Roll call--any international adoption pursuers currently out there?

[4devochki]

Just checking to see if there's anyone else out there who's trying or hoping to add their desired gender to their family by international adoption.

Personally I'm negotiating with DH about adopting a little boy from Russia, where we happen to reside currently for his job.


Good luck to all!

[BabyGirl4Me]

If our next baby ends up being a boy my DH has agreed to pursue adoption for a little girl. We would likely go through Russia, but I'm trying Atomic's amazing customized sway plan to see if that gets me my little bundle of pink. Please wish us luck!!

Good to know there are other options out there though like adoption. Good luck to you with your adoption journey!!

[4devochki]

If there is such a thing as pink dust, then I have lots and lots and am sending your way.

Good luck!

[begonia]

4dev we have discussed and done some research re: adopting a boy from Russia. Have you visited any of the orphanages there? Will you not be residing in Russia long term?

One of my big concerns is bringing a child out of their country, how that isn't "fair" to them (as though it is "fair" that they are an orphan?!? so much not fair in these cases) ... I almost feel like we'd need to adopt a pair instead of a single. We have several friends who have adopted internationally and the only ones who had bio kids in the home already (the others ONLY have adopted children) did adopt two boys from the same country. I thought it was a smart move.

But eh, we still might just have another one. Or not. I honestly don't know what we will do but adoption is definitely a consideration for us.

Babygirl4me I also have loads of pink dust so FX for you :)

[Rosie85]

I was looking into Russia, all I could find was a long wait and a hefty price tag, is this correct?

[Rosie85]

We are looking for a girl btw

[4devochki]

Hi, Begonia!

We are here for another 2-3 years. Do you mean it's not fair to them in terms of taking them out of their home culture/language? I can see that, and it's a very ethical concern. But if you think about Maslowe's hierarchy of needs, the feeling of belonging in a family is more primary than the self-actualization needs that come via culture. And for very young children, while linguistic adaptation can be hard, it goes quickly (I saw that with my own daughters coming here).

Of course, UNICEF and all reputable authorities agree that there's a ranking of options for childrens' wellbeing: keeping them in their birth family, followed by extended family adoption, followed by in-country adoption, and in last place, international adoption. Family-based solutions are always better than institutional ones. Russia makes it impossible for foreigners to adopt until after Russian families have had the chance to choose children for 6-8 months after they come into the system. So I feel safe in going this route knowing that our adoption will not displace a more optimal outcome for the child. I do speak Russian, as does DH (he's an emigre) and our daughters as well.

Maybe you meant something else, though? Certainly sibling adoption is a wonderful thing, as sibling pairs have a much harder time being placed. If you are prepared to deal with the developmental challenges of traumatized kids of two different ages at once, then that would be fantastic. I wish I could broach it with DH but then he'd definitely have me committed!

I've not visited orphanages themselves, but do some fundraising for charities trying to keep birth families together, and plan to do more. From what I know, the orphanage system is pretty well-funded by the state now (my group was even told by state authorities not to bother fundraising for orphanages), but the problem of course is not with poverty but with the nature of institutional care.

[4devochki]

I was looking into Russia, all I could find was a long wait and a hefty price tag, is this correct?

Hi, Rosie. I don't think the waits for receiving a referral are all that long if you are open to gender. If you are seeking a girl, and want only an ethnically Russian infant (8-24 months) then it can be up to a year after your documents are in, so I've heard; probably faster if you would take an ethnic minority child, increasing numbers of whom are being abandoned as labor migrants flood into the cities.

Price is another story, as you have to figure agency fees (the new bilateral agreement means that U.S. citizens are required now to go through accredited agencies; maybe not for UK or other nationalities yet) as well as 2-3 trips. People on discussion groups talk about a ballpark figure of 40-50K US, with travel. Agreed, it's a lot.

Beyond that, the drawbacks are the high % of children affected by alcohol in utero, which it's impossible to rule out conclusively until school age, and the effects of early institutionalization. Countries like South Korea which rely on fostering of abandoned children, rather than orphanages, are less risky in that sense.

[4devochki]

Fate is laughing at me, that's for sure. I'm trying with all my might not to be angry with DH for putting this off endlessly. We've lived here for 2.5 years and could have been done by now. And now it looks like we won't get the chance to adopt...I'm still reeling.

