutes aparts from 35 weeks til they did the scan at 38 weeks and said he might be 10lbs!!! They finally induced me to find I had Polyhydraamnios (about 9lbs excess amniotic fluid) which is why I was so uncomfortable (aside from him being 9lbs 11oz 22 3/4 long!) I was done... No more kids... Almost made my husband get a vasectomy... But he wouldn't until I we worked everything out and were "US" again (smart man).... Well lately I've been having major baby fever even though our son has been the hardest child of my 3!

He's agreed for one more but only if I can accept having another boy.... I feel that if I sway and try all that I can and still get another boy then I'm meant to be surrounded by boys and I can accept that BUT I am so scared of this being it.... I will never have a daughter and what is worse, not having a daughter or living with the "what if we tried"? I will and LOVE ALL MY KIDS as I'm sure we all do regardless of gender but I think there's just this yearning to have a daughter that I can have a mother-daughter relationship that I wish I could've had with my mother.... All my boys are very attached to me, they are Mamas Boys lol and I love that, I just don't understand why I feel this way. I want a healthy baby but I dream of having a Lil girl! I'm just so scared...


Do I try or do I move on?:nails:

[Zivic-Bubac]

Hey sweeti!
I've been torturing myself with same dilemmas. I voted try for daughter bcos I think it's better to regret something you've actually done then to regret something you haven't even tried.

I'm still very, very disappointed and bitter for having my 3rd girl, have hard time to bond with her :( She should have been a boy, and I should be done, but no.....I'm 40 in a week, how depressing is that?
So bottom line is I HAVE to try one last time to make my dream come true kwim?

Having a baby boy is essential to me and I won't give it up for circumstances in my life. Now if it's another girl? (God forbid!) Then I'll just be a bitter old mom lol! Idk, I have a feeling that my No4 will be :xy:

Btw your DS3 was such a big baby, good job mama! :agree: You have my dream family of 3 boys :HH:

[NCBeachyGrl]

I agree with Zivic...if this is a boy (feeling likely it is) I know I will not be satisfied and will need the hope of having a 4th and trying one last time before I will be happy to give up. I think you have to give it your all or you will always wonder about what could have been.

Zivic - what is your timing for the 4th...how soon do you plan on having another one? My boys are 2 yrs apart and this one will be 5.5 and 3.5 yrs apart from them. I am thinking if we do go for #4, I would want it to happen pretty fast so the age between #3&4 would be 2 yrs or less...

[Zivic-Bubac]

Zivic - what is your timing for the 4th...how soon do you plan on having another one?.Hey huni! Why do you think it's a boy? I'm getting pink vibes from you! Hope I'm right!

As for the timing...Haven't decided yet, but I'll wean off this baby before new sway, so in a year would be the soonest. I don't want to do anything that can possibly or remotely sway pink.
I prefer bigger age gaps ( can you tell? :wink:) but this time it's not going to be possible bcos of my age :hair:
Also I'm skipping November and December, bcos it's a jinx, conceived 2 girls in Dec, 1 in late Nov, I'm not gambling this time lol!

I think I'll start in Jan 2013, so it will be 2 years apart or a bit more.

[wilma_five]

I agree with above but are also asking myself "when do I stop". Where is the point when you decide to take your losses and move on. I will try for six but if that's a boy I just HAVE to stop!

[Zivic-Bubac]

Where is the point when you decide to take your losses and move on.In my case, that point is my age. If I were younger I would def go for No5, but given my age even this is pushing luck.

I think for the most people the 'stop point' is determined by circumstances like money, space, time or feeling they are done-bcos everyone have 2 ( or 3 or 4 max) or they feel they couldn't handle another baby or for minority(?) lucky ones, bcos they got just what they wanted.

But eventho we don't have enough space and we have 1 small car, not to mention money issues etc, I consider all this to be CIRCUMSTANCES which shoudn't ( or should they?) prevent me from something so ESSENTIAL like bringing another baby to the world.

[LacePrincess]

I agree with above but are also asking myself "when do I stop". Where is the point when you
decide to take your losses and move on. I will try for six but if that's a boy I just HAVE to stop!

It's almost like an addiction, eh? 'Just one more'.....LOL

IMO, you have to set your personal limits based on your energy levels and ability to properly parent X number of children. I don't think using money, space, vehicle capacity limits are such a great idea, because you can always justify why it's ok to break the limit again. After all, you never (ok for normal people anyways) have quite enough money, quite enough house, quite enough time, whether with one child or more.

So I think everyone has a hard limit to their own abilities as a parent. For some of my friends, they can't handle or imagine having more than 2 kids. For us, I said 3 for years but I know in my heart and my gut that my 'real' limit - my capacity to not snap and have a nervous breakdown - is 5. Or at least, five children that are fairly dependent and aren't old enough to be almost entirely self sufficient, which I define as age 13-14 and up.

However, my other caveat is I will not be pregnant past 40. We are not comfortable with the risks. And, we want an empty nest at retirement age so that matters too!

