To find out or not to find out?

[Tulips]

This is our last baby, we have two boys and found out with both of them. Each time I was sad, I am one of 3 girls and really want a daughter. My sister needs a heart transplant and having a girl means a lot to me.
After I found out I hate to admit it but I was annoyed at my babies why couldn't they be a girl. When they were born I just loved them, I still had strong gender desire but they were my boys and I couldn't dislike them or hold it against them. My thought with this one is not to find out. I know when baby is born I will love them but I still worry because this is the last one and there will be no more hope to pin that desire on will it be harder? Will it be the wrong decision. I am also the sort of person who never quite believes it when I'm told the sex so if they did say girl I don't know if I would believe it and would be anxious the rest of the pregnancy. What do people think find out or not?

[ELP]

I have never found out and it does make a lovely surpsise:) Also pregnancy does go by so quickly so I think its nice keeping that bit of excitement going for as long as you can. If your like me then when baby is handed to ou then your just glad its over and greatful to this little bundle for finally giving you your sanity back lol, gl x

[nuthinbutpink]

I think it would be fun not to find out. I do not have the willpower to not find out but it would be fun!

[LolaInLove]

I would love to not find out, but like you NBP, don't know if I'll have the willpower either. I MAY try with this one.....this is my last also, so it would be kind of fun to not know and keep everyone in suspense. It's not like people go nuts anymore after your 2nd one comes along, LOL! Plus, it may alleviate any possible GD because, like ELP said, they hand you that sweet baby and you couldn't care less what it is....it's YOUR BABY and you are instantly in love.

[atomic sagebrush]

I didn't find out with DS 1 or 2 and it was great fun, but at that point I had no gender desire at all. With DS 3 I am SO thankful I found out because I was SURE he was a girl and I think I would have been devastated if I had had 20 weeks to plan and dream of this girl that I was so sure was coming. So I do think it was positive that I found out with him.

With DS 4 I knew all about gender disappointment by then and so I wouldn't have been shocked when he came out a boy. I kind of wish I wouldn't have found out with him because I had a long second half of pregnancy and it felt like nothing to look forward to at the birth. I didn't have horrible GD, but it just took the wind out of my sails somehow. He is a dream-come-true baby so I wish I would have enjoyed the pregnancy more.

That isn't much of an answer I know, but I guess my point is, if you already know about GD and you're prepared either way, then if you think it would be helpful to wait until birth, I think that can help you stay out of the GD gutter, because as most have found, you do fall in love with your baby regardless of gender when they arrive. But for people who are really convinced their baby is a certain gender and pinning all their hopes on that, it may be better to find out in advance.

[LolaInLove]

Those are VERY good points, AS....I think the only way I will go with not finding out is if I feel confident enough that I am ok with either gender and don't have my hopes up that it's a boy too much. I bet I'll break down and want to know, though. Heck, I'm intrigued by this gender blood test you can do at 10wks, probably won't hold out! I guess it is a very personal decision for your family and depends a lot on your feelings towards GD and what you hope for....but waiting would be fun.

[Aqua]

I did not find out with my first as it did not matter then what I was having. It was a good surprise. Now that it matters so much what I am having and what I desperatly want I am actually scared to find out and want to push it as far as I can. LIke lola said it depends on your GD. I am hoping I wont find out at the NT scan 2 1/2 weeks from now and I'll get an additional few weeks without knowing cos DH sees no reason why we should not find out!

[puppydogstails]

I also have two boys and i found out with both what i was having. However i didn't have a gd with them ( ds1, i was thrilled, wanted a boy! :) ds 2, would have liked a girl but was happy with either ) Now, it will matter to me alot what the gender is. I think i'd like to wait. if i'm handed my third little boy after birth i know i will fall in love with him, at a scan, you can't see him, don't know him and it's just 'another boy'. Plus like you said, i don't think i'd belive them if they told me girl anyway. wouldn't belive it untill she was in my arms.......however, once PG, i'm preety sure i'll cave and find out! lol.

