RKT Mama
January 13th, 2013, 07:51 PM
I have 3 sons and I found it very hard finding out at my anatomy scan that DS3 was a boy. Lots of people seem to find their GD goes at the birth, mine didn't. I love my baby boy and always have but it took me a long time to bond with him and even now I resent him for not being the girl he was supposed to be.
Jump forward nearly 4 years and I am almost 19 weeks pregnant after swaying heavily for 8 months to even get pregnant and a IVF/PGD before that which failed.
I have no bond with this baby yet, I have only told very few people and I hate anyone talking about it including my husband. But at the same time I am completely obsessed with wanting to know that it is a girl so I can go shopping and enjoy my pregnancy, at the same time I really don't want to hear boy and have all my hopes crushed. I also really don't want to find out in front of my husband because he will be nice and supportive and make it even worse.
I live in NZ so elective US is not an option and hubby really wants to come to the anatomy scan( which will be my only official chance to find out unless there is something wrong with the baby).
Last night I had a bizarre dream that they scanned my baby and were telling me it had fluid on the brain and brain damage and I was still shouting at them that I needed to know if it was a girl or boy because that is all that matters and they told me to come back on Sunday at 8pm.
I have access to, but no training on, an ultrasound machine so I have even tried scanning myself to try see. I can't see a penis but in all honesty it is way harder than it looks and I am probably looking at the babies toes.
So what now? Do I go for my scan and find out and risk 20 weeks of being sad/ angry about another boy or all the fun of knowing its a girl? Or don't find out so the dream can stay alive a bit longer?
Jump forward nearly 4 years and I am almost 19 weeks pregnant after swaying heavily for 8 months to even get pregnant and a IVF/PGD before that which failed.
I have no bond with this baby yet, I have only told very few people and I hate anyone talking about it including my husband. But at the same time I am completely obsessed with wanting to know that it is a girl so I can go shopping and enjoy my pregnancy, at the same time I really don't want to hear boy and have all my hopes crushed. I also really don't want to find out in front of my husband because he will be nice and supportive and make it even worse.
I live in NZ so elective US is not an option and hubby really wants to come to the anatomy scan( which will be my only official chance to find out unless there is something wrong with the baby).
Last night I had a bizarre dream that they scanned my baby and were telling me it had fluid on the brain and brain damage and I was still shouting at them that I needed to know if it was a girl or boy because that is all that matters and they told me to come back on Sunday at 8pm.
I have access to, but no training on, an ultrasound machine so I have even tried scanning myself to try see. I can't see a penis but in all honesty it is way harder than it looks and I am probably looking at the babies toes.
So what now? Do I go for my scan and find out and risk 20 weeks of being sad/ angry about another boy or all the fun of knowing its a girl? Or don't find out so the dream can stay alive a bit longer?