Just chat thread...

[harleyquinn]

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[Rainbow baby]

I am swaying girl because basically it gives me something to focus on! All I can think about is my angel right now and if it wasn't for this forum I honestly don't know how I would pass the time I have alone :(

[LacePrincess]

This is so awesome. I'm really glad that you suggested adding this section harley. This is just what I need to! :)

Not that there are enough threads yet, but I'll sticky this one to the top.

I'm not swaying but I'm not doing anything supplement-wise that's excessively boy, either. I found the LE diet extremely difficult in terms of my mental health anyways. It was so unhealthy for me.

I've gone back to my usual eating patterns but I do workout almost daily, and that's good for my fitness, health, weight, and mental health. So I don't really see that as part of my TTC journey but just what I do.

I'm taking Vitex (which sways girl but I'm mostly doing it to regulate my O) and B6 to get my LP to a decent length. Otherwise I'm not swaying.....with frequency we just bd daily from +OPK till confirmed temp rise.

I do feel like, in a way, this little angel bean was a difficult step I had to go through. It has made me wiser and more appreciative for the blessings I do have. I have been permanently cured of my GD, let me tell you! All I want is a sticky bean, blue, pink, purple, green, don't care, LOL.

I'm focussing on trying not to gain weight though! It's not easy when I'm not running (running made me TOO thin), lol. Stupid sweet tooth.

[Dana-Alicia]

Our loss is actually keeping me from swaying. My daughter got sick due to my poor health at the time, so I really can't risk this happening again. Therefor I was eating healthy and a lot, took a lot of vitamins etc to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Appearently it sways boy! However, I will not go back to an unhealthy lifestyle like that to conceive a girl, which is why we will go HT. I just can't take any chances I feel :( I hope you girls manage to sway and stay sane in this difficult time (I certainly can't lol), hugs to you all!

[LacePrincess]

Dana, I couldn't agree more with what you wrote. I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

All I know is with my next bfp, all I want is to hear that lovely heartbeat and see a nice healthy baby on the u/s. Anything after that is gravy and tbh wouldn't matter one whit as long as it was healthy and alive.

[Dana-Alicia]

Thanks LacePrincess! I am sad to say that I do still care about the babies gender :( I wish I didn't care, but I do. Of course health is most important, but gender desire also plays a huge part in my life. However I never felt a gender dissapointment, I'm so happy with my boys! I just feel the need for a girl, maybe because I lost my daughter? We were only going to have two children, but DH agreed to HT if it ensures gender. Anything required as long as I stop nagging to him about it lol. It'll be a few years till we're ready though, many circumstances now that are not suitable for another baby right now. Sigh... Hope you get your bfp quickly and a healthy sticky pink bean!!

[harleyquinn]

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[EmmyRoo]

Harley this is a fantastic forum I'm so grateful you've added it.

I am still waiting to actually miscarry so mentally I'm focussed on that first, but I can't stop obsessing about where I go next. I still desperately want a DD, but also desperately want to be pregnant again asap with a healthy, sticky bean. Part of me wants to rush into TTC and hope that fate/god/mother nature gives me a girl cos "i deserve it" after this kick in the teeth. Another part of me knows it doesn't work like that and the fact I have gained huge amounts of weight over the last two months of eating and taking pre-natals will sway majorly boy; mc or not.

I don't know where I belong now, going back to the TTC pink board and all the obsessing just exhausts me emotionally to think of, this is a perfect place to get advice and plan, and to help bridge the gap between now and when I'm ready to sway again.
X

[EmmyRoo]

P.S. I really hope this pregnancy works out for you, it sounds like you really deserve it.
X

[LacePrincess]

Harley, you go girl!! I'm so THRILLED you're still in the game. Hang in there!!

Emmy, I'm so sorry you're still in limbo. Limbo is the devil's own hell, I know. I'm grateful I did miscarry naturally and didn't have to go through a mmc, it sounds so awful. :( So much hugs to you. :hugs:

Are you going to get medical intervention if it doesn't pass? Do the docs give you a timeline for that, ie. if it doesn't start naturally in X number of days they'll do something?

