Went with my sister to her gender scan today

[nuthinbutpink]

It's boy #2. I am not sad that her son will have a brother because to me, if you only have 2 kids, I can think of a million reasons why I would prefer 2 sisters or 2 brothers for their sake but selfishly, I wanted her to have a girl. It is her last for sure.

She had a brave face on, said she did not care just wanted it to be healthy and it was actually her DH that really cared and was disappointed. When I saw the penis, my heart sank...brought back all my own crap to the surface and all I could do was look at the huge penis on the wall and I couldn't say a thing. I finally got it together and commented on all of his features, he was sucking his thumb- so cute - and I just wanted to run out of the room.

My mom was there too and I couldn't even look at her either becuase I know she was upset too.

It just sucks. Sucks that here I am with 3 freakin DDs and I know she has wanted a mini-me since she was a little girl. SHE should have been the girl mom and I am probably better suited for boys but it didn't happen that way.

I brought a banner I had at the house from one of my girls that said "It's a Girl!" and I was going to take a picture of her with it so we could post on FB for all her friends to see and instead, we were all very quiet. No picture:sad:.

She rode with me in the car on the way to my house after and I told her- well, I will just have to borrow a brother for my DS from you and you will have to borrow a sister for your step-DD from me. I told her that I am sure that my DH would have wanted a brother(he is the only boy) and I think that it is wonderful for her son that she is giving him a brother.

I am pissed though. Just wish it went the other way so badly. I had gone and boxed up all my girl clothes and they were all waiting on her upstairs- after 3 DD, there are THOUSANDS of dollars worth of clothes waiting on her- heck I could have outfitted her child her entire life with my 3 leading the way and I was looking forward to seeing my favorite outfits again on my neice that will not be now. I think I have Aunt GD. I am thrilled that my nephew will have a brother but I just hoped she didn't have to feel what I did. It makes me sad.

She has always been a stronger person than I and I know she will be okay. Just thought that JUST THIS ONE FREAKIN time, it would go our way.

[nuthinbutpink]

It has just dawned on me what my problem is. Just one time, I wanted to experience that purely organic, jump out of your seat elation of hearing 'It's a whatever you really want' even if it wasn't me on the table. Just one time, I wanted that moment that I never had even with my HT DS when we verified he was a boy. It was anti-climatic for us. Definitely not the wonderful organic, jump for joy feeling that I assume people who actually get their DG feel when they hear the words. I just wanted to feel it once and I was more than happy to feel it for her. It didn't matter that it wasn't me. It would have felt like the same kind of joy to me. I realize that is totally pathetic too, the fact that even though I got my DG I couldn't muster up those feelings but it's just not the same thing as when you have it happen on your own without medical intervention, atleast it wasn't to me.

[lindi]

I am so sorry, NBP. You write so eloquently and I feel for you and your fam.

[TTC5]

Big big hugs!!!

But congrats on the healthy little boy xoxoxox

[skrimpy]

((hugs)) I find that I feel similar to you a lot these days. One of my friends had 2 DD's and just had a 3rd DD - they waited until the birth to be surprised. Of course her DD3 is so sweet, but I find myself wondering "why couldn't she have just gotten the DS I know she really really wanted?" "Why can't we just get the happy news that the baby is the gender we wanted?" I feel strongly that we often get one child or another to help us grow in some way... but it just hurts. I hurt when I think of how many gals here really want a DD, and here I am pg with a DD and having horrible GD. It doesn't seem fair sometimes. It must have been so very hard for your sister, and for you with all the feelings it brought to the surface for you. Little ones are such blessings for the chances they bring to grow - but sometimes you wish that things could just go the way you wished instead of the harder way.

[familiesr4ever]

You sound like a very supportive sister! It is so good to hear you say that you wanted your sis to get her desired gender, there have been too many posts about jealousy and wishing that a sibling would not get their dg, just out of spite, I guess, because alot of the girls did get their dg and didn't want the same for someone else. I am glad that the baby boy was healthy and hopefully things will get easier for your sister and family. Maybe with your help, she may look to HT in the future. GL to your sister.

[hopefulfornumber3]

You are such a sweet sister. She is lucky to have you. Funny cuz this is my story but you are my sister. With my DS #2 she felt the same way you did. She was SO bummed but put on a brave face for me. SHe definitely had aunt GD. Now that my DS #2 is here she so is obessed with him and all is well. I completely get that "wanting it to go your way one time too" feeling. Hugs to all!