I can't even face now looking at other countries to find our little boy..:broken:

[nuthinbutpink]

No more Russian adoptions to the US. That is a bad man running things over there.

7553

HT is less costly.

[dreamingformylilprincess]

we would love to but waiting lists we have heard are far too long

[BabyGirl4Me]

Oh my, that is horrible news about Russia. They were my best hope and now I feel even more afraid about what I will do if my sway fails. I felt a sense of comfort that even if my sway fails I can go through Russia for my baby girl. Now it looks like that's not going to happen. I can't believe it.

@NBP, no offence meant here but while maybe a few HT cycles would cost less than adopting, my DH didn't want to go HT because there's no guarantee that a pregnancy will result from even multiple HT cycles. While international adoption is very expensive and takes years, far more often than not if you stick with it, you will get the result you want.
I've seen couples spend thousands of dollars on HT and have absolutely nothing to show for it. So not everyone has the option of going HT for their DG. I wish I did, but DH doesn't want to do it.

Russian adoption was my safety net, and now that's gone and I feel absolutely terrible. I'm probably going to have nothing but boys and no hope of ever having a little girl now that Russian adoption is off the table.

[nuthinbutpink]

I understand that HT isn't an option of many levels for people. Adoption is a huge effort and expense, more so that HT IMO. That's all I was trying to say.

[4devochki]

I'm so, so sorry, for you, for me and for the little children waiting here (i'm in moscow) for families who will never get them. Who ever said that there's a bad mad running things here was dead right.

DH mentioned something about a surrogate, but i can't even fathom doing a surrogate and gender selection, and I don't have the heart for it anyway. DH would never agree to adopt a child with a disability, which is the only adoption option left for us, in China.

I am really, really heartbroken and at a total loss, and don't know where to turn.

[queen-bee]

Here is one of more recent articles about tragic death of a Russin boy from hands of his American step mother. Its in Russian though. Apparently, the Russian government is not happy the US denies them the right to be part in investigation. There has been 19 cases of similar deaths in the past decade or so. I believe, this action from the Russian government is aimed at making the US change the way they handle such tragic cases and give Russia a bigger part in investigations. I would expect the two sides would come to some solution eventually.

Íîâîñòè NEWSru.com :: Àñòàõîâ è äèïëîìàòû ðàçâåäàëè: â Òåõàñå óáèò áûâøèé ñèðîòà èç Ðîññèè (http://www.newsru.com/world/18feb2013/astakhov.html)

[4devochki]

Thanks, Queen Bee. The case is indeed all over the news here in Moscow but in the past couple of days, Astakhov has taken back his accusations. It seems that 1. the investigation into the poor boy's death is still ongoing so it's not clear whether it was accidental and 2. in fact the Texas authorities were cooperating with Russian diplomats from the start.

I understand why certain people in this country where I live (Russia) need to find an outside enemy to distract people from problems here at home, but that doesn't help the situation with orphans. 300 orphans adopted by Russian families died in 2011 ALONE (that's one year), after all...but no one wants to talk about that.

I wish I could be as optimistic as you about the US and Russia working this out in the future, but sadly I think Putin has staked his reputation on forbidding adoptions, and he's not the kind of guy to go back on his word, whatever the facts may be.

It's funny and sad to hear all the anti-Americanism from Duma deputies who send their children to study in the US and own homes there...but at least it's better than declaring another war on Chechnya, or something!

OK, enough politics. I'll stop now.

[queen-bee]

I am really sorry about the whole situation, 4devochki. If I understand
you correctly, your husband is of Russian background? If so, could he
use his Russian citizenship for adoption? I was thinking of adopting a Russian
orphan before we decided to go high tech, but I know damn well of the drug and alcohol problems and that you are almost guaranteed to adopt a child with serious health and development problems. I don't feel strong enough to handle this, but admire those who do! Good luck and hope you will find a way to give home to a poor child who desperately needs it.

[mrs magoo]

are there no other countries you can adopt from?! its very hard in aus to adopt but I though in the US you could adopt from lots of countries??

how upsetting putin shut down adoption though... :(