I hope you won't have to be stuck much longer. I know exactly how you feel about not belonging anywhere and not knowing if you're coming or going. I really hope this forum can fill that niche. This can also be a place where we can freely talk about our fears and experiences without feeling like we're freaking people out who might not want to hear it on the regular TTC or pregnancy forums.

And also even after we get our bfp's there's surely to be a lot of mixed emotions and paranoia, and hopefully this'll be a place we can be comfortable talking about all of that stuff.

[Wanting-a-girl]

personally if i was in your situation having many losses i would throw swaying out the window... but thats just me... my desire for a baby is stronger than my desire for a daughter...

so sorry for all lyour losses it is heartbreaking and i pray that you get a very sticky pink bean

[harleyquinn]

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[harleyquinn]

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[EmmyRoo]

I don't want to get into a discussion that's none of my business but I do feel that gender desire is not a rational thing. Personally I'd love nothing more than to wake up tomorrow with no gender preference and be able to enjoy TTC in a laid back way with no worries about the outcome but it's not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm desperately sad about my loss and in the heat of grief last week after finding out I'd have given anything to have a healthy baby, regardless of gender, but I'm also aware that this grief will pass and I will learn to live with it/get past it and move on with my life and my desire for a DD will still be there. I will sway in some way when we are able to TTC again because I don't want to look back one day and regret rushing into TTC because I was grief-stricken and threw my chances of a DD out of the window. I hope I'm making sense, I've had some wine tonight and cannot hold my drink after 13 dry weeks! :oops:

Lace, they have given me another week to miscarry naturally after which I'll be scanned again and if I'm not bleeding or showing signs of significant progress (i.e. sac sitting on my cervix ready to come out) they'll book me in for surgical/medical management. I really don't want either so find myself in the surreal situation of hoping to miscarry asap. Weird. I do just want to be able to get past this though, the waiting is just cruel.

X

[LacePrincess]

I agree with Emmy, that GD isn't rational. We all KNOW it isn't rational. The maternal instinct isn't all that rational either, if you think about it, lol.

I think we all experience GD differently. Some seem to have a harder time than others, is all. I imagine that when faced with infertility it can be similar (not saying GD = infertility at all, just talking about the broad range of ways people can experience it). Take my mom for instance.....she would've been perfectly fine if she'd never had kids at all (and she frequently TELLS me that, thanks mom!). Whereas I feel like I was born to be a mom and it would've been soul destroying to my core if I were infertile. I do think GD is like that, to some it's disappointing but not so bad to get over if we never got our DG, and to others it's just crushing.

Personally I'm of the former and after reading about how difficult some ladies find it I'm grateful that the desire for a girl isn't as much of my 'core', if that makes sense?

Emmy, I hope this will be over for you soon. I knew that there had to be a deadline in there somewhere or the risk of infection would surely be a problem. I'm so sorry you're stuck, I know it sucks very hard not to be able to move on yet. I hope you're treating yourself to something nice and that your hubby is taking good care of you!

[Wanting-a-girl]

like i said i was just giving my personal opinion i didnt mean to offend you... you were asking for opinions

[harleyquinn]

I never, ever asked for opinions of what I should do or feel.

[sugarNspice]

For me, my gd is stronger since my last loss, but I knew that baby was a girl, which is what DH and I had been wishing for. We were sooooo happy when I got past the first trimester and heard that it was a chromosomally normal girl after CVS, and that happiness just made the grief and disappointment all the harder.
We TTC'd this cycle, and I did sway. I don't feel like anything I do to sway has caused my losses (I've had a lot of chromosomally abnormal ones, and I think this had to do with age rather than diet or supplements). I feel like I keep the LE diet as healthy as I can, eating lots of fruits and veggies and nutritious foods. I also haven't been very strict this time around--I know what the LE diet feels like b/c I did it carefully for a long time, so this month I'm not counting calories, but just trying to eat LE-ish, but healthily, if that makes sense.
I also take Clomid to sway, but have had a short luteal phase and low progesterone for a long time, and it really helps with this. I take it under the supervision of an RE who believes it's helpful for my progesterone issues, too.
In short, I've done as much as I could to sway pink without making myself crazy or doing stuff that I felt was detrimental to my health or the health of a future pregnancy. I do take a prenatal, and I take CoQ10 (not usually recommended for pink sways). I will do this much again, or more, next time--until we qualify for insurance coverage for IVF, and then I'd like to try HT (for gender, but also to see if it helps with my issue of repeated chromosomally abnormal pgs).
I think the grief associated with loss and the desire for a particular gender are really separate issues, and not everyone wants a baby--no matter what the gender--more for having had losses. Or to put it differently, not everyone's gender desire is lessened by grief.

