I feel lost

[EmmyRoo]

Hi,

I had a scan on Monday at 11+1 and there was no heartbeat. Baby measured 8+5 so I'm home waiting to start bleeding. I just feel devastated. I don't know what to do. I don't want medical intervention but I'm scared that nothing is happening yet, how long should it take? The baby's been gone for almost 3 weeks now, shouldn't it start coming away now?

I know there's usually no reason for this but I ovulated a week late this cycle, my chart looked awful, I was so shocked to get a bfp but always feared a MMC. I googled how common they are on the way to the scan, maybe I subconsciously knew? Could my late ovulation have caused this? Might the egg have been old or overripe?

I don't know what to do now, I don't belong in my due date forum now but returning to TTC Pink feels soul-destroying just now. I feel like I'm in horrible limbo, bumbling around with no idea what to do or where to go. How can I ever get over this? Returning to normal life seems impossible.

Thanks for reading, I just wanted to talk really. If anyone can answer my questions I'd really appreciate that.

X

[The Anchor]

Hi Emmy - I am so so sorry for your loss. I had a m/c in October at 12 weeks and it still stings. My u/s showed bub had died only a few days earlier, and I had a natural m/c a couple of days later.

The bleeding won't start until your body receives the signal to "release". So your body will have to stop producing the hcg, and this doesn't always happen right away. My doc gave me the option of a D&C, but I ended up not needing it. I had understood that beyond 3 weeks they will do it, to prevent any sort of infection.

I'm not sure about late ovulation, but I know that late implantation has a higher likelihood of m/c. I know how hard it is, giving you big hugs. This site really helped me after my m/c...

http://pregnancyloss.info/

GL to you, and please don't hesitate if you want to chat...

[mommymachine]

I'm so sorry. I too ovulated a week late and lost the baby. Now I wonder I'd there is something to that. Mine was much earlier than yours. Baby stopped growing at 5 weeks 4 days and my body started releasing everything 1.5 weeks later. I pray and hope your body heals very soon. Again I'm sorry.

[black&gold]

I'm so so sorry for your loss! I can't imagine being on this site is even remotely easy after something like this. Although I have yet to experience a loss, I know when I'm going through something that I really just have to focus on each day at a time, because thinking about the future and coming days/weeks just stresses me out even more. Focus on the two healthy boys you do have and let them and the blessings they are help you through this. I'm sorry I can't give you any answers to your questions - but I'd be curious to know myself about late O as the last two cycles I've O'd later

Again, I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling! xx

[rainbowflower]

I know you say you don't want medical intervention, but the medical management isn't as bad as you'd think (to get things started, I mean, I think it's about the same as a natural one once it gets going but is much less invasive than the D&C/ERPC). I was told it could be weeks before things happened naturally and I couldn't wait that long.

All they did for mine was to insert a pessary into the cervix. I had to lie down for an hour in the hospital while it dissolved, and then I was allowed to go home to pass everything. Cramps started within that first hour, I went home and a few hours later started bleeding and passing clots. I was just desperate to get things over with and also desperate to go home, which is why I chose that in the first place.

I don't think loss paranoia is associated with increased risk. Perhaps you knew things weren't quite right on a subconscious level but equally you could just have been scared to lose something you wanted so much, I had it the first pregnancy too that ended in MMC but I've had that loss paranoia every time since and the last two times things have worked out well despite it.

I can understand that TTC pink right now would seem like an enormous battle, it's not easy even when you're in a good place mentally. It's only been a day for you, give yourself some more time to grieve and you might feel differently within a week or once the baby has passed, or even after the next AF when hormones are settling down again. There's nothing quite like having a MMC - the devastation, trauma, having your hopes dashed, feeling like your body has let you down, wondering why you didn't know, wondering why the baby died, and not knowing what's happening. It's physically painful, but worse it's mentally painful too. Take one day at a time and keep letting it out and it'll get easier. The grieving process isn't easy, nor linear, and everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. You will find a way of coping that works for you in time too. I don't think you ever forget, or ever stop being upset, but you learn to carry on despite it.

That "coping with a miscarriage" group I mentioned to you helped me through my loss. It felt easier to talk to them than the baby/TTC forum I was a part of at the time, I felt less guilty for dragging down a happy mood when I posted in there, and people understood and offered kind words and suggestion of things to try to make it hurt less. Don't rush into TTC before you feel ready, and don't feel like you need to decide anytime soon either.

Remember this is not your fault, you couldn't have done anything differently, and be kind to yourself. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for things to start happening.