[3Pink1Blue]

With dd#3 I was devastated when I found out she was another girl but as time drew on I became more and more ok with it. I still secretly hoped for a boy, literally until I saw her little naked body, but knew it was a girl. After she was born I was in love and my gd disappeared within a few hours.

So here's my thoughts. If you are sure/deeply fear you will have gd I say find out as soon as you can and put yourself out of your misery and then go shopping, plan the nursery and buy a few outfits. I don't want to spend 40 wks getting my hopes up and then have those feelings to sort out while trying to care for a newborn. I'd rather know the truth and spend the rest of my pregnancy moving forward then listen to everyone's guesses, opinions and predictions with a smile on.

[DoulaMama]

I found out with my first 2...had major GD with the second and then vowed never to find out again. My third was a surprise...and I had very little GD with him even though I KNEW the baby was a girl...HUH! I was shocked to see a little penis between his legs! I was even more shocked at how cool I was about him being a boy :) I know that any more kids I have I will not find out. HTH!

[My Fabulous Children]

I think it would be fun not to find out. I do not have the willpower to not find out but it would be fun!

Same here :D

[boyjoy]

I guess i can t wait until delivery. Shopping, nursery room(hope it ll be blue) etc.. Hope my dear m/s come back and i would keep worry about gender...

[LolaInLove]

We talked about it last night and DH said he wants to learn the gender asap, and so did the big sisters, so we're finding out. Now I need to decided what giant waste of money I want to do to try to find out before that old 20 wk u/s!

[boyjoy]

what about intelligender? If you do it right it has a high accuracy(they say)

[Aqua]

The 3d gender scanning places charge like 100-125/- bucks. some even cheaper. My OB's office have 3d in there facility itself if I wished to have one. Undecided as of now.
Wow lola, your girls already know. They and your DH must be so excited. We are waiting till NT to tell our DD. That saves me 12 weeks of her constantly asking if the baby is coming next week..lol

Boyjoy, did you try intelligender?

[boyjoy]

No Aqua i was just reffering to Lola.. I was skeptical at the beginning about it, but i m convinced after seeing feedbacks. Maybe i can try at 10 weeks not sure..

[LolaInLove]

I'm SO on the fence about finding out early....except if I need a CVS, then I will obviously find out since it is 100%. We will find out at the 20 wk u/s at the latest, but now I wonder if it's going to be GOOD or BAD for my psyche to mess around with the Intelligender and really any early indicator stuff. I am even wondering if I want to know the placenta location and if I'll then begin to obsess about Ramzi theory. I just can't tell how I'll react....and I definitely don't want to freak out, I want to enjoy this last pg of mine. So, kind of on the fence about Intelligender and whatnot! There is that plasma gender test too, that you can send away for, it's like $300 (see the post about it on gender prediction forum).

[LolaInLove]

Aqua, have you thought about any of that early stuff? You're getting up there in double digit weeks now!!!

[purplepoet20]

With my 2 boys I had to know so I could get ready and wash the clothing. I have decided with #3 that I will ask the US Tech to type what it is, print the picture, and then I will hide it in my purse. I am going to slip it in a card for my mother-in-law and if she screams and runs around the house then I know it is a girl!

[nicnee1976]

I chose not to find out with my 3 boys. I wanted a surprise after the hard work of labour. I was sure DS1 was a girl and funnily enough he was the only one I felt real disappointment after the birth.
I knew without doubt DS2 was a boy. I thought DS3 may have been a girl having had a very different pregnancy with him. We had a trainee sonographer scan us on one of our scans and she accidently showed the boys bits whilst trying to measure the femur. I saw it, DH didn't, but it was enough to convince me, even though I am no expert at interpreting scans. So by the time DS3 arrived, that and my gut instincts told me he was a boy and I was prepared for it.
I'm now expecting baby #4 and DH wants to find out this time, I'm not sure. Ironically I only want to know if it is going to be a boy, if it is a girl I'd like to be surprised at birth. Only no way to get around that one!!

[Lilian78]

I think not finding out is only a good idea for those who really don't care. It's only a nice surprise if you get what you're hoping for or if you will be just as happy with either. Not finding out seems to me to be just a delay tactic when you do care--in which case, I suppose waiting to find out toward the end of pregnancy might be a nice compromise. I wish I could be one of those people who enjoys a surprise, but I know I'm not. So, I never would have considered not finding out.

