Scared to TTC #3!

[4Giffins]

Hi all! Im the very proud mother of two wonderful little girls! I have always wanted three children and have finally convinced my DH to try for #3 (he said he was done after 2 cuz he didnt want 3 DDs). I have all my sway details lined out and have been doing diet and supps for the last month planning to TTC a boy in a couple months. Although now Im having second thoughts! I have been trying to focus on the big picture telling myself that in the end I am positive I want 3 children regardless of gender but at the end of the day I really wonder if I should even get our hopes up with this swaying stuff when in the end we could very well end up with DD3. I know I would love another child the same regardless of gender. I really feel almost guilty for believing that its possible for us to have a son! We would have to make some changes to acomidate three children and I just wonder if I would be making the right decision. Our girls are so great together now, what if throwing a baby in the mix (especially another girl) would have an effect on that? Im sure other ppl have gone through this..I guess Im just wondering how you finally decided to just go for it? Ive never been much of a risk taker and I guess I just dont feel like I have luck on my side!

[Violet_]

It is frightening when it really comes down to putting your hopes into something like trying to conceive a particular gender. I'd suggest try not to get your hopes up too much. If you can adopt an attitude of trying your best to alter the outcome and increase your odds of having your desired gender but at the end of the day all you can do is try your best and be happy knowing you did all you can and what will be will be.

If you are not in a hurry to get pregnant and really want a particular gender then take some time to study up and research and develop your plan well. So that you can look back and have no regrets that you did your best.

[Cinss]

Hi 4Griffins :) I am in a similar position, DP and i have 1 DD together but he has 2 more DDs from a previous relationship. His GD for a boy is stronger than mine but i always wanted to have 2 children, he was happy to stop after his DD3 was born but i begged and pleaded and even used swaying as a tactic to get him to agree to 1 more. So now we are pregnant i am starting to have the guilty feelings. I dont know how he is going to react if this is his DD #4, i have a feeling he will accuse me of trickery, but on the other hand if it is a boy he will be ever grateful for my efforts, its such a knifes edge to balance on. My advice would be do not tell your DH that swaying is 100% you need to explain that it is something you are going to try and it may not work out in the end, i keep telling my DP that we should expect a girl and it ends up to be a boy well then that will be such a nice surprise.

[4Giffins]

Thanks girls! Cinss..I totally agree with you! He knows its not 100 percent and actually thought I was crazy when I bought Shettles book (which I stopped reading after discovering swaying). I am actually shocked he has been so willing with supplements and diet and any other little thing I suggest. I think I would almost prefer he had no faith at all in it therefor if and when we were to have DD3 there would, in my eyes be less dissapointment! I feel the same way, if it does turn out to be a boy he will think Im a the greatest thing ever lol and if it is another girl I feel like I might never live it down..ohh you spent all this money and wasted all this time and we still got the same reasult..

I am feeling better as the days go on though and have read some very encouraging words in this forum! Will you be finding out the gender? Your sway looks great! :fx: for you!

[Cinss]

Its so great that your DH is on board with it all and is willing to take supps etc, mine gave it a half hearted effort, and there were some things he refused like quitting smoking and drinking :( We are going to find out gender, i am not sure if i will do it on my own first or find out with him, i have a few weeks to make a decision, but i am so worried about it.

[4Giffins]

Yes I am thankful that he has been on board for the most part! He still drinks quite a bit but everytime I see him grab a beer I polietly remind him that he will be cutting WAY back here very soon :)..He also quit chewing tobacco since we concieved our girls, not for the sway but because DD1 asked him to :). So that gives me some hope! He isnt real healthy otherwise though so Im hoping those things will be enough. I just dont want to look back and try and blame him if anything goes wrong lol. I cant wait to hear what your having! Im dead set on not finding out, I hope Im able to fight off the temptation once I actually get pregnant! I just hated finding out with DD2 and having there be no excitement..eveyone was hoping for a boy so I almost felt bad that I was having a girl..and I hated that feeling! We have 3 Granddaughters on my side of the family and 6 granddaughters on his side so there is just way too much pressure!