[Liv]

I understand so much of that let down. I remember saying those same things (just want a healthy baby etc) to my own family when I found out DS2 was a boy. It's hard.

Does she know about your GD?

[atomic sagebrush]

It has just dawned on me what my problem is. Just one time, I wanted to experience that purely organic, jump out of your seat elation of hearing 'It's a whatever you really want' even if it wasn't me on the table. Just one time, I wanted that moment that I never had even with my HT DS when we verified he was a boy. It was anti-climatic for us. Definitely not the wonderful organic, jump for joy feeling that I assume people who actually get their DG feel when they hear the words. I just wanted to feel it once and I was more than happy to feel it for her. It didn't matter that it wasn't me. It would have felt like the same kind of joy to me. I realize that is totally pathetic too, the fact that even though I got my DG I couldn't muster up those feelings but it's just not the same thing as when you have it happen on your own without medical intervention, atleast it wasn't to me.

I TOTALLY understand and I'm so sorry.

[Orchid]

Like PP mentioned it is so refreshing to see a great sister who genuinely cares. You never know what the future holds. Congrats on your new nephew.

[Wishing4Emma]

I too understand and it sucks. It sucks in general but it sucks to feel that way and still have to put on a brave face even though you don't want to. Huge Hugs to you! I would also say that you are a great sister!

[Jojogirl]

I think you are a very sweet sister to care so much. Hugs!

[Sunset]

I can only voice what's already been said, you sound like such a great caring sister!! congratulations on your nephew! :)

[desperatefordresses]

This sounds so much like my situation! My sister had all her girl stuff packed up for me, and then I had DS#2. I was dissapointed, for sure.

I also said 2 was it for me...so you just never know! :-)

How awesome that she has such a supportive sister. Not all people understand GD, and it is nice to have someone to be able to vent to.

[Out of the Blue]

HUGS, Mama! I'm so sorry. :broken: Your post brought tears to my eyes as I suffer from GD...Not really GD actually but more like Gender Absence since I am completely smitten w/DS#2 but morning the absence of my girl.

When I was preg w/DS#2, I waited until delivery to find out the gender...I think I did this mostly to keep the PINK dream alive a bit longer. Also, as you spoke of before, I really wanted that moment of "IT'S A GIRL" which would have been compounded by 40wks of waiting on finally receiving my DD. My OB didn't tell me...she made me look between his legs when she put him on my chest. My heart was flooding with joy and dissappointment all at the same time. Sigh... Now I'm debating whether or not to find out the gender of our future child b/c if he's a boy I don't want to send disappointment vibes to him while in utero. But if I wait, the disappointment may be worse. UGH! I'm toying with using the Ramzi method of gender prediction at the 6 wk scan since things wouldn't be set in stone but could give me a direction of whether or not I was carrying an XX or an XY.

I was just thinking of how wonderful it is that you and your sister are so close. I always wanted a sister growing up but instead had one brother...Just the two of us. We've NEVER been close and I've always been sad that I had no other sibblings, especially a sister. Watching my two boys play together (it's just been recently that they're old enough to do so) sometimes brings tears to my eyes since I know they'll be close and I'm so thankful they have eachother. But they really need a pink presence to even them out. I think having a sister(s!) would make them more well rounded when dealing w/women in the future.

So sorry about this rant...I'll end here and just say that here's a big HUG for you, Mama.

[Flava]

:hugs: Im sorry
I feel the same way...like I will never hear It' a BOY!!!
I only felt that joy for a little bit when "rebirtha" send me a text message after she find out it was a boy. I was happy for her.
But for me? Every time I go for my us I just know they will tell me it's a girl... I can't even believe they would ever tell me boy , like it's just not possible .

[sela]

NBP, sorry things didn't work out as desired. However, you will be a wonderful support to your sister if her disappointment continues as you've been there. My sister has two kids of the same gender and I know she would love the opposite for her third child in a few years. I have not told her about pursuing HT...kinda want to travel that road first myself and if I get a happy outcome then maybe guide her the same way. Is there no way your sister would try for a third and maybe go HT? I can imagine that anti-climax despite HT working. To go through so much to get a DD or DS, I would think that a person gets too emotionally exhausted to get overly excited. Take care of yourself and I know you'll take great care of your sister. Sela xx