Depressed

[Sugaree]

This was an unplanned pregnancy, we were preventing (IUD). I've had so many bad days since finding out. I'm already overwhelmed with what we have most days. Financially, mentally, and physically I just don't know how we're going to be able to add one more. We've talked about all our options but I don't think I can abort. I've already been getting prenatal care and seen ultrasounds. I had the CVS this week and now we're waiting to get results and find out if everything is okay. And waiting to find out the sex of course. I really think that the only way I'll be able to find any happiness in this situation is if it's the daughter I've always wanted. But I know deep down it isn't.

Yesterday I found out that since they were only able to get a small sample from the placenta it may take a week longer to find out. When I asked for an exact date they said it depends on whether or not the baby is a boy or girl. If it has XX chromosomes they have to check against my blood to be sure that they aren't looking at my DNA. So if it's a boy results will come sooner, if a girl it'll take longer. So now I'm sitting here alternately dreading a call and wishing for it to just be over already. I guess the longer it takes for them to call the better but I hate this wait. I just want to know.

I had a dream last night that they called and it was a boy. I woke up feeling so down and found myself considering abortion again. A part of me wants to do it before results even come in (and never find out the sex) because then I won't have to live with knowing I aborted partly out of gender.

I know a lot of people here are probably against abortion, but please don't judge me. I never thought it would be something I would consider but I feel so lost and desperate. I just want this whole situation to be over. I stay home with my kids and already am so exhausted and feel so isolated and depressed. My youngest has started becoming easier and I was finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel when I would finally get more sleep, have more energy for my kids, have more freedom, etc. Now it feels like life is on hold again for a few more years. Also, I know I'm going to be judged for having another. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. It's like a joke how fertile we are. And then there's my best friend who can't have a baby, I dread her finding out. No one knows yet and that gives me a feeling of safety, like there is a way out of this. It's such a difficult decision and one I'll have to live with for the rest of my life, but in many ways I feel it's better than the alternative of bringing another child into the world and this house and what it'll do to my marriage and my kids.

[Wishful thinking]

I got pregnant with my youngest son while on the IUD so I have some idea of how you're feeling. I think you have to work through that shock first before you can address the other issues. It's not about how anyone else feels about you having another child, but you and your husband. You have to do what you feel is best in your heart.
I will say that my son is nine now and I couldn't picture not having him. And this could be the DD you've dreamed of. Either way, this baby is pretty determined to be part of the family!

[Sugaree]

You're right. And I agree that it's probably meant to be. I had really severe gd with my youngest and now I can't imagine life without him. Honestly if this happened in a few years I think I'd be okay and be happy with another boy. But because of the bad timing I find myself so scared and keep thinking well maybe it'll be a girl and then it'll be okay.To add to the stress I had just found out that two family members were expecting. At the time I felt no jealousy and only relief that it wasn't me. now I just keep thinking they'll probably get girls again and I'll be the sad sack with another boy. And he'll be left out just like my youngest is from his girl cousins.

[auroara78]

I'm sorry you feel this way :( How young is your youngest..and what is the estimated window on hearing back on the CVS...how long has it already been? I am also akin to beliving this baby was meant to be, even if the timing is horrible. My DS2 was concieved when I was at the very end of graduate school, and having him meant staying in a worst lower paying job for a lot longer than I planned since I needed my health insurance from the job.

I do hope things get better for you. I agree with the other poster about not worrying about what anyone else thinks except how it effects your husband and you. Of course, I do realize this is easier said than done--I've gotten a lot of flak from my family about my having my 3rd so soon after my 2nd, and although I try to remind myself that it's not up to them, it's my life, it's hard to keep hearing the comments anyway.

big big hugs and I just really hope you'll catch a break soon. I hope this is your daughter.

[Sugaree]

Thank you.

My youngest is 10 months. Still bfing with no signs of stopping. And originally they said it would be 10-14 days for results, then they added on another week. With the holiday next week I'm thinking I won't hear anything until Dec. I have a regular appt on the 26th and I'm hoping I get a scan so I can look for a nub. In the one I got at 11 weeks I got a few girl guesses but it was so early that I'm not putting much stock in it.

