I have done a complete U-turn

[xnicolax]

I didnt know where to post this, GD or High tech so I decided to put it here :) Feel free to move it if you feel it is more appropriate elsewhere.

I have spent the last 11 years of my life desperately trying to get that little girl I always assumed I would have, and I think, that has made me not realise what was in front of me all of the time. We have just had the most horrible situation in our family, my SIL (DH's sister) has died unexpectedly at a young age and we have all had to say goodbye to her. It has been awful, so very sad and unnecessary it had a lot to do with medical negligence and most likely could have been avoided. Her funeral was thursday, it was a horrible yet lovely day. Her family done her so proud. My DH's family is predominantly boys, there is loads of them, and most of them are older. They are all so close with their mam's, it made me realise that I dont know what the hell I have been thinking all of these years? I see boys in a new light, They have their moments but what kid doesnt?

My other BIL and SIL have just had a baby girl, I was insanely jealous when I heard they were having a girl, I have dreaded having to see her. I saw her on thursday, she is adorable and so tiny. I held her for ages but it didn't make me at all broody and I wasn't jealous at all. It was nice to give her back to her mother who had to mess on with the nappies and feeding instead of me for a change, lol.

My focus on life has changed, I am looking forward to spending more time with my DH and having our brood of boys around us. I dont want any more kids, I have everything I want already:bigsmile: I have had one failed HT cycle and have been planning another for some time now, we were going later in the year but it's all off and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know the option is there if I ever change my mind but for now im 100% happy with my descision. Of course I will be sticking round, still love it here but I will just be giving advice and general chit chat:bigsmile:

Thanks to everyone who has given me advice in the past on my GD and HT journeys, I wouldnt have been able to come through it without you all:heart:

[TTC5]

Sorry to hear of the passing of your sil xxxxx

[Zivic-Bubac]

I'm sorry about your SIL.
I TOTALLY can relate with your decision. Sometimes I feel I'm done and ultimately blessed with my 2 girls ( well, most of the time:happy:) but then again time comes when I'm thinking: in 10 years, what if I regret for not trying for a boy? ( I'm not trying to change your mind or something, just want to share my feelings) It's better to regret something I've done then something I didn't LOLOL!

It was GD board on ig that actually helped me to realize how much I enjoy being a mom of 2 girls. It was really a shift in my perception.
However I'm still trying for my :xy: til the end of this year. If nothing happens by then, I will give up without any regrets, because, like you, I already have what I want :HH: Baby boy is going to be just a bonus! LOLOL!

Enjoy your beautiful family!!!! :awe:

[nuthinbutpink]

I am sorry about your SIL.

I was watching Oprah Winfrey and her Masters series and she was the first one on to speak and I have heard her say before that you wander around in life until you figure out what your purpose is and life sends you whispers at first until something big happens that you eventually notice to make you understand your purpose, your life's calling. It's terrible that it took an event like your SIL's passing but perhaps in some way, everything you have been doing and thinking until this point has culminated in this vision on what you really want out of life. That's just awesome and I am happy for you.

[xnicolax]

Thanks everyone, it was a complete shock that she died and she left 3 amazing kids behind, thay have done her so proud, they are all in their mid to late teens. The whole thing has just made me value all of my family more, not just my immediate family but my extended family too.

NBP, thats exactly how I feel. Its like a switch has clicked and I feel free. I have disgussed it with DH that I need to know the option is there if I need to change my mind but I just feel free and happy for the first time in ages:)

Z-B I know where you are coming from, I would and did feel the same when I had 2, I wanted 3 and DH wanted 2. But No4 was my last chance (naturally) and he is a boy, then I gave HT a go and it didnt work. I feel like I have tried it didn't work and now the time has passed. Im done with babies! I am 29 and I know thats not old but I have had a baby for all of my adult life and now I want to look forward to raising them and having a life with my DH, we have never had time to ourselves. There are plenty of options in the future if I do have any regrets, Id say I have 10 yrs to change my mind, then I have also thought about adopting an older girl? But I dont really feel like I am missing out anymore? I have felt like this on and off for a while now and now I just feel really happy with my descision:) I really hope it stays like it, lol!

[Isla]

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your SIL.

[atomic sagebrush]

Nicola, I am SO VERY SORRY. Huge (((hugs))) for all of you. I am glad you have some piece of mind with GD and just know that if a time ever comes and you are struggling, I too continue to carry on moving forward with life after GD, without my DG, and you can message me at any time if you ever want to talk.

Love and best wishes to you.

[Rosa12]

I'm so sorry. :HH:

[pretty in pink]

your post has really made me think about what's important to me

sorry about your sil

[Dark Angel]

I'm so sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}} I'm glad to hear that you are coming to peace with your GD, I am also in that boat & have been realizing that what I DO have is more than I could've ever imagined! All I could ever think about was my future DD, but I'm now coming to terms with the fact that it may not be in the cards for me either. It's so nice to FINALLY reach that place in your heart isn't it!?! :wink: :awe:

[xnicolax]

Thanks everyone:HH:, it has been a very difficult time but has brought the family closer together. You seem to take things for granted until something like this happens which makes you realise.

Atomic, im sure there will be moments that I have my regrets, I woke up the other morning in a pannic that I had made the wrong descision but within a minute I was certain that this is the right descision for me. I feel like my GD has been cut in half, there is the part that doesnt have a girl, I think that will always be there. Then there is the part that I was revolving my life around, trying to get my DG, worrying how, when, how much? Will I still walk away empty handed etc. That part has gone and I feel so much better for it. Me and DH are making plans for our future, we are having a trip to New York this year, taking the boys away, going to visit family etc. All of this has been put on hold for so long, now I plan on getting as much enjoyment out of my boys that I possibly can:)