Newbie here with mixed emotions

[BellaVita]

Hope you ladies don't mind me popping in here from IG. I'm currently a mom to 3 fantastic little boys (ages 11, 9 and 5) and am currently pregnant with a complete surprise baby! I had finally convinced DH that I wasn't a complete lunatic for wanting to sway and he agreed to jump on board. We were planning on TTC around April of next year, but apparently our fertile-ness had other plans, lol. So here I am 9 weeks pregnant, due in May and am having some mixed emotions.

I've been extremely distant with this pregnancy. During my confirmation appointment, I guess I gave off some not-so-good vibes because even the OBGYN I saw had asked me if I wanted to continue the pregnancy. I felt bad that I came off so cold, but in reality I was just in shock. My ovulation dates were off by a few days and so this had completely threw me in for a loop. So far this first trimester has been anything but pleasant. Food aversions from hell, fatigue like I've never experienced before, incredibly sore breasts that are painful to the touch, etc. I blamed these extreme symptoms on why I was disconnected from this pregnancy. How can one enjoy the "miracle of life" when you feel like you have a hangover 24/7?!?

I also dealt with some bleeding off and on. Ultrasound showed a strong heartbeat, closed cervix, etc. so we're optimisitic. I wasn't too focused on the gender since I've had a rocky start, but it's starting to hit me like a ton of bricks. I've never really had GD before, so these are new feelings to me. I think because it's my last one I'm realizing that my dream of ever having a daughter can be crushed in a matter of weeks, and it's starting to take its toll on me. Actually, it really hit me when I familiarized myself with the Ramzi theory. I never got a pic of my 6 week ultrasound, but I remember it clearly and the baby was implanted all the way in the top right corner. This crushed me. I'm not one to harp on theories, but it's the 97% accuracy of it that bugs me. Very little room for error and I've been trying to do tons of research on it to disprove it, but all I'm doing is fueling my inner fire. I keep telling myself that maybe it just looked like it was to the right because of how she was holding the transvaginal wand, or that it needs to be a tech trained in the Ramzi theory for it to be accurate, etc. but I can't help it. I feel like there's zero chance and I'm mourning the loss of a daughter that I never had. Funny thing is if this was someone else posting this, I'd be telling them to chillax! It's a lot different when it's yourself and I'm finding that out quickly.

Thanks for listening to me whine and vent. Sometimes it feels better to just get it off your chest. This is stuff that I can't tell anyone I know IRL and I'm choosing not to throw my feelings on hubby for fear of making him feel bad.

[Mrs_P]

i know exactly how you feel i went through all of that was ds3 - gd hit me really hard. I think the not knowing is the worst though at least if your dreams have to be shattered your not torchouring yourself with weeks of what if. i had a rough pregnancy (worse for me symptoms wise) and i convinced myself that as everyone else i knew was having a little girl i could to and that as my pregnancy was so different i must be - he was a boy hit me like a tonne of bricks. No idea how accurate ramzi theory is but your not far off getting a nub shot if you do want to know.

Also maybe have a look on the essays atomic has posted - you may have swayed girl without even realizing it and be in with a really good chance of your dd.

Either way your in the right place if you want to chat - everyone on here is so supportive and understands what your going through - i'll be right there to in a few weeks when i hear boy for number 4

[BellaVita]

Thanks for the warm welcome. Yep, I did the same thing with DS2. Pregnancy was 100% opposite from DS1, so I went in cocky and confident it was a girl! With DS3 I lied and told everyone I was dying for another little boy to help ease the blow...and it seemed to help. Fake it til' ya make it. :worry:

I'll do a search for Atomic's essays -- thanks. Actually though, I was living a pretty heavy boy lifestyle when I conceived. In fact, I was purposely over indulging in red meat, etc. knowing I was going to be swaying later on the next year, ha! The only "girl" things I can think I had going for me was drinking aspartame and losing weight. I'm trying not to harp too much on the lifestyle choices though because there are tons and tons of women who have had some fabulous sways and STILL failed. :( Trying to remain optimistic, but it's definitely hard.

I do have an appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping that my doctor will schedule me for my 12 week scan in a few weeks. It'd be nice to be a little prepared before waiting until 20 weeks. And congrats on baby #4!

[BellaVita]

Had appointment today and nuchal scan has been scheduled for Nov. 20th, eeek! I'll be two days shy of 13 weeks so I'm hoping for a good nub shot. The next several weeks are going to drag!