[harleyquinn]

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[Wanting-a-girl]

I never, ever asked for opinions of what I should do or feel.
You asked what our mind set towards swaying was after a loss/losses... So I was giving mine, I dont know why your talking to me like I said something wrong I didnt I gave my opinion... I had a loss in November I know what it feels like too that is my opinion....

[sugarNspice]

FWIW, I'm glad you started this thread, b/c it makes me feel less alone. I'm still grieving my last loss, and I've lost girls and boys both, and I still wish for a girl.

I have sadness and sorrow and longing for my dg, all at once. These things are not mutually exclusive, and I'm happy that I'm not the only one.

[nuthinbutpink]

Harley, I don't think anyone was trying to be hurtful. I understand what you are saying but everyone here has experienced loss and I am certain nobody is trying to tell you how to feel.

Let's not escalate this. This is a sensitive topic and we all want the best for eachother. That is/was the intent of the posts, I'm certain and shouldn't be taken as a personal attack.

Loss is a very real part of life and it comes in many forms. The loss of a child is heartbreaking. I think we can all agree on that.

I know you've been on forums long enough to know if you ask people's opinions, you'll get them! I got crucified on here just the other day!!

[harleyquinn]

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[nuthinbutpink]

And your thread is a good idea.

[nuthinbutpink]

It's just an expression, you can't tell tone reading posts.

No harm done. It's an emotional topic.

[LacePrincess]

Harley, I think this forum was a great idea. It's a place for anyone TTC after one or more losses, early or late. And it should be a place where we can feel comfortable whether swaying....or not. I'm very glad you suggested it, I think it really fills a niche, and I hope everyone will be comfortable posting here no matter their TTC style. Also, I stickied this thread not because of the swaying topic, but just as a general open 'chat' thread that I assumed would evolve into other topics eventually.

I don't think anyone should feel the need to apologize for their desire for a certain gender or lack thereof. There is nothing wrong with wanting to sway and nothing wrong with not wanting to sway.

I think, also, that emotions will tend to run high and having hurt feelings and reading things differently from the way the writer intends it is just one of those things that happens on internet boards, whether here, IG, BBC, Baby&Bump, Mothering, etc etc. It happens because a lot can get lost in translation unfortunately. Feelings get hurt inadverdently.

Just the other week I got called out on a post I made, but in the end it was discussed via PM and it turns out that both of us were reading things very differently than was intended. And we were both relieved to be able to hash it out and in the end, no hard feelings. I was very glad in the end that we were able to do that.

[harleyquinn]

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[harleyquinn]

ANYWAY, I'm really glad you are going to O soon LP. :) How do you feel about it?

[LacePrincess]

ANYWAY, I'm really glad you are going to O soon LP. :) How do you feel about it?

LOL, well, I hope O will hold off until I stop spotting!!! I mean if it doesn't I'll bd anyways but it might be a bit of a turnoff.....lol

It might very well just be my body messing with me. The OPK's haven't gotten any darker yet, so I'll see how the next few days pans out. If I do O in the next handful of days I must admit I'm really worried that such an early egg wouldn't be very healthy. :(

Still, I have read about women being super fertile up to 3 months after a m/c so I sure hope it holds true for me. Emotionally I'm ready to go again, I just hope everything will be good to go in terms of lining, egg health, hormone levels, etc. Today's OPK was just medium-ish so have to wait and see. I'd be super excited to O before next Friday, even if I couldn't keep my bfp early V-day gift that would be a pretty cool present too. :)

Oh, and I agree with you regarding diet in that we shouldn't apologize for NOT doing it. Especially if it causes undue stress and worry. I tried it, and it wasn't working out, oh well. As AS likes to remind us, plenty of women everywhere have both genders without altering their lifestyles one bit.

