How did you convince DH to try for another when he felt done?

[Junie]

Hi everyone! I recently had our 2nd son (2 months ago) and I really, really, really want a third. I will do everything in my power to sway for a girl but I also would be totally happy with having a third boy- I just want a third! LOL

So far my DH is not on board. For him it comes down to the extra work- he just doesn't think the added joys of another will offset the work that comes with it, and having to deal with all the baby stuff again. I think these difficult (or labor intensive if you want a more positive term :D) years will be over in a flash and then the difference between 2 and 3 won't matter much at all.

I know many of you were able to convince DH to try for another and I was wondering how you did it? Right now DH is pretty against it but not 100% (thankfully!) and I am already starting to think of ways to positively keep the topic alive as since I will be swaying I will want to start preparing at least 3 months ahead. Although I want them at least two years apart so I have plenty of time but still any advice you all can offer is much appreciated!

[myGirl]

For us, going from 2 to 3 kids was a breeze. We felt confident and experienced, and the first two kids entertained each other instead of looking to me all the time. And you are so right, the baby/toddler years are over in a flash... my mom always told me to "enjoy this time with your boys" and I used to think she was crazy but now (my boys are 13, 12 and 9) I totally understand what she meant.

After my DS3 was born (failed Shettles sway) DH promised me we'd try for #4 for my girl. Well... time got away from us and now I am desperate for just one more baby. But DH is so content with his boys that he is done (he wanted a boy from the beginning even more than I wanted a girl! He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have 3!)

Anyway, my DH uses the money argument against having another. He feels it would be selfish of us to have a new baby because it would take thousands of $$$$ away from our boys that we could otherwise spend paying for lessons, sports, trips, summer camps, not to mention college etc. Anyone have any comebacks for that one LOL?

I don't know how easily manipulated your husband is, but for mine, he can be talked into anything with the promise of some special alone time in the bedroom (wink). That and maybe a fishing boat in the future (I told him I'm going to name the boat Strings Attached) LOL

[Tiggerian]

My OH did NOT want anymore children after DS2 - he was done! In fact, he could quite happily have just been a one-child family! After DS2 was born he wanted to get the snip, but he was too chicken to go :giggle:

I left it for a while and then only recently started bringing it up again and slowly he started getting round to it again. He agreed to try for a 3rd child not long ago.

My OH will never be broody! He will never jump for joy when I announce I'm pregnant - he didn't with the other two, he certainly won't this time. He takes it in his stride, one day at a day.. He goes to the doctor, midwife and all the scan and he is always beaming with pride. But he is very down to earth so I don't expect much of him. In fact I was practically blown away when he said he "didn't mind another baby" which is basically saying "let's knock you up baby!" in his world.

[Junie]

ooh both of these stories give me lots of hope! I think I need to completely drop it for a little while at least until this one is sleeping a bit better:giggle: Hopefully in 6 months time he will start to naturally feel a little differently, and then I can start slowly bringing it up again.

[Tiggerian]

My OH was open to the idea of another before we got closer to our youngest being two - before that it was a completely closed subject. He'd usually just hold his hand up and say "Don't even go there, Noah isn't even 2!"

[auroara78]

I think the idea of giving him something that he wants (within reason) always helps to sweeten the deal. My DH really wanted to become a stay at home dad (his job was treating him like crap and the pay was not very good) and I really wanted to try for a DD. So my deal I made with him was if he was going to be a stay at home dad anyway to our two boys, I wanted to try again and have a 3rd since we'd have built-in childcare. He agreed, and it made us both feel good that each of us got what we wanted.

Also, since you just had a new baby two months ago, I'd def. drop it for a while until he "forgets" how sleep-deprieved the newborn stage is. My DH had talked endlessly about wanting a 4th while I was pregnant with DD (he really wants a 3rd son still--dont know why he needs that many boys! lol) but now that we have newborn DD he keeps saying he's not sure about a 4th, and it was his idea to begin with! So def. give him time, drop it for now, and in a few months, I think would be the perfect time to start planting the idea in his head.

I'm sure he'll come around!

