Becoming a recluse. Don't want to face society.

[Violet_]

Well this pregnancy I am very unwell. I've stopped associating with friends (because they expect me to continue life as I had been before) and stopped going places (because I'm too sick). Everything has changed for me. I cannot function, I used to exercise frequently, I now can't move without vomiting, getting dizzy, feeling ill. I can't go places. I'm often too sick to drive. Anytime I've made any plans I have to cancel them as I'm too sick or I fall asleep early evening. And add to that, many people want to know what's wrong with me and I have told a few that (pretty sure) I'm not dying, I'm pregnant. They react in two ways, usually both. First they get overjoyed and throw themselves at me with a huge congratulations. And the smell and sqeeze makes me almost vomit everywhere (any smell sets me off) (I'm sorry but as much as I want this baby, I'm far from thrilled and wanting to celebrate right now when I feel as though I am dying every second of everyday). Then they proceed to tell me how I have too many children already and as I'm so sick, it isn't fair to my other children, that this is a boy or girl and, won't you be disappointed if it's another boy, a little girl this time would be nice. Can't I have daughters? What's wrong with me? Oh do you want to come out to dinner? Take the kids here? Etc, To which no I CAN'T. I crash out and cannot function at all past 6pm or I have a meltdown. No I can't drive. No the very basics like having a shower (standing up without passing out) is a HUGE EFFORT for me. I cannot take any more on. People don't get it. So I've messaged my friends and told everyone that I will not be associating with anyone for the next year, I do not want to be invited or included in anything and I want everyone to forget I exist for a year. Do not message me, let me die alone. I've taken myself off facebook (deactivated) because I cannot bare to see everyone continuing on with their lives as though everything is okay. I don't want to hear about people getting out and doing things and experiencing new things, etc while I am dying. Anyway, up until I made this decision I have been crying everyday, feeling so hopeless that I can't keep up with everyone. And now it's like this massive pressure and weight has lifted and I don't have to worry about anyone else but my own little family and what we can cope with.

[Violet_]

And yes, sadly I was like this with all my pregnancies and it DOES NOT mean I am having a girl. In fact, I'm quite certain that it strongly indicates it could very well be a boy (due to my history of feeling like this with all my boys). Just wanted to say that to get that out of the way, because I can't cope with anymore comments about gender. Way too sensitive.

[XXPlease]

Weirdly enough I totally understand my husband and I have agreed to keep it a secret (except from our parents) when I get pregnant until we already know the gender and I can deal with any kind of GD we may have before we announce the pregnancy to our family

[Rosie85]

aww Violet, I am so sorry you are so sick. I was the exact same way. For 3 months I cancelled every plan I had, didn't go anywhere and didn't really talk to anyone because I felt like crap. My house fell apart, I didn't play with my kids and I just layed there. That's the way it was, if someone didn't like it well screw them.

I think anyone who truly cares and understands will be there for you when you are feeling better and won't say a damn thing about it either.

[Violet_]

Thanks girls. Yes Rosie it isn't nice. But I've done it before and we will survive. I just really feel for my oldest boy today, I was too sick to drive him to school (I usually push myself so he doesn't miss school often) and he just kept staring out the window bored. Poor thing. I'd usually take them for a walk or swim or something but alas I too sick. Yes, my housework is very behind. Hubby has been great but he can't do everything and go to work. I usually do a little bit, then rest, then do a little bit, then rest etc. All day.

The thing that upsets me the most is that all these people who, I think are overstepping the mark, the ones who are fully saying I shouldn't have this baby and things that are quite rude to me, will be the ones who cluck over the baby when it arrives. It's happened to me before with the other kids. And I just say to them, well if I'd listened to you, this baby wouldn't even be here so no you can't hold it. You can't just slag me and be nasty and go oh ah when a cute little baby appears. If you can't support me at my worst then you don't deserve me as a friend at my best.

