I'm sick and tired of being judged!

[Tiggerian]

Every since I became a mum to my DS1 I've felt like I've been on a daily trial! Like my every move, decision and method is being closely scrutinised for faults and flaws, and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it!

I know I'm fairly young (24) and had my children young - But I resent the fact that everything I do has to be measured out against other people. Generally its not even older mums or health care professionals doing the judging, its mums my own age!

There is only ONE way of parenting and it apparently isn't mine. I've been accused of neglecting my boys because, get this, I have two cats (yes seriously!), I've been accused of allowing my children to live in squalor because one week I had the flu and didn't bother much with the housekeeping. I've been accused of not disciplining my boys because I don't spank or use controlled crying. I've been accused of making my boys gay because I don't mind them watching programs like Abby's Flying Fairy School (sesame street) or Angelina Ballerina! And because my eldest likes wedding dresses (he thinks they're princess dresses and when he sees one he always says "Mummy, daddy should get YOU a pretty princess dress" and that's that!)

And even worst.. I allow my youngest to use a never-used, straight out of the pack blusher brush when I put on make up because he wants to "put make up on too". Heavens! My eldest did that too when he was 2 yrs old, does that make either of them homosexuals!?

Today I'm practically being crucified because I sent my eldest to pre school with a cold!

Urgh.. why do some mums feel the need to beat others over the head with their "superior" childrearing skills? It really feels like its just one giant competition of who can bake the best cakes (and decorate them too), who can make the most awesome, home-made, creative lunch box, who can buy the most expensive clothes or even better who can make it themselves and who's got the most advanced child and therefore get crowned as "Head mum" who we must all bow and grovel too in all her majesty because we are not worthy to be in her presence..

God I'm so SICK of it..

Sorry I just needed to get it out...:holysheep:

[Mum23boys]

Do u know what my opinion is so long as the children are loved then the rest isnt important. Money doesnt make you a better parent. Living in a nice house doesnt make u a better mother. Some of the best mums i know are young single mums in council homes but do u know what they LOVE their kids with all their hearts and are with them 2 hours a day 7 days a week.
One mum i know who thinks she is so perfect always looks glamourous etc is just the way because she has a nanny - yes she pays someone else to look after her children - now again i have nothing against this and each to their own but she doesnt work and the children hardly ever spend time with her - she is happyt o throw money at the nanny to take them bowling etc but never actually goes herself.....

I would be distancing myself from people that are making you feel that way hun - u know you love your kids and are doing your best for them and making the right decisions for them as best you can so just be proud of yourself. xxx

[Tiggerian]

I know.. and my children are always being praised to the skies by all the health visitor, doctor and nursery staff. They are very clever, polite, well behaved, active and healthy.

It's just the constant b*tch slapping about parenting that makes my blood boil! I think it's great that their methods work for them and that they have time to bake bread, cookies, cakes and flapjacks every single day - I just don't, nor, I must admit, do I have the interest. I'm fine with living in "the stone age" (which apperently I do) because I'm not giving my children, age 2 and 4, Ipads, Iphones or consoles.

But what is it with mums who feel they are so much better than everyone else!? You can practically see them elevator-scanning you head-to-toe and sniffing at your "Definitely not designer" clothes and shoes.

God.. one of the mums: "How can you LIVE with yourself sending your POOR child away when he is DESPERATELY ill!? I wouldn't be able to BEAR it!" and "Have you NO regard for OTHER peoples children? Now MY child has to live with YOUR childs cold!"

Its...a...cold! It's not like I send him away with the plague, for heavens sake! I'm terrible sorry if someone elses child picks up my childs cold, sincerely am, but unfortunately thats an occupational hazard of being a mum.

[ELP]

Just tell them 'Well my son came home with your sons headlice!!' that usually shuts them up:bigsmile:
They'd love my gang then! My daughters like to decorate themselves with sailor tattoos:rofl: Some mothers are justplain bullies and at the end of the day thats what they are, rant away, we've all been there;)

[Mrs_P]

I had all that when my ds1 was born to as i was only 23 at the time. I had comments off everyone, even the professionals, every appointment i had you could guarantee i'd get asked the question "and what about dad is he still around", assuming just cause i was young i'd be a single mom on benefits etc - i always replied "no he's at work today".

Yes i was young and he was 'accident' (best mistake i'd ever made), but we'd been together for 4 years, we had good jobs and we owned our own house. Not that any of that should matter because above all i doted on my son. People still look at me that way now cause i have 3 kids but my kids are well looked after and every penny i get goes on them, there is always some-one ready to judge!

You know the daft thing is x,y and z with little timmy who have great jobs and that massive house down the way are like that because they spend every waking hour at work. Take my SIL and BIL we are always being compared to them by my MIL and how lucky their little boy is. But really my kids are the lucky ones, despite work and uni (which i didn't do til ds3 was 1) i spend every hour i have with my children and always have atleast 1 out of the 3 with me (depends on who wants to come, others stay with dad). That poor child has not been brought any toys of his own, they are all hand me downs (which i'm not saying is a problem but they don't like to spend money on the baby unless they have to so they can keep their lifestyle - yes she actually said that to me) and within the first six months of his life she went on three holidays leaving the baby behind (who was breastfeed - ds3 is 2 now and i've still not left him), she palms him off to anyone she can at the first chance she gets. Now he is not badly cared for she's not really a hands on mom yet i'm forever being told i should parent like her!!!!!!! - drives me up the bricks

[Cinss]

Wow those ladies sound very rude, i hope they are not your friends, if so i'd ditch them and find some other friends who love and respect you and your kids, sheesh who needs enemies?

