Why do I do this to myself?

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

I do NOT have a facebook account. But if I am bored I look on my husband's account which is where it all starts. I for instance knew that his friend from long ago that I knew has a girl also when we had DD2. I knew they were going to have another child because for the most part, people have 2 kids. So I kept looking on this person's account to see if there was another child. I work myself up to say please do not let it be a boy. So I look on it yesterday after my DD1 goes to her grandmother's house in another state and I was supposed to start to relax and enjoy my break. What do I do? I look on his account and I see a picture from 2010 of his daughter and a little boy sitting on Santa (Holiday picture).

After seeing that, I start crying and saying "why him". What did he do to deserve a son on the 2nd try. Why???

The jealousy is just getting the best of me.

I just want to know what this guy has that my dh does not have that he got granted a boy, a prize?

HT may or may not work but these others just get it for free so easily, naturally.

I know that I am acting obsessed.

So my point is that people I never will even see, but as long as I know who they are if I see they had a boy after a girl or a girl after a boy, it makes me so upset.

I told my dh to just block out facebook all together. He wil not.

That is why I cannot have facebook. I know the GD will get the best of me.

I was not even going to post this, because that last thing I want is to feel worse, but this is the GD section and I said why not.

I know I will proabably get a shot at HT and then if it fails we can save again for it. But I will be older, and most just say it is so bad to try it at that age so that even brings me more down. But what can I do? I know people have to be honest. But maybe it is better to do it when I can and not even talk about it. I cannot make the money fall from the sky. I know ideally 35 and under is the best, but not all of us can do that.

Wow what a week off for mid winter break. That is all I did the whole week is drive myself nuts over pigeon pair, GS, HT probably not working etc.

I cannot go out too much and spend $$$ because trying to save for HT. We have a set amount that we put away for that, and I WILL NOT touch that money.

Thanks for listening.

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I don't even know if me responding knowing my family dynamic makes you cringe but I do understand how you feel.

It's awesome that you have a plan and are working towards a chance with HT.

If you did have a FB account though and posted some pictures of your girls, I'm sure there would be those that think how wonderful your life is.

Regardless of my life now, if you ever had GD, you don't forget the feeling of longing, sadness and just being pissed off in general. It is still there and I know exactly how you feel and it's not fun.

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

NBP,

You have been nothing but nice and helpful since the day that I met you on ingender. I said to myself who is this person with all this information and not the FL (LOL). Now look you have this great site with even more information on it for everyone and still helpful in all areas of the forums.

Thanks for your reply. There is only so much I can talk about this over and over with my dh.



I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I don't even know if me responding knowing my family dynamic makes you cringe but I do understand how you feel.

It's awesome that you have a plan and are working towards a chance with HT.

If you did have a FB account though and posted some pictures of your girls, I'm sure there would be those that think how wonderful your life is.

Regardless of my life now, if you ever had GD, you don't forget the feeling of longing, sadness and just being pissed off in general. It is still there and I know exactly how you feel and it's not fun.

[Dreamingforaboy]

NY my heart goes out to you, I have 3 girls, I love them so much but want so much a brother for them. It doesn't help that my eldest keeps asking me to have another and keeps telling me that she has been praying that I will have a boy. It breaks my heart to hear her say it. I once a long time ago said to her that if she asked for anything in her prayers and means it with a true heart God will make it come true..she was so young when I said this but it has stuck with her. She is so sensible and doesn't pray for meaningless things so she understands the importance of a prayer. I sometimes think she will lose her faith if we have another girl...I know this is so wrong for me to think this way but I wish I could make her prayer/dreams come true...

Sorry I have digressed...but I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone, don't feel guilty or obsessed, we are only human and sometimes irrational. Talking to others helps, so I would post on here anytime you feel this way and it might make you feel a little better.

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

NY my heart goes out to you, I have 3 girls, I love them so much but want so much a brother for them. It doesn't help that my eldest keeps asking me to have another and keeps telling me that she has been praying that I will have a boy. It breaks my heart to hear her say it. I once a long time ago said to her that if she asked for anything in her prayers and means it with a true heart God will make it come true..she was so young when I said this but it has stuck with her. She is so sensible and doesn't pray for meaningless things so she understands the importance of a prayer. I sometimes think she will lose her faith if we have another girl...I know this is so wrong for me to think this way but I wish I could make her prayer/dreams come true...

Sorry I have digressed...but I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone, don't feel guilty or obsessed, we are only human and sometimes irrational. Talking to others helps, so I would post on here anytime you feel this way and it might make you feel a little better.

Thanks so much!

My girls all are so beautiful and the look so much alike. Sometimes I will get "god bless you". But I just cannot understand why the dumb comments?

Being that you mentioned praying, I stopped going to this thrift store. The women there runs the thrift store from a church. She is studying to me a minister. She has 2 girls and a boy. The boy is the youngest. Since I found out it was a girl (DD3) I was not able to bring myself in that store. And believe me, they have the best deals there. You can fill a bag of clothing for $5.00 and it is used but you sometimes get designer name brands etc. So I have been sending my husband there to get stuff. I did e-mail her to let her know that I had a 3rd girl. She just wrote something like I would not be needing clothing. I only e-mailed her just to tell her so when I walk in, I do not have to talk. I mean she would not have to know anything. But I always like to tell people I had #3 because I still am 14 pounds over my goal weight LOL.

So even though she is religious, I can bet almost 95% that I am in for a dumb, hurtful comment with her. I would expect her to say "God bless you". You were blessed with 3 beautiful girls. But being she has a boy after 2 girls, I believe she may say something dumb.

Are you going to try HT or try naturally?

Good luck to you.

It is very hard.

I tend to be friendly with all girl or all boy Moms. I feel we share a common bond for now.

Thanks for your reply.

[Dreamingforaboy]

You are most probably right, she will make a dumb comment and it will leave you broken. I get really defensive about my girls and if anyone makes a comment I have started giving it back to them making them feel stupid for making the dumb comment. How dare anyone assume I am not proud of having my 3 girls, personally I think this bugs them even mor..., they want to see that look of grief/sadness on your face, but your best weapon is your own defense - never lets others IRL know how much you may be hurting. Yes of course we all want a balanced family but I'm not going to let others put down what God has given me. Be strong and proud and others will stop making comments. I find friends and family do it more when they sense weakness. After DD2 I was sad and people picked up on it, when I had DD3 I acted differently like I was blessed to have 3 healthy girls and as a result people said less to me.

I hope you can take some comfort from knowing you are not alone but moreover take strength from the fact that many are envious of your situation too. We have swayed naturally...HT will be perhaps be option if this sway doesnt work.

I pray you find peace in your life.