[Mrs_P]

Oh hunny what a sad sad post - we were trying for a baby but i understand completely with the gd and with the feeling like you can't cope, these last few days have been what was i thinking? I know its going to be another boy and is it worth all the extra work, money, etc etc. On the other hand though pregnancy is horrible, your hormones are making your emotions worse than normal and if your anything like me i'm so tired at the moment i'm not coping with the kids i have anywhere near as well as i normally do as i'm so tired.

Why did you have a cvs test done? If you don't mind me asking, just wondering if there are other issues for you wrapped up in there that you are worrying about?

I'm sorry i don't have any answers but am happy to chat, especially as i know what you are going through. I can't say i'm pro abortion or against it really (as i was really anti until i have had more kids and its not that cut and dry - i feel i need to put my children first now) but i promise i won't judge you either way xxxx

[Sugaree]

Thank you Mrs_P.

CVS was done because of my age and I have a chromosome disorder myself that I've already passed down to two of my kids, one of whom has special needs. Which is definitely a big factor in my stress. I wouldn't terminate for that particular disorder since there's no way to guess if it would cause problems or not, but I need to know if this one has it or anything (God forbid) worse.

Good luck with your pregnancy. I hope you get your little girl.

[Mrs_P]

One of my boys has special needs to (my eldest), i love him so much but he is hard work.

I hope your baby is healthy and that the test results are all clear, wait on the tests is awful i didn't realise they were that long, its a long time to stress for

how far along are you?

[Sugaree]

11 weeks

Thanks again. Just spilling all of these feelings has helped so much. I didn't realize how much keeping it a secret was all weighing on me.

Once we know everything is healthy we'll announce and I think that will be good for me too. I'm so close to my family but haven't been able to tell them or lean on them for support so that makes me feel more alone. My husband has been amazing and there for me 100% but he's stressed out too.

[hotdogz&boyz]

NO one had the right to judge you til they walk a mile in your shoes.

I am sorry you are feeling all this turmoil. It must be so hard thinking you were done and now feeling like you can't handle another baby. I will send peaceful thoughts your way and hope you are able to clear your head and think about your options very soon. I can totally see how all that stress is making you crazy (and the hormones don't help). Hugs.

[Mrs_P]

I hope your family are supportive for you, we've put off telling everyone as we know what the response will be (my family think 3 is more than enough and my mom already told me i was not allowed any more) but i'm sure (or rather hope) they will come round when i'm brave enough to share. I'm so close to my mom i hate keeping a secret from her and i really don't want to let her down but i knew i wanted one more and would regret it if i didn't try for my daughter.

The girls on here really are great support though, i had gd really bad with ds3, hit rock bottom and there was no one i could turn to - it makes such a difference to have this refuge

[KidAtHeart]

I just started to tell a few people (I'm 9 weeks along) and I feel SO much better. While keeping it a secret helps to keep your options wide open (no one can judge you if they don't know), I knew in my heart that I was going to have this baby, God willing. For that matter, I feel like this baby (like my other three) was determined to be part of this family - boy or girl. Boy, probably. Ha! It was such a narrow window of conception, there were only two times we didn't use protection. We went through HT, two failed cycles, and told NO one. Not a soul. But I just couldn't get rid of this feeling - like if we were willing to have a fourth through HT, even if it was a failure, that there was an option of letting fate take its course and maybe, just maybe having a girl the natural way.

I was just starting to see the light too, as my third turned four recently and has gone from devil whirlwind to charming little boy. I just keep thinking - I've got to look ahead. As in, five, ten, twenty years from now. Something about this baby will make it so it was meant to be. They say you never regret the children you do have, only those you don't. I'm clinging to that one now.

Good luck - maybe by opening up about it (not only here, but in real life), you may lighten your burden.

