very very bad gender disappointment

[tanyagirl]

Today my friend text me then plastered it on fb she was having a girl . I knew she was going for a scan today she already has 2 of each . Anyways I thought this would happen I knew it I have 3 boys and was desperate for a girl with my last.
Since finding out I have avioded her dh pick kids up for me and I never resopnded to text and having liked or posted at all. I just wan`t to protect myself its too painful, I don`t how I`m going to handle it I can`t pretend to be jumping for joy but I don`t wan`t to come off spiteful. I just don`t know what to do , I can`t avoid her forever but she will see through me if I fakely say how wonderful blah blah I have just gone into protection mode atm. PLEASE HELP

[Thorz300]

I'm so sorry! I know how hard it is, but you don't want to punish her for it or allow it to ruin your friendship. I don't know how to make it easier. Maybe just like one of her facebook comments and leave it at that. That way you don't have to actually talk about it but you at least acknowledge her and wont come off as spiteful. I truly know how you feel as I am sure this baby will end up being a boy too and it is my last. I will end up with 4 boys. My SIL has two girls, and I have a really hard time being around them, I can't even hold the baby girl it is too hard for me. I cannot go to any girl baby showers, because the one I did go to once (my SIL's) I left in the middle of it in tears.

[tanyagirl]

thanks for the quick reply hun its the pain that people don`t understand I am sitting here nearly in tears and I know I`m not the only women out there that has this problem . ATM I just feeling like posting nasty things not necessarily at her I`m not like tha but , like well I`m looking after number one now or is`nt life a bitch or some people click there fingers and get everything what they wan`t lol. But I have stopped myself don`t worth the heart ache after wards. Its funny but someone posted well you got what u wan`ted another wee Lassy , well she was telling me she prefer having a boy if she had to pick. She lied obiovously felt like writing but I thought you wanted a boy but .

[tanyagirl]

only thing is thor what do I say when I see her I would normally see her everyday down the school I don`t wan`t across fake but I will be fake if I say anything towards the situtation very fake at that lol grr.

[Thorz300]

That is so hard! I don't know what you should do. I wish I had good advice but it would be hard for me too!

[tanyagirl]

oh thanks thor for listening that has helped , with your sister inlaw if you don`t mind me asking how does she react to you not being able to hold the babies and go to the showers etc etc is she very understanding , thats the thing I don`t wan`t to squish her happiness and excitement but it is very hard on me I`m just going to try and keep away another friend suggested I do that I just feel like I need to protect myself xx

[Thorz300]

My SIL is very understanding because she has 2 girls, and her DH wants a boy more than anything, so she feels a little GD because she hasn't been able to give him a boy. She is super happy with just girls but he is not. She knows how badly I want a girl so she is quite sensitive to the whole situation.

[Thorz300]

My SIL is very understanding because she has 2 girls, and her DH wants a boy more than anything, so she feels a little GD because she hasn't been able to give him a boy. She is super happy with just girls but he is not. She knows how badly I want a girl so she is quite sensitive to the whole situation.

[tanyagirl]

that does make it eaiser well I really hope you have your little girl , another reason why it is extremely hard it is over for me no more three little boys that is it and i`m trying to move on but extremely hard when this happens xx

[Claire33]

So sorry you're going through this. I'm pregnant with a 3rd boy. I'm just faking it til I make it, acting like I'm really happy. I just don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just try to focus on my own family, loving the children I have, rather than the children I don't have, and try not to think about other people's children or family make up.

Hugs to you! :bighug:

[tanyagirl]

thanks Claire I`m going to try and do that i`m just avoid at the moment and when I do see her I`m going to try and fake it just hard when it is painful xx

[Adia]

Many of us have been where you are. After years of Gender Disappointment I would say stay away from Facebook and blogs, etc if you are struggling with GD. People only post the best news on their and its bound to get you down.
Hugs, you'll get through this. Just remember many of us know where you are and we understand.

[tanyagirl]

thanks girls for your advice it has helped a ton today least I`m not teary today xx

[BabyLemon]

Wish I had some advice for you.. I don't blame you for shutting yourself away from her. Masive hugs x

[5boysandcounting]

I totally understand how you feel. When I was pregnant with DS 4 a girl I know vaguely at the boys school was also pregnant with number 4. She is a real big headed type anyway, always has the biggest mouth, bragging about something or other and everyone can hear what she's saying whether you want to or not, so i usually try to avoid her to be honest.

