Any advice on tactfully shooting down others' name suggestions?

[jennaesue]

My dh and I have a pretty good idea of what we will name this baby, boy or girl. We have a shortlist for either gender. But my MIL seems to have made it her mission to "find" us a baby name. She keeps calling me to tell me about her newest baby name. And they are totally not my taste. My three boys have very classic names. She keeps coming up with soap opera names, like Tristan, Spencer, London, etc. Which are very nice, but not anything like what we plan to name our child. Oh, and she thought Isabella and Sophia were very unique. I have told her we have a good idea of what we will name the baby, and that we aren't worrying about it too much right now. I don't really mind the suggestions, but I feel like I'm hurting her feelings because I keep telling her I don't like the names she is suggesting. She even told me on the phone yesterday that she felt like it was her turn to name the baby, or at least the middle name! I don't know if she was joking or not. We plan to keep the name a secret until the baby is born, and I have told her that. I guess this is not a huge problem, but I would appreciate any suggestions on a polite way to let her know I don't really need her help with this. Do you think I should continue being honest and telling her that I don't like the names she is pitching, or should I pretend that I do? I don't what to get her hopes up that I will actually use one!

[atomic sagebrush]

I had this exact same problem both with my mom and MIL, esp. with DS 4 for some reason. My mom was like, "I just want to put in my two cents - how about Kate and Claire?" (both of which I adore but were really really really popular here about 15-20 years ago) To her, they seemed really unique but to me they were too popular and had maybe seen their day in the sun to some extent. My MIL kept pushing Tara on me because she thought Tate and Tara sounded cute together, but it just seems so old fashioned to me. Tara is someone my age, not a little kid.

I just said, "oh those are so cute" and then left it at that. :) But they weren't being too over the top - I'd wet myself if my MIL thought she had a say in the baby's name.

We actually gave our 3rd boy her maiden name as a middle name so maybe it placated her a little bit? Not sure if that is your cup of tea. Her maiden name sounded very nice as a middle name (IMO) so it's kinda contingent on that.

[Adia]

I say give her a big say in the MIDDLE name. The first name of a child is completely up to the people who created it, end of story.
I wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings, she had her chance to have kids and you can't help that she really wants to name your kid, she isn't going to raise it so don't let the guilt seep in.

[jennaesue]

Atomic, I like that idea, but her maiden name is very long and Italian, so it wouldn't work. I am thinking of the middle name Julia for a girl and Julian for a boy after my grandma (Her name was Angela Julia) but it would have the bonus of also being after MIL's sister Julie who died 3 years ago. I don't want to tell her that now, though, because we aren't positive and I don't want to get her hopes up. DH does not like Julian, so I need to work on that one.

[jennaesue]

she had her chance to have kids and you can't help that she really wants to name your kid, she isn't going to raise it so don't let the guilt seep in.

I almost told her that on the phone yesterday. She only had dh, so she should have had more kids if she wanted to pick more names, LOL. And she always talks about how she wanted to name him Levi but "her dad wouldn't let her." So she obviously thinks grandparents should get a say in the name. Which is why she won't be hearing the name until the baby is born!

[atomic sagebrush]

My mom didn't know the name of Susannah until she walked into the hospital that morning and the baby was sitting right there so she couldn't exactly go EW!!

Of course that's because WE didn't know the name of Susannah until like 15 minutes before she got there! o.O

[rainbowflower]

awww naming babies is loads of fun. I guess I'm lucky that DH isn't close ot MIL at all so we don't have that dilemma

just tell her you'll create a shortlist and decide when the baby comes, and that you'll add her name suggestions to the shortlist (obviously with no intention of picking one!)


My mom didn't know the name of Susannah until she walked into the hospital that morning and the baby was sitting right there so she couldn't exactly go EW!!

Of course that's because WE didn't know the name of Susannah until like 15 minutes before she got there! o.O

did you have a shortlist?

[atomic sagebrush]

ooo good idea about the list Rainbow!

Well, I had a list, but we hadn't talked about it until after my water broke (I'm not exaggerating at all). My husband wasn't into this final pg at all and he wasn't thrilled about having a girl either so I didn't want to push the issue. He looked at my list and said, "Is this a joke list"? :p She was 12 hours born before she had a name!

I need to post her birth and name story one of these days!

[Bea]

My grandmother calls me ever so often with a name suggestion and I'm not even pregnant! I think it's her way of being supportive. Last time she called she suggested Kalel-- yes, Superman's cryptonian name-- she said she heard it on a TV show :oyvay: I just tell her "that's interesting (or different, unusual, nice etc)" In your shoes I'd probably say "We've decided on a name and we're keeping it a secret!"
Or tell her "dh and I have decided I get the first name and he gets the middle" maybe she'll start calling him them!

[jennaesue]

My grandmother calls me ever so often with a name suggestion and I'm not even pregnant! I think it's her way of being supportive. Last time she called she suggested Kalel-- yes, Superman's cryptonian name-- she said she heard it on a TV show :oyvay: I just tell her "that's interesting (or different, unusual, nice etc)" In your shoes I'd probably say "We've decided on a name and we're keeping it a secret!"
Or tell her "dh and I have decided I get the first name and he gets the middle" maybe she'll start calling him them!

Kalel! That's great! And that's a good plan about getting her to bug him about it....I like the way you think. :)

[jennaesue]

My mom didn't know the name of Susannah until she walked into the hospital that morning and the baby was sitting right there so she couldn't exactly go EW!!

Of course that's because WE didn't know the name of Susannah until like 15 minutes before she got there! o.O

I love the name Susannah, and I wish I could consider it for a girl (my dad's nickname for me has always been "Susie," don't ask me why, my name is Jennifer!) but dh has an Aunt Susan and an Aunt Susie and he dislikes them both so that is out for me. :(

[wannagirl21]

We just flat ot kept ds2's name a secret and even though ppl were like oh that's dumb to do that or even guess the name was hilarious. It's your family, your baby, ppl get too bossy and controling these day's they especially in law's but my own mom was the worst as well alway's suggesting ton's of names and I finally said stop picking out names we have one picked out and that's that. Sometimes you try so hard to be nice for so long and if that why don't you tell her it offends you more then anything as you can't name your own child for that matter. Just a thought.

[BunnyGirl19]

I honestly haven't found a tactful way to discourage name suggestions. FIL was mad we wouldn't name our son Preston and has gone so far as to call him Preston now that he's born.

[Tiggerian]

In defence of the name Tristan - it is a classic name! It's very old and celtic - Sir Tristan of King's Arthurs round table, same Tristan in the legend of Tristan and Isolde :P It isn't a soap name or a new found modernity, it is a classic.

Now this as we pick classic names for our children and our eldest is named Tristan Alexander. :giggle:

We don't share name taste with my OHs family or my sister. My sister favour scandinavian names, none of which my OH likes (well she is scandinavian and lives there). My OHs family do like classic names - but are more out in names like George, Richard, Thomas, etc where we are out in Tristan, Noah, Theodore (they call it "posh classics" what we like, apparently).

We just always said oh yeah thats a nice name - we'll have a think about it and then kept our names to ourselves. Especially as every name we liked got the omg thats ugly or you can't do that to a child! Well you got your own children to name, I name mine! Simples.. :P

[Yuzu]

Nicholas Cage's son is Kal-El.:p

If I ever have another baby I'm not going to talk names at all. My MIL suggested DH's father's name for the baby. Uh...no.