So thing is, I think for us God willing our final tally will be five, and I do feel like even if the next is my dream girl we'll probably go on and have one more, because I like five better than four. Plus, four is an unlucky number for Chinese folks, LMAO. All of this is limited by my age of course, and if we have any infertility issues then we'll call it a day and consider ourselves very blessed indeed.

[Emily]

I'm all for chasing the dream unless it could turn into a nightmare! I have to admit that I am not the most patient of Mums and sometimes hate myself for losing my temper / not giving the attention and understanding that I should to my two boys. I know that 3 children is my limit. Beyond that I just wouldn't be a good Mum - I'd be tetchy, resentful and frazzled.

So, if this bean is blue that will be it for me. I've already dreamt that I'm carrying another boy and it made me really sad. I know that I could cope with a 3rd boy and love him as I would still have some sanity left! 4 children even if one was a girl just doesn't seem possible for me.

We would also struggle financially and I'd feel guilty taking away opportunities like swimming classes, holidays etc from my existing children to chase a dream that might never come true. I know money isn't everything but it is a consideration (I still remember going to school age 9 with second hand shoes on).

I hope I haven't offended anyone by saying how I feel - 3 is my max I'm certainly not judging ladies who have more - in fact I take my hat off to them as I couldn't cope:)

[LacePrincess]

Oh Emily, I don't think anyone could be offended by what you wrote! That's what I really enjoy about the GD boards, everyone is so respectful of each other and our differences.

But I agree with you that it's all about your own personal limits, and we're all different.

As a boy mom of 3, I can reassure you that if it's DS3 for you he will be very, very special. I bonded SO HARD with DS3, and this is the baby that had AFP markers come back and we actually had 'that talk' about whether we would consider termination if there was something wrong. At one point I even admitted to DH that it would be easier to consider termination since he wasn't my DG, and I'm very, very ashamed to admit I even thought that. :( But in the end we didn't go for the amnio, decided we were keeping the baby no matter what was wrong with him, and it turned out he was perfectly healthy anyways. Everyday I am grateful and so thankful we never did the amnio.

Anyways, my point is, three is plenty and five for most people is nuts, LMAO. But they do get a lot easier when they're older. People wonder how I cope and I tell them DS3 is like 90% of the work, especially now that he's in his Terrible Threes tantrum stage. Uggggggh.

[NCBeachyGrl]

Hey huni! Why do you think it's a boy? I'm getting pink vibes from you! Hope I'm right

I hope you are right too but tech guessed boy at NT scan, everyone on IG guessed boy, and had some strong boy guesses on here with my nub pics!

[4 blues~hopingforpink~]

I would definatley get into the swaying and give it a go! Do all you can and give it your best effort and "IF" it turns out to be another boy then you will know you did everything in your power for one and that you were just meant to be a boy mommy.. I know exactley how you feel, I have 4 boys! 3 from a previous relationship and one with DH... We had "planned" on swaying for a girl later on for our last and I ended up with a BIG surprise when I didnt get my period last month! Not planned, didnt really get to sway the odds or NOTHING and to be honest I was upset when I saw that BFP cause it was the last thing I was thinking was the cause on why my period was late (we were using pullout method and only had sex twice in that month) so needless to say Im scared that his baby is another boy but Im trying to stay positive and if it is I know I will be upset knowing I will never my lil girl and a mother daughter bond, but what can we do you know? Everything happens for a reason, I just hope the reason I got pregnant was God deciding that it was time for me to have a daughter and snuck her in and knew that if I had "tried" for her then it would have been a boy so he gave me her in a surprise!

I know in the end when the baby is born and in my arms I will love him/her the same no matter what... Hang in there, you never know unless you try! Its better to give it a shot then to live with "What If"

[Dreamofpink]

My limit is four children, but my hubby really wants to stop at two. He's going along with this but moaning about it, gotta love him though as we've been ttc for a year now! If the next one's a boy, I plan on cutting back on my food to slowly lose weight when the baby's weaning age. I'd use those crucial next 6 months of still bf a lot for a sway as my period usually returns around the 8th month after giving birth. Hopefully I'd catch before the baby's a year and have a smaller age gap. TBH, if it's a girl I'd probably still try it! I really don't think I could live with the thought that had I'd just tried I could've had a girl. I'd be happy with 3 boys and a girl, but if I had 4 boys, at least I know I've tried.

[momof3boyz11]

Wow I must say that this story does in fact hit home for me. I have two boys from a previous relationship and one with my husband. My last pregnancy was the worst out of all of them and made me say no more as well until I saw everyone around me getting pregnant again.
It's OK to yearn for that little girl and no one on here will ever question how much you love your child or children or unborn child. I finally got to the point where I really want to have another and try for that girl! If it doesn't happen then I just have another mamas boy who will love me forever :) I look at it this way I am doing it all, the LE diet (starting Monday), timing, charting, the calendar and whatever else is out there that way like you said At least I tried it all and if its a boy then I know I was meant to have 4 boys in my life and that is ok too :)
My husband said it best when he said expect a little boy and hope for a girl that way the GD is a little easier to take. I feel like I am actually answering myself for real I am in the same boat and I too am so afraid that this is our last shot but its one of those things where you just gotta go for it!!!

