Son4meplz
November 1st, 2012, 12:03 AM
I am not sure if many people on this forum can understand me because my situation is little different than majority. For example, Firstly I come from a country where 1 child is becoming common these days due to overpopulation (though we decided to have 2) and, 3 kids are considered crazy. The trend was 3 kids in 70s which turned to 2 later in mid 80-90s and, now its going more towards 1 kid only. Secondly, boys are preferred more than girls. Please don't judge me but I see more people wanting girls and going for 3 or more kids here, though I was myself part of boy sway forum so, I know there are people wanting boys but I am just talking abt majority here.
so, with that background I would like to post the pain that I have been suffering since we found out we are going to have our second girl and how I am making peace with it. There is no possibility of a 3rd child for us (I understand that lot of people don't get it)..... but my dream of raising a boy is over. Both of us wanted a boy n a girl ...so that we get to experience best of both worlds but now we came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter....girl or boy...the ultimate thing in life is that how happy, content n successful our kids are in their life.
We are both graduate from best college of US and we hope that our kids will also follow our path n be very successful. We also believe that raising kids with that expectation needs lot of dedication, time and energy....and we have only 24 hrs in a day :) This means adding a third one will invariably bring more compromises. We are also not very young couple. I am 37 and hubby is 42 and by the time our little one graduates we will be in our mid 60s already.
That being said, we definitely have imagined a slightly different parental role that not everyone is going to identify with. Again, this may be a cultural thing..not sure.. plz don't judge us. Just for sake of an example, i would be happy to gift a BMW or Merc to my daughter, if she works hard and gets in to an Ivy league college. For some it may sound stupid or show-off but I know... it will make me happy to be able to give her the best education, motivation, support and then to reward her for all the accomplishment. With this mindset, we think that we should be just happy with 2 little princess and try to raise them as best as we can.
in the hindsight, I regret that I wasted 5 years in ttcing due to fear of ruining my boy dream. I now believe that whatever is yours will ultimately come to you...life is a journey....and we should happily accept whatever comes our way n move on. Happiness can be found in whatever we have .....there is always someone less fortunate than you..you just have to be strong. I could have tried conceiving within a year after having my first baby but I waited n waited. Also, it has not been even a month since we found out ...so there are days when I regret and wonder what went wrong with my attempt..but in my heart I know that I gave my 200%..and whatever I think..I should have done differently.....I see that someone had success doing the same thing. so, there is nothing that I could have done differently. I also had lot of faith in prayers n god n this was the only thing that I wanted directly from him...bcoz for other things in life, I believe if you work hard then you can get whatever you want....but this one had to be with his consent. It seems he didn't listen....and can't even say..better luck next time...as there is no next time...we are done :)
I just hope that I am not hurting anyone's feelings with my beliefs and, with all my heart n soul ...I wish success to everybody...I know How much it hurts to know that your dream is over ..and this is the kind where there is not even a funeral for your loss. So, I hope I am the last one with a failed sway on this board...and I hope everyone finds peace with their lives.
so, with that background I would like to post the pain that I have been suffering since we found out we are going to have our second girl and how I am making peace with it. There is no possibility of a 3rd child for us (I understand that lot of people don't get it)..... but my dream of raising a boy is over. Both of us wanted a boy n a girl ...so that we get to experience best of both worlds but now we came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter....girl or boy...the ultimate thing in life is that how happy, content n successful our kids are in their life.
We are both graduate from best college of US and we hope that our kids will also follow our path n be very successful. We also believe that raising kids with that expectation needs lot of dedication, time and energy....and we have only 24 hrs in a day :) This means adding a third one will invariably bring more compromises. We are also not very young couple. I am 37 and hubby is 42 and by the time our little one graduates we will be in our mid 60s already.
That being said, we definitely have imagined a slightly different parental role that not everyone is going to identify with. Again, this may be a cultural thing..not sure.. plz don't judge us. Just for sake of an example, i would be happy to gift a BMW or Merc to my daughter, if she works hard and gets in to an Ivy league college. For some it may sound stupid or show-off but I know... it will make me happy to be able to give her the best education, motivation, support and then to reward her for all the accomplishment. With this mindset, we think that we should be just happy with 2 little princess and try to raise them as best as we can.
in the hindsight, I regret that I wasted 5 years in ttcing due to fear of ruining my boy dream. I now believe that whatever is yours will ultimately come to you...life is a journey....and we should happily accept whatever comes our way n move on. Happiness can be found in whatever we have .....there is always someone less fortunate than you..you just have to be strong. I could have tried conceiving within a year after having my first baby but I waited n waited. Also, it has not been even a month since we found out ...so there are days when I regret and wonder what went wrong with my attempt..but in my heart I know that I gave my 200%..and whatever I think..I should have done differently.....I see that someone had success doing the same thing. so, there is nothing that I could have done differently. I also had lot of faith in prayers n god n this was the only thing that I wanted directly from him...bcoz for other things in life, I believe if you work hard then you can get whatever you want....but this one had to be with his consent. It seems he didn't listen....and can't even say..better luck next time...as there is no next time...we are done :)
I just hope that I am not hurting anyone's feelings with my beliefs and, with all my heart n soul ...I wish success to everybody...I know How much it hurts to know that your dream is over ..and this is the kind where there is not even a funeral for your loss. So, I hope I am the last one with a failed sway on this board...and I hope everyone finds peace with their lives.