Guys who can I turn to ? Should I talk to my midwife ? Hubby doesnt understand

[Mum23boys]

But as you know this vanishing twin thing has really got to me - I know Im being silly - I know it was early days before 12 weeks ) and I know its so common BUT twins has always been my dream which is why i think im taking it so hard. Im not upset i dont cry alot about it or anything but everytime i see my baby in my head i see 2 of them, when i think about picture opportunities after its born im always thinking - but there should have been 2.... im worried im not going to bond cos ill see him / her and think about the one that we lost. All silly stupid feelings but i cant shake it.
Hubby doesnt understand he thinks just get on wit it whats done is done and i know he is right but i guess like gender desire etc i just cant shake the feeling no matter how hard i try.

[thehappypixi]

:'( It's so sad :(
There aren't going to to be many people who can empathise with you like family etc, not truly, as its such a personal journey. No one can know what it feels like to loose an unborn life unless it has directly happened to them, even with the best will in the world, only a mother who has lost can truly know.
Time softens the feeling, but it will always be with you, don't let it be a negative feeling, try to use it positively. Sounds a bit odd, but loosing can make you feel very appreciative of all the good things in your life. Not just kids, but everything.
I hope you can find someone in real life who has been through something similar to talk to, it does help. Xxx

[RKT Mama]

It almost sounds like you are mourning not only your twin dream but also the loss of your "second chance" at a girl.
Babies are not really real to men when you are still pregnant so your DH probably never even thought as the second twin as a baby but more as the daunting prospect of twins.
Life is not fair sometimes but we have to deal with what we get.
Have you set up some sort of memento of your second twin? An ornament or teddy bear or something real to you to acknowledge that that baby did exist and was special to you?
Grieving takes time and we need to allow ourselves time to grieve.

[Wanting-a-girl]

You Aso have to remember that miscarriages happen for a reason because of major chromosome abnormalities usually... Try to think positive.. And take time to grieve its natural to be upset. Maybe do something speacial for yourself....

[Justjessica]

I think it's hard losing a baby in any circumstances but must be doubly hard for you as you had your dream of twins so close, plus you still have pregnancy hormones raging round your body from the other twin. Be kind to yourself x

[BZ88]

I too was pregnant with twins and heard the second heartbeat but about week 11 12 my twin was gone. Take your time mourn your loss. I know it can be hard for some to understand. Am thinking of you and hope you find peace and rejoice in your thriving twin.

[jennaesue]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. It's perfectly understandable - you saw the baby, heard the heartbeat, and then the baby was gone. :( Just because you do still have a healthy baby in there (thank goodness) it doesn't take away the pain of losing one baby. Maybe you could find some other moms on here or perhaps another forum (this is the only one I go to so I can't really recommend one) who have gone through a similar situation so you can talk to someone who has been through the same thing.

[EmmyRoo]

I just wanted to send :hugs:, I can't imagine how you must feel. It's true though, men do find it hard to imagine a baby as "real" before birth, especially first trimester when they can't even feel it. He may be grieving in his own way though, men+women are so different in grief.

I like RKT's idea of a memento, if you have a garden you could plant something pretty, maybe that flowers around your due date, that can represent your twin and give you a beautiful reminder of his or her wee life?

Speak to your midwife, she will have experience of this and might be able to put you in touch with a support group or even just be able to spend time talking it through with you herself.

In the meantime be kind to yourself, hopefully time will help ease it a little.
X

[aroundtheworld]

Your sadness is not silly or stupid in the least. What you're feeling is valid and real. You're a mother who lost a child. That is painful no matter if it's during early pregnancy or after birth. A life is a life, a child is a child, and a mother will experience pain and grief when that life is gone.

I would consider looking for an online community of women who can empathize with what you're going through. A support group of some kind. You need people who understand your heartbreak right now.

I wish you the very best.

[Violet_]

I'm so sorry to hear of you suffering hun. I know there is something magic about having twins and I've always dreamed of having twins too. But to actually be pregnant with twins and to lose one would be really hard because your dream is so close, yet is taken from you. The loss of a baby is very hard and yes in your situation you would wonder how your other baby would have looked, milestones with your baby will remind you of the one you lost. But all I can say, is that we have the babies we are meant to have and for some reason it wasn't meant to be. I believe as your current baby grows and is born and you bond with it, things will get easier for you. But by all means, in the meantime, talk it through and get some support. Your midwife seems like a good place to start.

[Rainbow baby]

You have lost a baby honey there is a reason for your feelings and visions, they are normal. Everytime I see my family picture in the hall I think well they are not all there are they, it dosn't look right anymore! So I got a massive sunrise of the day he was born. It has helped so much. There are plenty of support groups around, there are some on facebook aswell. They are hidden groups and the ladys on them are all in the situation you are, they have lost a child. There are stages of greif and the support group I am on now there are two ladies in your situation, they lost one twin. Losing a baby is hard one of the hardest things I have been trough but being able to talk with women in the same situation is that support that knowbody else can give you, unless they have been there even if they try, it really isn't the same. I have been the support before the storm and seriously honestly I never thought it would feel like this not this hard not this bad even if the threads and convo's bring you to tears there is just so much more things and situations thoughts. It is a long road a road no body should have to walk down alone!

[Rainbow baby]

Your midwife will be able to tell you were the support groups are and will be able to organise for someone for you to speak with if you like. <hugs>

[Mum23boys]

Thanks ladies - I cried reading your posts. I know its going to take time and rainbow i like the ide of chatting to people on a group like on facebook so maybe ill lookinto that. Thank you again