[Junie]

It's funny because with our first baby I was so shell shocked that I couldn't even imagine getting pregnant or having another child until he was well over 1, but this time since everything is going so much better I am already excited at the thought of three, and I just feel like DH should be too LOL. I know that we both see this time completely differently though. I think he is also just really poor at being able to picture how things will be in 1-2 years whereas I have no trouble at all with it :)

I'm going to drop it and just focus on making things as good as possible right now and hopefully with time he will be able to consider it. I don't think the suggestion will ever come from him but I do think that he will eventually be positive about it. Until then I can just focus on learning a bit about doing my girl sway and having fun with my two boys :D

[Dreamofpink]

My OH did NOT want anymore children after DS2 - he was done! In fact, he could quite happily have just been a one-child family! After DS2 was born he wanted to get the snip, but he was too chicken to go :giggle:

I left it for a while and then only recently started bringing it up again and slowly he started getting round to it again. He agreed to try for a 3rd child not long ago.

My OH will never be broody! He will never jump for joy when I announce I'm pregnant - he didn't with the other two, he certainly won't this time. He takes it in his stride, one day at a day.. He goes to the doctor, midwife and all the scan and he is always beaming with pride. But he is very down to earth so I don't expect much of him. In fact I was practically blown away when he said he "didn't mind another baby" which is basically saying "let's knock you up baby!" in his world.

Are you sure we don't have the same DH?!!!! :rofl: You've described mine down to a T, that's exactly how he feels about more children. But, alas, I am extremely bloody-minded and even after a year of TTC he's still onboard - well, he never says no to BD!

[HopingForPigtails]

Yup. My DH was (and kind of still is!!) the exact same. I think you're wise to hold off talking about it. My DH despises the infant/no sleep months so that was the worst time to bring it up. He loves having his two boys and is perfectly content. When DS2 was around 15 mos, we started the topic of a 3rd. Let's say even then, those first convos were not great! But I kind of had to imply that having a bigger family was something I desperately wanted- and something that can only be done within a certain time frame. I was honest with him that I wasn't totally certain I wouldn't hold it against him in the future if he was the reason I never got the chance to TTC a third. He realized I was right- and he does ultimately want me to be happy.

I am now PG with my 3rd (a DD!). He has yet to be "happy" about it and still has all of his same concerns. But, he at least puts up a happy front when we are congratulated and has started sending me lists of baby names. So I think those are good signs :-).

Good luck. Im sure he'll come around!!

[Tiggerian]

Oh dear, I have been wondering why he's always home so late.. mind, he must have 7-mile boots if he is to get from the west midlands to yorkshire and back on a daily basis!!

- My OH hates the pregnancy stage too... He can't stand me lol! Apparently I' horrid because:
1) i crave weird things at weird hours
2) I cry over everything - even loo roll ads!
3) I'm slow!..
4) I can't get myself dressed in the end (Quote: "its like having a bloody toddler")
5) I whinge, moan and whine with a sprinkling of self pity on top (mind, I had SPD with both of them, not funny!)
6) I go name-psycho!
7) I refuse to allow certain food items in the house because they make me barf (with DS2 it was his favourite cake!)
8) I can't clean the litter boxes
9) No sex for 9 months because "What if I hurt it!?" and "I'm sorry, I just can't have sex when my child is watching!" :think:
10) False labour pains! Had a nasty one, went "ooorh" - every time the man went pale as a ghost, froze in whatever position he was in and went "OHMIGOD IT CAN'T BE NOW!" (on a side note, when labour actually did start he said: "tell him to come back tomorrow" rolled over and went back to sleep...!)

ahh.. the joys of pregnancy! :bluecheer:

[BabyCakesTor]

Considering I did all the night wakings and all feedings since I wasn't able to pump and DS3 refused a bottle, let alone formula, my DH was concerned about my sanity adding a 4th. The boys are 12y, 9y and 19 months and sometimes he comes home and I'm like ahhh you take them, I'm done today lol and the fact that I LOVE to sleep. (I do love saying "The Boys" rather than the kids but reallllly want a DD) he was talking about finances, ect but then said "Ok let's do it, I'll be working just as hard anyway"

Granted my youngest only slept through the night at 11 months old and is just now self soothing himself to sleep. So like others have said, let some time pass and let him "forget" the newborn stage and sleep deprivation. In the meantime do all u can to sway so when he says ok, you can start TTC and be swaying already.