[Tulips]

Lilian, I really do care, I had severe GD with DS#2 during his pregnancy after finding out and I hated that. When he was born he was a baby and I love babies, yes he was a boy but I love my kids when they are born. It didn't stop the GD, the desire for a girl or the hurt I felt when first one, then another then another of my friends had girls. I couldn't visit a good friend's daughter when she was born. so no the GD did not go away but for me I know I love my children when they are born. It's not that it's a good surprise, I didn't go Yay he's a boy but I did go oh he's mine :) I just wish I hadn't been so resentful during his pregnancy and I feel guilty for that, he can't help being a boy and he is very very sweet.

[TulleExplosion]

I didnt find out for my first DD but found out for my next two. The GD hit really hard this time, with #2 I was disappointed but this time I cried for a week or more. It took a lot for me to get pregnant this time so I was hoping my "reward" would finally be the boy I so desperately wanted. I am getting over it and am very excited for July!!

[purplepoet20]

I am starting to think a surprise at delivery would be the best way to go for people who are worried about GD... I was very sad the last 20wks of my 2nd preg and I can't imagine those feelings all over again. I did enjoy every movement and the over all feeling of having another baby.

I wonder if it is worth knowing at 20 wks with the risk of GD until delivery or is it better to stress during the 40wks and then be surprised???

[LolaInLove]

I wonder if it is worth knowing at 20 wks with the risk of GD until delivery or is it better to stress during the 40wks and then be surprised???

This is my feeling exactly! I do very much care what sex this baby is, but I wonder what method is more self-preserving, kwim? For my whole family, really. Would it be better for us to just pop out a 3rd girl and then we won't care about it being another girl as much because we have our sweet baby right there, or would it be better to know and prepare? But then, I don't want to be sad the last half of my pregnancy.

[fivebabies]

We're not going to find out next time...which will drive me crazy but it was my idea. If it's another boy, I'll have saved myself the 20 weeks of sadness ans fall immediately in love when I hold him.. If it's a girl than I'll be that much more surprised. Can't wait!

[nicnee1976]

I agree with purple. I didn't ask about the gender with any of my 3 boys, but with DS3 I accidently saw something on scan that assured me he was a boy and spent the 2nd half of my pregnancy in emotional turmoil. By the time he arrived, my best friend had recently had a stillbirth at 7 months gone (a girl) and I realised the main thing was that he was alive and well. I was totally ready for a boy to arrive and never felt GD with him then. It was only when he was a few months old that I felt a longing for a daughter, but I never felt disappointed that he was a boy when I delivered him. He was just so sweet and alert we loved him instantly. I just wish I could have felt more emotionally close to him when I was carrying him, instead of resenting that he was a boy. Took my friends sad loss to bring me to my senses!!
DH wants to find out this time. I'm not so sure. I reckon I will know by my instincts by full term anyway and I love the surprise after the hard work of labour!!

[swish]

I would not find out, I would assume boy in my head then if it's a girl it's a great surprise. You will fall in love with the baby as soon as you see it, boy or girl!

[sonshines]

I couldn't wait to find out and I had to, to be able to deal with what was to come. I wanted a girl and I had to know if it was or wasn't. I think you should find out just so it won't be hard when he/she is born.

[Hobbermittens]

Don't find out. I didn't find out with my first two, but I did with my 3rd. I had a preference, and when I found out my baby was the opposite of what I wanted, GD ruined my pregnancy and everything afterwards. I am sure if I had waited, I would have been a lot more happy in the delivery room.

[fourwildones]

I think it really depends on how you will handle the news. I had severe GD with DS#2 because I was expecting him to be a girl (becuase I tried to read but misread the u/s and then just assumed it was a girl)-if I had actually found out -I imagine I would have been dissapointed but then could have prepared myself instead of dealing with the hormones of PPD that were aggravated by GD. If you are prepared for and able to welcome either gender easily then I say wait, it's a lot of fun to get the d]surprise!