[Wanting-a-girl]

I actually did sway for. Girl I am 10 weeks preg at I do have a desire for a girl

I was just saying if I went through many losses I would personally throw swaying away I never told you that you should I was just saying what I would do

I don't know how much more clearly I can say it I am very sorry that I upset u although I don't think I said anything wrong

And I am nothing like the bitches on IG lol I am quite offended for how ur making me feel

[harleyquinn]

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[Sunflower3]

I miscarried identical twins in December and I am going to O soon. So excited to be ttc again.

[harleyquinn]

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[harleyquinn]

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[nuthinbutpink]

Wanting- I see no malice whatsoever with your posts.

Harley- you are way overreacting at this point. Way. I am talking about to wanting's posts I think you should take a break from this thread. Nobody is out to get you. It was a comment that meant no harm at all. I see it as concern for you and you clearly see it as an insult.

I thought this was over last night. I'm sad to see it carry on at this point.

If someone has sent nasty PM's, please report it.

[harleyquinn]

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[nuthinbutpink]

I think for me, wishing for a sticky bean ALONG with wishing for a DD, was incredibly difficult...almost like, too much to handle so had to choose one or the other which then made me wonder if something was wrong with me for still wanting to sway when I have a huge history of miscarriages.

---

I understand the response given to you after you typed that paragraph above. It is just an opinion. Nothing more than that. I think there is a bigger issue of an internal struggle you are having regarding swaying and losses possibly being tied together.

I think the idea of discussing this topic- one's approach after swaying (and not swaying at all is an approach) is valid and I will not delete the thread.

[LacePrincess]

harley, I really really think that it was just a turn of phrase. I don't think Wanting in any way meant to judge you or to say that she knew how you felt or that she would know what she would do in your place. I really don't. The way I read it was as an attempt at empathy, and that if she were in a similar position (ie. with multiple losses) she imagined that her decisions would be as such.

None of us really know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes, and I don't believe anyone has said anything to that effect. As fellow mothers, however, I think we all are very touched and hurt for anyone who has had a difficult time.

I'm sorry that her words hurt you so much but I don't think that was ever her intention. I know right now there are hurts on both sides and I hope everyone can move on and just let this place be the supportive place it was meant to be.

[harleyquinn]

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[LacePrincess]

I don't think anyone here thinks you're having a pity party. And if you are, you damned well deserve to have one!

I know 'I'm sorry' doesn't even come close to a balm for the gaping wound and pain you have, and I can't even pretend to understand. All I can hope is that sharing your feelings with us helps somewhat. I can't say I understand, harley, I don't at all. But I am here to listen if you need to talk.

My heart hurts so very much for you reading your last post, harley. Nothing I say is enough, I know, but I very much hope you can begin to heal. If being a part of this forum helps, I hope you can continue to share your thoughts freely. If distancing yourself is what you need, then maybe that's better for you. Either way I really hope you find some peace soon, you so deserve it.

[harleyquinn]

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[Sunflower3]

Any loss is hard. I lost my identical twins early but I saw them on an ultrasound three times. It's heartbreaking. I never completely understood what it was to lose a baby, let alone two. We are here to support each other.

[Dana-Alicia]

I'm sorry harleyquinn, I actually understand why this comment 'if i were you' upset you :tissue: i'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you, but I get that she did unintentionally. I'm also sorry your receiving hatefull pm's here, that's just evil, sick and insane from the people who are sending you this! :nono:

Back ontopic: I didn't sway with my boy's and even though I'm happy I didn't, I still have a desire for a girl. It just won't stop and only gets worse as time without my daughter passes... I get it hun, I do. I really hope you get a healthy baby and a girl would be a bonus! I also hope you still feel safe enough to share your story and feelings here and I hope the hatefull people will stay away or keep their comments to theirselves.

