How to prepare for the outcome of the gender scan

[Falling2Grace]

My u/s isnt until April 2nd. We sway girl (we have two boys). This our last and final baby. So this IS it. I remember how i felt the first two times the tech said "it's a boy!". I cried both times. The first time wasn't that bad because i knew i would be having more babies. The second time, I absolutly SOBBED. For a looonnnggg time. We wanted to be done at #2, but decided we would stretch for a third. But this time it really is the end of the road for me. I was so depressed after finding out #2 was a boy. I didn't fall in love with him until quite a few months after the birth (and it was uninterrupted, natural birth at home, so i wasn't expecting for it to take so long *sigh*). Obviously, i love him to pieces now, but the entire time it took us to concieve and the entire time that he has been here (actually ever since i found out he was a boy), ive been heartbroken. Now since i finally got my BFP, i have hope for a baby girl. But part of me feels like it's just not in the cards :( i feel like things like that don't happen to me...Anyways, i want ideas for how to prepare for the 20 week scan. Some ppl have suggested convincing myself a boy, but that doesn't work for me. I did that with DS2 and clearly that had no effect. Part of me still feels hopeful for a princess, but the other part of me can hear those words "it's another boy!". So i am looking for advice on how to decrease the sadness, should i hear its a boy (and if its a girl this mama is going on a shopping spree!!!! HAHA). Someone talked about shopping for boy stuff, but we alredy have two boys and we have everything we need (probably more than we need). Ideas?

also, my MIL and my mom were both upset each time i had a boy, so i know im going to have to deal with that if this should be boy #3. I wish i didn't have to deal with their comments. I dont need to deal with their disappointment when i have my own to tend to. so if there is any advice for that, would love to hear it.

[Girlsway]

This is also my dilemma. I still feel hopeful we are expecting a little girl, but odds are higher for a boy. This is definitely our last baby too, we never wanted 4 only 3. I had a scan yesterday and we were given a nice picture from which my hubby thinks it's a girl, but I worry he is just saying it to keep me happy. It does make me feel better because it encourages my hope but will that set myself for a bigger fall? The sonographer promised to guess the gender on 18.2. the 12 wk US. I am counting days now but as you I'd like to prepare myself. I can't wait for any suggestions too.

[jennaesue]

Well, I'm gearing up for my gender ultrasound in exactly 2 weeks (ahhh!) and after 3 boys, and I am really, really hoping for a girl. This is the first time I swayed, so I am very slightly hopeful it could be a girl. But I have mostly been telling myself it's a boy. I really want to be convinced it's a boy so I am not getting my hopes up. Here are the things I am doing or plan to do to combat GD. For one thing, at the scan, I'm going to ask the tech to not tell me the gender, but to show me the parts so I can see for myself, and then get confirmation. Somehow, that seems better to me than having to hear the official proclamation "it's a boy!" Also, I talked dh into using the boy name I like that he has shot down with our last two boys, so that makes me a little happy. And I keep telling myself all the reasons another boy would be great (we already have lots of clothes and toys, boys are awesome, they each have their own little personality, etc.) My MIL Is a major GD trigger for me, because she just doesn't understand and keeps saying things like "well, you know, as long as it's healthy you should be happy" (as if I didn't think having a healthy baby is the number one priority!) and she is basically trying to convince me to want another boy. My sister has 3 boys and she somehow doesn't seem to get GD either. So I plan to avoid both of them for awhile after my scan, if it is a boy. My mom is great, so she will listen to me and help me deal with my emotions. I just plan on being easy on myself, and letting myself be sad and cry and work through my emotions. I am trying to think of something special to do for myself as a present if it is a boy; I'm still working on that.

[hopingforsaskia]

A friend of mine has decided that if she has a 3rd boy, she's going to buy herself a full gold pandora bracelet. She wanted to do something solely for herself that she knows she would never otherwise do.

For me, I had to think of a killer name. (Killer, as in awesome..) ;) And I have finally just now decided on that. I haven't checked with hubby but I'm sure he'll understand that this is something I need. Hehe. ;) I too was trying to convince myself from the beginning that this is a boy. Hasn't worked mind you, but at least I've tried, right? Also I wanted to do a 3D scan of this one no matter what gender so that I can try and connect with her/him. That way too I can eliminate that feeling of guilt and the thought that I'm heartless and don't care as much about this one if its "just another boy".. I'm thinking I'll have a celebratory breakfast or lunch too if it's a boy, so that I can at least put on a show of "we love him, and we're excited, and you should be too!"

