Can't reconcile desire for a girl with desire for a small family

[WantingButWaiting]

hi to all this is my first post since coming here from IG. I have 2 boys who are almost 2 and 7. I still really want a girl. It's not the burning ache it was when I was pregnant with my second son and most days I don't feel sad about it at all but it is still there and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about it. The problem is I never wanted more than 2 kids. I feel overwhelmed with the 2 I have a lot of the time and I feel like I am being irresponsible for considering a third child. If we do have a third it will be through high tech or adoption I'm not rolling the dice again. is/was anyone in the same boat? How did you decide and do you have regrets about your decision?

[Janed]

I would have had 3 kids no matter what. That was my magic number when we got married. 3 DD's later, we did HT for number 4. Wasn't what I planned for but it is all good now. It has been hard going from 3 to 4. I had to hire someone to help so I could cart kids around, pick up from school, etc and that really helped. I think you won't regret what you end up with. Making the decision to go for it no matter what path you choose is the hardest part.

[Lissa]

I also have two boys... I didn't want more than 2 children for a variety of reasons, but really, really want a girl.

So. For right now we are waiting. My children are 1 and 2, and I am thinking we will re-evaluate when the boys are more like 4-5, so that they will be school-aged if we have another. It ruins my visions of a perfect family of four (really, how much stuff is out there for a family of four?!), and makes me throw out my beliefs about population stabilization, but, what are you going to do?

I think if you wait until your youngest is reaching school-age (if you have that luxury age-wise), and still have the need for a girl -- go for it! You'll adjust, and you might feel less stressed when your oldest is 10 and the youngest is in school.

Good luck!

[1pinkwish]

The way I look at it is that we only get one shot at this life. So, why not do what ever we CAN do to make it the most happy and fulfilling it can be?

I did know that I wanted 3 kids, that just felt like the "right" number for us. But, if you read through my post on this same forum, you will see what led us to the decision of 4 kids. I'm scared of the idea on some days. It feels "big" to me, and I wonder if I really am capable. But the thing that I know without a doubt is that once this baby is here, I will NEVER regret their presence in my life. And that's true whether it is a boy or a girl!!

And the thing is, having this baby is the only way that I even still get a "chance" at having the girl I dream of. It may not happen, and I do feel reconciled to be done if this is not. But, because the pain for a dd was so strong after ds #3 (for the circumstances that went with that-also in my post), I knew I couldn't be content at this point without at least trying one more time.

It's a really personal decision, and I hope that you find peace however you do decide. But, I do feel absolutely sure that if you do have another baby, you won't regret it--regardless of gender.

[atomic sagebrush]

I always wanted 5-6 kids but for a variety of reasons, we ended up stopping at 2 for 13 years. I never had a speck of GD with my first two, in fact I desperately wanted a boy for my first and was thrilled when I had him. And I was wonderfully happy with my two guys. But, the baby bug still had a grip on me, and at the age of 36 I got pg again with my 3rd son. I told my husband, if it's a girl, we're done, but if it's a boy, we have to try again because I can't do a boy only child. (Since I now have 4 boys you see how well that turned out!) I would love to try again if only to get to the number of 5 kids that I wanted, because I"m recovered from GD, but I'm on the wrong side of 40 now.

I tell you all this because I really do feel that it's in large part the limitations we put on ourselves by envisioning our "ideal" families that make GD so severe. I truly believe that if I had had all my boys in a row, I would have been slightly disappointed maybe with Boy 3 or 4, but nothing like the devastation I felt at my ultrasound with DS 3. (I never minded having boys, in fact I enjoy it a lot, I just always thought there would be ONE girl in the mix.) It was the pressure I was putting on myself, that I was running out of time, that I HAD to have a little girl now or never, that really sent me into a tailspin.

[Liv]

I made the decision to go HT for my DD because I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity of raising a daughter. There were several occasions in my life where I could have taken a more life fulfilling road and I didn't. I thought too much about it and chose to be logical and safe instead. I also found myself being sad and envious when friends found out they were pregnant with girls and that felt awful. My DD is such a blessing to our family and I am so thankful for her. HT can be emotional roller coaster but if we can handle it, go for it. Like a PP said, you only get one life! Good luck!!!

[Azuremyst]

It's tough. I had assumed I have a boy the first time around like everyone else I know. My desire for a boy hasn't left me and I cringe with envy whenever someone finds out they are having a boy. I definatly have Gender Desire...something I even hate admitting to myself. I certainly am not dissapointed in having a girl this Spring. I would be dissapointed if she came out a he. Yeah id get my dream gender but at what cost? I've already bonded with my daughter & would give my life for her. She picked me to be her mom, or God picked me, whoever, it works for me.

My dream family is also 2 children. I honestly don't know my feelings if #2 is a girl too. I hope id be ok since id already be a mommy to a girl. #2 is too much to think about right now though. Im also open to having only one child even though it was never my dream. It was just my mom & dad and I growing up so I know how wonderful it was to have my parents all to myself.

[snakesnsnails]

I think if you wait until your youngest is reaching school-age (if you have that luxury age-wise), and still have the need for a girl -- go for it! You'll adjust, and you might feel less stressed when your oldest is 10 and the youngest is in school.

Good luck!

This is exactly what we did. My oldest was 9 and in the 3rd grade and my younger son was 5 and had just begun kindergarten (actually my DD was born about 2 weeks after kindergarten began). IMO, a 5 year spacing is really NICE. My boys adore their little sister.

BTW, 1pinkwish fingers xxxxxx for you! Are keeping it a surprise until the birth day?

[xnicolax]

Well I only wanted 3 children and have 4, and they are all boys! Do I regret them? Never! I am going high tech for my fifth though, we are already over stretched as it is so I cant roll the dice either.

[1pinkwish]

BTW, 1pinkwish fingers xxxxxx for you! Are keeping it a surprise until the birth day?

Yep, as scary as that is, I'm waiting for the birth to find out the gender!! Hoping just seeing the sweet little face will help melt away any sadness I may feel. :)

Now if I can just make it through the next couple of months!!! I am SOOOOO ready to know already!!

[LittleLadyBug4Me]

I have never really thought about the number of my children, I just assumed I will get a girl and then I see, maybe just one, maybe two, maybe more....having two boys and no girl made me think about the total number eventually and I have decided to have 3. Firstly I was totally scared, angry that I have to have more children to get a girl but also looking forward to another baby - mixture of feelings and fears. I am now before the HT route and I am totally OK with having 3 kids (if one is girl), but it took little time to enjoy this idea. Will I have three kids if HT won't work? I do not know, probably not, but who knows?If you have time, wait and see. If you do not - as me- just do your pros/cons, hope it will help to decide....