[Tiggerian]

I completely know how you feel! I'm starting to plan my own TTC journey, although I'm swaying pink. I our case it's me that has the GD though, as OH doesn't really care as long as both mama and baby makes it through safely, which is rather sweet. Thankfully he is on board with trying as I have threatened to keep trying until we get our baby girl :giggle:

I find it very difficult too and I have so many doubts and questions in my head. Especially one that keeps niggling away - is it fair to try again when you know you really only want a baby of one specific gender? I know that is so unfair to the baby to say and undoubtedly I would love a boy as much as a girl, but truth be told, we are trying again - not for a baby, but for a girl! And that can be hard to come to terms with when your guilt as a mother keeps knocking you on the head.

But the way I choose to look at it is this:

If I don't atleast try then I will never know! If I don't try I will always pine for what could have been and if I try, have another beautiful baby boy, then I will know - I wasn't meant to have a daughter, but instead was meant to raise three beautiful boys and hopefully I will gain three wonderful daughter-in-laws some time in the future and maybe have a grand daughter to spoil rotten. I try to stay positive, although it's sometimes hard.

I really hope your sway goes the way you want it and you will have a baby boy to complete your family soon! :fx:

[Tiggerian]

Just another small note - don't feel guilty about other peoples reaction! Dealing with your own emotions can be difficult enough without having to deal with other peoples disappointments. However, I know how you feel! When I was expecting DS2 (4th grandson in the family, only 1 granddaughter) everyone lost interest as soon as we announced it was another boy.

Next time we don't want to know the gender. I'm not sure its smart when you're hoping for a particular gender as it might increase the shock if its not the desired gender at birth, but I want to have the surprise and less disappoitment from the family.

[dloui128]

I know exactly how you feel, I have two DD's and they are 17 months apart they are the best of friends. When I started thinking about having another baby my youngest was 3, I finally started trying when she turned 4. As I was swaying I was having second thoughts, I would have move the girls into one room together, if it was another girl I thought for sure she would be left out because DD1 and DD2 are so close in age and are inseperable. At the end of the day I knew if I didn't at least try I would regret it later in life and I didn't want to have to live with that regret.

[4Giffins]

I totally understand what your saying Tigger! I honestly think we are trying for a baby not just a boy though. I really have always wanted 3 children no matter what and DH even said he would have no problem having 3 if we had one of each first. He is still on board though, just took a little more convincing! :) Of course the idea of a boy is what is consuming me..it just sounds too good to be true! Thanks for the encouraging words! I agree that we have to go for it rather then regret never trying for the rest of our days! Best of luck with your sway also and tons of pink dust to you!!

Dloui..I am in the same exact place! The girls will have to be moved into the same room also..My DD1 is so great and just loves babies so I worry more about her moving on from DD2 (DD1 still thinks DD2 is a baby and packs her around and such) to the new baby and then DD2 will be left out! Silly I know..as this could happen regardless of the gender! But once again you have to try right!

[Thorz300]

I feel your pain, we just decided to ttc this month after a long internal battle, because I feel that I shouldn't get pregnant again unless I am ok with 4DS because that is probably my most likely outcome. Although I desperately want a DD I will love and be ok with another DS........it took me awhile to get to that place. I hope all works out for you!

:DS::DS::DS::fingers::pinksperm:

[BabyCakesTor]

I feel your pain, we just decided to ttc this month after a long internal battle, because I feel that I shouldn't get pregnant again unless I am ok with 4DS because that is probably my most likely outcome. Although I desperately want a DD I will love and be ok with another DS........it took me awhile to get to that place. I hope all works out for you!

:DS::DS::DS::fingers::pinksperm:

I am in the same boat. I had to really come to terms that I might have another boy and that would be it. I've accepted it and only have a boy name picked out because if I can at least have a name to him when and if I find out its DS4 I can connect with him and move on. Although I know I will mourn for never having a daughter, I will at least be surrounded by all the men that love me ;$

[vanasse2002]

Wow, 4Griffins...when I read your first post, it was like I had written it. My girls are the same age as yours and I am so scared to try again. I have been going back and forth for about a year now on whether or not to give it one more try. DH and I have always wanted to have a boy. I am just so scared that we'd end up with another DD. I love my two DD's, but I am not sure how I feel about having 3...I know that in the end, it we do decide to give it a go and it ends up being a DD, we'll love her no matter what. I am also worried that we are a one gender family because my sister has two DS. It's like she has all the boys and I have all the girls...