I don't know if any of that helps at all, but that's my plan. Hugs xx

[jark22]

Personally- I don't think there is any way to lessen the sadness initially. Especially if you have swayed and very hopeful of a particular gender. You just have to go through the emotions....

I am currently preggo with my third boy. This is our last baby- so I am officially an all boy mom. I cried for about a week and just grieved the daughter I will never have.....the experience I will never get. I had an especially hard time because my mom died 9 months ago- so not having a girl means I will never, ever have a mother/daughter relationship again :( What has helped me is to find other all boy moms. They have helped me to realize that I have something special- and that gender does not truly matter.....but personalities and strong bonds do. I have surrounded myself with boy moms in both real life and through blogs. It really helps when others can relate. I feel like I now belong to a special secret club LOL!

I can't say that I won't feel a twinge of sadness the next time I hear of a friend having a little girl- but I can tell you that I am absolutely excited to meet my newest little man. I am so thankful to have the job to raise these boys to be great men. My boys deserve to have a mother who knows how incredibly lucky she is to have them- no matter their gender.

Just know that even if you are having another boy- you will be fine and you will be happy.

Here is my favorite quote: "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us" - Joseph Campbell

[My Three Sons]

Well, considering DH didn't agree to try for #4 until I had gotten rid of the baby clothes, I plan on buying cute precious newborn clothes to get excited if I hear boy. Of course, I keep migrating over to the girl section to look at all the pretty pink...

[iluvmy4sons]

I am having a 5th baby not sure what my baby is either. I have 4 boys. I keep telling myself that it is a boy and calling him by his name Owen. My husband does not want to find out for sure, but says I can. If I do I am not telling anyone and just saying baby was uncooperative. I will buy a few newborn outfits. I know I will be a little sad still.

[my4leafclover]

I just wanted to reply and tell you all what a fantastic group of ladies you are. I was reading through this threads replies and they are so thoughtful and some inspiring. It is so very nice and necessary to feel understood in this. I wish it were that easy to share this and have compassion from people IRL. I was telling my dh the other day what a strange feeling it is to be so happy to have a healthy baby and to be able to experience this again and at the same time be so sad about never having a dd. It is hard sometimes to keep that sadness at bay. When we get our results and know for sure 100% boy, I know it will be an emotional day. I have been sharing a lot about pregnancy with my boys and since they are all old enough to understand, it has been an unexpected joy, especially with my 7 year old who comes out with the cutest questions and statements. I have been focusing on picking a name and plan to buy all new fun baby gadgets (that I am sure I won't need but are fun to have). ilm4s- this little one may just be your pink bundle yet. I have seen so much pink on the boards lately. I know it is instinct to try and keep from being disappointed and sad, but hope is still there.

[Falling2Grace]

^you are so right <3 this is a terrific group of ladies and im very glad to have this type of support. No in IRL really gets it besides DH, so im glad to have this.

So far i am trying to come up with a name to be excited about. Im struggling, but i am trying. I think i might try to get excited about boy items that are more for fun and try not to think about the fact that we have so much baby boy stuff already (my youngest son turns 1 in two days and i have a two year old boy so really we have everything we need for a baby boy) but im hoping to find some fun items as opposed to useful, just to have something to look forward to. Im keeping everything crossed that my sway (and all you ladies sways!) worked....april 2nd cant come soon enough!

[Falling2Grace]

^you are so right <3 this is a terrific group of ladies and im very glad to have this type of support. No in IRL really gets it besides DH, so im glad to have this.

So far i am trying to come up with a name to be excited about. Im struggling, but i am trying. I think i might try to get excited about boy items that are more for fun and try not to think about the fact that we have so much baby boy stuff already (my youngest son turns 1 in two days and i have a two year old boy so really we have everything we need for a baby boy) but im hoping to find some fun items as opposed to useful, just to have something to look forward to. Im keeping everything crossed that my sway (and all you ladies sways!) worked....april 2nd cant come soon enough!