Good luck and I am throwing pink baby dust your way!!!

[BabyCakesTor]

Good luck and I am throwing pink baby dust your way!!!

Thank you and same to you and all the other Mommies with the yearn for their desired gender...:pinksperm::bluesperm::fx::fingers::hugs:

[zibibbogirl]

BabyCakes, I could have written the first two paragraphs of your post. I too, had two gorgeous sons in my first marriage. I wanted my first child to be a boy and he was. So, next I ordered a girl. I just expected it would happen. But my order must have gotten mixed up somehow because baby number two was another boy! My ex husband and I were looking into HT for a girl third baby but our marriage ended before we got that far.

Fast forward a few years and I met my now DH. We decided we wanted to have two of our own together. And honestly I was happy to have another boy (because even though he loves my boys it was lovely for him to have a son of his own too). So we have decided to go HT for our fourth and final child. I would be ok with another boy as I do want a fourth child, but I would love a girl and I feel this is my last chance. I have never tried swaying and it is my back up plan to do so if HT does not work.

Is HT an option for you?

[BabyCakesTor]

.

Is HT an option for you?

No HT is not an option, financially and my husband absolutely does not believe in going that route if we can conceive naturally :broken:

[Mum23boys]

I voted try but only as thats what i am doing. I too have 3 boys but unlike you i love it and am not bothered about a daughter yet my husband has longed for a daughter since DS1. We always said 4 children and yet we then decided to stop at 3 but recently ive been thinking "what if" i dont ever want to look back and regret not having 4 as planned and i dont want to ask myself what if that was his daughter that he had longed for so here we are ttc number 4 - if its a boy then it was meant to be and atleast we tried and we know that no matter what sex the baby we will never look back and regret having him / her where as we would regret having not tried.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do. x

[Mum23boys]

Hey huni! Why do you think it's a boy? I'm getting pink vibes from you! Hope I'm right!

As for the timing...Haven't decided yet, but I'll wean off this baby before new sway, so in a year would be the soonest. I don't want to do anything that can possibly or remotely sway pink.
I prefer bigger age gaps ( can you tell? :wink:) but this time it's not going to be possible bcos of my age :hair:
Also I'm skipping November and December, bcos it's a jinx, conceived 2 girls in Dec, 1 in late Nov, I'm not gambling this time lol!

I think I'll start in Jan 2013, so it will be 2 years apart or a bit more.

How funny 2 of my 3 boys were conceived in Oct and one in december yet here i am in october swaying girl - i did think at frst it would mean for sure we get another boy but the thought of skipping a month and being on this diet 4 weeks without an attempt was enough to make me forget it !! ha ha

[Mum23boys]

Oh Emily, I don't think anyone could be offended by what you wrote! That's what I really enjoy about the GD boards, everyone is so respectful of each other and our differences.

But I agree with you that it's all about your own personal limits, and we're all different.

As a boy mom of 3, I can reassure you that if it's DS3 for you he will be very, very special. I bonded SO HARD with DS3, and this is the baby that had AFP markers come back and we actually had 'that talk' about whether we would consider termination if there was something wrong. At one point I even admitted to DH that it would be easier to consider termination since he wasn't my DG, and I'm very, very ashamed to admit I even thought that. :( But in the end we didn't go for the amnio, decided we were keeping the baby no matter what was wrong with him, and it turned out he was perfectly healthy anyways. Everyday I am grateful and so thankful we never did the amnio.

Anyways, my point is, three is plenty and five for most people is nuts, LMAO. But they do get a lot easier when they're older. People wonder how I cope and I tell them DS3 is like 90% of the work, especially now that he's in his Terrible Threes tantrum stage. Uggggggh.


There is something sooooo special about that 3rd boy - i love all my sons to bits but definately had the strongest bond fro day 1 with ds3 and he is probably the hardest / naughtiest one !!! ha ha

[Adia]

I have to back up what the other ladies are saying. Decide what your limits are and go for it.

I am at the point where if I don't at least try, I won't be happy. I will make my first TTC blue attempt next month and we'll try for 12 months. If no prego, we'll cut some tubes and move on with our 3 gorgeous girls.

I am freaked out about having GD again too if I end up with a 4th girl, but DD3 is my little mini-me and I can't get enough of her, if I don't get a boy and I get another version of DD3, I'll be fine. I'll be sad, but I'll be ready to let go of the dream. DH is in the same place so that helps a lot.

Four kids is a super stretch for us but if it works, then its all a dream come true. GD has worn me out over the past 4 years so I'm ready to let it go either way.

Good luck, you aren't alone!!

[Cinss]

Welcome