[My Three Sons]

My DH was clear that he only wanted 3, so I told him fine and started getting rid of all the baby stuff. He said he wanted to get a V, but I told him that while I respected his feelings about not going for 4, I needed to get to a point that I was OK with it too, and right now, I'm not there yet. We did not discuss it anymore for a long time, and I seriously thought that he'd never give in, so I didn't push it. One night we were talking and he asked my if I still wanted to try for the girl, what if it were a boy, etc and why was I getting rid of baby stuff if I still wanted one. I told him I did want antoher, even if it were a boy, I just couldn't help the way I felt. He asked me if we had another, would I promise to still pay attention to him, give him his "time", etc. Then he said if I wanted another one, he'd go along with it. He's not too thrilled, but will love the baby and help care for it, etc....so here we are. I keep thinking we need to hurry and get preggo before he changes his mind... LOL

[Myloves]

My Dh is such a flip-flop - he changed his mind so many times!
Before we had kids, he was admant that we were only having one. He would have been perfectly happy to have only Ds1.
Then after I got pregnant with ds2, he decided 2 was the perfect number of kids. So we were temporarily 'done', even though I was secretly wishing for a girl at the time. Then a few months later, I told him how I felt and after weeks of coaxing he sort of agreed to try 'one more time' for a girl.
Two years later our DD was born and we were both done. I no longer had any baby fever (at the time) and I was content with my 3.

And NOW almost 2 yrs after my third was born, Dh feels like he's not done! After all those yrs of saying he never wanted a big family, now he wants one more baby. Yikes. Well, I want one more girl, so I'm happy to ttc again - but it was the biggest shock of my life when he suggested we have another!

[Junie]

Wow I can't imagine DH every changing his mind like that Myloves! How fun for you :)

I have to say you ladies have given me a lot of hope! I feel like I know my DH pretty well and even though he often responds to comments about a third with , "who will you be having the third with?, as it won't be me" I think he has to start against it and to not agree with me too quickly as I think it is still important to him to feel like he is deciding....although so far I have gotten my way with the timing each time (and in the end he has been happy about it too!) It is too bad that we have to go through all the discussions,etc though as it would be so much easier if he would just follow my lead from the beginning :bigsmile:

I'm also wondering did you all find three to be a lot more work then 2?

[Tiggerian]

Oh my OH says that too - "Who' you having more kids with!?" and I usually respond "You, whether you like or not" and then we have a whole "argument" (which isn't an argument at all) which usally ends up with this closing it: "The way I see it.. you can choose to have another baby or never again have sex but see me slowly developing as a crazy cat lady! What's it gonna be!?" And suddenly the baby doesn't seem that bad (mind, we got two cats already!)

[Dreamofpink]

Oh my OH says that too - "Who' you having more kids with!?" and I usually respond "You, whether you like or not" and then we have a whole "argument" (which isn't an argument at all) which usally ends up with this closing it: "The way I see it.. you can choose to have another baby or never again have sex but see me slowly developing as a crazy cat lady! What's it gonna be!?" And suddenly the baby doesn't seem that bad (mind, we got two cats already!)

Haha! :rofl: my DH has been known to say that before too. And when he threatens to go for a V I've told him on numerous occasions that if he did that he wouldn't NEED a V as I wouldn't go near him again :drama: I know :giggle: All in jest though! I just use the argument against a V that my friend & her DH are both embryologists and her DH is also an epigenetist and they're both dead set against V's as they believe they lead to an increase in prostrate cancer in older men. I know the jury's out on that but my hubby doesn't and as I tell him we've been TTC for a year now and got nowhere, so I think we can relax on BC in the future - allowing for the surprise baby #4 :holysheep:

[Dana-Alicia]

My husband has always said we'd only have 2. JUST TWO! Seriously, putting pressure on me ey? Our first was my much desired girl, but she was born sleeping and it broke my heart :broken: After that we had 2 boy's, absolute loves of my life! I immediately told DH I was not done, I NEED a girl. He kept saying no, two is enough. I tried everything to convince him, made all these dirty promises I knew I couldn't keep haha! But he kept by his word, no, 2 is enough. And then one day I just burst out crying and couldn't stop sobbing. I think that's when he realized how deep my dream for a girl is. He knew about HT and has said we'd only try that once. (I'd say at least twice or till it works for us lol it takes the pressure of for me). So that's how I did it. And I hope you can convince your husband as well. Just the thought of having some hope has made me so much happier. And I can fully enjoy my boy's now, knowing that one day I may get my wish. FX for all you girls as well!

