If you have kids very close together in age...

[NCBeachyGrl]

Did you plan it that way or was it an oops? How has it been and do you regret having kids so close together? What are some of the good, the bad, and the ugly?

I know I might be crazy thinking about this at 16 weeks preggo, but if we are going to have a 4th, then I want to have 3 and 4 close together and then be done with pregnancies for good!

[Boymomsrock]

Honestly if I were to do it again I would've waited a bit. But this is coming from someone who had a two and a half year old when the twins came and a dh (at the time) who didn't help much. I think a 3 1/2 year span at least would've been better. It's great now of course but in the beginning it was rough. But they will be best buddies I'm sure! My sis got pregnant when her son was 5 months. They are now 4 and 5 and connected at the hip!

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

NC my 2nd, 3rd and 4th are all less than two years apart. My 1st and 2nd would've been 2 years apart, but I had a mc in between. In my experience, having them close has been fantastic. It's a bit hectic at times, but you get used to that in no time. My 4th and 5th will also be less than 2 years apart. Let the craziness continue...lol.

[auroara78]

Well there is 16 mos between DS2 and DD, and I honestly believe that my maternal condition, just having recovered from having DS2 also helped my sway with DD. My body really wasn't *ready* for another pregnancy yet, and I think because he was almost 8 mos, still 7 mos when she was concieved helped make her a girl...

but the reality of it for me is tough. I'm kind of a laid back parenting type, and DS2 is such a baby himself sometimes (throws tantrums, still can't really talk, tho he does babble all the time and he can answer simple questions, he's not potty trained yet) I have found it hard at the moment, but I think as he gets older and DD gets a bit older, and as we get used to our third addition, I think it will be perfectly fine.

I do not regret it for a single second. DD is here and she was meant to be here,and I'm glad it worked out this way. DS2 is already so protective and loving over her and he always says "sis, sis" and tries to hug her all the time. It is such a sweet thing.

[Ktiguewantspink]

Nc,
I have two boys 17 months apart and yes they were planned. I would have to say that the first couple months were tough but not that bad. I honestly would do it again in a heartbeat. I had bad gd with ds2 since I really only wanted two kids and obviously dreamed of having a daughter! I can tell you that god was right, I needed another boy and he is just wonderful! I see my boys together now and they are so close, best friends! I remember telling god that there better be a good reason that he gave me another boy and well he was right. I am so glad that I had them this close and everyday is gets easier. To be honest now the younger one is my troublemaker when it was the other way before. Now it may depend on the kiddos personality and how independent they are, but it wasnt that bad having them close. And now more than I ever I am so glad that It turned out this way.

Oh and must I add my three year old , eldest still doesn't talk so I have obstacles that most parents may not deal with. He says maybe 100 words or less and is starting school soon but sometimes life can be frustrating but we deal quite well. I guess I'm more laid back but I also expected this since it genetically is on both sides( the lack of speech until an older age). Best wishes and just to add your sway was awesome and that little boy must have been meant to be. I have a feeling I will be in the same boat but unlike you my third is my last.

[NCBeachyGrl]

I love hearing all your stories! DS1 and DS2 are 2 yrs & 1 month apart and for the most part they are really close but they fight A LOT!!! I think a lot comes from frustration. DS2 is almost 3 and he gets frustrated b/c he can't really vocalize what is wrong all the time. DS1 gets frustrated b/c he wants DS2 to play with him more and do more and the little guy just doesn't understand all that now. They share a room and they really do love and depend on each other.

If we start TTC in December, that will mean DS3 and #4 could be 17 months apart or more. So, I guess that isn't too bad!

My BFF from back home's family looks like this - Born March 78', Born April 79', Born May 80', Born August 81'......how in the world it ended up that way...I will never know! It was BGBG too..no BF'ing involved! It was so much fun being at her house though. We have been BFFs since I was 9 yrs old and the closeness of all of them is something I strive for and hope I can have with my family! It makes me REALLY excited about having a 4th! Maybe that is why little Brady Eli came to us...so we wouldn't stop at 3!

[RedCanoe]

I know I might be crazy thinking about this at 16 weeks preggo, but if we are going to have a 4th, then I want to have 3 and 4 close together and then be done with pregnancies for good!

Crazy or not, lol, that's how I felt too, when I found out DS3 was a boy (failed sway) at around 16 weeks! We had only planned on having 3 kids, but I started thinking about a 4th then. I decided to go HT though, so I had to wait until I was completely done bfing to start, so #3 and 4 will be about 2 years apart anyway. I had thought to space them even closer as I'm so ready to be done with pregnancies too, but wasn't ready to wean DS3 as quickly as I thought I would be... but if you're swaying and it works in your favor anyway, then why not?

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

NC, the heart wants what the heart wants!!! Your heart deserves a dd, and I really hope you get her!!! :bighug:

[RedCanoe]

Maybe that is why little Brady Eli came to us...so we wouldn't stop at 3!