[XXPlease]

I can't stand people who make ugly comments and don't think about it I just don't want to have to hear all the "team pink" "this one needs to be a girl" you guys need a girl" and so on and then if it was a boy all the "Oh maybe next time it will be a girl" and stuff I figure if people don't have time to think about it then they won't give any of those type comments after hearing the news I hope you hear you have a healthy baby Girl and I say this in a place of understanding!

[Cinss]

Sorry you are feeling so sick n stuff violet :( How long did it last with your other pregnancies?

[Violet_]

Every moment until my children where out of my body!

[Cinss]

Oh dear, you poor thing. At least you have all of us here to chat to so you wont feel totally disconnected with the world.

[Violet_]

I had to go to a lot of pych appointments and councelling and even antidepressants last time around to get me through the pregnancy. I swore I wouldn't do it again. But we wanted four and one last chance at a daughter. Mental health specialists said they were amazed I made it through two and going for number three (at the time) pregnancies. They said considering how sick I get, much worse then the average pregnant woman, I was doing very well. My doctor just wants me to try to hold off and get through without antidepressants until bub is 13 weeks and fully developed, just growing after that point. I've been pretty low though. He did say if I get too low then we have to go with meds earlier, better a live mum and baby then I get too low and we both don't make it. I feel sorry for my hubby, I do have to lean pretty heavily on him during pregnancy. I think this will be our last. At least I know I have given it four good tries to get a daughter and if we are just meant to have boys then so be it. We do love our boys very much.

[cravingsalt]

Oh, Violet. Is this hyperemesis gravidarum? I know Kate Middleton is hospitalized with the same thing, and I've had a friend who has had it. Definitely not your garden variety morning sickness and some people don't understand that when they suggest you have a few crackers and some soda water (!).

I'm so sorry you're going through this- when you're that ill it's impossible to handle social graces and the day-to-day, you just have to get through minute to minute and do what it takes to get you through it. Does your doctor have a plan for you? I know this is so very, very hard. Obviously it will be worth it in the end but it's hard to think about that now in the midst of it. I had kidney stones when I was 32-35 weeks pregnant with ds1 and I knew that if I didn't have my long awaited baby in there I would almost have just wished I was dead. Obviously, I didn't want to die but you can't think straight when your body is being assaulted continuously. I sooo understand where you are coming from and hope that you find some relief.

:hugs:

[Tiggerian]

Oh that really sucks! I experience simillar thing with my DD and I know how horrible it is. Massive kudos to you for being so brave! I don't really know what to say - I wish I had some great big pearls of wisdom, but I don't. I really do feel for you and HOPE that by some miracle it will pass by the 12 week mark and you'll experience a good pregnancy!

[Pangea]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I was the same on both my pregnancies for the first 5 months. When I was about 9 weeks pregnant with DS2 I announced to my whole family that I wished I would have a miscarriage. I feel terrible now when I think about it.
It's so traumatic, but it's worth it in the end. You're right not to put any pressure on yourself to socialise, just take one day at a time.

[LacePrincess]

:hugs:

I'm so sorry you're feeling so rotten. :( And really sorry that it doesn't go away for you! UGHHHH!!! I'm always sick as a dog too but not all pregnancy like you tend to get, so I can't imagine.

I think you made the right decision to get off FB and distance yourself, and avoid any triggers. You so don't need to hear crap from unsupportive people. I'm also very glad that your DH is helping you. Do you have a close friend/relative that you can whine to? Not DH, but anyone else? Often when I'm struggling with managing my depression/anxiety just talking it out with someone that 'gets it' helps immensely.

If you need to go on your meds, please don't feel guilty. I have managed to keep off mine until third tri for all my boys, but for some reason recently my OCD has completely gone off the rails and I HAD to go back on my med a month or so ago. So it looks like our next pregnancy will be with me on Zoloft throughout. Not preferable, but the alternative is worse, and it's incredibly unfair for my boys to lose mom to my mental illness when it can be prevented.

I hope your little guys are good at playing by themselves and not giving you too much grief! Mommy needs her quiet time right now, that's for sure. Much thoughts and hugs to you.