[Ipadmad]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and have two gorgeous DSs.
Quite a ways off for me to find out yet, but my plan is:
We are having a private gender scan at 16 weeks and telling no one (4 weeks before the official 20 week scan), so that we, or rather I have time to love the idea of three boys, before going public (and the inevitable comments!)
A while ago I met a mum with three boys, who were just beautiful, well mannered and amazing and I keep picturing that in my head
I am convincing myself it is a boy (very similar pregnancy, although I'm craving more sweets and also more spotty this time, which is cruelly giving me hope!), only thinking of a boys name
I think if the day comes and chances are we are growing a little blue bundle, I will just try to really bear in mind how lucky we are. I've got lots of friends and family who've been through hell trying to conceive in first place or who have children with special needs. At the forefront, I just want a healthy baby. I am going to try to keep perspective (she says!).
Finally, I am going to let myself grieve for a while for never having a daughter. There's no shame in wanting a particular gender. My unborn child, whether blue or pink, will never ever know my feelings, he will be loved and cherished. This is just something I'll need to come to terms with. And I will.

[Adia]

Ipadmad and all the other lovely ladies have some amazing ideas...go figure, amazing ideas come come incredible ladies!!

Anywho, I recommend having a plan like the other posters. I did not have a plan when I found our DD3 was my 3rd girl and it was a miserable 3rd trimester.

Have a plan that involves lying if you need to and keeping things to yourself if needs be. If you want to be open about it, (if its a boy), then have a plan for that too.

Their is nothing wrong with saying, "baby wouldn't cooperate, we'll just have to wait until birth" when you know darn well what the gender is. Even from MIL and mom, its your baby and your business.

FWIW, having been there, done that I would keep the gender to myself (and DH) and just lie my lips off telling everyone I didn't care about the gender.

Hugs sweetie, we've been there and know your anxiety! Keep us posted!

[jennaesue]

I just wanted to add, that I was very upset when I found out ds3 was a boy, but I was feeling pretty okay about it by the time he was born. Now I love that little bugger to pieces. He's my little curly-haired snuggle baby, and I seriously cannot imagine my life without him. I can honestly say I love having 3 boys! So that really helps me in preparing for the possibility of boy #4.

[Falling2Grace]

Thank you so much for your thoughts and ideas ladies. I really value the fact that yall know where my heart is and where im coming from. That is something that ppl IRL don't understand at all (besides DH).

I just wanted to update with something that i have found that hopefully will curb any GD should our final baby not be our dream girl...DH asked me what i wanted for my birthday, so i told him i wanted a private early u/s to find the sex out. So we are booked for that March 16th. That is about 3-4 weeks earlier than when i would have originally found out (at the the "20 week" scan).
We are not going to tell anyone IRL that we are getting this scan. So if we do end up having another boy, then i wont have to answer to people nor hear their negative comments (which is something i worry about bc it happened w every other pregnancy). This will also give me time to let it sink in and get used to the idea of being a blue house. (should the baby be boy, which is something im trying to convince myself of so that im less disappointed but at this point im failing miserably at that :blush:) Anyways, I figure DH and I can keep the news to ourselves for a few weeks and just deal with our emotions and things, instead of having to deal with everyone elses on top of that. iykwim? I think this will also help when i go for my fetal survey. In every other pregnancy, the moment they tell me "it's a boy", i get upset and then i dont even care about the fact that im seeing my baby (in my head, i dont show my feelings during the scan though i do ball my eyes out in the car!) So i hope that this helps with that bond and connections. Hoping ill be over things on time for the 20 week scan and actually be able to enjoy the u/s.

If it's a girl, the entire universe will know. HAHA but im trying to not get my hopes up.

...only 21 more sleeps until we know!

[fish2012]

hey falling2grace we have exact same story except mine I found out once i had them, i think finding out asap is the best damage limitation, i was sad when ds1 was a boy and gutted when ds2 was a boy you have to put a brave face on it when you've safely delivered a baby and everyone is healthy i couldn't eventotally share with my dh how i was feeling

this time i'm finding out as soon as possiable so i have as much time as possiable to deal with the feelings before baby arrives and so i hope find it easier.

no easy answers this is just a really sad situation and hard not to be jealous when other have girls which i hate

i hope we both hear girl my gender scan is a christmas pressie from dh, 33 sleeps till mine i hope we both hear pink - i'll be stalking you ;-0

[Adia]

Falling2grace, I think it is a great idea that you are finding out asap. I am the same way, it gives you time to decide what to do.

I am praying you have a girl but I do want to caution you if it is a boy. My GD was bad when I found out that DD3 was another girl, but the lame ass comments from everyone around me made it much worse.

FWIW, I make the suggestion to those who are having their 3rd of the same gender to keep it to themselves until they have a baby in their arms. People are much nicer when you have a beautiful baby in their face as opposed to the looming idea of 3 of the same!!!

