BZ94
January 10th, 2013, 10:10 PM
So I know this is premature but I don't know where else to go.
I have two boys and swayed girl for #3. Up until two weeks ago I was feeling somewhat confident that this might actually be my girl, based on silly OWT's, the ring test, internet psychics, Chinese gender chart, and a nub shot (11w 4d) that was definitely too early to mean anything but still generated all girl guesses. So, basically, nothing scientific :)
Then two weeks ago I had an unplanned ultrasound due to spotting (nothing wrong) at the ER and the radiology tech, who took forever to get all the measurements she needed to get, tried to get a look at the gender but basically said the cord was in the way and she didn't want to tell us one way or the other and we should wait. I said "but you're leaning boy, aren't you?" and she said "well, I had three girls and it's not so bad having all the same gender because you know what you are getting." I took that as a yes, she thinks boy.
DH's response (later) was "she didn't know what she was looking at, did you see how long it took her to get the other measurements." I of course have been obsessing for two weeks over what she COULD have seen and whether or not she could be mistaken (I barely got a look at the screen, but didn't see the turtle shot I saw with my other two DS's).
With our anatomy scan coming up on Monday, a feeling of general gloom has settled over me and I'm just sure it's another boy. All along I've said I'd be "OK" with another boy because 1. Then I could stop wondering "what if we'd had a third." and 2. I adore my other two sons and 3. I always wanted three kids, no matter what. But when it comes down to it, I was really holding out hope that this would be my daughter, and I let myself look at girl stuff and think girl thoughts and get attached to the idea of maybe not being the only girl in the house.
To top it off, everyone either thinks I'm having a girl or hopes I'm having a girl. My two boys are adorable, but CRAZY and I'm constantly exhausted, frazzled and overwhelmed by them. I keep hearing about how much easier girls are and I feel like people judge me by my crazy boys. I know everyone thinks I am having a third baby to get my girl (I did) but I deny it and just keep saying I'll be happy either way. ALL my friends have at least one daughter and I hate being the only one without one. I know that these are stupid reasons to want a girl but today I just kept thinking that another boy is going to make things so much harder and I should have stopped at two. I KNOW that once the baby is here I will love him, but I just can't get excited about stuff like decorating the nursery or buying new baby clothes for ANOTHER boy.
Finally tonight my husband said something like "you won't be upset if it's a boy, will you?" and I just broke down crying. I don't think he was expecting that because I've put on the same "I don't care if it's a boy or girl" act for him that I do for everyone else (he doesn't even know I/we swayed). He started to give me a hard time about it and I pointed out that he has what he wants (He high fived the tech at DSs' ultrasounds) and how would he feel if we had all girls? I had to convince him to even try for #3 and I don't want him to think I can't handle another boy, but I'm just so tired of putting on this act for everyone and I know that if I find out it's a boy on Monday I'm going to have to act happy and excited for everyone else, I just want to be able to be myself for him but I'm scared that he'll judge me for it.
One last thing (I know this is long) -- I HATE It when people say "but you just want a healthy baby, right?" WHERE is it written that you have a choice between a healthy baby and your DG? Seriously, people, STFU!
Thanks for letting me rant.
I have two boys and swayed girl for #3. Up until two weeks ago I was feeling somewhat confident that this might actually be my girl, based on silly OWT's, the ring test, internet psychics, Chinese gender chart, and a nub shot (11w 4d) that was definitely too early to mean anything but still generated all girl guesses. So, basically, nothing scientific :)
Then two weeks ago I had an unplanned ultrasound due to spotting (nothing wrong) at the ER and the radiology tech, who took forever to get all the measurements she needed to get, tried to get a look at the gender but basically said the cord was in the way and she didn't want to tell us one way or the other and we should wait. I said "but you're leaning boy, aren't you?" and she said "well, I had three girls and it's not so bad having all the same gender because you know what you are getting." I took that as a yes, she thinks boy.
DH's response (later) was "she didn't know what she was looking at, did you see how long it took her to get the other measurements." I of course have been obsessing for two weeks over what she COULD have seen and whether or not she could be mistaken (I barely got a look at the screen, but didn't see the turtle shot I saw with my other two DS's).
With our anatomy scan coming up on Monday, a feeling of general gloom has settled over me and I'm just sure it's another boy. All along I've said I'd be "OK" with another boy because 1. Then I could stop wondering "what if we'd had a third." and 2. I adore my other two sons and 3. I always wanted three kids, no matter what. But when it comes down to it, I was really holding out hope that this would be my daughter, and I let myself look at girl stuff and think girl thoughts and get attached to the idea of maybe not being the only girl in the house.
To top it off, everyone either thinks I'm having a girl or hopes I'm having a girl. My two boys are adorable, but CRAZY and I'm constantly exhausted, frazzled and overwhelmed by them. I keep hearing about how much easier girls are and I feel like people judge me by my crazy boys. I know everyone thinks I am having a third baby to get my girl (I did) but I deny it and just keep saying I'll be happy either way. ALL my friends have at least one daughter and I hate being the only one without one. I know that these are stupid reasons to want a girl but today I just kept thinking that another boy is going to make things so much harder and I should have stopped at two. I KNOW that once the baby is here I will love him, but I just can't get excited about stuff like decorating the nursery or buying new baby clothes for ANOTHER boy.
Finally tonight my husband said something like "you won't be upset if it's a boy, will you?" and I just broke down crying. I don't think he was expecting that because I've put on the same "I don't care if it's a boy or girl" act for him that I do for everyone else (he doesn't even know I/we swayed). He started to give me a hard time about it and I pointed out that he has what he wants (He high fived the tech at DSs' ultrasounds) and how would he feel if we had all girls? I had to convince him to even try for #3 and I don't want him to think I can't handle another boy, but I'm just so tired of putting on this act for everyone and I know that if I find out it's a boy on Monday I'm going to have to act happy and excited for everyone else, I just want to be able to be myself for him but I'm scared that he'll judge me for it.
One last thing (I know this is long) -- I HATE It when people say "but you just want a healthy baby, right?" WHERE is it written that you have a choice between a healthy baby and your DG? Seriously, people, STFU!
Thanks for letting me rant.