[coelhos12]

Whether you decide to have or not to have this child is up to you and your husband. Don't worry about what other people think. You and your husband are the ones who would have to raise this child and put up with all the financial/physical/emotional/psychological burden that involves having a child. People love to talk and give their opinions, but easier said than done. Just do what you think it's best for you and your family. Hope everything works out for you!

[fish2012]

I know how you feel a little I was on the pill when I got preggie with ds2, ds1 was only 7months I had researched swaying but not started from the moment I got my bfp I knew in my heart it was a boy

I considered a termination I was still early enough for just the pills my dh wouldn't consider it and I now thank god for my ds2 every day he is the apple of his daddy's eye he's the cutest (not just my option) and loves to snuggle where as ds1 has always been so independent But i didn't enjoy my second pregnancy and his birth was marred for me by him being a boy

We have being ttc a girl for 7 months now I haven't been ovulating and now I wish I'd found it in myself to enjoy what may be last pregnancy

I am so glad you have us to share with I had no one to talk too and just felt guilty for my whole pregnancy and first three months of ds2's life until I found out about swaying and his character emerged

I thank god for him he is what my family needed although its taken this journey to realise it.

Please don't read this as judgement your post made me cry I pray you are carrying a healthy girl and if not i hope you can clearly see the right path for your family please keep us updated you are precious and perfect I hope we can provide the support you deserve xx

[Sugaree]

I'm sorry for not responding sooner. I kind of needed to shut down and just think about things. I just wanted to take a minute to thank you all for your support and kind words. I've read them over and over, you have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you.

I'll update when I know more or have made a decision. I'm leaning heavily one way (not aborting) but haven't decided for sure. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday and will talk to her about everything then. maybe even seek a referral to counseling.

Thank you all again.

[Mrs_P]

Hope you are coping ok x

[auroara78]

Aye, hope you are OK and would love to hear an update. :hugs:

[Sugaree]

I'm still waiting on results. It's been over two weeks and I'm starting to feel hopeful but then I get scared. the results could be delayed because of the holiday so I really shouldn't be getting my hopes up. I have so much anxiety. I know either way that keeping this baby is going to be hard. I really don't know how we're going to manage. My husband is so stressed, I'm not sure our marriage will survive this.

I'll update when I know more. Thanks again everyone for the support.

[Mrs_P]

Well thats got to be good news so far thats it taking longer. Hoping you are holding in there ok have been thinking about you

[Yuzu]

Oh Sugaree, I am thinking of you and I wish you peace in whatever your decision may be. Know that we here on the forum will support you.

[kpmum]

Ur post is truly heart breaking. I don't think any of us r judging u at all- we really feel for u. An unplanned pregnancy alone is stressful let alone ur other circumstances. I had my IUD removed recently due to malposition and had a scare with pregnancy the month prior- I was terrified. I'm so sorry ur in this position. Only u know what's best for u and ur family. I think once u have ur results it might help u make a decision. Don't worry about judgement- no one knows u or ur family. There r many of us on these boards who r here for u either way xxx

[odd]

OMGG...My heart goes out to you - What a tough choice to make - I hope all works out for you in the end!!! :hug2:

[Mrs_P]

Been thinking about you a lot lately, hopefully by now you have heard you are having a healthy little girl so you no longer need to post here but would love to hear an update x

[Sugaree]

This update is long overdue. Sorry about that. I just wanted to share that I had another beautiful little boy. He is so amazing and perfect, just a dream baby. Which has been a gift because as you can tell from my first post I was pretty overwhelmed and scared about adding another baby to the house. He has fit in perfectly and things seem better than ever. I'm so happy, and not disappointed with him one bit. He was meant to be just who he is.

I still have a little tiny bit of gender desire. But for now things are good and I'm very happy and proud of my family of boys.

Just wanted to share and hopefully offer some comfort to those who are in the throes of GD.

[Happylane]

I love happy endings! Congrats on your new baby!

[lisvna]

Congratulations! Im so happy for you! Enjoy your family!