Exactly! :bigsmile:

I look at DS3 and am so glad my sway failed. He is so cute and sweet. And we would have definitely stopped at 3 if he was a girl...

[dloui128]

DD1 and DD2 are 17 months apart, I didn't plan it that way but I am so glad it happened. At first it was hard because I had two in diapers and DD1 was still a baby herself. Now that they are 5 and 4 I love it!! They do fight sometimes but I think thats normal. For the most part they are BFF's :) I'm just sorry I waited so long to try for my 3rd because now I feel like the little guy is going to get left out. I definitely agree with you, I would want to start as soon as I could so I could be done with pregnancies and focus on family :) Good luck with whatever you choose

[Mum23boys]

ds1 and ds2 are 26 months apart and FIGHT ALOT
ds2 and ds 3 are 34 months apart and get on ok though when they dont its cos my ds2 is a little git !! ha ha honestly !!
This means that DS 1 and DS3 are 5 years apart and they are BEST FRIENDS :-) It might be that ds1 is mildly autistic and has severe dyspraxia but he loves his baby brother to bits and ds3 loves playing with ds1 - they share a bed at night to watch DVDS and always play together while ds2 does his own thing.
If we have another now there will be a 4 year age gap and i dont think there is any right or wrong time to have another but im looking forward to all 3 boys being old enough to help pass me nappies etc and also at school in the day so i havent got them all under my feet all day - though saying that iw ork with 8 other children that are not mine daily so apart from my 3 weeks maternity leave its going to be hectic !!

[NCBeachyGrl]

At first I thought it was crazy that I am actually planning this, but you ladies make me feel sane! It will be fun for sure to have DS1 and DS2 together and DS3 and #4 as their own little pair. They will still be in preschool when the big boys will be in elementary school. When we go to amusement parks the little ones can ride kiddie rides with me and the bigger boys can ride the scary rides with dad. It all makes perfect sense!

[jark22]

My boys are 21 months apart. We planned it that way- but if I were to do it again (and guarantee to have the same children) I would have waited. I think 3 years apart would have been best. It has only now gotten better. It was very stressful an overwhelming to have a newborn and a 21 month old. However- even now my boys constantly fight and are VERY competitive with each other.

The good thing about their age difference is that they are the same gender and the younger one can use the older one's clothes soon after he grows out of them. They are also into the same toys at the same time (can be good and bad). I'm excited that there will be a bigger age difference between my second and third. He will turn 4 about a week and a half before this one is born- and my older son will be almost 6. I'm already enjoying this pregnancy more than my second- and I think the baby phase will be MUCH easier with the bigger age gap.

[jark22]

Also- I read somewhere that kids born close together tend to have a higher probability of being the same gender. I will try to find that article....

[stillwanttwomore]

I read that too somewhere, especially if it is less that a year. Not sure where I read it though, if it was just someones observation or it was a stat somewhere...sorry

Also- I read somewhere that kids born close together tend to have a higher probability of being the same gender. I will try to find that article....

[jark22]

Maybe it's just an old wives tale....... Can't remember where I read that. Seems like it may not be right since we 'technically' have a 50/50 chance every time, right? But it seems to hold true for all of my friends and a lot of people that we meet at playgrounds and other play areas.

[hotdogz&boyz]

My first two are 22 months apart. And my second and third will be 19/20 months apart. Two and three were planned that way. And our fourth will be planned the same gap. I sorta love it. There are lots of benefits and my personality is more suited to do all the stages in one big ball. I know I will want to move on once diapers and sleepless nights are done. So for me, it's good to have them close.

[NCBeachyGrl]

Maybe it's just an old wives tale....... Can't remember where I read that. Seems like it may not be right since we 'technically' have a 50/50 chance every time, right? But it seems to hold true for all of my friends and a lot of people that we meet at playgrounds and other play areas.

Maybe it is b/c you are prone to doing the same things when you got pg the first time....like maybe you have a boy and fall back into boy mode with foods and meat, etc. and then go on to have another boy. Maybe if you have a girl, you go back into girl mode with dieting and bad eating habits and have another girl... who knows!!!!

[Rosie85]

Have you looked at the downsides at all? There is an increased risk of placenta previa, miscarriage and a higher chance of developmental disorders in that baby since your body has replenished since your last pregnancy. Not saying this will happen to you, just important to view all sides of things! I really hope you get your dd some day!

[NCBeachyGrl]

I know there are downsides to it, but I will also be waiting until 8-9 months PP to start TTC....that is if this ends up being something I still want to do. So much could change in a year so really, who knows what will happen this time next year. I will be sure to take folic acid if I do follow through with it all.

[Tiffani3]

Great thread nc
A two friends of mine have had children very close together so to makes me wonder what if it helps sway?!?!?
Friend-1 has 5 children first two 1year nearly to the day two boys so she fell when ds1 was 3 months then after ds2 4 years later had ds3 1year later fell pg with dd1 when dd1 was 4 month old fell with dd2.