[fish2012]

I know exactly how you feel, I have two DD's and they are 17 months apart they are the best of friends. When I started thinking about having another baby my youngest was 3, I finally started trying when she turned 4. As I was swaying I was having second thoughts, I would have move the girls into one room together, if it was another girl I thought for sure she would be left out because DD1 and DD2 are so close in age and are inseperable. At the end of the day I knew if I didn't at least try I would regret it later in life and I didn't want to have to live with that regret.

this worries me too cause my ds are 16 months apart and a third ds might be a tag along.....if its a dd she'll be v spolit thou........

[coocoobananas]

I have the same thoughts as dhouli... Problem is, I got an opposite. I know I'll be happy when he's here but at the moment I am second guessing why the heck I'm here in the first place! My last month (that I got pregnant) I was about to take a break and really think things through. But I promised myself I would try for 3 months and I wanted to follow through. I eased up so much on swaying (although my diet was pretty dang good) and now I keep questioning why I did it, trying to remind myself I was ok with the outcome st the end. However, I wasn't really being honest with myself, I just wanted a girl. It's pretty hard to know how you will feel, I thought I did since I thought it over for over a year... But I still didn't:(
I can't wait to have him here though so these thoughts will go away, which I know they will. But as tempting as it is, I will never "try" again:(

[gallons of milk]

I felt like I was reading my own situation when I read this, except the other way around. I have two boys and am desperate for a little girl. But I have felt this way for three years, since DS2 was 2. Well, tbh I cried at his scan, but then he was born and was the best thing that ever happened to me, along with DS1! I forgot about my DG for a couple of years. Then about two years ago I spent weeks researching swaying, did the diet, spent loads of money on supplements that I ordered from all around the world, etc. Then I completely freaked out on the first night (!!!) that we were due to DTD and realised that I just couldn't risk another boy. Then I researched HT and read loads of very sad stories of women who had spent all their money for nothing and then went back to swaying but it didn't work, and I realised I couldn't do that either. After a lot of soul searching and crying with my poor, patient DH, we decided to try for adoption. In the end, I felt that that was the safest route to my DG - if you can get through the process it's a 100% success rate! And I do feel really at peace with that decision in that I think it will be wonderful to give a child a home and to teach our boys about the many different ways you can make a family. I'm not bothered about not having the pregnancy or the baby days (adopting from UK, so there are no babies available, generally they are 1+). My great fear now is that we might not get through the process, which is gruelling here. So even now that I have made a decision that I think I'm happy with, I still feel I can't really embrace it. Unfortunately there just aren't any guarantees. I think the best thing is just to decide on a plan and make yourself follow it through.

I need to take my own advice on that though, then maybe I wouldn't have wasted the last three years!

[Jadis]

I know exactly how you feel! My boys have such a great relationship that I worried that throwing a baby into the mix would ruin the dynamic of our family. If it ain't broke, right? Still, I always pictured us with 3 kids and I worried that if we stoppped at 2 just because life is easier this way, we'd turn 45 and think 'Oh shit...wish we'd had the 3rd". Of course, I'd love the baby I'm pregnant with to be a girl, but I know that I'll adapt and fall in love with another boy. At least I can say that I swayed a bit and what was meant to be was meant to be. Good luck!

[wildwooddays]

First of all, it's great that you are thinking of these things beforehand. We ttc'd #3 with me thinking I didn't care about the gender (I was thrilled my dh finally agreed to let us try for a third) but once I got pregnant I really wanted it to be a girl. I would say, definitely think of the pros and cons of three. No matter what the gender I am sure it will be different than too. But you will also love the child (boy or girl) very much. They say you regret the child you don't have, not the ones you have.