[EmmyRoo]

This whole process is a horrible set of conflicts in many ways. When you said Harley, that you feel your body is betraying you by being fertile when you're still grieving your loss, I completely get that only I feel like I'm the other way around, my body is still desperately trying to keep this pregnancy going even though my baby's gone, and I'm betraying it by thinking of TTC again. I just can't bear not being pregnant, I got into this for the whole 9 months, not just over 2. Before this loss I wondered how anyone could "forget" about their lost baby by TTC again straightaway, but almost as soon as I saw my bean with no heartbeat I had this desperate need to still be pregnant and I suddenly got how wanting to TTC again immediately isn't a betrayal. I will never forget this baby and I will miss him/her every day. I just hope I can have a rainbow baby soon who will make sense of the hell I'm in just now. Hope that makes sense.
I just want to :tissue: for us all, this is truly the hardest and most painful experience of my life.
X

[Dana-Alicia]

So sorry emmyroo, it is so hard :tissue: It's not replacing your baby, it's needing another reason to go on. At least that's what it was like for me...

[LacePrincess]

I was honestly quite surprised at the depth of my feelings at only a little less than 5 weeks. But no matter how much I wanted to treat it like just another late period, it just wasn't. And I didn't even have to go through having seen the bub on a u/s or heard the heartbeat and having it feel so much more realized as a person.

I do believe it's a biological instinct, that the moment your body and mind knows you're pregnant, no matter if it's just a tiny wee bunch of cells......it's a person with a lifetime of hopes and dreams. It's Mother Nature's way of ensuring the survival of our species, this strong protective urge.

I like what I've read on other forums, about this little angel bean being the protective angel guardian for your future babies. Or if you at all believe in reincarnation, that the soul of your baby is not bound in this earthly form, but its spirit is waiting to come to you. And the mortal 'vessel' if you will, that was lost in the m/c was simply a physical body that wasn't healthy and well for that spirit to embody. I kind of like that, that my baby is still waiting to come to me.

But I do feel like I'm a wiser and better person for having had to go through this. More mature and with a 'richer' soul for having had pain as well as joy. I hope that makes sense!

[harleyquinn]

Should of been deleted. NOBODY should ever be made to feel that way.

[atomic sagebrush]

Here is the thing tho. (and I'm going to explain this ONE time and not reply to any arguments about it or even read this thread again so no one needs bother to try and engage me here or via PM because it will fly on forever into cyberspace with no response.) On IG the "delete this, delete that" jazz was way out of hand and it turned people into hypersensitive tattletails, and also encouraged people to be overly harsh because they knew they could say stuff intended to hurt feelings and enrage people, then it would be deleted.

We have made the decision on this site, to not be delete-happy. Only spam has been deleted, hardly anything has ever been locked even, and we are relying on the honor system for both sides - people are expected to be sensitive to others' feelings but at the same time are also expected to give people the benefit of the doubt and not immediately jump to the worst case scenario and read negative implications that were not intended.

It takes two to tango and so I really really hope that everyone will walk away from this and go peaceably about their business and keep this site being a very friendly and supportive place to be.

[harleyquinn]

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[sugarNspice]

I'm really sad and sorry that this thread has turned out this way--I don't like to see anyone feeling hurt on here, and especially those of us who have had losses. I really appreciate the fact that I'm not the only one who has gone through this, and I really want to keep that sense of community--and support--if at all possible.

[harleyquinn]

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[harleyquinn]

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[nuthinbutpink]

Stop it now. That's it. I have had enough. We know you feel hurt but nothing was done with intent. This has become obsessive and you are the only one acting to escalate anything at this point. Any more posts from you regarding that one particular comment will be deleted.

[harleyquinn]

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[nuthinbutpink]

Harley, as far as I can see, you continue to stab, grind and attempt to murder the individual that made a comment that was offensive to you but had no intent behind it.

I don't care what an individual has been through, it doesn't mean you can berate someone over and over. You didn't earn that right because some terrible things happened to you.