[Tiggerian]

Oh God no they aren't friends of mine.. just random women who think they can butt into every one elses business. I don't generally have a massive temper but o'boy do they make me recoil in horror over their complete lack of manner and common sense!

Mrs p - I get the same ! I'm forever compared to my SiL and my own sister, but take my own sister - she openly admits she doesn't want children, she doesn't like them, she doesn't even like her own! She doesn't work but refuses to have her kids at home, even during holidays. She sent both her kids to nursery when they were 6 months old! Where as I go to college 3 days a week and the rest I spend with my children.

My eldest has been left over night with his nan ONCE because I was in labour with our youngest and our youngest has never spend the night away.

I admit, I'm one of those women who L.O.V.E being a mum - I adore my boys and I know it sounds corny, but my boys are my heart and soul. They are what I get up in the morning for, why I go to college and try to be the best I can be and just generally the best in my life.. I know I'm a good mum! I'm just tired of the whole "IM a better mum than YOU" thing they got going on... Most of them are out drinking every weekend anyway.. =/

[Dana-Alicia]

Maybe next time you can say something like: 'Thank you so much for this lovely comment, it seems like you know so much about me! Please continue to enlighten me! Really? No. Bye.' Lol. Or when I feel like playing around, I just keep asking them why. Other mom: 'You should let your baby cry it out' Me: 'Why?' Other mom 'well it's good for their lungs and blablabla' Me: 'why?' Other mom: 'well and then another long rant' Me: 'Why?' It's lovely watching them get all confused. Don't defend yourself mama, there's no need to. Your best revenge to nasty comments is to be happy and enjoy your kids.

[Tiggerian]

I just one of those situation where afterwards you got like a MILLION comments you should have said but when ur in the situation ur brain completely disengages! I'm gonna try the why thing tho lol :P

[Dreamofpink]

You poor thing!!! I really feel for you and although I am one of those Mums who loves to bake and make things for my kids it's what makes me tick not because I want to make other Mums feel bad. We're all different and that's the beauty of life. People who judge others are usually insecure of themselves and do it to make themselves feel better. I'll admit I quite enjoy swimming against the tide of the main****** by home educating as I feel like we're in control of the influences in our childrens' lives and I strongly believe that ipads/consols etc are NOT good for a young developing mind. I really believe that children need a good strong grounding in people skills and real world experiences before they can disappear behind a screen. you're not stone-age at all, we simply don't know what the long-term effects on a young brain are.
Some women like yourself (and no doubt 99% + of everyone here) absolutely love being Mums and I'm one of them. The amount of people who look at me aghast when I say we're home-edding and have our boys with me all day everyday! Many just can't cope with that. There are so many silly expectations of society around parenthood and it sound to me like you're doing a fantastic job! My friend and I aren't on the same page when it comes to discipline and manners but we both absolutely agree on the one main vital ingredient for parenting which is love by the bucketload!
Please forgive me as the last thing I want to do is patronise you, but I'm 30 and you do become more comfortable in your own skin as you get older. It gets easier to stick two fingers up at other people (metaphorically speaking) and be happy with your way of doing things. You said that the professionals are happy, that's great! Keep that in mind and see if you can distance yourself from these petty small-minded mums. They're probably just jealous of you anyway.:bighug: I must admit that that has to be one of the best things about home-ed, no horrible judgemental school runs! It must be like being back at school yourself :sigh:

[Tiggerian]

Not patronising at all. I can already see a massive difference in myself now than what I was when I first became a mum at 20. I used to obsess about everything, especially how other people perceived me. Not anymore tho! I'm happy with my way of parenting, happy with the way my children are (even when they drive me up the wall) and I'm happy with the way I am.

Thank you for your reply <3

[Satox3]

The mothers I interact with on a daily basis on another site (actually an iPhone app) are constantly judging each others parent styles, when they aren't busy patting their own backs for being an "ap, cd, ebf, blw, bw, etc etc mom." "Oh you have a crotch dangler?!! It's so bad for their hips!" "Disposable diapers have harsh chemicals in them, could lead to infertility!" "You should sprinkle breast milk on the child's pink eye, it will fix it right up. Oh you don't have breast milk... you don't breast feed?! That's probably why they have pink eye, formula is just so awful." Like really? And I find these sorts of comments always more unsettling because they were never asked for. No one asked you what you though of their bjorn carrier or their babies diapers? you can tell the people who are receiving this "friendly advice" are always uncomfortable and annoyed. i breast fed, have an ergo, cloth diaper, make my own food, etc, and i still find it supremely annoying. Everyone says, "no two children are the same," nor are any two parents. So I don't understand peoples' need to try and compare or judge parenting styles/choices.

[Rainbow baby]

Mothering is a competition, always has been always will be it's in human nature! Your kid will always be better than someone else's kid no matter what! I think it is some kind of built in instinct.