Hope that helps and all my pink dust is on its way to you and fish2012!!!

[Issima]

I'm with you girls. I have two sons and although I am only 5 weeks along with my third I am already worrying that it is a boy. Last night I dreamt about giving birth to another boy! I love having my two boys but will forever be sad if I don't have a daughter.

After reading your posts I will definitely form a plan for coping if it does turn out to be a boy. Great ideas so far. One thing I had thought of was getting the sonographer to write the sex on a piece of paper rather than show me in the room so that I can concentrate on the real purpose of the scan at the time and then fall apart privately at home later if it is not our DG. Good luck to everyone waiting to find out.

[Falling2Grace]

^Thats a great idea as well!

13 days until our private scan!!!!!

[Falling2Grace]

So we picked out our boy and girl name. I feel like coming up w a boy name prior to finding out the gender will help if I have to deal w GD. I'm excited about the name and using it. I know I'll still be sad if we don't get our dream girl but using the name is giving me something to look forward to and be happy about.

Oh! And the name is Levi Israel. This baby will join biggest brother Isaiah Joseph and big brother Elliot Nehemiah. Though I'd be even more happy of we got our DG, Macy Victoria. But I'm glad I have at least something to look forward to if we end up hearing 'its a boy!' For the final time.

[Emily]

Fabulous names!

[iluvmy4sons]

Those are great names. I came up with a list of why I would be okay with another boy. We also had the name picked out and I had the take home outfit picked out.

[Ipadmad]

We've got our gender scan next Tuesday and I'm bricking it!
I'm starting to get quite scared and also wonder if we're doing the right thing finding out, rather than leaving it until the big day.
But no-one knows we are going for the scan, so at least I won't have to cope with others comments / asking for a few weeks.
Agh!

[Ipadmad]

We've got our gender scan next Tuesday and I'm bricking it!
I'm starting to get quite scared and also wonder if we're doing the right thing finding out, rather than leaving it until the big day.
But no-one knows we are going for the scan, so at least I won't have to cope with others comments / asking for a few weeks.
Agh!

[Ipadmad]

Oops, double post, sorry!

[KidAtHeart]

I felt like I need to have names for both a boy and a girl also before I could find out. I suppose it is a way to enjoy the possibility of maybe being pregnant with a girl before finding out for sure. The validity of being able to shop pink or pick out a girl's name.

While in my first trimester, I was sure I was going to find out this time. But then, when I started my second trimester and was feeling so much better, I started to really enjoy the pregnancy - especially knowing it is my last. I was too nervous to find out for the 20 week scan (even though my husband really wants to know). So I didn't because if it's a boy I didn't want to know for the full 20 weeks. It also really helps cut down on the comments. Since I truly don't know, I don't have to lie to anyone. And the worst thing people say is, "oh, maybe it will be a girl this time". I've been fortunate that no one has been rude and people have been very supportive with the news of this pregnancy.

Since I'm of, ahem, advanced maternal age, I get one more ultrasound between 28-32 weeks. We are planning to find out then but not tell anyone. I figure that will give me time to process if it's a boy and the pressure is off because no one will know that we know. Plus, if it's a boy, I will only have ten weeks or so to deal with it instead of 20 or more. After I found out with my second one, the second half of the pregnancy was depressing, but once he was born, I was fine. With the third I didn't know until the birth, and that was hard because I had to deal with the same emotions, only this time with three children to care for and not sleeping full nights.

I'm sure I will still experience sadness either way - I'm just hoping to minimize the impact on myself and my family and still enjoy as much of the pregnancy as I can.

[jennaesue]

I just wanted to report back in. I found out we are having boy #4 about a month ago. I am glad I found out. And I'm also glad I had myself pretty much convinced it was a boy, as it made it a lot easier since I was totally expecting to hear that. I think I did a pretty good job of preparing myself. And immediately afterwards, I was mostly just happy he was healthy. Some sadness kicked in in the middle of the night that night and the next few days, but right now I am feeling pretty good about everything. We went on a nice long weekend getaway without the boys last weekend, and we have started seriously considering building a new (bigger!) house, so those things helped to give me something else to think about and get excited about. I have been picking up some outfits for him, and we are pretty sure on a name. One thing that I didn't really plan was the immediate feeling that I have to try again. I really thought I'd feel like 4 kids was enough either way. I am not sure how I'll feel after he is born.