[Southern Butterfly]

It took me 4 years to convince DH to have a 3rd. He wasn't as excited during my 3rd pregnancy mostly due to worries of how we would handle a 3rd, but once he held him he fell completely in love and he said he was glad I convinced him to try again.

Now 2 1/2 years later I am starting to get the baby itch again but I know it is highly unlikely I would be able to convince him to have a 4th, but you never know what the future holds!

[wildwooddays]

Well I always wanted three kids, it had nothing to do with trying for a girl. But dh was convinced he was done after 2. Well he just kind of came around cause he saw that our kids were growing up and I told him that's why I wanted a third. Then I went off the pill and sort of did the rhythm method, then not and we just decided we were trying. GL!

[Junie]

These stories are so uplifting! :) I'm also hoping that since my feelings are stronger then DHs on the matter that he will be more willing to compromise. Now lets just hope I won't want a fourth-as I don't think he would ever, ever agree to that :D

[SassyMamma]

My dh was done after 3. I sat him down and told him how it would break my heart into a million pieces to never have our baby girl. We are now ttc #8.

[port2011]

I had two boys - now 21 and 20 when I met my now DH (that was 17 years ago). We have since had two more boys - now 8 and 5. I have been absolutely desperate for another for about the last three years. My DH was 150% no more kids. He had many excuses - we didn't have the room, we couldn't afford it, 4 kids is enough, DS4 is a terrible sleeper (at 5 I think he has slept a full night three times), etc. etc. anything he could think of to use as an excuse.

Anyway two older boys moved out, DH got a well paying job, we moved into a bigger house - all his excuses were no longer excuses...

He told me one night that he had decided that we could have one more - I literally got pregnant the next night (no exaggeration at all). I am now 29 weeks:-)

If my DH came around anyone's can. He was soooooo against having another child.

Good luck!!

PS I have just read your comment:

"who will you be having the third with?, as it won't be me"

This is exactly what my DH used to say!!! There really is hope for you, just give it time...

[bec2483]

For us, going from 2 to 3 kids was a breeze. We felt confident and experienced, and the first two kids entertained each other instead of looking to me all the time. And you are so right, the baby/toddler years are over in a flash... my mom always told me to "enjoy this time with your boys" and I used to think she was crazy but now (my boys are 13, 12 and 9) I totally understand what she meant.

After my DS3 was born (failed Shettles sway) DH promised me we'd try for #4 for my girl. Well... time got away from us and now I am desperate for just one more baby. But DH is so content with his boys that he is done (he wanted a boy from the beginning even more than I wanted a girl! He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have 3!)

Anyway, my DH uses the money argument against having another. He feels it would be selfish of us to have a new baby because it would take thousands of $$$$ away from our boys that we could otherwise spend paying for lessons, sports, trips, summer camps, not to mention college etc. Anyone have any comebacks for that one LOL?

I don't know how easily manipulated your husband is, but for mine, he can be talked into anything with the promise of some special alone time in the bedroom (wink). That and maybe a fishing boat in the future (I told him I'm going to name the boat Strings Attached) LOL

Your dh sound like my dh that is what mine says but argument is you can't something of kids they didn't have in the first place but anyway let us no how you go at the moment dh is winning in this household but I hope that changes

[Rainbow baby]

I haven't read other comments but I wouldn't even suggest it till baby is sleeping trough and nappy's and other things are not an issue and money wise your adjusted to the new financial strain of a new person. My partner didn't want another after ds3 but I slipped and fell lol and he was only to happy to catch ;p I told him the risks I wasn't sneaky. Any how after we lost number four he realised actually yes another baby is what I wanted all along and didn't know.