View Full Version : Baby Loss Update... My story (Very Long)

4 blues~hopingforpink~
December 6th, 2012, 03:15 PM
As some of you know I lost my baby at 16 wks 2 days... Just right after Thanksgiving. Think the day after... His heart just stopped beating and we don't know why. We found out at my 17 wk 2 day appt Thursday the 29th. The Dr told me to wait until that following Monday Dec 3 to see if my body would start labor on It's own and if not then he would send me to the hospital. Well Monday came and nothing so I went back to my Dr and we went over the options and he said that me delivering the baby would be the safest instead of a D&E so off I went to the hospital to be induced to give birth to my lifeless baby boy.

I got there around 1:15 Or so and the Dr that was going to be taking care of me couldn't come in until he got out of his other office. So he got there around 6 and inserted pitonin in the back of my cervix to try and start contractions... Well around 10pm there still wasn't much going on and my cervix was still closed so they had to put another pitonin suppository in.

So a lil while after I started feeling tightening and a couple contractions here and there... Not to bad. So they gave me some demerol and something else to help with the contractions I was having and said when it wears off and I need to I can get an epidural. Well the demerol they gave me made me really groggy so I wanted to try and sleep and that was around 12:45-1:00 am turning into Tue.

I woke back up at like 1:45 in soooo much pain and was bleeding so I called my nurse she came in and checked me and said no wonder Your completey dilated there is no cervix left and then left out of the room and I was thinking she went to get me something... Nope. Another nurse didn't come back in until like 45 mins later while I'm laying there in pain. So obviously it was to late to get any pain reliever so when the nurse came back in she told me I need to start pushing when I felt a contraction so I pushed like 3 Or 4 times and out came my baby.

They took my placenta and the baby over to the sink and put him in a container took it over to the bright light they have in the rooms and made sure that he hadn't been decomposing Or still looked ok and asked me if I wanted them to go into another room Or if I would be ok for them to do it in front of me. So I told them I was fine with them doing it there so I saw them take him out of the container and he was so small but so perfect.

So I did ask if I could see him and they brought him over and the nurse turned him over on to his back in her hand. He was sooo tiny but so detailed... He was fully formed and just perfect but so hard to see my baby like that but I knew that if I hadn't took a look at him I would forever regret it. So after I saw him the nurse took him to get his hand and foot prints.

The next day we had him brought into my room and baptized.. My husband didn't want to see him so after he had left I asked the nurse if she could bring the baby back in so I could see him and say my last goodbyes. So she did and I spent Prob 30 mins Or so with him and then had the nurse take him out... So sad and heartbreaking. I know that others have been through this but I hope that nobody else has to experience it. It's such a horrible pain and feeling. I was released yesterday and it feels so horrible being pregnant, going in to give birth and walk out with nothing. No baby and no belly..

I've tried being strong for my family and held it in for so long that I just broke down lastnight, I went to give my husband a hug and it just came out. I couldn't stop crying and now my eyes are paying for it this morning. I know things happen for a reason but It's just so hard to have to go through and I know when I get pregnant again I'm gna be so worried I don't think I will be able to enjoy my pregnancy.

They gave me a keepsake memory box with some poems and a tiny hat, a lil Heart pillow and a card with his footprints so I'm gna put all his ultrasound pics and the pics the hospital gave to me of him in it.

Thanks for letting me vent and share my story... Sorry it was so long. I will still pop in once in awhile to see how everyone and their babies are doing. Best wishes to everyone...

The Anchor
December 6th, 2012, 03:19 PM
My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

December 6th, 2012, 03:22 PM
I can't help but shed tears reading your post. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You're an amazing woman. I wish you all the best, and want to thank you for sharing this incredibly personal, heartbreaking story.

December 6th, 2012, 03:33 PM
So so sorry you had to go through this

December 6th, 2012, 03:35 PM
I'm so deeply sorry for ur loss. Wishing that ur heartache and pain lessens a little bit over time and u find comfort in ur DH and little boys. Lots of love xxx

December 6th, 2012, 03:38 PM
I am so sorry you had to go through this, it breaks my heart

December 6th, 2012, 03:43 PM
im so sorry, if you need to talk im here. my daughter died at 22 weeks but she was born alive. she died in my arms. 5 months later i conceived a rainbow baby, but she can never replace her sister. hugs. take comfort in your surviving children

December 6th, 2012, 03:44 PM
I am so sorry, so so sorry. I can't imagine the pain. I am glad you have a little keepsake box to cherish. Sending all my thoughts and prayers for you, your family and your precious baby boy.

December 6th, 2012, 03:45 PM
I'm so sorry.

December 6th, 2012, 03:45 PM
I'm so so sorry 4 blues, I wish I could just give you a big hug. I know nothing I can say can take the pain away but remember we are all here for you, praying for you and your beautiful angel. The world can be an extremely cruel and confusing place at times. xxxxxxxx

December 6th, 2012, 04:00 PM
I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. Thank you for taking the time to share your story, I hope it helps start the healing for you.

My family's thoughts and prayers go with you and yours.

December 6th, 2012, 04:56 PM
Hope you are on your way to mending. Having been where you are at, I know words from others doesn't help too much. Just know the ache does soften and someday you will be with your baby again. Praying for peace for you and yours.

December 6th, 2012, 04:58 PM
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you and the pain you must be feeling. Please take care and give yourself time to grieve.

December 6th, 2012, 05:00 PM
I am so so sorry this happened to you. Thinking of you today :(

December 6th, 2012, 06:33 PM
I'm so sorry to hear this :(
I went through the same thing last May with our daughter at 20 weeks. She also had no heartbeat all of a sudden and my body was not naturally delivering so I was induced with cytotec at home. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life and it changed me.

I wish there were some magic words I could say to make you feel better but I know from experience there aren't. :/
It helped me most to talk to people who had gone through it so please feel free me to message me if you want.
But for the most part you need to cry the tears and feel the pain and anger etc to heal.

You are doing all the best things. a memory box. you spent time with your baby and showed him you loved him for the time that you could. I think that is much more healing than never seeing him.


December 6th, 2012, 06:37 PM
Im am so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. No-one should ever have to experience that, it's not fair :( My heart goes out to you and your family during this tough time xx

December 6th, 2012, 07:31 PM
I am so sorry I wish I had the right words to console you!

December 7th, 2012, 03:28 AM
I'm so so sorry my heart is with you and your family xx

December 7th, 2012, 11:41 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you right now. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family during this difficult time.

Butterfly Spirit
December 7th, 2012, 11:44 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss :broken: :sad:

December 7th, 2012, 10:55 PM
I am so sorry. There really are no words. I will pray for peace and healing.

December 8th, 2012, 12:46 PM
:( I am just so, so sorry...

February 2nd, 2013, 07:49 PM
I am so terribly sorry for your loss and all that you've been through