[rainbowflower]

I hope I'm allowed to share this link:
Coping With a Miscarriage - BabyCentre (http://community.babycentre.co.uk/groups/a180235/coping_with_a_miscarriage)

[Dreamofpink]

I'm sorry I can't answer any of your questions but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you a lot. Take time for yourself and if you can perhaps have a special day out as a family just to be together. [[Hugs]]

Sent from my LG-E400 using Tapatalk 2

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

I had a mmc back in Jan 2007. The baby only made it to a little over 7 weeks, and I was supposed to be 12 weeks. I found out over the New Year's Eve weekend. I was sent home to pass things, but that didn't happen. I ended up having a d&c a few days later. My body just wasn't getting the hint that the baby was gone. I still had horrible ms.
The d&c experience itself wasn't bad at all. The worrying beforehand of what was going to come out of my body had me extremely upset. After all was said and done it took me a while to get my hcg levels down to zero. But I did end up getting a pretty normal af and went on to conceive another baby. I had 1 child before my mc and 3 since. I am pregnant now with my 5th baby. I remember feeling the way you do, but it does get better. You are in a holding pattern right now. If you need to talk, please pm me at any time. I wish you all the best, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

[nuthinbutpink]

I have read about it taking a month or more to happen on your own. I think it could be much more controlled with medical intervention and you do not have to do a D&C. You can get medicine inserted to start labor and still pass it on your own.

I would go to a hospital so they can collect tissue for genetic testing to find the cause. I would want to know why.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Cinss]

I found out my baby was not viable at 7 weeks and had a natural miscarriage at 10 weeks, i think it will happen soon for you. I am so sorry you have to go through this it is awful and painful, just be aware that it is quite big when it passes mine would have been much smaller than yours and it was about the size of a small plum, quite shocking when it happens :( But there is a silver lining, you will not be able to see it now, but when you have your next baby, you will be ok with how things turned out in the end. Please take care of yourself in this time, get some pain medication ready and heat packs help a little too.

[Justjessica]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you, it really does. I hope you get the support you need to get through this difficult time.

[onthepond]

Emmy, you and I are in very similar situations so I am SO SORRY for what you are going through - it has been a nightmare to us. Our baby last measured 8 weeks, 6 days, should have been just over 10. My dr did recommend me to have a D&C after talking through our options and I had one on Thursday. It actually went well (as well as one could go) and day by day I am trying to move forward. It has been 5 days now since we found out our baby is gone, but I am looking forward to the future and trying to get myself to believe that we will conceive again soon with a healthy baby that will stick.

I am thinking of you, knowing that this has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. I know it isn't an easy decision, but I went with the D&C because my body wasn't catching on, I couldn't handle the thought of passing my baby at home, and I was ready to move forward (while never forgetting this) to try again but you have to do what feels right for you...Good luck and take care of yourself! I am hopeful to see you in the TTC forums again soon.

[EmmyRoo]

Thanks onthepond, I am still waiting. I had a scan on Friday and they gave me another week, apparently my body is starting to realise and some progress has been made, but I'm still not bleeding. I am so scared of medical and surgical management I'm just hoping to miscarry naturally soon, although it feels so wrong to want that. It is total hell, limbo or a terrifying hospital experience, what kind of choice is that? This is the worst experience I've even been through, I just feel broken. I'm so glad I have my DSs, at least they give me reason to get up every day and carry on a "normal" routine. I really feel for those who have a mc with their first pregnancy, at least I know I can carry a baby to term, it makes believing that the next one will stick that bit easier. :hugs: to you, it is an unbearable time for us both. I hope you feel better soon and catch an egg asap. X

[Dana-Alicia]

So sorry you're going through this :tissue: I know there are some things you can do that might help you miscarry naturally. For example here: How to Have a Natural Miscarriage (No D&C) (http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/how-to-have-a-natural-miscarriage-no-dc/) or maybe you can google some other options. I really hope this helps, hugs to you mama!

[onthepond]

Hang in there. I know how hard this is :( It breaks my heart that you, or any of us, have to go through this...but you are right about your son. I have a 16 month old daughter who is a great reminder each day that I can have a healthy baby and I believe in my heart of hearts that we will again, and hopefully sooner than later. How long are you going to wait to TTC again? Have you been able to think through that yet? I am still all over the place, but since 3 doctors have all told us just to wait through one period, it seems like they must believe that would be OK for us. We will see. Taking it one day at a time this time.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. I will say a prayer for you that things start happening soon. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you!

[EmmyRoo]

Thanks, that's really sweet of you. Well I'm still waiting, fully expecting nothing to have happened by Friday's scan so I'm now steeling myself for an ERPC which I feel is probably the better option after 3 weeks of limbo. I'm totally terrified of it and still desperately hoping to lose the baby naturally.

The thing that's keeping me going is thinking we'll TTC asap once this is over, I just want to be pregnant again. I was swaying pink though and the thought of going back on the diet is awful. I thought that was all over. However, I know in the future when the feelings are less raw, the longing for a DD will still be there so I'd regret not trying properly, iykwim? I'm considering a "laid back" sway, hoping that fate/mother nature/god feels I've been through enough and gives me a DD without me having to try too hard - if only it worked that way!

I've been on the TTC after a loss board recently, maybe I'll see you there!
X

[The Anchor]

So so sorry emmy...i'm there too...HUGS