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View Full Version : Does anyone have different opinions to DH on finding out the sex and could 1 know and 1 not ?



Mum23boys
November 26th, 2012, 02:38 PM
If your DH really didnt want to kow but you did would you still find out and not tell him or would that be super wrong ???

Ive been tempted with ds 2 and 3 and with ds 3 had the opportunity as went to 25 week scan alone and they asked if i wwanted to know but i chickened out knowing that Id never be able to hide it from him that i knew.

This time AGAIN he doesnt want to know - i think i do though and wondering if i will have much will power this time around.

If anyone has ever found out and not told dh can you share your experience - did he ever find out u knew ? how did you hide it ? was it hard ?

NearlyDone
November 26th, 2012, 02:45 PM
If my OH didn't want to know last time i would have had to find out without him........i always feared gd at birth to much for surprise

RedCanoe
November 26th, 2012, 02:53 PM
I don't see why finding out, if that is what you want, should be wrong just because he doesn't want to know. Let him know that you want to find out, you will respect his wish to be surprised and keep it to yourself and he should respect your wish to find out. Nothing wrong with one knowing and the other not knowing. Just keep any gender revealing purchases tucked away so he doesn't come across them and spoil his surprise... I don't see why he needs to get his way and you need to play along if it's not a mutual wish.

fish2012
November 26th, 2012, 02:57 PM
dh wouldn't want to know, he hasn't for last two after this i have said i'm finding out and if he doesn't want to know that's fine by me, he thinks he'd know which from my reaction which i think might be true, but after all this if i ever get a bfp i need to end the uncertainty and deal with it!

Mrs_P
November 26th, 2012, 04:09 PM
I think its one of those things, especially given potential gd where you do the work with the baby it should be your choice whether you find out or not - you have to go through the pregnancy.

With ds1 i wanted to know, he didn't - i hate surprises. We had early spotting and i was that scared of loosing my baby and never knowing what i had, we agreed and found out together.

Ds2 again he wanted a surprise and persuaded me since i had my way last time. I made it to 36 weeks without knowing but was so upset and felt like i didn't bond with my baby. It finally hit me i knew with ds1 all the way through and had a picture of my family and who he was but this baby just seemed nothingly really. This was pre-gd though when i really didn't care (although if i'm honest i wanted a girl with all of them, not cause i didn't want a boy but just cause i wanted a girl and her under my belt as it were as i knew we would have 3 so i had 3 chances - i only wanted one girl, not greedy). Anyway they thought he was breech and sent me for a scan. I took ds1 and i asked - she looked and told us and introduced him to his brother. I told dh i knew but wouldn't tell - he lasted 2 weeks and caved just before the end but i managed to keep it a secret - i'd presumed he was a boy all along so had he so secret was easier to keep as we'd always called him 'he' so i couldn't slip up really (maybe not have been as easy if i'd heard girl although to be honest if i ever get to scream your having a daughter at him he'd be too pleased to be mad).

Ds3 i horrid gd so he never would have made me wait - i'd been really upset for months and we decided to try again specifically for a girl. We found out at 20 weeks and i have never cried so much - i was devastated for weeks and so glad i found out. By the time he was born i was happy (although sad i didn't get a girl but we'd talked it through and decided the option for number 4 was there in a few years if i still needed it - we'd said 3 all along max) and so excited and ready to meet him.

To be honest even pre-gd my first reaction at hearing boy has been that of momentary sadness first and foremost and i never wanted that - even for a minute towards a real life baby. Surprises don't work for me

Wanting-a-girl
November 26th, 2012, 05:25 PM
I would do what u want :) he will get over it tell him to compramise u didn't find out with the others so it's only fair

Cinss
November 26th, 2012, 06:34 PM
A friend of mine stayed team green for all 5 of her kids, but her DH knew with the last one, and he let it slip out, just through conversation about the baby he said "she" so it was ruined for my friend.

pebmcpd7
November 26th, 2012, 06:54 PM
You are carrying the baby, you have to go through the labour, you have to go through the GD, I say find out!! GL XXX

dloui128
November 26th, 2012, 07:20 PM
We were gonna stay team green this time but I just couldn't handle not knowing. So I booked a private scan without DH. I had all intentions of keeping it a secret what we were having but I was too excited. I think you didn't find out the last 3 times, he should not be upset if you find out this time, it's your choice also.

NCBeachyGrl
November 26th, 2012, 09:26 PM
I found out without telling DH at an elective scan at 14 weeks and it was so much easier on me. We had our anatomy scan today and the tech wrote it on a piece of paper. Before we even made it to the car, he had it held up to the light and was looking. I was actually not so sad today and I didn't have to worry about hiding my sadness.....he doesn't understand GD. So, I am very happy I decided to go the route I did!

Mum23boys
November 27th, 2012, 03:27 AM
Im just so torn - 50% of me wants to know as im not very patient but teh other 50% of me is worried about GD and me crying of they tell me boy. that will then ruin the last half of the pregnancy for me where as i know in my heart that on the day when he/she is born i realy wont care what sex the baby is and so enjoy the pregnancy....Butwhat if then the GD kicks in a few days after birth - surely it would be better to deal with it before hand .....Arrrrrr I just dont know - really tough !!