Read through the thread. You are the only one causing drama. In fact , you are the only one causing drama on the entire site. We don't play that way here. I left all that bull behind and I refuse to let you do that here too.

And you've brought awareness to yourself. Mission accomplished.

[harleyquinn]

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[Mackenzie]

Is anyone still on this thread at all? I would love to chat with anyone who is ttc after a loss. I just had my first cycle since miscarraige and was going to start ttc again. Would love to chat :) Nicely though ;)

[WannaGirl]

Hi,

Good luck with TTC, my doc told me to wait 3 months before TTC so I did but have had 3 BFNs since and now its getting close to when I was meant to be due (15 Nov) and not being pregnant is making me sad again as I thought it would happy quickly. How are you feeling? do you have any kids or was that your first?

[The Anchor]

The anniversary of my due date was awful for me. Even more awful, was the anniversariy of my m/c. I've been TTC for a year now. Not trying to bring anyone down, just letting you know that I share your pain.

Maybe we can start a new sticky :)

[Mackenzie]

Thanks wannagirl, I hope it happens for you soon...the wait is so hard but it will be worth it :) I am feeling ok, it's hard but I try to be positive. My doc said to wait one cycle so we did and now I'm ready. I have three girls 2nd miscarraige, first was in between dd2 and 3. It's weird though as both my miscarraiges have been when I swayed. Ppl have actually asked me if it could be that they were boys.....Really?

Anchor, I did not know its been a year you have been trying. That must be so frustrating, I hope it happens soon for you.

[The Anchor]

Thanks wannagirl, I hope it happens for you soon...the wait is so hard but it will be worth it :) I am feeling ok, it's hard but I try to be positive. My doc said to wait one cycle so we did and now I'm ready. I have three girls 2nd miscarraige, first was in between dd2 and 3. It's weird though as both my miscarraiges have been when I swayed. Ppl have actually asked me if it could be that they were boys.....Really?

Anchor, I did not know its been a year you have been trying. That must be so frustrating, I hope it happens soon for you.

It is hard, but you do what you have to do...am I right? Unfortunately my age is playing the better hand. I haven't given up yet.

:fx: it happens soon for both of us.

[Mackenzie]

Yes fingers crossed! You deserve it!

[kellbell827]

Hi All! I am getting ready to try again this month. We have had two miscarriages this year (May & August), the second was a boy -we did the chromosome analysis and all that but didn't do anything for the 1st one b/c were told it was "just a chance thing". Sorry for TMI - we had been using condoms since August b/c knew we would be trying again in a few months and last week decided just to let nature take it's course. I was ok with that b/c we were getting ready to try anyway but then got pretty anxious about the thought of being pregnant again, not b/c I don't want to be but b/c both times this year, we saw the baby and a heartbeat. This last time, I thought, and even the OB thought, I was "out of the woods" and then when I went for a recheck the baby had passed away. I am waiting for AF to come now and then we will try for real. My heart is aching for a baby but does anybody feel the same anxiety about being pregnant again?

[The Anchor]

I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand, it's so hard. I've only had one m/c (@ 12 weeks), but doc was sure it was a chromosomal abnormality. I've been TTC for the last year, and every cycle I freak out during the 2ww, but then I'm almost relieved when I get the BFN, IYKWIM. I think it would destroy me if it were to happen again. HUGS to you, I hope you are able to find peace somehow.

[kellbell827]

Thanks Anchor. I appreciate your kind words. We went and had every test under the sun. I have seen MFM doctor, rheumatologist, endocrinologist and geneticists. We both had chromosomal analysis done in addition to the baby and everything came back normal for us. Our second son had triploidy and 4 copies of chromosome 13. I guess it helped to know all of that but there is still an emptiness inside. I keep telling myself that it will happen and we will be able to have another healthy baby. I just get so anxious in the meantime. Anyway, good luck to you as well. I hope it happens for you soon. FX that we both get healthy little ones!!

[The Anchor]

:fx: for both of us!

[Mackenzie]

I know how you feel kellbell, I've just had my second misc too and I'm worried about having anxiety the next time around. I guess al we can do is hope for the best. Good luck to all :)