She also has 3 boys similar ages to mine. I stupidly told her when she asked I was having another boy and that I was okay with it but would have liked a girl. She said she wasn't going to find out but wanted another boy as 4 boys would be great.

Anyway, she had her baby a few days before me and when I saw her at the school she was pushing a PINK pram and made a bee line for me, telling me how surprised she was she had a girl and how she was so happy and all the pink dresses she'd been buying. I think she knew all along she was having a girl, what should have been the first happy outing with DS 4 was totally ruined and came home and started crying my eyes out. I literally hated her for being the one who got her daughter and then really pushing my face in it too!

There was another girl at the school also pregnant at the same time as me she had 3 boys also and guess what? She also had a girl. I just wonder why it can't be me for a change.

Keep your chin up, fake it up with your friend and just think, something that really helps me is, yes so she has her daughter so what I want my daughter not hers!

Hugs, I really do know what your going through and it's rotten. Xxx

[harleyquinn]

I don't know...see here's how I think of it (I have 4 boys). I've had friends have a girl after 4, 5 boys and if they were all *walking on eggshells* around me, hiding me from posts on FB, downplaying their happiness, fearing they can't say how FUN it is to buy pink...then, uhhhh....I would be MORE insulted personally. It insinuates there is something *wrong* with having all boys.

A PP said to focus on the kids you have..which is true but somehow *hard* to do when you are grieving...I think GD is actually Gender Grief. It is a grief process saying goodbye to a dream/person you wanted but didn't have. Its saying good-bye. BUT when you get through a bit of that grief process you learn that the little faces right in front of you is pretty much the only thing that heals you. Its the grief part that is hard.

[tanyagirl]

totally agree void But I hope you were not referring to me never wanting be friends with others that have mixed gender or there gd. Of course that would be silly I would be a very lonely person as most of my friends have mixed genders . For me I often have little flare ups we shall say when my friends especailly close friends annouce they are having girls it hits me in the heart most of the time I fake it until I`m ok about it , however on this ocassion I just couldn`t I knew this particular friend would see straight throw me and I did`nt wan`t to become awkard or even make her feel bad. SO I thought best to back off until dusk settles which it has . All I know at certain times a do have to protect myself not just for me but for my boys as it don`t help me or them these flare ups xxx

[little_quickstepper]

Harleyquinn, you're so right, it's grieving for what you don't have when everyone else has it and that's staring at you in the face.

You made me remember, when my mum died when I was 12 (over 20 years ago now!), I felt so bad *every* time one of my friends mentioned their mum. It didn't matter what the mention was or whether it was something good or bad. It just mattered to me and upset me inside, that I didn't have my mum anymore and everyone else did. I didn't feel bad for them that they had a mum (well, maybe a really tiny bit), but I was just mainly sad for myself. So yes, you're 100% right, it's a grieving process.

That's why I'm dreading the comments when I have to announce that this one's "another" boy. It's NOT that I'm disappointed in him BECAUSE he's a boy, I just want to have a girl too, without knackering my body and my finances by having numerous children. Then I feel really greedy. :(

[harleyquinn]

little quickstepper...I lost my sister about a year ago and I realized alot of the things I feel about losing her somewhat related to what others feel when they other people's daughters ect.

There was a time I could NOT go on Facebook at all because so many had a sister, and if they had one they were making statuses about how she was the most awesome sister ever, or like, so mad at their sister or how their sister was coming over to help and it just went on and on and on. I felt, how can they be saying this when they know I lost my sister?? But of course thats silly, because nobody really understands what it is like to lose your sister and I can't begrudge all the sisters in the world, but it makes it no less painful for ME.

So I completely relate when it bothers some women to see other's DDs when their heart aches for one. My heart aches for my sister and it will ALWAYS be hard to see other people leaning on their sister when mine was so cruelly taken away.

Other people will always have sisters, and us moms of all boys will always see daughters everywhere we go. I think its important to grieve and feel all the feelings because otherwise, walking around with a big raw wound of grief will make you bitter and unhappy and really spreading no joy in the world. Nobody says grief is easy so thats the part that majorly sucks is to figure out how to carry on without it eating you up. Its no way to live and unfortunately I have been taught lessons in life that show me that this is my life and only I can choose how to deal with the cards that were dealt me. Comparing myself to others or wanting what they have only takes me backwards and goddamn it I am going to move forward...always. (you have to get mad sometimes;) )