Friend-2 had ds then oops 4 1/2 months old fell pg with dd

So it slightly worries me that having one gender may result in the next being the same but I guess it's like you said, what was the mother was doing diet bf etc.
xx

[Mrs_P]

i have read somewhere to if you have a baby within 18 months of the other they are more likely to be of the same sex (maybe its a hormone thing your already set up to have one of that gender) and if you catch again within first 6 months and bf its more likely to be a girl, 6 -12 months ish more likely to be a boy - no idea if there is any truth on her but i do know a couple of moms with boys conceived after the 6 month mark but that could just be coincidence, only one that caught when her ds was 2 months old, she lost the baby but it was a girl. Maybe its a fertility thing - 6 months after birth fertility would be really low where as 6 months + it would be recovering and babies are starting weaning so less demanding on your body?

I have two different age gaps - ds1 to ds2 3.5 years, ds2 to ds3 2 years 3 months, the first was easier to deal with and ds1 reacted better to a sibling, ds2 was really jealous and felt left out as he was still really little BUT ds3 has loved having his big brother around and they get on so well, all three of them do really and the bond is strong between them all, ds1 was the only one who really struggled as he was the first he had no-one around for years (we'd go out for the day and find him latching on to the family front very slowly so we wouldn't notice; he loved other kids). The other benefit to a short gap is that you won't have a massive gap between ds1 and baby 4 which worries me at the moment, there will be 8.5 years between ds1 and this baby.

[cvd]

Hi! DS and this baby will be almost EXACTLY 23 months apart. DS was born June 21, since I am having a planned csection my doctor thinks the May 21 is around when I will have to go in. We planned it this way, I know 23 months isn't super close together, but we wanted them 2 years apart mainly so they can *hopefully* grow up as friends and do lots of things together! I know it is going to be tough in the beginning, as I doubt DS will be potty trained and he doesn't have many words yet so I am really hoping he gets A LOT more before the baby! I can't read 2 minds ;) lol. We are excited! I am excited because this baby will be my last, and I will be happy to get my body back (I literally just got back to my pre pregnancy weight before conceiving this little one lol after a lot of hard work!). And we are young, so hopefully they will be into their own places by the time we are 42&46 hehe!!! That's the way we look at things :)

[jark22]

Well I certainly won't be the one to burst your bubble, cvd :).

In all honesty I think it has to do with the parents' personality and each kids' personality. My second was the worst baby in the entire world. Seriously- strangers would even tell me they felt bad. Pairing that with a very active almost 2 year old was not good. But he grew into a good toddler and preschooler. Which is why I can't say it got good till the last year or so. I hope they will be good friends when they are older. Right now it could go either way LOL!

Having 2 in diapers isn't so bad. Just don't push your older son to potty train before he's ready- it may backfire on you.

[Tiggerian]

Our boys are 25 months apart and that was fully planned. We didn't go back on contraceptives after we had DS1.

Looking back I wouldnt do so close again. Our DS2 had acid reflux and colic. We barely slept for 6 months and it was very hard for DS1 to see DS2 receive so much attention. NExt time there will be min. 3 yrs between DS2 and baby!

[mummypink]

My two boys are 17 months apart and it was totally planned, my dh and his brother have only 13 months between them and have always been close so he wanted the same for his children.

For me I would say the pregnancy with ds2 was a lot harder because I had to pick up ds1 so much still and had him at home full time throughout my pregnancy. I was really bad with morning sickness which I'm sure was because I was so shattered being up in the night with ds1 and chasing around after him during the day. When ds2 was born though in some ways I found it pretty easy, I was still in baby routine and he seemed to slot straight in. It was hard having two in nappies though and toilet training ds1 with a small baby around.
It feels in some ways though that we have got through the baby stage quicker with ds2 as he fits in with ds1 much more, so for us it was definitely a good way to go as we had always planned to have 3. Originally we were going to ttc baby 3 when ds2 was around 2 years old but I just wasn't ready to face another baby yet! I'm really glad I waited as I think having 3 with a small age gap would have been too much for me - but that is a personal choice as we have no family around for support.

This time DS1 will be 5 yrs 3 months old and DS2 will be 3yrs 10 months old when the baby arrives, they are both toilet trained, both able to entertain each other and are really good friends. They can get themselves juice or fruit from the fridge and help me out by fetching things or letting the dog out/ in. I am really glad I made the decision to wait as I think life will be so much easier for all of us, although I do worry that if this is another boy he will feel left out because of the close age gap between ds1 and ds2.

I don't think there is ever an ideal situation, it depends on the children and the family circumstances so you just have to do what is right for you.

I am a bit wary about the small age gap thing swaying as everyone I know that has had a close age gap (6 different women) have had the same gender as before whether that was a girl or a boy. xx